Click here to read the grid using ZERO EFFORT
[or scroll through the list below to browse all of the grid].

Part 1 written on 19 Jan, part 2 written on 27 Jan.

Beware the beast man, for he is the devil's pawn, alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yay he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land, let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him. Drive him back into his jungle lair for he is the harbinger of death.

Greenstein rises to the occasion.

<< When this is all over, we will count the dead and discover which governments did the best job of protecting their people. Ideas of national superiority will have to be buried with them. >>

Dear Coronavirus-hit west, do you still agree with Albright that the US led sanctions against Iraq under Bill Clinton which killed HALF A MILLION CHILDREN were 'worth it'?

Imagine if all these western people obsessing every second of the day about how much risk there is to them had taken even 1000th of the time to talk or think about the victims of their imperialism and genocide throughout my life and indeed about how they treat people like me for standing up to resist their genocide and to demand political action to stop their genocide.

To those who did not apply the same fact checking and thoroughness to deciding whether or not to stand by bombing the shit out of 100s of 1000s of 'foreigners' in 'muslim countries' as they do to figuring out if they will get a virus.

<< Beijing sent an Air China flight to Italy carrying 2,300 big boxes full of masks bearing the script, "We are waves from the same sea, leaves from the same tree, flowers from the same garden." China also sent a hefty humanitarian package to Iran, significantly aboard eight flights from Mahan Air - an airline under illegal, unilateral Trump administration sanctions. Serbian President Aleksandar Vucic could not have been more explicit: "The only country that can help us is China. By now, you all understood that European solidarity does not exist. That was a fairy tale on paper." >> Pepe Escobar.

Western self-delusion on a grand scale.

Scarcity and you.

Neoliberals, you are still just as much a bunch of self-satisfied destructive c*nts today as you were yesterday.

Banning Americans from the planet.

America and its bitches now the victim of asymmetric warfare.

Cowards of the world, you are pathetic dumb-fuck c*nts.

Are you a fucking liar and a cheat and a dumb-fuck?

White supremacist societies need to fucking evolve. People inside them need to overthrow their right wing and neoliberal and racist and goon-mook c*nt fuckhead tw*t 'leaders' and establishments. These are total fucking dickheads killing all around them including their own friends and family now.

Sales deceit and the ignorant bitch-ape at the cancer research shop.

Bioweapons, invasions, economic warfare and sanctions, disunity, were all these projects of white supremacism and white entitlement and 'western exceptionalism' a good idea? How have all these dumbass racist imperialist greedy projects gone? What is the delta? In the time of coronavirus has the preceding white-racism-driven warfare and division brought us good or bad? And of the accusations that it is American bio-weaponry at the heart of this epidemic - whether true or false - how does that sit with the situation you, your loved ones, your elderly and your young are experiencing? Have you, collectively, been a bunch of dumb-fucks?

You fucked-up crazy bitch-ape tories and neoliberals DO NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR OWN OR ANYONE ELSE'S KIDS - you sick fuck c*nts belong IN BROADMOOR - you are sick fucks.

MEAT-EATING and the coronavirus and future similar and worse threats. Should you stop eating meat? Well, some would advise you to check with your GP first (in case you are too shit to improve your diet in this way without ending up doing something dumbass because you are a dumbass). << Take pandemics. There could easily be a severe pandemic. A lot of that comes from something we don't pay much attention to: Eating meat. The meat production industry, the industrial production of meat, uses an immense amount of antibiotics. I don't remember the exact figure, it's probably like half the antibiotics. Well antibiotics have an effect: They lead to mutations that make them ineffective. We're now running out of antibiotics that deal with the threat of rapidly mutating bacteria. A lot of that just comes from the meat production industry. Well, do we worry about it? Well, we ought to be. You go into a hospital now, it's dangerous. We can get diseases that can't be dealt with, that are moving around the hospital. A lot of that traces back to industrial meat production. These are really serious threats, all over the place. >> (Just remember that eating meat fuels the creation of corona virus and any future threat along the same lines - that's one of the side effects of eating meat, so if you DO choose to eat meat, you choose for us all to face such threats, so it's not just about you, it's others' lives you are harming with your choices).

The need to stop being money-worshipping bitch-ape retards.

Stoopid is as Americaworld does.

Some comedy for Boris Johnson to enjoy while he's in quarantine.

On sneering at Corbyn's allotment. << Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir. >>

Burgon rises to the challenge.

<< Let's not try to imagine a world in which people openly and shamelessly try to market coronavirus. Instead let's try to imagine a world in which people do not openly and shamelessly market nuclear weapons, missiles, bombs, grenades, guns, coal, oil, gas, fracking, factory farms, or Joe Biden. Let's even try to imagine a world in which we can be sure nobody working for any government is right now trying to figure out how to use coronavirus as a weapon. You know damn well that you cannot be sure of that in the current world. >>

<< our goal is that we are interested in reducing the likelihood of such crimes whether they are against us or against someone else >>

Whatever I may say about Burgon's failure to tell white racists they are sick-fuck white-racist c*nts, he's good at closing down sick fucks of the type I mention.

List of things which probably won't help you save yourself and loved ones from the coronavirus.

Can't you even TRY to say 'lots of white Britons are racist fuckup bastard pig-shit people'?

Where do you begin if trying to repair or manage one or more fucking morons? Okay. Let's see what I can tell you. As if I have the answers to that. Maybe the approximate direction, but the answer? Do you see a utopia anywhere near you? That's evidence of whether or not I have the answer to how to make fucking stupid people no longer fucking stupid.

Are you all just bitches who do what you are told? I think most of you are. I don't see how anyone can pretend otherwise.

Why so many sadistic, nay sadomasochistic Britons could not permit Corbyn to come along and make people happy.

<< Their highly paid spokes people even shamelessly deploy concepts like "freedom" and "liberty" to rationalize the enslaving and killing of millions for profits in resource wars. >>

The good news.

This area of TVhobo may be behind a password barrier temporarily in the near future - although it probably will not, since in the end the survival of life on earth largely depends on the increased presence of stuff like this, and a decrease would only increase the probability of the imminent collapse of organised human society. The Numberwang document, its follow up and a number of comedy fiction items will all continue to be available and I hope you read them and dig in. I'm keen, myself, to see what happens to Julian Assange, a modern day Sophie Scholl. In the meantime energy will go into producing the completed Numberwang doc and its follow up as well as these various comedy fiction items. See references below for links to all such material, perhaps bookmark those links since this page will be behind a password barrier also, if I switch it on.

What the case of Julian Assange PROVES TO ALL THE HUMAN RACE AND TO HISTORY ABOUT OUR TIMES: Being white and western today and living with entitlement and decadence and evolutionary retardation of your own mind and usually body too and not speaking out against this entitlement means you are like someone enforcing laws which are, as this document explains, somewhat absurd.

What do some mean by 'karma'? Right now the UK and other economies are suffering their own economic Grenfell - or so it seems. A week ago I was thrown out of an estate agent by self-satisfied ignorant estate agents because I asked for flats which are high spec and which are affordable, because I insisted that too many agents are palming off homes with damp and mould in them and treating prospective tenants like shit - yes because I told some agents that they treat potential tenants too off-handedly they threw me out - there's a little more to it - the white english male who threw me out wanted to have sex with the white european accented feminazi female estate agent who made the classist and immoral remarks, and the man who wanted to do the shagging heard only half the conversation, not the opening where I explained that bad housing had demonstrably caused a massive alopecia totalis attack in me and moving into good housing had shown beyond all reasonable doubt what the case was and my alopecia is reversing, hugely - he missed that bit and heard me telling her off for saying to me that if I want a 'bargain' (ie a flat with good standards, not at an unaffordable - to most - price) I should "go south of the river" - he heard me tell her that that was an immoral and classist thing to say and that eventually agents wouldn't be able to speak like that to prospective tenants, and that regulation would police such behaviour. So the white english, apparently classist man who wanted to shag the white european woman who was being a bitch, sniggering at me and laughing at me as I explained about the agents I have spoken to lately and what I have written online and she said, in that playground bully voice "oh, are you going to name and shame me? Are you going to name and shame me?" Laughing at me. At the time the press had just reported the hugest property sale price increase in recent, or possibly all, history - the markets were moving fast and these nasty little hypersexual racist classist dumbfuck agents were really up themselves and at peak treat-others-like-shit mode. Today I have watched the UK markets crash and burn all week and their allies - trillions have been knocked off the British and American economies, amongst others, by the coronavirus pandemic 'scare'. Will the British property market's imagined boom turn into a bust overnight? Will the UK property market also crash and burn now, the way so very many of its companies are crashing and burning? I emailed Andy Slaughter, the MP in whose constituency the estate agent treated me as I have described. The agent is very close to Charing Cross Hospital, indeed. Andy Slaughter has had a week and hasn't replied, presumably as I am not his constituent. Eventually I will stand against him as the Indy MP for Hammersmith and Fulham. This isn't the first time, in my records, I have found Andy Slaughter weaseling out of dealing with estate agents who are abusing his constituents or potential constituents.

The Religion of Money is VERY hard to shake.

<< WWF, for example, routinely violates human rights, the law and its own policies. It's already spent millions of dollars illegally pushing for a new park in Congo, Messok Dja. The money comes from WWF itself and its accomplices, including a logging, oil palm, and luxury tourist company, as well as the Wildlife Conservation Society, the U.S. government, the EU, and the UN. As with the creation of almost all African PAs, the first step has been to kick out and terrorize the local Baka (so-called Pygmies) who've probably lived there for thousands of years, and who have adapted and sustainably managed their biodiverse-rich environment. Now they are kept out of their ancestral lands and terrorized, beaten and arrested if they return to seek traditional foods or plant medicines. >>

<< And the bandit's time is a borderline that's only crossed when the game is lost. And the hunter's lot is a single shot when the sun is hot and the dice are tossed. >>

The Numberwang files continue.

Virtue signalling and white racism.

Let the seller beware.

<< These revelations have major implications for public and environmental health. They undermine the idea that testing by commercial laboratories is independent of the chemical industry, thereby challenging the validity of the entire system of toxicological evaluation of chemicals like pesticides and pharmaceuticals. >>

A crash course in not being a waste of space from a species scheduled for total extinction, yes even you Mr Exceptional(ly fat-assed) Donald Trump(et).

You say that this wasn't in your plan.

<< Moreover, Sanders almost always introduces support for Palestinians by professing devotion to Israel's security and right to exist. He has a long history of funding Israeli war crimes. (His claim that he'll condition aid to Israel on a better human rights record is a sucker's bet; Sanders has had three decades to apply that principle.) All the candidates are Zionist. I don't care to parse the nuances of their Zionism. Finding - or, worse, celebrating - a kinder colonizer is a waste of time. >>

Edward Scissorhands, Julian Assange and the Feminazi Lynch mob.

Blowing the whistle, being the dog which watches, mutual aid, unity, kinship.

<< the Chosen One has issued executive orders ridding the country of the plague of regulations that protect children from mercury poisoning and preserve the country's water supplies and lands, along with other impediments to further enrichment of Trump's primary constituency, extreme wealth and corporate power >>

In the last few weeks I have spoken to around 40 London estate agents, looking for a flat in the lowest rent bands of any area or one band above, the second lowest. I have asked to see flats which had no smell, no damp-like or damp smell, and only one flat I was shown did not. In many cases agents at least were honest enough to not show me flats which had damp and not show me flats at all as a result, whilst others showed me all they had and it had damp. The kind of things they have said to me when I have insisted on not seeing a flat unless they have seen it themselves and can verify that it really has no smell and is a perfectly healthy flat, include the statement "I have 6 other people seeing it tomorrow, all desperate to live near Shepherd's bush, and it'll go quickly". The Guardian has begun reporting on the illnesses, such as diabetes and digestive problems and gum problems which are obviously associated with this kind of housing if you live in these sorts of flats for decades. Today in most parts of London not a single agent I speak to will do anything but lie to me, dodge questions, palm off whatever they can on me or, if they realise they can't get away with it, simply offer me nothing.

The externalities companies leave to you are ever increasing, hence the ever increasing 'profit' of those Chomsky gives Bezos as an example of.

Wimbledon, Richard Nixon and Nazi Germany.

<< In the same year, Jess also defended Labour MP Sarah Champion, whose article about child sexual exploitation for The Sun stated that "Britain has a problem with British Pakistani men raping and exploiting white girls". The article, which claims that "these people are predators and the common denominator is their ethnic heritage", caused such alarm that local charity Just Yorkshire was commissioned to conduct a survey on the article's impact on race relations. The report found that women and school-age children [..] have experienced a perceptible spike in racist and Islamophobic comments and responses". In spite of this, Jess defended Sarah's article, later remarking that "The British Pakistani-Bangladeshi community, certainly where I am, has issues about women's roles in a family, in society. That's the truth". >>

<< Global warming, Overpopulation, Social inequality. The three legs that carry this monster that is the Climate Crisis. >>

WE ARE LONDON, London talking, London walking.

Dear Mr Corbyn, a public statement to you and your friends, allies and associates.

Still not in awe of the unchecked (by the ethical policies of Corbyn J) power of my algorithms? Bear in mind, Little Englanders, that the MOMENT Corbyn was defeated the financial markets gained huge new zest and profit-making will start to reach all time highs, for the tiny minority, for the financial sector, gains which, institutionally, never reach the coffers which fund your schools or hospitals, but often get huge bailouts from them. Yes, the MOMENT Corbyn was defeated I myself had to fund my account as it became clear that new trades and new profits (for the banking sector, not Britain's businesses or workers or home makers or public servants) are on the way, lots of them. LOTS AND LOTS of them. That's what you just did, you who voted against Corbyn, you JUST put money in the pockets of Mr Big - the financial bastards. And yet, of course, you'll never know about that, not, anyway, in terms of knowing it adds anything to your purse or wallet! You just gave them a load of money. You rejuvenated speculative asset flipping and jiving in a big way, and this will adversely impact your lives, unless you are all really really rich banksters. Even the slaves of banksters, the 'high paid' lackeys, are worth zero. Their entire lifestyle and 'wealth' can be switched on and off by their 'superiors' any time. Right now only the extremely few are cashing in on all the fat gains, not the many. I, fortunately for the many, am a maverick trader, like Soros, trading on behalf of Skid Row. Soros is out there, making billions, you can bet on it, so that's a good thing - I'm sure some of his money and power will be used the 'right' way - in the more racist parts of Eastern Europe I have seen news sources labelling Corbyn a "puppet of Soros" - ie where they REALLY hate jews, they hate Corbyn as a "puppet of jews". Aren't you "clever" Riley? Eh? Yes. How "good at maths" you are. And how "funny" you are. And how "clever" you are. I bet you could write 10,000 algos like mine in between putting your make up on and having a coffee enema. The reason you don't and take a low paid celebrity idiot job is because you just love doing quiz shows for old people and school boys. Imagine how polite my jokes would have to be with Corbyn J as Prime Minister - and you INSISTED I not be restricted in that way. Muchas gracias.

And let's not forget, during the time all the Dan Hodgeses were frothing and foaming at the mouth and bashing Nelson Mandela's people, in Rachel Riley's case, I worked out how to use my algorithm with literally a ZERO POUND BUDGET.

I'll take your brain to another dimension. Pay close attention.

"It is goodness, not man, which is rewarding you for your fidelity. " Ten years ago I lost my true love to smears and exclusion, to a campaign against me the same as that you saw against Corbyn J, by the same people, in fact. Today I know how bad Jeremy Corbyn feels. I felt exactly as bad 10 years ago. What he loves most has been taken from him, perhaps forever, and he is in immense pain. 10 years from when this happened to me I am at the top of the arc, there is no soul in the heavens and earth as radiant and happy as mine. You will not be punished for your grace Mr Corbyn, in the opinion of one who has taken the long walk down the long road. And your true love will always love you, near or far.

KINSHIP! A new kind of politics: the three teams and the three posses of juts. A vision of a post-Labour post-Scottish-Independence British political landscape. SCOTLAND WILL NOT BE ENGLAND'S BITCH LET ALONE A BITCH OF AN ENGLAND WHICH IS A BITCH OF WASHINGTON AND NEW YORK, TRUMP AND THE ARSEHOLE CORPORATION.

Meanwhile on Planet White-Racism, round 2 of the 'anti-semitism' 'scandal' has begun.

The Rise of the Tory Corbyn.

(Scotland and) London vs England.

Lesson for Cameron, Major, Corbyn, Clegg, Guardian, Remainers - fighting Islamophobia was your TOP priority if you wanted a Labour win and/or a successful remain appeal referendum. You cannot do ANYTHING until you have fixed the racism rampant across middle England, not anti-semitism, but Islamophobia - it is Islamophobia which has driven brexit - we saw the true nature of racism among Labour voters - the many voters who switched to vote for an Islamophobic Prime Minister - there's your racism Lipman, Hodges, and all other Islamophobes. I warned that this would happen, you can find the post on my site. Tony Greenstein's response at the time was the childish word, on its own, 'whatever'. When I was 15, Tony, and trying to pull Californian muslim girls, on my hols in the American sun, I bought a t-shirt with the word 'whatever' on it. Very teenage, Tony. Maybe if you'd been more grown up when I warned you about this loss you have had you'd have had a victory instead.

Pride and the Labour Party.

No man is an island.

<< But Och! I backward cast my eye, On prospects drear! An' forward, tho' I cannot see, I guess an' fear! >> (For all the victims of neoliberalism and of vulture capitalism, for the victims of invasions, for the victims of social inequality.)

Things to come over the merry new year for some, but immensely cruel for others.

Long live Jeremy Corbyn. Please return to being Chairman of Stop the War, honourable Mr Corbyn. If you do, I will come and stand RIGHT NEXT TO YOU and you can teach me everything you know, if you like. Either way, whether you are Chairman again or not, I will come and stand by you at any protest you go to which I can go to too. Thank you for what you have done for me.

A relief?

Sanjeev Bhaskar is a funny man, but there is nothing "funny" about his skin colour. P.G. Wodehouse is "funny". Douglas Adams is "funny". Krishnan Guru-Murthy's skin is NOT "funny". Naga Munchetty's skin is NOT "funny". Kerry Anne Mendoza's skin is NOT "funny". Anyone who claims that such skin is "FUNNY" and does not admit that what they have said is racist is unfit to be a "public servant" other than in Hitler's Germany or some other white supremacist sociey - Israel, indeed, with its own (acknowledged internationally as immoral and apartheid) race laws.

Would a remainer say "it's not just about English white European people, it's about funny European countries too" and not have their career ended?

"It's not just about being black or a funny tinge" (Angela Smith, Blairite MP and now Lib Dem candidate claiming that many non white Labour supporters are racist).

Maureen Lipman stereotypes jews and stands next to white men who call muslim women letterboxes.

"Both parties are promising to protect the NHS from privatization, but only one party is actually selling NHS data to private companies like Amazon. That should matter a lot more than whether or not the British public would like to go on holiday with Jeremy Corbyn."

Emeli Sande. Jeremy Corbyn. Julian Assange. Bradley Manning. Jeffrey Sterling. Edward Snowden. David Kelly. Alexander Cockburn. Michael Hastings. Diana Spencer. And all of their friends. And everyone I forgot or nobody even told me about who is also on that list, whether I say it or know it or not. You, reader. YOU are on that list too. It's an IQ test. What is the relationship of all the people on the list to whether or not I am alone?

It's not because they're terrorists that it's wrong for the Taliban to bomb Washington, it'd be wrong even if Mahatma Gandhi did it (Chomsky).

Whether Corbyn is about to win or lose, much of the media and private organisational space is loudly proudly saying he will definitely lose (and so on).

Corbyn vs Old New Labour.

Your IQ is a measure of obedience, not of intelligence.

Britain is the bestest ever. Yeah.

Vote Labour, of course, but don't underestimate what the Truth sees as it watches you demonise likely lad Johnson.

To the middle classes, to doctors and nurses and dentists and all the others currently pleading with the public to vote Labour I have an important message, relevant whether Labour wins or loses.

Every time someone accuses Corbyn and co of 'anti-semitism' or even brings it up to question the 'truth' of the suggestion, it makes it harder for me to respect ANY white person. ANY AT ALL (other than the effectively zero percent of nonetheless really-existing exceptions).

Fuck off Grammarly you bunch of ignorant unscientific fuckheads.

Sending your kids to die in a nuclear holocaust - yes, anyone who is pro nato, pro nuke and/or anti-corbyn or apathetic you are aligning yourself with the most warped backward genocidal self-destructive movement in history.

I have not done my duty for most-of-white (ie that part in denial of islamophobia, which may still be a majority, if elections and capacity to swallow fake-anti-semitism smears credulously are a measure of such racism, which it is) society and much of the rest of the evolutionarily retarded sections of the human race. So let's have a go. Some facts. Some crystal clear, but 'shocking' truths it's time to tell, re-tell, repeat, over and over, until you have digested it all.

Acts of 'God'.

Britain, rapists 'beyond reproach' and 'sharia law'.

The only way this country can prove it's not really just a bunch of arseholes is if Corbyn wins a landslide. Even a small win will not spare Britain judgment.

Marr: How can you know that I'm self-censoring? How can you know that journalists are.. Chomsky: I'm not saying you're self-censoring. I'm sure that you believe everything that you're saying. But what I'm saying is that if you believed something different, you wouldn't be sitting where you're sitting.

<< Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain >> (And the beat goes on).

Perhaps some additional software on tvhobo, on the lines of something I had intended long ago and which this current software was intended to be {but over-estimated the intellectual and social mobility of the masses - where I'd imagined replying and rebutting and supporting my grid points would be a source of virality it turned out that nobody really wants to do those things, the virality was to be found, surprisingly, in the actual readership (and a little bit more, but I'll keep that to myself, because it is what some future growth of tvhobo certainly rests on)}.

Some appropriate song titles: "Pay the ghosts" (Transvision vamp), "How the west was won and where it got us" (REM), "Gasoline" (Sheryl Crow).

<< it estimated that by the time the Tories call another general election in 2024 (god forbid they win this one), child poverty will hit a 60-year high of 34 percent if trends persist, affecting an additional 1.3 million children >>

Laura Kuenssberg, Boris Johnson, Tony Blair, 99% of journalists, state and private, other racists and classists and money-whores and all the other lazy fuckheaded cretins who don't know how to read, go and play with a stick or ball in the park. Everyone else, read on. Much of what you do today is of a lower priority than reading this material.

"Let my work be easy, so that I can enjoy easily doing it and calling myself a scientist or sage or enlightened or emperor/empress of the world, or whatever other word I use for the singular meaning 'above the fray' - otherwise I refuse to do it at all but will nonetheless call myself what I demand you let me call myself without doing anything to deserve it, any work of any kind, anything not easy - and that makes sense, obviously, since if I can call myself it without doing any work, making any effort, having any real journey from ignorance to knowledge, then who is anyone to stop me simply sincerely labelling myself it?"

"'Cause I don't have the time for your overloaded lines, so you better be good to me" (Tina Turner)
Scroll up and down titles on left and click to read debating points.
Quick reference:
[cow marketing has reserved this space;] [Crisps? Onions? Wizard.]
All grid points have the capacity for reference links and in time everything will be referenced more than in triplicate. All points have records of shadow points: showing all changes. Everything is open to rebuttal. If anyone has any factual basis for arguing with anything, all they have to do is present any facts at all which demonstrate their case. All rebuttals and support are welcome and treated fairly. The four boxes are: 1. facts, 2. thrust of resistance, 3. rational basis for removing resistance, 4. unification.   About Shams Pirani, the editor of TVhobo. Send email to grid@tvhobo.com

Point 199:

Thrust:

Direction of resistance:

Removal of resistance:

Unification:

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 198: Part 1 written on 19 Jan, part 2 written on 27 Jan.

Thrust: <<

THE LAST MAN STANDING

(by Shams Pirani)



(part 1)



Por el camino del desierto

El viento me despeina

Sube el aroma de colita

Luna, luna de nadie

Ella de lo lejos

Una luz centela

La idea de mi estar

Quedar por la noche



Allí estaba a la entrada

Y las campanas a sonar

Y me di con llamarme mismo

Que es puerta del cielo

Ella enciende una vela

En muestra del camino

Sueñan voces en el corredor

Y lo que indican diciendo





One by one players assembled around the table. First an array of very small fish, to use a familiar metaphor. Your Arthur Daleys, your Fred Timpsons, some Delboy Trotters and their wives, and then an entire posse of marketing directors, finance directors and branding specialists from companies listed on every stock market in the world.



They put their briefcases, laptops and other accessories down next to their chairs, adjusted their ties and iphones, pressed the sync buttons on their ipads, logged into facebook and linked in and twitter and started up their live streams and podcasts and accessed their cloud storage.



Some of them coughed. Others sipped their coffee or chai. Others still bit into their gluteo-lipid maximisation food-drug package contents. Those who had already scoffed their gluteo-lipids were inhaling their carcinogenic fumes. A four star American general who looked like David Niven and sounded like a bomb falling on a junior school sipped beer from a bottle and chewed on a coca leaf. Several characters from but previously unseen in the Ionesco play "Les Chaises" began, unfathomably, to scrunch up pieces of paper, just for the sound it makes. These included NHS prescriptions from North Wales, a collection of till receipts from Tesco on the Strand and the complete works of Dick Cheney translated into Portuguese by a Vietnamese geography teacher.





On a dark desert highway,

cool wind in my hair

Warm smell of colitas,

rising up through the air

Up ahead in the distance,

I saw a shimmering light

My head grew heavy

and my sight grew dim

I had to stop for the night.





There she stood in the doorway;

I heard the mission bell

And I was thinking to myself

'This could be heaven

or this could be Hell'

Then she lit up a candle

and she showed me the way

There were voices down the corridor,

I thought I heard them say





Jarvis Cocker made a smug entrance, not too early, not too late, and seated himself next to the posse of marketing directors, finance directors and branding specialists and in his wake there arrived more like him, celebrities from every faded satellite channel and collapsed newsmedia outlet. The BBC's Laura Kuenssberg took her place next to Alan Sugar, Donald Trump and some chap whose name nobody knew but who was smoking cigars rolled on the thighs of friends of Jeffrey Epstein with their own personal heraldry and a former member of the House of Lords.





Welcome to the Hotel California

Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)

Such a lovely face.

Plenty of room at the Hotel California

Any time of year (any time of year) you can find it here





Sherlock Holmes and Horace Rumpole made room for Detective Columbo to join them behind the screen from which they, along with many others, observed the players assembling in their bid to outdo each other, to be the one to walk away with everyone else's future. Doctor Watson hurried in and took a seat next to his old friend. Kojak lurked in the background, chewing on the contents of a packet of nuts.





Ella al lado que brillaba

Tenia un Mercedes

Rodeada de chicos guapos

Ella llamaba amigos

Cuando viene despacio

Perfume de verano

Aquel era pa' recordar

Y otro pa' olvidar



Le pide al capitan

Que sirve el vino

Y pedí con un amor

Tenido este alcohol

De este sesenta y nueve

Famosa y que llamando

Pues me va a despertar

La noche para decir





And then a seemingly big fish, surrounded by an army of lawyers, public relations specialists, high class prostitutes educated at the best elitist schools in London and Paris, two or three extremely well known fashion designers, a life coach famous for training the three most unoriginal heiresses in the world, the three heiresses, their dogs, their dogs' life coaches and a member of the pop group Abba. Who he or she was didn't matter, indeed nobody knew, for such is the nature of the bigger fish, the truly bigger fish, that whilst some cannot escape notoriety the bulk thrive on anonymity. The anonymous big shot sipped a cold glass of mineral water whilst an army of lackeys cleared space all around and cleansed the air with a variety of space age gadgets.





Her mind is Tiffany-twisted,

she got the Mercedes benz

She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys,

that she calls friends

How they dance in the courtyard,

sweet summer sweat

Some dance to remember,

some dance to forget





So I called up the Captain,

'Please bring me my wine'

He said, 'we haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty-nine'

And still those voices are calling from far away,

Wake you up in the middle of the night

Just to hear them say





Each of these players really believed that they could win, that with the right effort and right luck they could take it all, from the totality of their opponents. They each considered themselves capable, whether likely or not, and they each were betting on themselves. Here they were, ego in hand, ready to take on not just their opponents but pride and history also.



Jeremy Corbyn was flanked, for his part, by a team of hypersexual death or glory feminists with their own concentration camp in tow, some of them sporting t-shirts saying: "Genocide? Of course. But is it a WOMAN in charge? Be egalitarian. Allow all chromosone combos to butcher babies." And on his other flank a team of antiwar protestors with a manifesto demanding a continuation of the species which committed genocide but with a guarantee that the species would evolve.



"I really don't belong here," said the great "socialist" to nobody in particular. There was nobody who seemed to disagree except George Soros.



"Solidarity, brother," said the financial warlord.



Mirrors on the ceiling,

The pink champagne on ice

And she said, 'we are all just prisoners here, of our own device'

And in the master's chambers,

They gathered for the feast

They stab it with their steely knives,

But they just can't kill the beast



















THE LAST MAN STANDING

(by Shams Pirani)



(part 2)







Last thing I remember, I was

Running for the door

I had to find the passage back to the place I was before

'Relax' said the night man,

'We are programmed to receive.

You can check out any time you like,

But you can never leave!'



The night passed, and the morning, and it became the next night. The crowds outside and inside thickened. The air with them. The keyboards clacked, the mobile phones clicked and beeped, the streams streamed and the gluteo-lipid rivers flowed.



And then silence. For many hours numbers had levelled out, no increase in players. Was this it? Were they all now seated at the table? Was it time to find out which among them was the winner? Which among them was the tower overlooking the rest? They looked from one to another. Jeremy Corbyn shook his head sadly.



"I don't belong here," he nearly wept. "Why did you bring me here?"



A car door slams. Footsteps. One man? It seems so.



He walks and walks and walks? Is he coming in? He is outside. Pacing. Is he smoking now? Is that a bottle of water opening? Is he gulping it down? He's walked off again. How far away? They look at each other and themselves.



"Who the fuck am I?" Jarvis Cocker asks Jeremy Corbyn.



"You're Jarvis Cocker," says the paragon of faith.



The car starts and moves off. Nobody heard the door open and close again. Is he still there? Why do they assume it's a man anyway? Are they all sexist? Is the world sexist? Or is the last one standing, merely by 50/50 chance, a man?



The door opens. The last man walks in. It's too late for them to leave their seats now. They have thrown their lot in with the game's, each for their own reason, each led not by data or proof, not led by the dictates of a probablistic universe that they will win but the dictates of a probablistic universe that they will lose, to take their place at a table where, as Corbyn has rightly declared, they (like he) do not belong.



Pride is the last chain. To leave now would be the ultimate humiliation. Worse than losing. To run away in the face of defeat.



The last man is still standing, looking at them, sipping from the bottle of water.



The game doesn't even need to be played. Facing the last man standing they now see - they had never had any chance. The reason they wanted to be players was because they were destined to lose.



"I didn't even want to be here," says the Islington North member of Parliament. "I want to do no harm, and I want to do my duty."



There was a time the other players thought they were one up on this kind and honest man, but now they see, at least he has that. For none of them at the table has anything but what they came in with, and most of them will leave without even that.



"Go on then," says the man standing. Mr Corbyn thanks him and leaves the game.



The last man is still standing, the players, all seated, know they have lost. The game has not even begun.



He sits. It is in the nature of reality. It is the shape of a probability wave. He knew, you see. That they would all probably lose, even he. He knew that he probably wouldn't win, but he knew it more than any of the others, even, he is appalled to accept, more than the revolutionary public servant.



The game is played. The players only know now that they cannot enjoy it. Their defeat is weaved inextricably into every moment in this tapestry of fate and chance and dispersal.



The world is changed now. Nobody is left. There are merely players and the one who has beaten them.



"Should we bow to you?" asks Jarvis Cocker. "Is that all it's for?"



"It?" asks the sitting conqueror.



"The game. Is it merely a question of bowing?"



A time later the sun rises and the game is bathed in the glow of astral light. The players do not remain, all beaten, even the last man, beaten by the lack of the game, if not by his opponents.



"You cannot win," a recording of Feynman reminds the empty room. "There is only probability, not certainty. Nothing is determined. Everything is beyond you. Even you are beyond you."



Nothing else happens. There is a narrative, just words, trying to tell you what has gone on here, here in the dark. But what are words? What are narratives? Who, in the end, most pertinently, are you? Do you even know, reader?

>>

Direction of resistance: Click on the hat (and around it) or mouseover the little downward arrow to load up more pages of tvhobo onto its front page. Next up, PLANET OF THE SALES APES, starring Marlon Brando as Jeremy Corbyn, hypothetically.

Removal of resistance: If you simply leave the page open, on a normal web browser, it will automatically load up a new item every 8 minutes, approximately.

Unification: Please examine the links in the references below.

References: http://opinion.tvhobo.com/
http://grid.tvhobo.com/gridmap.html
http://grid.tvhobo.com/
http://search.tvhobo.com/
http://grid.tvhobo.com/wfg.pdf
http://grid.tvhobo.com/snark.pdf

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 197: Beware the beast man, for he is the devil's pawn, alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yay he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land, let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him. Drive him back into his jungle lair for he is the harbinger of death.

Thrust: Hunting of the Snark / Godot 2 / Madam Bovary, the neoliberal version/remake



POTENTIALLY STARRING: BILL BAILEY as SPACE ALIEN, JEREMY CORBYN as SECOND SPACE ALIEN, BETTE MIDLER as IRAQI ORPHAN GIRL, CHARLIE SHEEN as CAPTAIN WILLARD, JOANNA LUMLEY as EMMA BOVARY, JENNIFER SAUNDERS as AMERICAN SPY, VIC REEVES as LOUIS XVI, BOB MORTIMER as MARIE ANTOINETTE, EDWARD NORTON as WHITE NARRATOR, KERMIT THE FROG as HIMSELF, LENNY HENRY as MAN WITH GUN, BERNIE THE AGENT as HIMSELF, JOHNNY VEGAS as MEL BROOKS, MEL BROOKS as KING TURNIP, TONY ROBINSON as BALDRICK, ANTOINE DE CAUNES as CHARLES BOVARY, ENOCH POWELL AS BORIS THE BARBARIAN, RICHARD BRIERS as DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE, ANT AND DEC as ELVIS, DAVID LYNCH as JIMMINY GLICK, BERNIE SANDERS as BERNIE SANDERS, KIEFER SUTHERLAND as KIEFER SUTHERLAND, COLONEL POTTER as HIMSELF, CLINGER as HIMSELF, MATT LUCAS as E.T., CHRISTOPHER WALKEN as RONALD MACDONALD, DAVID HASSELHOFF as CAPTAIN PICARD, DAVID HASSELHOFF as BATMAN, NIGEL HAVERS as BUGSY MALONE, GENERAL ZOD as HIMSELF and DIANA RIGG as ANNE OF GREEN GABLES







EXT. RIVER BOAT. CAPTAIN WILLARD IS TRAVELLING BY BOAT THROUGH SOUTH ASIA AGAIN, ACCOMPANIED BY SOLDIERS.







CAPTAIN WILLARD

I didn't know why I was in this film. Everybody had died in the previous one. And besides, it wasn't parodying anything in particular, my being here was entirely random - arbitrary. But one thing was obvious. Godot was not dead. How could he be? He was probably the screenwriter. I updated my Facebook page to inform my fans that the reason so many white people become hysterically afraid at the sound of the phrase "Jeremy Corbyn" was because his fairness and accountability heralded the beginning of the end of white entitlement and white racial preference. Rachel Riley blocked me. The first like I got came from Madam Bovary. I knew this was not by chance but by the screenwriter's design. So Beckett was going to rewrite Flaubert now. I thanked my lucky stars he had chosen Bovary and not the legend of St Julian the Hospitaller.



RANDOM SOLDIER

Sir! We've reached Guam now.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

Guam. Always Guam. Was it because it had one of those names which sounds good on film? Probably. Even Godot was a sucker for vanity. I knew that the answer to my problems lay there. Somehow I could exploit Godot's vanity and stop him before the no doubt horrifying tale of Madam Bovary were to unfold in its entirety. Being Charlie Sheen, I decided the best thing I could do to save Bovary would be to give her a good seeing to (consenting, of course - I'm not one of THOSE American soldiers, I'm the one who deals with THOSE American soldiers).



RANDOM SOLDIER

Sir, I don't understand. Would you like me to kill someone?



CAPTAIN WILLARD (TO SOLDIER)

No no, I was just talking to the audience. I'm the narrator. It pays well.





CUT TO..







INT. AMERICAN SKY SCRAPER, NIGHT.



WHITE NARRATOR

People always ask me if I know Jeremy Corbyn. Three minutes. This is it. Ground zero. Do you have a speech for the occasion?



MAN WITH GUN

(punches him)

SHUT IT. I'm the hero of this film Norton.



WHITE NARRATOR

I am not Edward Norton, I am a character he is portraying. I am -



MAN WITH GUN

(punches him again)

SHUT IT. I'm the hero of this film, whoever you are. So keep your Stanislavskian crap to yourself. This film is not about white saviours.





CUT TO.. INT. THE ISRAELI EMBASSY IN LONDON WHERE LOUIS XVI HAS, HAVING BEEN BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE BY A MAD ISRAELI SCIENTIST, A SECRET BASE, WHERE HE AND MARIE ANTOINETTE ARE LIVING, PREPARING FOR A NEW FEUDAL AGE THEY INTEND TO BRING ABOUT THROUGH A CUNNING PLAN.





LOUIS XVI

Listen love, soon you will be able to eat all the organic cake products your heart desires, for I have a plan now, I know how I am going to regain control of France and in fact the world, thanks to our Israeli friends.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

What about Israel? Surely you must not take control of Israel or that would be ungrateful. They have killed and nobbled so many people on your behalf, indeed it was their ethics-free scientists who brought you back to life with their lovely Day-of-the-zombie Weinstein 5000 machine!



LOUIS XVI

No love, I will not take over Israel, just the rest of the world. Don't you want to hear my plan?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

I'm sure it's a lovely plan. I want to hear more about those cakes. Will they have chocolate icing? I love chocolate icing. Particularly if it is flecked with little pieces of white chocolate, with vanilla which has come from some location marketing companies know everyone will put their faith in.



LOUIS XVI

Listen, I'm the King. You're just the Queen. Now shut up and listen to my plan. It's a great one. You should love it. It's a feminist plan.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Oh I do love your feminist plans. I enjoyed your feminist revival of Thatcher. The slogan "women have a right to exploit and kill and be labelled heroes" was a masterpiece. Imagine if only men were allowed to receive praise for things like genocide. Since we were granted this privilege we are truly a more well treated gender. What's the new plan?



LOUIS XVI

In a word, Bovary. Emma Bovary. I'm going to get her to carry out a feminist revolution in which the planet is renamed Vagina World and I will be its King.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Surely such a world would need a Queen?



LOUIS XVI

Get with the times, love. Take a look at the Guardian, the head of western feminist thought management - it promotes control of the world by a few extremely powerful men and their wives. Same as you and me. We're proper feminists.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

That's brilliant then, Vic. I mean Louis. What are you waiting for? Get hold of Emma Bovary and start your 'revolution'. I'm just going down the shops. We've run out of Battenbergs again. I know you love em with your tea.



LOUIS XVI

I like my Battenbergs.





CUT TO..



INT. AMERICAN SKY SCRAPER, NIGHT. WHITE NARRATOR, MAN WITH GUN AND BALDRICK ARE PLAYING CLUEDO.



BALDRICK

I think it was Colonel Mustard, in the drone warfare centre, with the computer keyboard.



WHITE NARRATOR

You know, man with gun, I really don't think this kind of contest is macho enough. We need to be bare fisted, rolling around on the ground and sweating.



MAN WITH GUN

My dear Norton, this is not a porn film. This is an existential study of the failings of the latterday bourgeoisie.



WHITE NARRATOR

So was fight club.



MAN WITH GUN

No it wasn't. It was a mindless sexist macho sensationalist bunch of shit with a seemingly 'clever twist' at the end. Just another American male far up himself, revelling in his own sophistry, calling that sophistry dissent.



WHITE NARRATOR

Okay, but it paid well. I'm not even getting paid for this.



MAN WITH GUN

That's because this film isn't real. Nothing is real. We are figments of the imagination of some sort of plant.



BALDRICK

I thought it was King Turnip who was responsible for all this, my lord. After all, in the last film you killed me and now I'm here again. Surely only King Turnip with his magic powers could bring me back to life. And besides, you must have killed the plant in the last film, so it can't be the plant dreaming, can it?



MAN WITH GUN

It's very simple, Baldrick, I killed the wrong plant. I killed a cactus which the plant dreamt it was - ie it dreamt it was dreaming - it imagined itself to be a cactus. In reality it is some other plant. Probably in a pot, on a windowsill. We're going to have to hunt it down again.



WHITE NARRATOR

Yeah, well I think it was Miss Scarlett in the propaganda production facility at Guardian Newspaper Headquarters, with the racist neoliberal bilge intended to drive blind support for racist genocidal interventionist politics, accidentally causing far right numbers to swell so high that it turns into a Brexit and blows up in her face.



CUT TO..



INT. HOME OF CHARLES BOVARY. DULL CEO BY DAY. SECRET GAY NIGHT CLUB OWNER BY NIGHT. WHILE CHARLES OSTENTATIOUSLY ADDS NEW ACQUISITIONS TO HIS STAMP COLLECTION, HIS WIFE IS UPSTAIRS IN HER BEDROOM, ON THE PHONE TO HER LATEST LOVER, AMERICAN SPY, A SENIOR MARKETING EXECUTIVE AT THE CHARITY CORPORATION OF AMERICA, UNFORTUNATELY FOR HER ALSO AN ISRAELI SPY WHO HAS BEEN RECRUITED TO TRICK HER INTO CONVERTING HER PENT-UP RAGE, BORN OUT OF THE FUTILITY AND BANALITY OF HER SITUATION AND THE WORLD SHE LIVES IN, INTO CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE ON A SCALE NEVER WITNESSED BY THE HUMAN RACE BEFORE.





AMERICAN SPY

I'm tired of the world of marketing and charity. I've rolled out my last rainbow coloured stylised turd shaped cushion in the name of gay consumer rights, I want to do more for the world. More than I've already done, absurd though that may seem. Let us make this film about you and me, Emma. Let me raise you to the highest heights - and help you overpower the world. You can revolutionise the way humans think - and live happily ever after.



EMMA BOVARY

But the book doesn't end that way. Flaubert was taking the piss out of us, not holding us up as Roman or Greek heroes to worship. This film is a farce and if you really think you can change that, you're stupider than I thought. But that's okay, sweetheart. I like you for your body not your mind.



AMERICAN SPY

Well we'll rewrite it. That's the modern way. Take anything humans have ever done, good or bad, and remake it in an arbitrary way which suits our immediate commercial needs.



EMMA BOVARY

What sort of revolution?



AMERICAN SPY

The Vagina revolution. We will change this planet's name to Vagina World.



EMMA BOVARY

The whole planet?



AMERICAN SPY

Well except Israel, of course.



EMMA BOVARY

How exactly can we start a revolution?



AMERICAN SPY

You are Emma Bovary. You have a lot of popularity among middle class hyperconsumers across the world, you are a cultural artefact, one of those things western humans and their serfs in many grovelling conquered outposts are most proud of is historical artefacts with famous names. They tend to know, on average, next to nothing about the aforesaid artefacts but are nonetheless able to, in their own minds, assign to them some sort of generative property - which all by itself yields intellectual culture and progress in any individual who is even sitting in the pub nearby having a pint of lard and some pork scratchings.



EMMA BOVARY

So it's my marketing power, really, which you think we can capitalise on. I'm not sure I like that, but I am very bored, so tell me more.



AMERICAN SPY

Well, first we're going to do a charity run.







EXT. SWAMP, DAY. KERMIT THE FROG IS PLAYING HIS BANJO AND SINGING, NEARBY BERNIE THE AGENT IS BOATING.





KERMIT

Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side? Rainbows are visions but only illusions and rainbows have nothing to hide. So we've been told and some choose to believe it, I know they're wrong wait and see. Some day we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and -



[GUN-SHOT RINGS OUT AND KERMIT'S HEAD IS BLOWN OFF HIS SHOULDERS.]



MAN WITH GUN

Sorry Kermit, this film isn't about you or about making millions of people happy. This is a sick farce about the meltdown of human society. This is about the real world.



BERNIE THE AGENT

Was that REALLY necessary?



MAN WITH GUN

Don't ask me, ask the screenwriter.



[SHOOTS BERNIE THE AGENT DEAD]





CUT TO..



INT. SPORTS CAR. EMMA BOVARY AND CHARLES BOVARY ARE HAVING A DOMESTIC ARGUMENT ABOUT THE IMMORAL NATURE OF CHARLES' JOB AS HEAD OF MARKETING FOR THE EXPLOITATION CORPORATION AND HIS LATEST PROJECT TO ROLL OUT FOURTEEN MILLION NOVELTY RAINBOW-COLOURED STYLISED-TURD-SHAPED CUSHIONS TO PROMOTE HOMOSEXUALITY AND VIRTUE SIGNAL IN ORDER TO OPEN UP NEW MARKETS AND INCREASE PROFITS.



EMMA BOVARY

When I married you I thought you were a charismatic, strong-willed and free-minded individual, and glamorous and interesting. In reality all you really have is wealth and might. You are a snake oil salesman and from dawn to dusk all you do is exploit and harm, with a smile on your face and a dirty thought in your head.



CHARLES BOVARY

That is simply not true, I am a very kind man at heart, it is the world which is evil. Ask Nicholas Cage in that film about the virtues of genocide. Even the Times of Israel has, albeit very briefly, praised genocide. Look, there's a hotel. Why don't we stop for the night?



EMMA BOVARY

It's lunch time. And no. I refuse to have sex with you until I have resolved this moral problem. Now talk. What can we do to fix your satanic and evil nature?



HE BEGINS TO MAKE AN OBVIOUSLY SLEAZY SUGGESTION.



EMMA BOVARY

No, I'm not interested in your lazy and ignorant narcissism right now. I want a change to happen. Corbyn style change. Real change. What's it going to be?



CHARLES BOVARY THINKS HARD. HE HAS TO SAVE HIS MARRIAGE. HE KNOWS THERE ARE MEN FAR MORE WORTHY OF EMMA BOVARY THAN HE AND IF SHE GOES ALL HIS WEALTH AND POWER MAY NOT BE AS ENJOYABLE. HE'S NOT ENTIRELY SURE AND DOESN'T WANT TO RISK IT.



CHARLES BOVARY

Okay. I have an idea. Why don't we find you an orphaned Iraqi child, and do something nice for them.



EMMA BOVARY

That's just cheap and nasty. No. Not unless -





SHE HAS AN IDEA. CUT TO..





INT. WAR ROOM. PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK AND A GROUP OF WHITE AND TOKEN RACISTS WHO BELIEVE IN THE BOOK OF GENESIS AS AN AXIOMATIC DOCUMENT ARE ENTERTAINING THEIR NEW FRIEND BORIS THE BARBARIAN.



BORIS THE BARBARIAN

So I said: "but you're a bloody scotsman so why don't you sod off!"



APPLAUSE FROM QUACKQUACK AND HIS COURTIERS.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

Let's sing a hymn now. Hymn number 90210, all things on my credit card.



THEY SING.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

Amen. So, Boris. Tell me more. Godot is back and on the loose again, you say. This is troublesome. I don't remember how it ended last time.



[ONE OF HIS AIDES EXPLAINS TO HIM THAT THEY ALL DIED AND GODOT TURNED OUT TO BE A MYSTICAL FORCE BEYOND THEIR COMPREHENSION, PROBABLY EXISTING IN AN INFINITE NUMBER OF WHAT WE PERCEIVE AS DIMENSIONS BUT WHAT TO GODOT ARE MERELY STRANDS OF A DIFFERENT AND 'HIGHER' PLANE OF EXISTENCE. SECURITY GUARDS IMMEDIATELY DRAG THE AIDE OFF AND SHOOT HER.]



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

What I want to know is whether Louis the Sixteenth and his hot wife can come down and hang with us while we figure out how to kill Godot.



CUT TO..



INT. CHARLES BOVARY'S SPORTS CAR.



EMMA BOVARY

So what do you say?



CHARLES BOVARY

I don't even know Mel Brooks.



EMMA BOVARY

Rubbish. You can get hold of anyone you want. You are one of the most evil and powerful men alive today. There's almost nobody you can't unearth with a few threats to someone who owes you, or a bit of leaning on someone who's scared of you. Mel Brooks or divorce.



CHARLES BOVARY

Why Mel Brooks?



EMMA BOVARY

Introducing an Iraqi child who has been robbed of her entire family by worthless racist western scumbags to Mel Brooks can give that child back some kind of faith in humanity, some sort of understanding that even in the west, low and depraved though it is, there are great people who loathe those who behave the way she has been led by our actions and inactions to believe we are all taught to live.



CHARLES BOVARY

Alright alright, I don't need a lecture. I will get Mel Brooks. Now can we check into a hotel?



EMMA BOVARY

After I speak to Mel Brooks.



CHARLES BOVARY

Fine. Turn on the car phone will you, dear. I'd better call my secretary.





CUT TO..



EIGHTIES' AMERICAN TV DETECTIVE DRAMA SET. JIHADIS BEAT WOMEN IN THE BACKGROUND. PEOPLE WITH DARK SKIN, FROM ITALIANS TO JAMAICANS, GATHER TOGETHER IN GANGS AND KILL SECURITY GUARDS AND POLICEWOMEN TO PASS THE TIME. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE IS WALKING ALONG WITH A YOYO, LOOKING TO DEAL WITH WHAT HE BELIEVES TO BE ANTI-WHITE VILLAINY, IN THE NAME OF PROVING THAT AUTHORITARIAN FORCE IS THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH NON WHITE PEOPLE ALWAYS.





DEMPSEY

I really don't think the screenwriter has ever even seen a single episode of this show, it just had a famous name and he probably Googled it and was amazed at the sheer calumny it embodies, a typical boorish western establishment racist, classist, fascist demonisation of non white people, muslims, socialists, civilians (rather than police, security forces, armies and others with 'the right to kill baddies') and others. Very blatantly. He would never have watched such crap. Have you read the Waiting for Godot screenplay? This writer has some taste. Do me a favour. He doesn't even know which one of us is the American one and which is the English one.



MAKEPEACE

Well it doesn't matter, it's the same actor, isn't it?



DEMPSEY

Yes, I like that very much. I have a feeling the writer will merely write us as Richard Briers talking to himself, partly in an American accent, and will leave it up to us to decide which character, at any given time, has the American accent.



MAKEPEACE

I like that very much.



DEMPSEY

Would you like some tea?



MAKEPEACE

Yes, I'd love some.



DEMPSEY (POURS TEA)

I think that Makepeace sounds like the English name, it has a sort of rustic bizarreness about it. Dempsey sounds much more American.



MAKEPEACE

I would say the opposite; Makepeace has a weird American unorthodoxy about it, whilst Dempsey sounds like some fellow down the King's road.



DEMPSEY

Nonsense.



MAKEPEACE

Look, what if we both use the same accent, or both use different American accents?



DEMPSEY

But that wouldn't be faithful to the text.



MAKEPEACE

What text? The screenwriter is parodying the people who even watch Dempsey and Makepeace, and its writers, and the issue of parodying the show itself doesn't even come up - the writer, as you say, has probably never even watched it - I mean what an appalling show it is, sowing racist stereotypes and blind obedience to violent authority in the minds of the young and impressionable?



DEMPSEY

You've got a good point there, Makepeace, I say we both use my own normal English accent, a little bit Chiswick.



MAKEPEACE

No, I think I should do Boston and you should do Louisiana.



DEMPSEY

You mean Loosiana?



MAKEPEACE

That's it, that's it. You be Louisiana and I'll be Boston.



DEMPSEY

You mean Loosiana?



MAKEPEACE

Very humorous.



DEMPSEY

Oh give me a home where no liberals roam and the folks all think the same way, where each house has a gun, a big helluva one and strangers are told "make my day"..





CUT TO..





INT. GAY NIGHTCLUB. NIGHT. CHARLES BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY ARE SIPPING DRINKS IN A PRIVATE ROOM.



CHARLES BOVARY

Then she tells me she wants me to introduce Mel Brooks to an Iraqi orphan.



AMERICAN SPY (CAN'T CONTAIN HIS LAUGHTER)

So where is she now?



CHARLES BOVARY

I left her with a "headache". Her desire to not have sex with me is definitely at an all time high.



AMERICAN SPY

So we have all night?



PHONE RINGS. AMERICAN SPY ANSWERS IT.



AMERICAN SPY

Emma! What a surprise. I was just thinking about you.





CUT TO..



EMMA BOVARY IN HER HOTEL ROOM, ON THE PHONE TO AMERICAN SPY.



EMMA BOVARY

I've sent Charles to get hold of Mel Brooks for me, so we have all night if you want to meet me. You're almost as bad as he is. When's the last time we did anything but talk on the phone?



CUT TO..



CHARLES BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY HAVE STARTED TO HAVE SEX.



AMERICAN SPY

Emma, darling, I hope you won't take this the wrong way but I have to take care of something before we can finish this conversation. Stay where you are. I will get to you as soon as I can, as fast as my feet can carry me. Don't move from where you are.



HE HANGS UP THE PHONE AND TELLS HIS GOOGLE VOICE-ACTIVATED THING TO PLAY THE BOLERO.



CUT TO..



EMMA BOVARY IN HER HOTEL ROOM, FEELING SAD AND DEJECTED, MARRIED TO A MAN WHO CHEATS ON HER, CHEATING ON HIM WITH A MAN WHO ALSO CHEATS ON HER, ALTHOUGH SHE DOESN'T REALISE THAT IT'S WITH HER OWN HUSBAND, DISILLUSIONED AT NEOLIBERAL AND RIGHT WING MODERN EARTH, WHEN SUDDENLY SHE NOTICES JIMMINY GLICK STARING AT HER FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MIRROR. HE IS NOT IN HER ROOM, ONLY IN THE MIRROR IMAGE OF IT. JIMMINY GLICK IS EATING A CHAIR.



EMMA BOVARY

Aren't you David Lynch?



JIMMINY GLICK

No I'm Jimminy Glick. You're confused because Martin Short usually plays me. That's not important right now. What's important is the three strange men behind me.



HE WALKS AWAY AND SHE NOTICES MAN WITH GUN, BALDRICK AND WHITE NARRATOR ARE SITTING ON HER BED, BUT ONLY IN THE MIRROR IMAGE OF IT, PLAYING POKER FOR THE SAME THREE OPENED PACKETS OF PRETZELS WHICH HAVE FEATURED IN ALL FILMS AND TV EVER, IN WHICH PEOPLE PLAYED POKER FOR PRETZELS OR WHILST EATING PRETZELS. MAN WITH GUN LOOKS UP AND SEES HER AND IS AS SHOCKED AS SHE IS.



CUT TO..



INT. HOTEL ROOM. MAN WITH GUN, BALDRICK AND WHITE NARRATOR ARE PLAYING POKER FOR PRETZELS.



MAN WITH GUN

Look Baldrick, in the mirror. It's Emma Bovary. We shouldn't be sitting around wasting our time, we have a job to do.



HE WALKS OVER TO THE MIRROR.



MAN WITH GUN

Can you hear me Emma Bovary?



EMMA BOVARY

Who are you?



MAN WITH GUN (TO BALDRICK)

She can hear me.



MAN WITH GUN (TO EMMA BOVARY)

Don't worry about who I am, I'm a friend. If you're Emma Bovary, sit tight, we've come to save you from Bourgeois Hell.



EMMA BOVARY

Finally, someone who understands. Who are you? WHERE are you?



MAN WITH GUN

Uh - not quite sure.



BALDRICK

I thought you said we're in the dream of a yucca plant.



MAN WITH GUN

It might be a fern Baldrick. Or anything. Probably a pot plant. You're being too specific. It could be any pot plant.



MAN WITH GUN (TO EMMA BOVARY)

Do you have any pot plants nearby? Any unusual flora and fauna love?



EMMA BOVARY

So you're mad? So I'm caught between neoliberals, tories, entirely mindless advertising executives and a mad person?



MAN WITH GUN

No I'm not mad, I'm - look, wherever you are, you may be in danger. If there is a pot plant somewhere in your vicinity you must get away from it, or destroy it or something.



EMMA BOVARY

There's some daffodils in a vase.



MAN WITH GUN

No it would be a pot plant. If it's a vase you're okay.



BALDRICK

What about the fridge?



WHITE NARRATOR

I've checked, there's only beer.



EMMA BOVARY ALMOST JUMPS OUT OF HER SKIN, SINCE WHITE NARRATOR IS NOW IN HER HOTEL ROOM.



EMMA BOVARY

Who the hell are you? Wait a minute. You're Edward Norton. Can I get your autograph, it's for, ahem, my daughter.



WHITE NARRATOR

I am not Edward Norton, I am a character he's playing -



MAN WITH GUN PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE AND HE FALLS FLAT ON THE GROUND



EMMA BOVARY

What the hell?



MAN WITH GUN

It's alright, I think our meat-head friend there managed to break through some kind of spacetime barrier in to your part of the world we're trapped in which, you may want to take note right now, is the dream of a pot plant. No ordinary dream, a tormented dream beset with fear of apocalypse and the banality of evil.



EMMA BOVARY

Hence the choice of subject matter.



MAN WITH GUN

That's right. And we have to prevent the degeneration of this dream into the worst sort of meltdown imaginable. Last time we had to deal with nuclear and military meltdown. This time it's going to be worse, the author is clearly going to take it to a new level of horror, whatever that is.



EMMA BOVARY

I don't understand. Are we in a screenplay, as you imply with your mention of an author, or are we in the mind of a pot plant?



CAPTAIN WILLARD'S BOAT SMASHES THROUGH THE WALL AND INTO THE ROOM, WHERE IT GRINDS TO A HALT.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

We had this conversation already. I think it's a dream. We're all asleep and dreaming of being here, in this situation where someone is telling us that all of reality, even outside our dream, is a dream.



MAN WITH GUN

Not this time, Captain Willard. This is just the main dream, not a dream inside a dream.



BERNIE SANDERS ENTERS



BERNIE SANDERS

Hang on, hang on, if this is just the main dream, how did Willard get here, to urban Europe, from Guam, in that boat? Not just so fast, but how could the boat get into this room? Where is the water?



JIMMINY GLICK APPEARS AGAIN.



JIMMINY GLICK

I think I can explain that.



BERNIE SANDERS

You're David Lynch.



JIMMINY GLICK

No I'm Jimminy Glick, in the script. Let me explain -



THEY LEAVE, WITH GLICK EXPLAINING TO SANDERS WHAT HE FEELS MAY BE GOING ON IN THIS SCREENPLAY



EMMA BOVARY

Well that was odd.



BALDRICK

Forgive me for intruding, my lords and ladies, but I still think King Turnip may be behind all this and we would be well advised to get out of here and conceal ourselves from the Turnip Royal Guard, which will make us all into shrubberies, all of them forming, from an aerial view, a cleverly constructed agriculture-based image of infamous comedian and travel writer Michael Palin.



EMMA BOVARY

Again. Things are getting very odd.



MAN WITH GUN

You're telling me. We're doing another one, they told me. You're the main character, they told me. This time you, the non white anti-hero, save the rich white woman from horror and grief, and she's a real feminist too. And what do I find? First they force me to have Edward Norton shadowing my insanity at every move, to try and pretend that you can benefit from white privilege but also be against the white-privilege-centric establishment at the same time, Charlie Sheen is back, probably hoping to stick his unmentionables into anything which can wear underwear, temporarily of course, and now David Lynch and Bernie Sanders are trying to turn it into a party political broadcast.



EMMA BOVARY

I thought you said this was a dream.



MAN WITH GUN

I think it's a screenplay of a dream of a dream of a screenplay.



THE PHONE RINGS. EVERYONE VANISHES AGAIN EXCEPT EMMA BOVARY. SHE ANSWERS THE PHONE. AMERICAN SPY IS AT THE OTHER END.



AMERICAN SPY

Darling, I can't believe this is happening now, but I've just had an urgent call from Jimmy Carr asking me to help him figure out the best way for him to give charity to the bioweapons department of the Israeli military. I need to get hold of Deniro and talk to him, he remembers how I arranged that the last time. It's a lot of money. A LOT of foul mouth racist macho people spend their money on Jimmy Carr's professional imperial juvenility. You're going to have to manage without me this time.



EMMA BOVARY

But -



AMERICAN SPY

Sorry I have to go now. I'll call you the moment I've finished my work.



HE HANGS UP AND GOES BACK TO ROGERING CHARLES BOVARY.



EMMA BOVARY (TO HERSELF)

Why did he say professional imperial juvenility - a man as ignorant as him sees that as high satire, as attacks on the corrupt - whilst anyone of intelligence couldn't possibly compare Jimmy Carr's puerile machismo to the anti-establishment wit of Jonathan Swift, or even Vic Reeves on a good day, that's not the sort of thing these backward lovers of mine usually see as being the case. I don't understand. Something odd really is going on. Was I dreaming all those strange people?



MAN WITH GUN REAPPEARS, BUT ONLY IN THE MIRROR. THE OTHER TWO ARE NOT THERE, NOR IS WILLARD OR HIS BOAT.



MAN WITH GUN

No I don't think so. And I think the reason he spoke out of character is to do with Godot.



EMMA BOVARY

But Waiting for Godot was written a long time after Flaubert and has apparently nothing to do with Madam Bovary. What has Godot got to do with it?



MAN WITH GUN

I'm afraid this is the second film. You didn't see the first one. It was insane. Nukes flying. Fat dumb American presidents running around the world while the author played fast and loose with eighties stereotype-laden comedy and drama characters. Didn't end well. Tony Blair almost became involved. And even though the writer cut him out before the very end, it was still pretty much the most grim ending possible.



EMMA BOVARY

And you think this time it'll be even worse?



MAN WITH GUN

Logically there's no alternative possibility we can deduce to be probable. Is there?



EMMA BOVARY

No, I suppose not. And you say that if we find the right pot plant and eliminate it the whole show is over and Dawn French will spring up and do her best rendition of "Here comes the bride".



MAN WITH GUN

Yes, I think that's a pretty apt metaphor.



EMMA BOVARY PUTS ON HER COAT AND HAT AND PICKS UP HER HANDBAG AND SHE AND MAN WITH GUN LEAVE HER HOTEL ROOM.



CUT TO..



INT. THE ISRAELI EMBASSY IN LONDON. LOUIS XVI AND MARIE ANTOINETTE ARE EATING BATTENBERGS AND DRINKING CUPS OF TEA.



LOUIS XVI

TONY, TONY, I JUST GOT A FACEBOOK FRIEND REQUEST FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

I've told you before, Vic, you can't shorten Marie Antoinette to Tony.



LOUIS XVI

Why not? You called me Vic.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Yes but that was a departure from the fiction, that was just a step into the world beyond the fiction, although under the circumstances it's hard to say in which direction the step moved. Anyway, it's not the same at all. You can call me Mary for short if you like.



LOUIS XVI

Alright Mary. So what should I do? Should I accept his friend request?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Why not Vic? He's a nice bloke. Has his own set of golf clubs and a proper barometer. We may need to borrow either. I think the president would be a useful friend even if he is a bit of a racist genocidal maniac who's obsessed with sex and is only a gender-egalitarian insofar as he treats everyone with equal contempt and equally as nothing but a means to an end, regardless of gender, although gender may impact the ends involved or desired. I say go for it. You added Henry Kissinger, didn't you? How can you really sink any lower?



LOUIS XVI

I could. I haven't replied to Alistair Campbell yet.



LOUIS XVI ACCEPTS PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK'S FRIEND REQUEST AND THEN GETS A PRIVATE MESSAGE IN WHICH THE PRESIDENT INVITES LOUIS XVI AND HIS HOT WIFE TO HANG OUT WITH THEM IN THE WAR ROOM IN WASHINGTON.



LOUIS XVI

Mary, Mary, the President wants to meet me and my hot wife.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

You can't do that, Vic. You don't have a hot wife. Your wife is played by me and I'm hardly hot. I'm a man.



LOUIS XVI

Well if the president's gay then you might be hot.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Have you met the president? He's a proper village idiot dinosaur-man. Purely paleolithic. The fact that this screenplay is littered with gender shuffling and actors playing characters the wrong gender, interspersed with gay plots, would totally throw him. He's going to be pretty upset if you walk into the war room with a man dressed as a female french aristocrat.



LOUIS XVI

So what are we going to to Bob? I mean Tony. I mean Mary.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

I'm thinking, Vic. I'm thinking.



MARIE ANTOINETTE THINKS.



CUT TO..



EXT. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE SET. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE IS TRYING TO ESTABLISH THE MOST LIKELY CHARACTERISTICS OF HIS/HER SHOW.



DEMPSEY

So we know to begin with that there must be some sort of personality clash between the two police officers, there always is. In Due South you had the lazy one and the overzealous one. Generally speaking if you have two cops, the purpose of having two is that they argue with each other and take very different approaches, leading them to constantly bounce the plot in different directions.



MAKEPEACE

You're probably right but you're overlooking the most important characteristic - by essentially legitimising both proper, indeed over-zealous use of law and authority at the same time as improper, lazy or even purely delusionary methods, including abandoning things like the presumption of innocence, indeed due process, indeed civilised behaviour, the primary purpose of any cop show or similar is to remind civilians that authority-figures should, gladly, be given absolute power over all life which appears on their tv show.



DEMPSEY

You've got a point there, Makers old son.



MAKEPEACE

If you're doing the English accent then I have to be the woman don't I? I mean if you speak in an obviously English accent people will just assume you're Richard Briers and imagine you to be the male. So you can't call me old son.



DEMPSEY

Alright then, old girl.



MAKEPEACE

Personally I think the author's taking the whole sending up of the pantomime-like ostentatious exhibitionist nature of western 'gay rights' flag wavers, most of whom actually don't care about gay rights and aren't gay but need a whole armoury of virtue signals to use to cover their tracks as they plough on each day with genocide, ecocide and species-wide collective suicide, just a tiny bit too far.



DEMPSEY

How much is a tiny bit?



MAKEPEACE

Three or four hundred words. Not much in contrast to say a medium sized technical lecture by Chomsky.



DEMPSEY

But a lot longer than a tweet from the president of the USA.



MAKEPEACE

An advert for dog food would have more words than the average nugget of 'wisdom' from the Americans' infamous tweeting president. Words are not the president's strong point.



DEMPSEY

Does the president indeed have any strong points?



CUT TO..



EXT. GUAM. CAPTAIN WILLARD IS SOMEHOW BACK IN GUAM, STILL IN THE BOAT, WITH THE CREW, BUT NOW IN THE MIDDLE OF GUAM HIGH STREET, BY THE LOCAL TESCO OPPOSITE THE KRISPY KREME.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I had no idea what the hell was going on. I knew that the screenwriter was showing the audience that the president really did have a sort of 'strong' front end, which was me, but I wasn't sure if the author was, in fact, mocking me. Bouncing me around reality like a basketball, robbed of any self-determination or even rational reality in which my character might at least be able to build itself some humanlike narrative so as to be recognised as more than a mere punch and judy puppet.



MAN WITH GUN COMES OUT OF THE TESCO WITH A BAG CONTAINING ALL THE CHILLI PLANTS IN THAT PARTICULAR TESCO BRANCH, IE THE GUAM HIGH STREET BRANCH. HE WALKS OVER TO CAPTAIN WILLARD AND PLACES THE PLANTS IN FRONT OF WILLARD. HE THEN TAKES WILLARD'S GUN FROM WILLARD, AS THOUGH WILLARD'S MIND IS ENTIRELY AT HIS DISPOSAL, AND HE SHOOTS ALL OF THE PLANTS.



MAN WITH GUN

Nope. We're still here.



BALDRICK AND WHITE NARRATOR APPEAR ALSO, COMING FROM KRISPY KREME.



BALDRICK

Do you think there's a subtle joke about racial profiling hidden in this scene, my lord?



MAN WITH GUN

Very possibly, Baldrick.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I know you, you're Godot.



MAN WITH GUN

No I'm not, I'm Man with Gun, can't you read. Look, it's right there.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

My mistake, sorry. Should we all just go somewhere, play some poker, eat some chilli, drink a few beers, that sort of thing? I mean we don't have to play it the way the screenwriter wants us to. We can outwit him.



EMMA BOVARY APPEARS ALSO, FROM TESCO, WITH A FULL TROLLEY LADEN WITH GLUTEO-LIPID MAXIMISATION RESOURCES.



EMMA BOVARY

Or her, captain.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

Madam Bovary!



EMMA BOVARY

Captain Willard.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I have a bedroom on the boat. We can move straight on to the part of the film which you're here primarily to cater to, assuming this is standard western 'art'.



EMMA BOVARY

That's quite an assumption, captain. I'm afraid you Americans overlook that little devilish thing called the details, when you cast yourselves and figure out your plot points and mid points and what nots.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I don't follow.



EMMA BOVARY

Oh but you do. You are nothing but a sheep. You tart yourself up like a cheap heterosexual male whore. And you think all I need is a good seeing to when the one thing I need least is more sex or the ego of another penis-with-man-attached.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

You're very harsh. I don't understand. I'm the hero. I'm here to save you. Or why would I be played by Charlie Sheen?



EMMA BOVARY

My friend Man with Gun here has explained to me the fact that in the first film you thought you were there to save the world from Godot when in reality it was up to Godot to save the world from you and everyone else in the film. In this film clearly most of the same characteristics are true - you, in short - are no force for good. No matter what you seem, all you really are is an engine powering the motion of this film towards a bad, a very bad, filthy, dirty ending. Why else cast YOU? And indeed me.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I see your point. But what about him? Why do you think he's the good guy? Everywhere he goes everything melts into chaos. And he's a maniac. He keeps shooting plants. Ever since I first met him he's been doing it. Just out of the blue. This time he bought them. The man bought seventeen chilli plants for putting on your windowsill, he took my assault rifle and he blew them away. Is this a man you feel can guide you through these troubled times to a stable future?



EMMA BOVARY

I don't expect you to understand that, but do understand this: he's the only man in the screenplay who doesn't try to have sex with me whilst also not being gay. THAT is why I trust him and not you. For him this film is about something else, it's not a porn film as it is for you and Tyler Durden over there. For him this film is nothing more than a continuation across the spacetime continuum of the nightmarish vision behind works like Flaubert's Madam Bovary, and so much more, from Gilliam's Brazil and Ionesco's Rhinoceros to the words and works, long gone, of the nameless poets of the distant past who surely first lit this fire which has burned so brightly over the ages and in the faces of so many fascist tyrants, saying to each and every one: you can bully them, mother fucker, but YOU CANNOT BULLY ME. What I have written I have written.



CUT TO..



INT. HOTEL ROOM WHERE CHARLES BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY ARE CONTINUING TO HAVE GAY SEX LONG INTO THE NIGHT. THEY TAKE A BREAK TO WATCH THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST AND TO PLAY RUGBY. AFTER RUCKING AND MAULING AND SINGING ABBA SONGS AND SUCH THEY TAKE A FURTHER BREAK TO GO TO THE GYM AND THEN AFTER MORE GAY SEX DECIDE TO HAVE MORE CONVERSATION, SINCE THEY'RE BOTH SO GOOD WITH WORDS AND IT SEEMS A SHAME NOT TO.



CHARLES BOVARY

So do you know where I can find Mel Brooks?



AMERICAN SPY

Didn't I tell you? I spoke to someone at the Israeli embassy and they found us a Mel Brooks already. He's waiting for us in the lobby.



CHARLES BOVARY

A Mel Brooks? So not the actual one?



AMERICAN SPY

Well, when there is such an oversupply of celebrities and actors in the west, who needs the real thing? There's always a dozen copies and duplicates and potential posers or imposters for any celebrity worth a few bucks.



CHARLES BOVARY

I don't know. My wife is quite intelligent. I know you wouldn't expect it of me, but there it is. My one mistake. I married a woman who considers her mind to be more important than her vagina.



AMERICAN SPY

I suppose if you find someone like that what else can you do. It's got to be worth a lot of money, a one in a million like that.



CHARLES BOVARY

Particularly to a pair of randy gay men like ourselves, eh?



AMERICAN SPY CHUCKLES



AMERICAN SPY

Do you think she's gone to sleep by now?



CHARLES BOVARY

Indubitably. Dreaming of enabling children to live natural and calm lives or some other insane far-left fantasy. She hangs around with too many of these anti-semitic anti-genocide people who don't realise that unless we kill all the people we say we're going to kill, they may try to kill us first. We have to deter them.



AMERICAN SPY

Indeed, genocide is the only deterrant. Hippies and far-left terrorists just don't understand. Their answer to everything is violence or just being annoying.



CHARLES BOVARY

They should be lined up against the wall and shot.



THE TWO TAKE THE LIFT DOWN TO THE LOBBY WHERE MEL BROOKS IS WAITING FOR THEM, EATING A KEBAB AND DRINKING BEER.



CHARLES BOVARY

But that's Johnny Vegas. She'll know. She's not stupid.



AMERICAN SPY

Yes but she'll have to play along, it's part of the fiction. She can't very well argue against actors playing characters in this film. What does she expect? Some sort of Pirandello-meets-Douglas-Adams type of thing? Before you know it we'll be back to Richard Briers talking to himself which, even if it is entertaining, does distract us completely from the key nodes of the plot of this film.



CHARLES BOVARY

All the gay sex has caused me to forget what they are. Please refresh my memory. What is actually going on in this film other than gay sex, dubiously portrayed through gender-mismatched actors such that the heterosexual relationships are actually gay and the gay relationships are actually heterosexual.



AMERICAN SPY

If you recall we decided to use your wife to kick start a fake revolution which will result in the empowerment of a global monarch operating as the puppet of the new Israeli government.



CHARLES BOVARY

Oh yes, the Israelis. All that killing and genocide and torture. Come on, let's go back upstairs.



MEL BROOKS

Don't you want to hear my act?



AMERICAN SPY

It's okay, you're part of an insignificant side-plot. Do it how you like.

(HE GIVES MEL BROOKS A PILE OF CASH)

Go and get yourself a drink, just be back here at lunchtime.



MEL BROOKS

(LOOKS AT THE WAD OF CASH)

Maybe I'll get myself a bar.



AMERICAN SPY

Just get back here at lunchtime, that's all. We need you to talk to some Iraqi kid.



CHARLES BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY GO BACK UPSTAIRS AND CONTINUE TO HAVE GAY SEX UNTIL THE AUDIENCE NO LONGER FINDS IT NOVEL AND INTERESTING AND FINDS SOME OTHER NICHE BEHAVIOUR TO CHAMPION AS THE EVIDENCE OF THEIR ADVANCEMENT.



CUT TO..



INT. ISRAELI EMBASSY.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

What about Dan Hodges?



LOUIS XVI

Surely he's a man too?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Don't make me laugh. He boasts about making entire groups of people froth and foam at the mouth in anger, as he did when Corbyn lost the election to Johnson. Even though right after he had been promoting making people froth and foam at the mouth to 'celebrate' the killing of 'jihadi john', some people frothed and foamed so much they massacred the writers of Charlie Hebdo - days after Mr 'make them froth and foam at the mouth' had been proudly advocating justice by summary execution on twitter.



LOUIS XVI

So that makes him a child, not a woman. This film is lampooning fake feminists, not women Bob. You need someone who can look sexy. Dan Hodges won't do. His cowardice is irrelevant, he looks like an ape. President Quackquack will not fancy him. You need a better idea. What about Winona Ryder?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

He'd snap her like a twig. You need someone more Viking.



AMERICAN SPY SUDDENLY REVEALS HIMSELF FROM BEHIND THE CURTAIN.



AMERICAN SPY

What you need, if you'll forgive my listening in on you and treating you as fair game -



LOUIS XVI

You work for the Israeli State and the American military, do you think we would ascribe any other ethical modality to you?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

You tell him Vic. I'm sick of his smart arse ideas. They always go wrong.



AMERICAN SPY

Hear me out. I have the ideal woman for you to use. Emma Bovary. I'm her agent.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Is she doing gigs still? I thought she'd retired after that standup night in Merseyside she did went really wrong and she was chased away by a mob of female dockyard workers.



LOUIS XVI

I like this idea very much. I'm going to buy myself a new crown and sceptre and a new suit from Giorgi Armani, and some after shave.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

But you don't shave, Vic. You're just tarting yourself up so you can have sweaty sex with Emma Bovary by seducing her with a combination of your northern charm and your dashing metropolitan dress sense.



AMERICAN SPY

So it's all set, then?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Yeah, I think Vic's up for it. I mean Louis.



AMERICAN SPY

I'll be back with her in 24 hours. Then we can fly you to Washington and have some fun. In the meantime I'll leave Kiefer Sutherland with you to shoot some extra footage to edit in later.



AMERICAN SPY LEAVES. KIEFER SUTHERLAND SITS DOWN ON A HIGH CHAIR AND BEGINS TO EAT A RUSK.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Excuse me, but what the Turkey Dinner Marketing Campaign are you supposed to be doing here? This scene ends in a few lines so I don't know what you're going to do for 24 hours, while we wait for our next shoot.



LOUIS XVI

Yeah, I can't hang about here with Kiefer Sutherland for 24 hours. A man needs to eat and sleep.



KIEFER SUTHERLAND

I think the idea is that footage of me spending the next 24 hours with you, minute by minute, will be run in diptych next to the main film. Surely that's right up your street, true parody. I mean "24" was awful, such horrible propaganda fuelling xenophobia and division and glorifying and justifying violence and barbarism.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Ordinarily I'd like to stay and agree with you but we're going off set now and then we'll just be ourselves.



LOUIS XVI

Bob will go and break a few apples in half with his thumb and I will paint a picture of a member of the British Royal Family looking like a miner.



KIEFER SUTHERLAND

Fair enough, I can't fault you there. My dad was really good in MASH, the film. Anyway, we may as well let Richard Briers have a scene now, we can always just leave the camera in the fridge and film whatever's inside it for the rest of the 24 hours.





CUT TO..





EXT. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE SET. BATMAN HAS JUST RESCUED AN ARMED ISRAELI FROM A PALESTINIAN BABY IN A PRAM AND IS JUST EATING THE BABY, HAVING FRIED IT UP, WITH PEPPERCORN SAUCE, LISTENING TO ZIGGY MARLEY TUNES WITH A MACHINE POWERED BY INTEL WHILST MORRISSEY GIVES HIM A BACK-RUB.



DEMPSEY

I say I say I say. What have we here?



MAKEPEACE

It's Batman, he's on our side.



BATMAN

Hello Dempsey and Makepeace. I liked you in that film Arthur. I thought you were shorter.



DEMPSEY

I think you have me confused with Dudley Moore.



BATMAN

Is he your twin brother?



DEMPSEY

Why don't you just go back to the Baywatch set and put on some lotion or something.



BATMAN

What about Knight Rider? I haven't always been obsessed with my body.



MAKEPEACE

And that's another thing. Why do you superheroes always dress up in the most flamboyant and seemingly homosexual clothes possible? I don't understand. Generation upon generation of satirist has lampooned you for it and you still do it. Nowadays in CGI and with a budget bigger than the annual food budget of a small third world nation or a big American or British city under corporate rule. Why do you do it? Are you oblivious to how stupid you look?



BATMAN

Oh come on, there's no need to punch so low. Do you think I enjoy being famous only because largely brainless young women fantasize about me or even more brainless young men to want women to fantasize about them and feel that copying me is the way to do it, presumably not a bad guess for people that stupid.



DEMPSEY

You're not trying to pretend that underneath that show tunes, baywatch, american authoritarian hide-in-the-shadows enforcer is a person capable of things like mutual aid, critical self-analysis and evolution? Really? You're having me on.



BATMAN

Look I just came here to help some Israelis, same as you.



MAKEPEACE

Don't imagine I'm here helping Israelis gladly. I promise you the very first chance I get to truly defy the part I've been cast in I will, and I will bring down the house.



BATMAN

Okay, but your mental breakdown aside, what I came to your set to tell you was that my associates are planning to kick off a major coup, using Emma Bovary as the pivot to the coup. I think you and I should get down to where the action is and make sure that we stand up for justice, white racial preference and the AngloZionist and Other White American way.



DEMPSEY

Well why didn't you say so? Thanks very much for the gold and frankincense. Don't worry so much about the myrrh next time. Let's go.





CUT TO.. A CLOUD FLOATING ABOVE TRAFALGAR SQUARE. MAN WITH GUN IS IN THE LOTUS POSITION. BALDRICK AND WHITE NARRATOR AND EMMA BOVARY ARE PLAYING CANASTA.



EMMA BOVARY

So what you're saying is that if we find the plant and kill it the whole of this horrific ordeal involving sadistic men in suits, hyperconsumer morons, hypersexual hyperconsumer morons, sorry, will come to a dramatic end?



MAN WITH GUN

Not necessarily end. Certainly a stationary point of some sort.



EMMA BOVARY

Forgive me but I'm not a mathematician. What's a stationary point?



MAN WITH GUN

Well it's not an end, but it's a kind of pause, before something else happens, in this case something else terrible.



EMMA BOVARY

By which you mean -



MAN WITH GUN

It'll turn out that whatever we kill is just the dream of something dreaming it was the plant having the dream. Probably. If it went that way the first time why should it not continue in that vein until the author has exhausted all edges of this universe to test and has been through all those institutions and individuals she or he wants or needs to challenge, ridicule and humiliate.



EMMA BOVARY

So we could end up shooting the plant, ending the bourgeois farce, and then suddenly turn up in an entirely new film called Planet of the Sales Apes, or something.



BALDRICK

That, my lord and lady, is precisely the sort of thing the screenwriter would throw in if the next script were indeed going to be called that.



WHITE NARRATOR

But what the screenwriter also then get you, Baldrick, to bring this up, out of some sort of vanity, or an additional theatrical device? Or would she or he throw himself or herself against a wall using only their tie, because of the capacity to defy actual laws of physics.



MAN WITH GUN

In a dream there are no laws of physics, you forget Norton. Remember, this film is not about white saviours, it's about me, saving her, from a lot of idiots.



EMMA BOVARY

Well it's hardly saving me if we're all going to end up in the next film anyway.



MAN WITH GUN

Alright, temporarily relieving you of extreme stress and horror.



EMMA BOVARY'S PHONE RINGS. SUDDENLY THE CLOUD VANISHES AND THEY REAPPEAR IN HER HOTEL ROOM, IN THE MIRROR. SHE ANSWERS IT AND SPEAKS, BUT SHE IS STILL ONLY IN THE MIRROR.



CHARLES BOVARY

Emma darling, I have Mel Brooks with me. Meet me at Macdonald's on the Strand. The Charity Corporation is sending over an Iraqi orphan to meet us there for lunch.



EMMA BOVARY (REAPPEARS IN HOTEL ROOM BUT THE OTHER THREE REMAIN IN THE MIRROR)

You came through. I don't know what to say. I'll get dressed and see you there.



SHE HANGS UP THE PHONE AND LOOKS IN THE MIRROR WHERE THE THREE STRANGERS ARE, MAN WITH GUN STILL IN THE LOTUS POSITION.



MAN WITH GUN

It's not Mel Brooks, you know, it's Johnny Vegas pretending to be him.



EMMA BOVARY

I did read the cast list at the start you know.



MAN WITH GUN

Well that won't have told you about the Iraqi orphan.



EMMA BOVARY

What about the Iraqi orphan?



MAN WITH GUN

They vetted her, they went through fifty and found the one who could most successfully be trained to say "I love my American overlords, I want to eat Macdonald's and watch tv shows about people doing violent things all day, have an overactive but low quality sex life, become clinically obese or overweight at the very least and multiply my carbon footprint by nine."



CUT TO.. INT. MACDONALD'S. EMMA BOVARY STANDS TO GREET THE IRAQI ORPHAN GIRL PRESENTED TO HER.



IRAQI ORPHAN GIRL

I love my American overlords, I want to eat Macdonald's and watch tv shows about people doing violent things all day, have an overactive but low quality sex life, become clinically obese or overweight at the very least and multiply my carbon footprint by nine.



EMMA BOVARY

I'm very pleased to meet you. I'd like you to meet a friend of mine called Mel Brooks, he's very funny and I think he'll make you see that the Americans who told you they are your overlords are just fascist berks and that a good American is someone like my friend Mel.



MEL BROOKS

Pleased to meet ya, Iraqi orphan.



IRAQI ORPHAN GIRL

But you're Johnny Vegas. I've seen Blazing Saddles you know, and Shooting Stars. I do know difference. Anyway, it doesn't matter because I love my American overlords, I want to eat Macdonald's and watch tv shows about people doing violent things all day, have an overactive but low quality sex life, become clinically obese or overweight at the very least and multiply my carbon footprint by nine.



EMMA BOVARY

This isn't going the way I'd imagined.



CHARLES BOVARY

I did try to tell you, darling. These people are not like us. As Boris Johnson said, they are centuries behind us. Look at their attitude to anal sex, for example. Centuries behind us. And they don't drink. Can you believe they don't drink?



EMMA BOVARY

Sometimes I think you do this to me to actually make me not want to have sex with you so you can go off and have a romp with a gay lover or something. Honestly Charles, you are basically the worst man in the world to be married to. What the hell was Flaubert thinking, setting me up with you? What a cruel cruel piss-taker he was.



HER PHONE RINGS. AMERICAN SPY SPEAKS.



AMERICAN SPY

Hello darling, I want to take you somewhere amazing. You'll have to pretend to be the Queen of France, though. Can you meet me in 10 minutes in Fleet Street?



EMMA BOVARY

Very easily. (TURNS TO CHARLES) Charles, you, the northern comedian and the house-trained Iraqi slave-girl can conclude this scene by yourselves. I'm going to do something I can regret and forget how much I hate the tedious and banal character of your pseudo-glamorous life.



SHE WALKS OUT.



CUT TO..



INT. CAPTAIN WILLARD'S BOAT. MAN WITH GUN, BALDRICK, WHITE NARRATOR, CAPTAIN WILLARD, RANDOM SOLDIER, COLONEL POTTER, CLINGER, ARE PLAYING POKER, FOR CASH, WHILST EATING THE SAME PRETZELS ALWAYS FEATURED IN ALL TV AND FILM POKER GAMES.



MAN WITH GUN

What I'd like to know, gentlemen, is where the hell we are.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I thought you said we're in a dream, or a screenplay.



MAN WITH GUN

Don't get cocky with me, Captain. I'm the only one who ends up surviving, other than Madam Bovary, you must surely realise.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

How can the plot of a story be obvious only half way through?



COLONEL POTTER

How can it not be? The plot of every work of art is woven into the smallest part. You could tell just from the title what would happen. Instead of the Bourgeoisie continuing business as usual and the outlier vanishing into nonentity, the outlier survives and the entire Bourgeoisie turns out to be the insane dream of a possibly disturbed member of the plant species, put out of its misery by an angry black man from the north of England.



MAN WITH GUN

As I was saying, the reason I'd like to know where we are is because I'm losing time here. Somewhere either in our vicinity or eluding me entirely is a plant which needs to be killed so that we can escape the insane horror of this thread of possibilities, floating as they are, around the spacetime continuum or continuums.



BALDRICK

Are you certain, my lord, that King Turnip isn't at the heart of this untoward status quo?



CLINGER

Are you nuts?



MAN WITH GUN

That joke was far too predictable. Clearly we are getting ever closer to that moment where the screenwriter has compacted so many good threads together that the final horrific descent into the delta of this dark farce rolls down like a waterfall at the end of a seemingly calm river.



WHITE NARRATOR

They've got Emma Bovary and they are taking her to the War Room so that the American Agent can begin his dark games to take over the world on behalf of Israel and sell the King of France to an alien species for experimentation.



MAN WITH GUN

How do you know that? This film isn't about white saviours. Who gave YOU inside information on the unfolding of this narrative, boyscout?



LIFTS WHITE NARRATOR UP BY HIS BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD T-SHIRT AND HOLDS HIM AGAINST THE WALL.



WHITE NARRATOR

Okay, okay, I admit it. It was King Turnip.



MAN WITH GUN THROWS WHITE NARRATOR TO THE GROUND.



MAN WITH GUN

Bollocks. There's no such person.



BALDRICK

See, I told you my lord. This is King Turnip's doing. King Turnip and the Knights of the Folding Plastic Garden Set.



WHITE NARRATOR

No, that's just insane. I'm talking about King Turnip, the powerful billionaire who owns Ronald MacDonald.



MAN WITH GUN

Rubbish. MacDonald's is owned by some guy called Clive or Andrew or something.



WHITE NARRATOR

Not MacDonald's, Ronald MacDonald, the burger-selling clown and Mafia Gangland Warlord.



MAN WITH GUN

Oh, I see.



LOOKS AT BALDRICK



MAN WITH GUN

Have you been feeding him the same juju beans you've been eating, Baldrick? Why is he saying the same crazy shit as you?



BALDRICK

Should we not, my lord, pay more attention to the Israeli scheme to take over the world?



MAN WITH GUN

Why, Baldrick? The problem has nothing to do with that. These are all just characters, in a fiction. The problem is the plant and the horrific dream it's having. The problem is it should wake up, not that any part of the dream is bad. It is the nature of this dream.



BALDRICK

Why is the cactus having so many bad dreams, my lord?



COLONEL POTTER

I was going to ask that.



MAN WITH GUN

If we are characters in the dream of some sort of plant or even vegetable, then how do WE know what the vegetable's been doing which caused the dream. Maybe the soil's eroded or something. I don't know. It's probably climate change related.



COLONEL POTTER

Excuse me Mr With Gun, but surely there's something important we're overlooking.



MAN WITH GUN

What would that be, Colonel?



COLONEL POTTER

They've got Emma Bovary and they are taking her to the War Room so that the American Agent can begin his dark games to take over the world on behalf of Israel and sell the King of France to an alien species for experimentation.



MAN WITH GUN

How do you know that? This film isn't about white saviours. Who gave YOU inside information on the unfolding of this narrative, boyscout?



LIFTS COLONEL POTTER UP BY HIS BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD T-SHIRT AND HOLDS HIM AGAINST THE WALL.



COLONEL POTTER

Edward Norton just said so.



WHITE NARRATOR

I am not Edward Norton, I am a character he is portraying. I am -



MAN WITH GUN

(punches him)

SHUT IT.



CUT TO..



EXT. M4. LOUIS XVI AND EMMA BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY AND MARIE ANTOINETTE ARE ON THE TRACTOR, HEADING TO HEATHROW AIRPORT. AMERICAN SPY IS FUMING. THE OTHER THREE ARE HAVING A LAUGH, PARTICULARLY EMMA BOVARY, WHO IS WELL CHEERED UP BY THE LUNACY OF LOUIS XVI.



AMERICAN SPY

Why do we have to use a tractor? For fuck's sake it'll take hours, we'll miss the plane.



LOUIS XVI

Look, I'm the King aren't I? And if you're serious about giving me control of all the world outside Israel then you'd let me travel by tractor. So unless you're just pretending that you're helping us, you'd better let me travel by tractor.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Tractors are the transport system of the Farm Kings, you know.



AMERICAN SPY

What the hell are you talking about? Why are you even here?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Don't worry I'll blend into the background.



SHOWS THEM HIS AMERICAN DISGUISE. IT IS A BIG BELLY AND A T-SHIRT STAINED WITH BEER, AND A HUGE BOX OF LARD, AND A TV REMOTE CONTROL.



AMERICAN SPY

Are you serious?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

You haven't seen the finishing touch. Pulls a cowboy hat out of a carrier bag and puts it on.



AMERICAN SPY

You should have said.



AMERICAN SPY IS NO LONGER PERTURBED. THEY FINALLY REACH THE ENTRANCE TO HEATHROW AIRPORT. EMMA BOVARY DECIDES TO FOLLOW LOUIS' EXAMPLE AND STICK IT TO AMERICAN SPY WHILE SHE HAS THE CHANCE AND THE SCREENPLAY IS VEERING HER WAY, ON ITS WAY TO A CALAMITOUS ENDING.



EMMA BOVARY

Let's go via Gatwick instead.



LOUIS XVI

Brilliant idea!



SWINGS TRACTOR AROUND AND HEADS OFF IN THE DIRECTION OF GATWICK. MARIE ANTOINETTE TUCKS INTO A BATTENBERG. SMOKE STARTS TO POUR OUT OF AMERICAN SPY'S NOSTRILS AND HIS EYES TURN GUANTANAMO-ORANGE.





INT. WAR ROOM. GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL IS DEMONSTRATING VIA A SLIDE SHOW AN ARTIST'S IMPRESSION OF GODOT.FIRST SLIDE WE SEE SHOWS AN ORDINARY PERSON ABOUT TO SELECT ORGANIC PRODUCE IN A SLIGHTLY EXPENSIVE SUPERMARKET FAVOURED BY THE MIDDLE CLASSES.



GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL

Here we see a potential terrorist about to make an extremist decision. See how he buys the organic produce and pays for it. This man is not buying organic produce by mistake or unknowingly - this is a calculated attempt to undermine the profit motive behind food and drink items whose purpose is not nutrition for the consumer but profit for the producer and is held in place by addiction on the consumer's part, as well as peer pressure. By refusing to participate in the perpetuation of capitalism the organic food product purchaser is purposely attempting to destroy the free market, no doubt in order to usher in communism. Such a vandal is, if not directly paid or controlled by Godot then at best controlled by an agent of Godot. Nuke such low-lifes on sight and then get yourself a big mac and a bucket of coca cola and never stop shopping. Do it on credit if you must, buy things you'll never need, if that's what it takes, but do it. Do not stop shopping, ever.



NEXT SLIDE SHOWS A STUDENT EATING AVOCADO ON SOURDOUGH TOAST, PURCHASED FROM THE SAME SUPERMARKET. THERE IS ALSO A SALAD ON THE SIDE.



GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL

In this one the tell tale sign isn't just the use of avocado as a food, rather than something normal like processed diluted meat and preservatives, not even the presence of sourdough bread instead of the cheapest most glutenously dodgy bread item on the cheapo supermarket shelf. In fact what makes this terrorist stand out from others, what enables us to see this is an organiser, not just a low ranking terrorist, is the salad. Your low ranking terrorist may well eat avocado toast and waste all the world's money whilst sensible people are busy having a donut for breakfast, a cheap, profitable to corporations, heart disease causing, triple bypass causing donut. But your low ranking terrorist probably won't have time to constantly make fresh salads and eat them at all hours of the day. Less dangerous salad eaters, those who don't organise, merely participate, will eat a salad occasionally, whereas your class A terrorist will eat salads morning, noon and night, as though high fibre, vitamins and minerals are more important than fats, sugars and an oversupply of carbohydrates. Indeed as the gutter press has recently reported, due to celebrities who tell people not to be fat stupid bastards, there are anorexic people. Anorexic people would not exist if nobody had a good diet, but selfishly some people out there not only have good diets but try to encourage others to join in their terrorist activities and form terror groups in which all members eat either relatively healthy food and occasional salads or, indeed, full blown regular salad dishes and generally very healthy food. There are people who even drink water, instead of fizzy sugar drinks or hot caffeine drinks. You cannot take risks with people like this. A missile strike is the only way.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

This is boring. I thought we were going to have a stripper. Charlie Sheen's going to take care of Godot for us. All we have to do is eat burgers, drink a variety of alcoholic drinks and enjoy the company of strippers. You're letting Godot get to you.



GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL

I'm sorry sir, I don't know what came over me.



GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL GETS HIMSELF A STRIPPER AND ENJOYS HIMSELF.





CUT TO..





EXT. GATWICK AIRPORT. LOUIS XVI, MARIE ANTOINETTE, AMERICAN SPY AND EMMA BOVARY ARE TRUNDLING TOWARDS A PRIVATE JET WHICH AMERICAN SPY HAS HAD TO ARRANGE FOR THEM. E.T. IS IN THE WAY OF THE TRACTOR AND LOUIS, WHO IS DRIVING, IS FORCED TO DO AN EMERGENCY STOP.



LOUIS XVI

What the hell are you doing E.T.? You could have been killed.



E.T.

E.T. Phone home.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

You should have signed up for a contract with roaming calls, shouldn't you? You can't blame us if you didn't think things through when setting up your communication infrastructure before setting out to explore the galaxy.



E.T.

E.T. Phone home.



EMMA BOVARY

Oh come on, don't be mean. He just wants to use the phone. [GIVES E.T. HER MOBILE] Here, have mine. My husband is filthy rich and a total arsehole. Make as many calls as you like, he's paying.



E.T.

Thank you very much, you're very kind.



E.T. CALLS UP HIS UNCLE, BUGSY MALONE. PHONE RINGS. BUGSY ANSWERS



E.T.

Uncle Bugsy, I'm stranded in Boris Johnson's England, I need you to get me the fuck out of here. There are few places in the galaxy as hostile to me as this place.



CUT TO..



INT. GAY NIGHT CLUB. ACROSS THE TABLE FROM BUGSY MALONE ARE CHARLES BOVARY AND CAPTAIN PICARD.



BUGSY MALONE

Sorry E.T. I'm in a high level meeting right now. Have you thought about calling Bernie Sanders? He's definitely floating around this screenplay somewhere. He may be less hostile and aggressive towards outsiders than others in western politics. Get him to give you a lift to the war room in Washington. That's where the screenplay will end, I think. Or thereabouts. At least that's the impression I got.



CUT TO..



EXT. GATWICK AIRPORT (etc)



E.T.

Okay Uncle Bugsy. I'll do that.



HANGS UP. LOOKS AT EMMA BOVARY



E.T.

Apparently I should get a lift from Bernie Sanders to the war room in Washington.



EMMA BOVARY

That's where WE'RE going! Just come with us. [TO LOUIS XVI] We can give a lift to E.T. here can't we?



AMERICAN SPY

I absolutely forbid it



LOUIS XVI

You know what Bob.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Vic, I've told you, call me Mary.



LOUIS XVI

You know what, Mary, I don't think I'm going to bother with President Quackquack after all. I think we should go to Pakistan and have a few games of cricket with Imran Khan. E.T. can play in mid field.



E.T.

There's no mid field in cricket, even I know that. What planet are you from Vic, I mean Louis?



AMERICAN SPY

Alright alright, he can come with us to the war room. But I'll have to call ahead or they're liable to shoot him (and us) on sight. Walking around America in the company of an alien is extremely dangerous. Americans like to kill anything living they don't recognise and quite a lot of things they do recognise. It's part of our culture. If you can't endorse mindless violence you're not just unamerican you're anti-american and should be killed, that's the ethos we have always lived by.



THEY BOARD THE PRIVATE JET.



CUT TO..



INT. WAR ROOM. PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK IS DOING A MAGIC TRICK FOR HIS FRIENDS AND AUDIENCES, IN WHICH THEY ALL PLACE THEIR VALUABLES INTO A SWAG BAG AND HE GIVES IT TO A SECURITY GUARD WHO LOCKS IT UP AND WILL CONFIRM WHEN ASKED THAT IT ALL NOW BELONGS TO PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK WHO IS THE BEST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK [BOWING]

Thank you ladies and gentlemen, for your time and your valuables.



PRESIDENTIAL AIDE [INTO HIS EAR]

Sir I think you're supposed to thank them for their valuable time, not take their valuables and thank them their time and their valuables.



[SECURITY GUARDS IMMEDIATELY DRAG THE AIDE OFF AND SHOOT HER. ANOTHER AIDE ARRIVES AND WHISPERS SOMETHING IN HIS EAR. HE SMILES]



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news. Louis XVI is going to join us and [HE GRINS, VERY PLEASED WITH HIMSELF FOR HIS BRILLIANT IDEA] he's bringing his hot wife! We all know what the Frenchies are like, eh?





CUT TO.. INT. GAY NIGHT CLUB. PICARD AND BUGSY MALONE ARE HAVING GAY SEX ON THE TABLE WHEN BATMAN AND DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE ENTER.



BUGSY MALONE

Blow me. How the hell did you do that?



PICARD

Do what, how's your father?



BUGSY MALONE

How did you manage to enter the nightclub as the same time as being inside it and buggering me?



PICARD

In-bred hollywood-style latterday-ealing-style casting. Obviously. One or two overpaid white men doing all the jobs except the ones required for tokens or female sex objects.



BATMAN

Alright, alright, can the gay banter. Serious shit is going down at the war room. We need to get into an SUV and head over there asap.



DEMPSEY

How did you do that?



MAKEPEACE

How did he do what?



DEMPSEY

How did Batman talk to Picard when both are being played by David Hasselhoff? And how, as Bugsy Malone pointed out, did Batman enter the night club whilst he was already inside entering Bugsy malone?



MAKEPEACE

That's a bit rich coming from you.



DEMPSEY

Don't you mean me?



MAKEPEACE

That's what I said, that's a bit rich coming from me.



BUGSY MALONE

Alright alright, enough of this schizo banter. What are you saying Batman? What's going on in the war room? Why the sudden need for four wheeled drive transport? Are we going to have to run over Iraqi children on the roads, the way Halliburton's drivers, I gather, used to do in Iraq when the Americans were trying to take that place over.



BATMAN

American spy, Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette have convinced Emma Bovary to head to the war room to initiate some kind of global feminist revolution which may make it impossible to differentiate heterosexual men from gay men, which would make life very hard for me. At the same time it would entrench further the spread of white entitlement and male domination, which would obviously benefit all of us greatly. I am conflicted.



PICARD

And me.



BUGSY MALONE

Conflict is good. It's healthy. Particularly nuclear conflict or class oppression. We should go to the war room and help them get it done. There will be malcontents, miscreants and theatrical devices initiated by Godot or Beckett or Flaubert to try and reverse the process. It's up to us to make sure that white entitlement survives this screenplay, at least into the next one and a few to come after.



PICARD

This is a screenplay?



BATMAN

Don't pretend you didn't know that. I'm Batman, you're Picard, we're both David Hasselhoff, how could it be anything but a screenplay?



DEMPSEY

On the contrary, if you read the previous screenplay you'll find that it may be a dream within a dream - OF a screenplay.



BUGSY MALONE

Rubbish. Nonsense. A dream screenplay would be about a couple of white men and their female sex object, usually white, sometimes a token, being white saviours - a magic negro would feature too, or some equivalent. The story would be simple - it'd glorify narcissism, gratification, maintaining the status quo, consumerism, militarism and nihilism.



PICARD

And what is the current screenplay doing?



CHARLES BOVARY ENTERS.



CHARLES BOVARY

Exactly that, my friends. Exactly that. Now let's have some more sex before we move onto the next scene.



BUGSY MALONE

We're not even in the next scene.



CHARLES BOVARY

Perfect, then no one will mind if we get on with having some sex.



THEY BEGIN TO HAVE MORE SEX. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE DECIDE TO STAND GUARD OUTSIDE THE NIGHTCLUB IN CASE GODOT SHOULD TURN UP AND ALSO BECAUSE HE'S NOT ACTUALLY GAY BUT DOESN'T WANT TO TELL THEM IN CASE THEY EXCLUDE HIM FOR NOT FITTING IN.





CUT TO.. CAPTAIN WILLARD'S BOAT. THE BOAT APPEARS TO BE SAILING THROUGH DEEP SPACE. ANNE OF GREEN GABLES HAS JOINED THEM AND IS DOING A PERFORMANCE OF HAMLET, USING HAND PUPPETS, ALTHOUGH SHE HAS REWRITTEN IT COMPLETELY



ANNE OF GREEN GABLES

To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether tis nobler to go to the dance with Gilbert Blythe or to become a mounty and help Paul Gross combat the myth that survival of the fittest means predatorial behaviour, authoritarianism and people in uniforms thuggishly lording it over others.



MAN WITH GUN

This was not in the original Shakespeare.



EVERYONE ELSE

Sssssshhhh!



ANNE OF GREEN GABLES

There are more things in Gilbert Blythe's trousers than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio.



MAN WITH GUN

I am not called Horatio. Nobody here is called Horatio. Who is this Canadian schizo talking to?



EVERYONE ELSE

Ssssssshhhh!



ANNE OF GREEN GABLES

Methinks I am a prophet, new inspired, and thus expiring do foretell of him. His rash fierce blaze of riot cannot last, for violent fires soon burn out themselves; small showers last long, but sudden storms are short; he tires betimes that spurs too fast betimes; with eager feeding food doth choke the feeder. Light vanity, insatiate cormorant, consuming means, soon preys upon Gilbert Blythe.



MAN WITH GUN [shoots Anne of Green Gables]

We don't have time for this. We have to put an end to the nightmare we are in before it puts an end to us.



WHITE NARRATOR

I can't believe you killed her, I wanted to bone her. I hadn't boned her yet.



MAN WITH GUN

You hyperconsumers are pretty sick. The woman was old enough to be your grandmother. She may even BE your grandmother.



COLONEL POTTER

If I may make a suggestion, I think we should head to the war room. I think it's all going to kick off there.



MAN WITH GUN

That's exactly what the screenwriter wants us to do. To throw us a curve ball, as you Americans say. It is my considered opinion that the war room is the last place we should go to find the delta of this story.



BALDRICK

But everyone else in this script with an important role is heading there.



MAN WITH GUN

I'm more interested in knowing where Kiefer Sutherland is. The Israelis are playing a dark game and I believe he is missing piece of the puzzle. Where was he seen last?



CLINGER

He was in the Israeli embassy, sir, trying to involve Reeves and Mortimer in some sort of home art movie.



MAN WITH GUN

Don't you mean Louis and Marie Antoinette?



CLINGER

Please, sir, the casting is unconvincing. I prefer to accept that it's Reeves and Mortimer, not members of the former French Aristocracy.



MAN WITH GUN

Well however you choose to perceive the northern comedians, the fact is that Sutherland didn't go with them to the war room, did he? I suspect he's still in the Israeli embassy. We have to go there too, to rule.



GENERAL ZOD

That's my line you south London upstart.



MAN WITH GUN [shoots General Zod dead]

I always wanted to shoot General Zod.



CUT TO..



CHARLES BOVARY'S PRIVATE JET. PICARD, BUGSY MALONE AND BATMAN ARE HAVING SEX WITH CHARLES BOVARY WHILST DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE PILOT THE JET. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE MAKES AN ANNOUNCEMENT ON THE PLANE'S ANNOUNCEMENT THING.



DEMPSEY

This is your captain speaking.



MAKEPEACE

Both of them.



DEMPSEY

Yes, yes, alright. I'm not sure that joke really has the staying power the author is treating it as having. Still, we must press on.



MAKEPEACE

Will you or will I?



DEMPSEY

Go ahead.



MAKEPEACE

Gentlemen and gentlemen we are coming in to land in Washington DC now, please stop having sex and fasten your seatbelts.



LIGHT BUZZES INDICATING AN EMERGENCY AMONG THE PASSENGERS. DEMPSEY PUTS THE PLANE ON AUTOPILOT. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE GO IN TO FIND OUT WHAT THE EMERGENCY IS.



CHARLES BOVARY

Is it okay if we continue to have sex if we do it with our seatbelts on?



MAKEPEACE

If that makes you happy.



DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE RETURN TO THE COCKPIT AND BEGIN LANDING THE PLANE.





CUT TO.. AMERICAN SPY'S PRIVATE JET. LOUIS XVI, MARIE ANTOINETTE, AMERICAN SPY AND EMMA BOVARY ARE PLAYING CANASTA WHILST E.T. PILOTS THE JET.



AMERICAN SPY

I cannot believe you forced me to let an unknown extra terrestrial pilot this plane and had my own pilot take a bus. You are sick in the head.



LOUIS XVI

I can just go home if you like and you can finish your scheme without me and my hot wife.



EMMA BOVARY

Yeah, as his hot wife I'll just go with him to Darlington or wherever he lives and make his chips and grill steak whilst he puts his feet up and watches the boxing.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

And I might go to the outskirts of London and break an apple in half with my thumb.



AMERICAN SPY

Okay okay I get the point. I have to do what you want so that you finish the job you've started and we can pull off my excellent plan. Okay. Fine. But I hate you. You're all sick in the head.



E.T.

Ladies and gentlemen we are coming in to land in Washington DC, please fasten your seatbelts unless you are the King of France in which case you may do an entire jig in the middle of the aisle whilst balancing a plate of cakes and a whole jug of vodka on your head by means of a very large hat built with a tray on top.



LOUIS BEGINS TO DO THE JIG WITH THE AFOREMENTIONED HAT ON HIS HEAD. EMMA BOVARY AND MARIE ANTOINETTE CLAP LIKE GUESTS AT A GREEK WEDDING OF SOME SORT. AMERICAN SPY TAKES SOME VALIUM.



CUT TO..



INT. CAPTAIN WILLARD'S BOAT. IT HAS JUST PULLED INTO THE RIVERSIDE NEAR HAMMERSMITH BRIDGE. MAN WITH GUN, BALDRICK, WHITE NARRATOR, CAPTAIN WILLARD, COLONEL POTTER, CLINGER AND RANDOM SOLDIER GET OUT OF THE BOAT AND WALK THROUGH HAMMERSMITH, VIA KING STREET, UP TO WHERE THEY CAN CATCH A NUMBER 10 BUS TO HIGH STREET KENSINGTON. JIMMINY GLICK AND BERNIE SANDERS HAVE OPENED A FALAFEL STAND AND ARE SELLING WRAPS TO PASSERS-BY.



BERNIE SANDERS

Get your hot fresh falafel wraps here.



JIMMINY GLICK [OPENING A SECOND STALL, SELLING A WIDE VARIETY OF PROCESSED SUGAR PRODUCTS, DAIRY PRODUCTS AND GLUTENOUS PRODUCTS]

Get your hot fresh falafel wraps and your processed sugar products and your dairy products and your gluten. Get it all here. Get your fill.



ELVIS APPROACHES THE STALL.



ELVIS

I'd like to buy a little bit of everything please.



JIMMINY GLICK FILLS A VERY LARGE BUCKET MOSTLY WITH PROCESSED SUGAR PRODUCTS, DAIRY PRODUCTS AND GLUTENOUS PRODUCTS AND PUTS SOME FALAFELS IN A WRAP AND STICKS IT ON TOP.



ELVIS

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.



[ELVIS POURS THE CONTENT OF THE BUCKET INTO HIS MOUTH AND CHOMPS IT DOWN LIKE POPEYE EATING ANIMATED SPINACH. SUDDENLY HE EXPLODES LIKE MR CREOSOTE]. RONALD MACDONALD ARRIVES WITH HIS HENCHMEN AND HAS THEM CLEAN UP THE MESS AND CART OFF THE EVIDENCE TO THE SET OF MAX HEADROOM.



BERNIE SANDERS

Hey, aren't you Christopher Walken?



RONALD MACDONALD

No I'm Ronald Macdonald. Fuck off.



RONALD MACDONALD LEAVES.



BERNIE SANDERS

Get your hot fresh falafel wraps here.



MAN WITH GUN AND HIS POSSE TURN UP AND BUY SOME FALAFEL WRAPS.



BERNIE SANDERS

Hey I thought you were supposed to be trying to save the world from President Quackquack or from the nightmare of an arbitrary plant or shrub. What are you doing here on High Street Kensington?





MAN WITH GUN

I'm afraid, Mr Sanders, you don't have the courage or integrity to handle the truth about where I'm going, which is to the Israeli embassy, which is the root of all the ills in this nightmare we are in.



BERNIE SANDERS

It's not that I don't know that, you know, it's just a question of pragmatism. There are enough problems in this nightmare to deal with already without bringing Israel and its unholy machine of assassinations, genocide, chemical, biological and radiological weaponry onto the table.



MAN WITH GUN

It's a bit late for that. The entire plot revolves around an Israeli plan for global domination.



BERNIE SANDERS

No it's about Charles Bovary and the military industrial complex and the horror experienced by his innocent wife, a leading feminist, Emma Bovary.



MAN WITH GUN

This is why you're not capable of being president even if they were to elect you, Bernard. Let me show you footage of what Israel has been up to, vis a vis Emma Bovary.



[He shows Bernie Sanders a video clip of earlier scenes from this film].



BERNIE SANDERS

Look I'm just an old man, there's nothing I can do myself, but if there's any way in which I can help YOU deal with Israel and its malevolence once and for all, just ask.



MAN WITH GUN

Fine. Give me your VIP entry pass allowing you passed the front door security of the Israeli embassy.



[BERNIE SANDERS HANDS OVER THE ENTRY PASS].





CUT TO..



INT. RONALD MACDONALD'S HEADQUARTERS. RONALD MACDONALD IS DEMONSTRATING TO HIS STAFF HOW TO HANDLE WORKER STRIKES DEMANDING THINGS LIKE STATUTORY SICK PAY. CLEANERS CART THE CORPSE OF THE SAMPLE WORKER BEING USED AS A DEMONSTRATION OFF TO AN AMERICAN AIR BASE NEARBY AND RONALD MACDONALD ORDERS A LARGE EXPENSIVE LUNCH TO BE BROUGHT TO HIM, PREPARED BY THE FINEST CHEFS IN THE WORLD. AS HE TUCKS IN HE ADDRESSES KING TURNIP, WHO IS DRINKING AN AMERICANO WITH OAT MILK.



RONALD MACDONALD

I'm tired of this film. I think we should just kill all these ass-holes.



KING TURNIP

What ass-holes?



RONALD MACDONALD

All of them. Every last motherfucking one of them. Starting with Tarantino. What a fucking violence-glorifying prick.



KING TURNIP

And you? You're not a violent character played by an actor known for violent films?



RONALD MACDONALD

Don't you understand my lord, this screenplay is being written by a dangerous and powerful anarchist, a writer with extreme levels of intellectual honesty doused in an ever present combination of scientific method and sheer existential comedic style.



KING TURNIP

Listen, I'm Mel Brooks and nobody tells me what to do. I'll have you know -



RONALD MACDONALD

My lord, in this film you are King Turnip. Mel Brooks is played by Johnny Vegas.



KING TURNIP

Really? Then you're right. They ARE ass-holes. Kill them all. How you gonna do it?



RONALD MACDONALD

First you have to stop Man with gun. He is going to rescue them all. True they will end up in an even worse film, pursued by the many-headed Coronavirus, but they'll still have a chance of survival. We could finish them off right here, before he can save them. Just give the order, my lord, and I will get it done.



KING TURNIP

Get it done. But I want to deal with Man with gun myself. It seems to me that he embodies a projection of the writer's own being into the script. I'd like to meet the force strong enough to match me, punch for punch, in the boxing ring of art.



RONALD MACDONALD

As you wish, sire. He is on his way to the Israeli embassy. There he will eliminate Kiefer Sutherland and close in on the plant which is having the dream we are all in. Once he kills that plant we'll all vanish again and start again from scratch, like Prometheus or some such greek legend, and hunting him down, indeed killing everyone, will become tricky again and we'll have to get through loads of pages of screenplay before we get another chance.



KING TURNIP

Enough. I detest excessive dimensional travel or discussion about it. I get the gist. I will go to the Israeli embassy and deal with this gun bearing man. You sort out the rest of the humans. Kill them artistically, that's all I ask. Make sure that if any life exists anywhere else and is looking on, it is thoroughly entertained by how you kill all the humans. I am Mel Brooks, I have to do it stylishly -



RONALD MACDONALD

Again, sir, you are in fact King Turnip in this screenplay.



KING TURNIP KILLS RONALD MACDONALD WITH A SHARPENED BIG MAC AND THEN REANIMATES HIM.



KING TURNIP

Don't make me kill you again. I am whoever I want to be. No screenwriter can put a label on me. I am the character I believe I am, and I simply don't believe King Turnip exists. And as for getting Johnny Vegas to play me - if that's where Hollywood has reached then it is time for me to bring its sordid lifespan to an end.



CUT TO..



INT. WAR ROOM. THE DOORS BURST OPEN AND AMERICAN SPY, BATMAN, CHARLES BOVARY, CAPTAIN PICARD AND BUGSY MALONE ALL ENTER FROM ONE SIDE, LOUIS XVI, EMMA BOVARY, MARIE ANTOINETTE, AMERICAN SPY AND E.T. ENTER FROM THE OTHER DOORS.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

What the fuck is going on? Oh wait, look, it's Louis XVI and his hot wife, and some guy dressed as a woman (shoot him). Oh shit look, it's Batman - I love Batman. And Bugsy Malone. You guys are great. I'm so glad you made it. Nobody reinforces my heterosexuality more than you do. Somebody bring them some prostitutes and a big mac.



THEY SETTLE IN. THE GAY HEROES START PRETENDING TO BE HETEROSEXUAL AND TUCK INTO THEIR PINK SLIME BURGERS. E.T. DOES A NOVELTY JIG FOR THEM AND THEY ALL CELEBRATE THEIR MULTICULTURAL VALUES TOGETHER.



E.T.

E.T. phone home. E.T. phone home. E.T. phone home.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

Is it a song?



EMMA BOVARY

No I think he wants to use your phone.



BATMAN OFFERS HIM A PHONE.



BATMAN

Here, E.T., use the bat phone.



E.T. phones up a pizza delivery place and orders a number of extra large deep pan pizzas with additional gluten and a double dose of dairy.



E.T.

Mmmm. Be scrumptious.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK (to LOUIS)

Listen Louis, I need to take sexual advantage of your hot wife for a moment. Perhaps you would like to play with my mock up nuclear war computer game while I'm doing that. Shouldn't take more than a few minutes.



LOUIS (WINKING AT AMERICAN SPY)

Okay President Quackquack, you can have sweaty sex with my wife and I'll just stay here and play computer games, shall I?



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK GRABS EMMA BOVARY BY THE ARSE AND DRAGS HER OFF WITH HIM TO WHERE HE USUALLY RAPES WOMEN.



EMMA BOVARY (to AMERICAN SPY)

Hang on, is this really part of the plan?



AMERICAN SPY

Just play along. The Iraqi orphans are depending on you.



A PRESIDENTIAL AIDE ENTERS AND WARNS THE PRESIDENT OF IMMINENT DANGER.



PRESIDENTIAL AIDE

Sir, while we were fucking around praising ourselves and seeking gratification, the screenwriter hoodwinked us. Man with gun is currently closing in on the Israeli embassy and has a special pass he borrowed from Bernie Sanders. Soon he will track down his quarry and end our orgy of joy and exceptionality. We must act fast.



AMERICAN SPY

I don't believe it. What a cunning trickster.



EMMA BOVARY

Maybe it's time you realise that you are merely a figment in someone's imagination, you are no greater than the rainbow coloured stylised turd shaped cushions you sell in the name of trying to equate anal sex with virtuous, utopian and noble behaviour. As though all a guy has to do to be noble is fuck another guy in the arse.



CHARLES BOVARY

Mmm. I can't take it any more.



[RIPS AMERICAN SPY'S CLOTHES OFF AND THEY BEGIN SHAGGING]



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

Shoot them. And the one in the dress. Come on.



[ATTEMPTS TO KEEP ON HEADING TO HIS RAPE CORNER WITH EMMA BOVARY. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE SUDDENLY ENTERS, HAVING HAD TO PARK THE CAR AND THUS ARRIVE AT THE WAR ROOM AFTER EVERYONE ELSE]



DEMPSEY

Unhand that french bourgeois anti-heroine now, Quackquack.



BATMAN

But Dempsey, you're one of us. You're supposed to believe in domination, authoritarianism, gratification, arseholery and unchecked at that. You're letting the team down. We are team white privilege, we are team genocide, we are team rape.



DEMPSEY [SHOOTS BATMAN DEAD]

Smile you son of a bitch.



PICARD

How could you do that? You killed me. You sick bastard.



MAKEPEACE

No he didn't, he killed Batman.



PICARD

But I'm the same actor. That was callous. I shall call the union. We actors are supposed to stick together. We're ALL paid big money to demonise outsiders and the vulnerable, to promote authoritarianism and violence and to shit on everyone from a dizzy height. If one of us breaks ranks, we ALL suffer. No moral compass is permitted among American actors.



DEMPSEY

But I'm British. I was in The Good Life - and even a particularly good episode of Doctor Who starring Sylvester Mcoy.



PICARD PULLS OUT A HIGH TECH STAR TREK WEAPON TO USE AGAINST DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE BUT AMERICAN SPY STOPS HIM AND ALSO STOPS PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK FROM RAPING EMMA BOVARY, ADVISING THE PRESIDENT TO PUT HIS CLOTHES BACK ON AND ALLOW EMMA BOVARY TO DO THE SAME.



AMERICAN SPY

This is no time for in-fighting, or rape. We are ALL in danger. If Man with gun reaches the kitchen of the Israeli embassy, we may all die and none of us will have any more lines. We may have to find other work in order to pay for things like food or shelter. Some of us could end up in office jobs.



THEY PILE INTO AMERICAN SPY'S LIMO AND SET OFF IN THE DIRECTION OF HIS PRIVATE JET, SO THEY CAN ALL HEAD TO THE ISRAELI EMBASSY AND TAKE ON MAN WITH GUN AND HIS POSSE.



CUT TO.. INT. MOTHERSHIP OF E.T.'S RACE OF ALIENS. KIEFER SUTHERLAND IS ON THE DECK, WATCHING A SCREEN. ON IT IS A LIVE FEED FROM THE CAMERA INSIDE THE FRIDGE IN THE ISRAELI EMBASSY. THE FRIDGE DOOR OPENS. MAN WITH GUN PEERS INSIDE.





MAN WITH GUN

Where are you Kiefer Sutherland? I know you're around somewhere, and up to no good I imagine.



HE CLOSES THE FRIDGE DOOR.



CUT TO...



INT. ISRAELI EMBASSY. THE STAFF ARE ALL OUT TO LUNCH, EATING PALESTINIAN, SYRIAN, IRAQI AND LIBYAN BABIES SOMEWHERE, IN THE FORM OF PIES, CASSEROLES, EVEN RAW, SUSHI STYLE. MAN WITH GUN, CAPTAIN WILLARD, BALDRICK, WHITE NARRATOR, COLONEL POTTER, CLINGER, E.T. AND RANDOM SOLDIER ARE LOOKING AROUND, TRYING TO FIND THE PLANT MAN WITH GUN NEEDS TO KILL.



MAN WITH GUN

Remember, people, it could be any form of vegetation at all. Stay frosty.



THEY (MAN WITH GUN, BALDRICK, CAPTAIN WILLARD, WHITE NARRATOR, COLONEL POTTER, CLINGER AND RANDOM SOLDIER) GATHER IN THE AMBASSADOR'S OFFICE TO TAKE STOCK.



COLONEL POTTER

This place gives me the booboo jeebees.



CLINGER

I'm going to wear a dress.



COLONEL POTTER

It makes sense. This film is ridiculing the gay-washing industry. A profusion of gay sexuality, transvestism and just general outwardly mobile sexual shenanigans adds to the strong emotive attack on the sneering homophobic racist sexist virtue-signalling pathological self-deluding humans who if they read this screenplay will be 'offended'. It's they, the author is showing, who can't stand the trappings of gay sex or promiscuity or sexual expression. They're the ones we catch and convict in the end. Isn't that right Harvey?



CLINGER

If you're talking to Harvey Weinstein, he can't hear you, sir, this is a screenplay he is seriously unlikely to read.



COLONEL POTTER

Maybe I was talking about him, maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was talking to the millions like him who try to pretend they're not.



MAN WITH GUN

Excuse me but this is my film, not a slow-moving dialogue on a lesser-watched MASH 4077 episode.



COLONEL POTTER

Sorry, sir. Please command us, that we may fight, in your name, and overthrow the enemy.



MAN WITH GUN

That's more like it. Baldrick, flipchart.



BALDRICK PRODUCES A FLIPCHART ON WHICH THERE IS A PLAN DRAWING OF THE ISRAELI EMBASSY WITH THEIR POSITION MARKED OUT CLEARLY.



MAN WITH GUN

We've checked the torture chamber, the ethnic cleansing planning office, we've checked the blackmailing lawmakers warehouse, we've looked inside the surveillance and weapon company proliferation department and we've found nothing. Moreover Keifer Sutherland has vanished without a trace but has left his camera in the fridge in the kitchen. Does anyone have any suggestions?



CAPTAIN WILLARD

Have we checked the bedrooms? I only ask because I'm really overdue for some gratuitous sexual gratification now. You don't put Charlie Sheen in a film and never have anyone fuck anyone. It's a complete waste.



WHITE NARRATOR

This is the Israeli Embassy. If decadence has a physical epicentre it is the entire civil structure of Israel. We are in orgyland. Just give it some time and the sex will come to us. All we have to do is wait.



BALDRICK

My lord, I have an idea about where the plant may be.



MAN WITH GUN

Speak Baldrick, guide us with your provincial simplicity.



BALDRICK

Well my lord I noticed on the plan that there is one place we didn't check.



MAN WITH GUN

Is it a place where we will find a spoon?



BALDRICK

Yes my lord.



MAN WITH GUN

That didn't work in the Life of Brian and it won't work for us either.



BALDRICK

But my lord, all I meant was that we didn't actually check the kitchen. Only for Kiefer Sutherland, not for the plant.



MAN WITH GUN

That's good thinking, Baldrick. I'm going to give you a side-kick in the next film, you've earned it. Maybe Bill Murray could play the part. Let's go.





THEY SET OFF FOR THE KITCHEN.



CUT TO..



INT. MOTHERSHIP OF E.T.'S RACE OF ALIENS. KIEFER SUTHERLAND IS ON THE DECK, WATCHING A SCREEN. ON IT IS A LIVE FEED FROM THE CAMERA INSIDE THE FRIDGE IN THE ISRAELI EMBASSY. THE FRIDGE DOOR OPENS. MAN WITH GUN PEERS INSIDE.



MAN WITH GUN

Okay Kiefer Sutherland, I know you're watching. Where are you? What's your plan?



KIEFER SUTHERLAND (TO HIS ALIEN ACCOMPLICE)

Little does he know that it was I who paid the Israelis to hand over the entire human race to me, including they themselves, but they are gullible bastards are they not?



SPACE ALIEN

As are you.



SPACE ALIEN KILLS KIEFER SUTHERLAND WITH A NAPKIN.



SPACE ALIEN

Now, my fellow space aliens, we can take over this planet and turn its life forms into our commercial slaves. We can sell rainbow coloured stylised turd shaped cushions all over the galaxy in the name of gay-rights-friendly huge profits and mansions and gated housing for us, and coronavirus for everyone else. Yeeeha. We still need to experiment on the King of France.



SECOND SPACE ALIEN

Why?



SPACE ALIEN

He's played by Vic Reeves. Isn't that reason enough?



CUT TO..



INT KITCHEN IN ISRAELI EMBASSY. MAN WITH GUN HAS RIPPED THE CAMERA OUT OF THE FRIDGE AND SHOT IT WITH HIS GUN. NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.



MAN WITH GUN

It was just a thought. So much for your plan, Baldrick. There are no plants in this kitchen. The cupboards contain a few dried spices. Most of what they eat in this place is purchased from extremely expensive food preparation service providers.



BALDRICK LOOKS IN THE VEGETABLE DRAWER.



BALDRICK

My lord there is a turnip in the vegetable drawer.



MAN WITH GUN

Stand back Baldrick.



MAN WITH GUN TAKES THE TURNIP AND PLACES IT ON THE KITCHEN TABLE. EVERYONE STANDS BEHIND HIM. HE PREPARES TO SHOOT IT. SUDDENLY THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN AND KING TURNIP ENTERS.



KING TURNIP

So, Man with gun, you dare to defy the symbol of the mighty King Turnip do you?



MAN WITH GUN

Who the fuck are you? Another lunatic?



KING TURNIP

I am King Turnip. And I challenge you to a duel sir.



MAN WITH GUN

But your Mel Brooks.



KING TURNIP

And you're Lenny Henry. So what? We have a task to do. You and I must duel, my friend. It is written.



MAN WITH GUN

By an insane screenwriter, probably trapped in an insane, militaristic, bourgeois hell, if his or her screenplays are anything to go by.



KING TURNIP PULLS OUT TWO SWORDS AND THROWS ONE TO MAN WITH GUN AFTER FIRST KILLING BALDRICK. THEY DANCE AROUND THE ROOM, CLASHING SWORDS AND MAKING PARTLY GAY PARTLY MACHO GESTURES WITH THEIR SHARP PHALLIC SYMBOLS.



MAN WITH GUN

Why are you doing this, Mel Brooks? You'll prolong the nightmare. If we wait too long, that posse of retarded westerners will show up and ruin everything. This is our chance to end this horror. Let me shoot the turnip, you bastard. Are you taking sides with the virtue signalling industry and Bette Midler and everything shit? You're Mel Brooks, you're the only person in this film who's funnier than I am.



KING TURNIP (FLATTERED)

Okay, okay, you make a good point.



PUTS DOWN HIS SWORD.



KING TURNIP

Go on. Let's blow this thing and go home, kid.



JUST AS MAN WITH GUN IS ABOUT TO SHOOT THE TURNIP THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN AND PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK AND ALL HIS POSSE ENTER. CHARLES BOVARY SEES CHARLIE SHEEN AND IMMEDIATELY WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM AND EVERYONE ELSE.



CHARLES BOVARY

This is the perfect place for us all to have sex.



THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN AGAIN AND ALL THE STAFF OF THE ISRAELI EMBASSY RETURN, WITH FOOD THEY'VE BOUGHT FROM OUTSIDE, EACH MEAL COSTING MORE THAN A WEEK'S RENT FOR MOST OF LONDON'S WORKERS. THEY ALL SEE CHARLIE SHEEN AND HAVE THE SAME IMPULSE AS CHARLES BOVARY. SUDDENLY THEY ALL START HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

Bring me some strippers.



ISRAELI AMBASSADOR

I could do it.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK [SHOOTS AMBASSADOR DEAD]

I'm not gay. Somebody find me his wife.



A CROWD OF MUSICIANS WHO HAVE HELPED MARKET ISRAEL AND ITS GENOCIDE TO THE WORLD ENTERS THE KITCHEN AND ALL BEND OVER FOR THE ISRAELI AMBASSADOR TO FUCK THEM BUT SINCE HE IS NOW DEAD, AND PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK IS NOT GAY, CHARLES BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY TAKE TURNS.



MAN WITH GUN

This is getting very sick. Where the fuck is the turnip? It's got lost in the mayhem.



EVERYONE IS FUCKING EVERYONE ELSE IN A MAD HYPERCONSUMER ORGY IN THE KITCHEN OF THE ISRAELI EMBASSY WHILST KING TURNIP TRIES TO QUIETLY SLIP OUT OF THE BACK DOOR WHEN HE NOTICES EMMA BOVARY LOOKING AT MAN WITH GUN WITH A SUSPICIOUSLY DEMONIC LOOK IN HER EYE. MAN WITH GUN FINDS THE TURNIP BEHIND THE COOKER AND IS ABOUT TO SHOOT IT WHEN EMMA BOVARY SUDDENLY TRANSFORMS INTO A CLINICALLY OBESE SUCCUBUS WITH SNAKES COMING OUT OF HER MEDUSA-HEAD AND A PUSSY RIOT T-SHIRT AND A COPY OF THE GUARDIAN UNDER HER ARM.



EMMA BOVARY

Stop, male-creature, you will not kill that turnip. Instead I will kill you and drag your soul down to the depths of hell.



SHE GLARES AT HIM WITH HER RED EYES AND HE IS FROZEN TO THE SPOT. KING TURNIP THINKS FAST AND REANIMATES BALDRICK, WHO SEIZES THE GUN FROM MAN WITH GUN AND USES IT TO SHOOT THE TURNIP. THEY VANISH IN A PUFF OF CONVENIENT SCREENWRITING, BUT THE FILM IS NOT OVER. NO END MUSIC PLAYS.



CUT TO..



MAN WITH GUN, KING TURNIP, BALDRICK AND JEREMY CORBYN FIND THEMSELVES AT THE START OF A NEW FILM CALLED PLANET OF THE SALES APES - IN THE DISTANCE THEY SEE MILLIONS OF APES WITH HEADSETS, CLEANING MARKETING DATA.



MAN WITH GUN

Baldrick, I command you to create an ISMG right now.



BALDRICK

An ISMG?



MAN WITH GUN

An instantly-spendable money generator. It is vital that we invent such a device, with the power of our minds, for the author of this screenplay to use to save himself or herself from the disturbed society the author is living in. We can do this. It's all part of quantum theory. But the author must beware, for the forces which force the author to write this screenplay are as real as you or I or the author and are evil, evil I tell you. Just as we can throw the author into a new point of spacetime in which that author has an ISMG, so evil can taint that point of spacetime. Look, yonder. There it is. Evil.



IN THE DISTANCE THEY SEE THE MANY-HEADED CORONAVIRUS, HUNTING FOR SALES APES.





END MUSIC: THE BEAST MAN, ETNICA.





QUOTE FROM PLANET OF THE APES, AS RECITED IN 'THE BEAST MAN, ETNICA':

Beware the beast man, for he is the devil's pawn,

alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed.

Yay he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land

let him not breed in great numbers

for he will make a desert of his home and yours.

Shun him. Drive him back into his jungle lair

for he is the harbinger of death.

Direction of resistance: Next film coming soon.

Removal of resistance: Obviously it's Planet of the Sales Apes.

Unification: Followed by Days of Gluten, it will not surprise the characters to know.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 196: Greenstein rises to the occasion.

Thrust: <<

I realise that you are unlikely to be General Secretary for much longer. However, given that you are doing your best to prepare the ground for a renewed and intensified witch-hunt of socialists, all under the pretext of combating a non-existent 'anti-Semitism' for which there is no evidence, I thought I might be of some help, since you appear to be suffering from a touch of the Lansmans.

>> (Greenstein in an open letter to the disgusting tool of racism and genocide-mongers named Formby).

Direction of resistance: He mocks the dickhead Formby thusly:

<<

You are not however the first to have thought of it. Egyptian dictator Abdel Fattah al-Sisi, who overthrew the democratically elected President of Egypt Mohamed Morsi, beat you to it. In the 2018 elections Sisi managed to intimidate, harass, deport and disqualify 6 candidates for President before eventually choosing his opponent. Unsurprisingly Sisi obtained a 97% vote.

Although you also suspended 6 candidates you were forced to reinstate Jo Bird. No doubt the allegation was 'anti-Semitism', because in Labour's Alice-in-Wonderland, Jews are the worst anti-Semites.

At the risk of being accused of 'anti-Semitism' I must point out that even Hitler didn't disqualify candidates in the March 1933 elections.

>>

Removal of resistance: Formby you are a stain on the conscience of the entire human race.

Unification: Apologise, resign and fuck off Formby. You are stealing from the people of Britain, abusing our democratic representation system, no doubt gaining from it at a personal level, while fucking society over. Fuck off Formby. You are shit. Resign and never work in politics again, you tool of genocide.

References: https://tonygreenstein.com/2020/03/open-letter-to-jennie-formby-who-would-have-imagined-that-you-would-prove-to-be-worse-than-iain-mcnicol/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 195: << When this is all over, we will count the dead and discover which governments did the best job of protecting their people. Ideas of national superiority will have to be buried with them. >>

Thrust: Giles Tremlett writes:

<<

The health experts sound convinced, but Boris Johnson's air-punching promises about "turning the tide" remind me of King Cnut. There are other recognisable and worrying elements. The UK government's reaction chimes too easily with Johnson's "sceptered isle" nationalism and blitz-style nostalgia. It also fits the "wild card" thinking of Dominic Cummings. Donald Trump and his cheerleaders, meanwhile, appear convinced that America's "greatness" will itself provide a magical coat of protection.

>>

Direction of resistance: It reminds me of this comedy item I wrote a while back:

<<

Nuclear contamination won't impact Britain because our airspace is civilised.

British airspace will not permit dodgy radioactive shit to come anywhere near us no matter where in the world nukes go off and what the wind direction is.

The reason is that British airspace is civilised and doesn't have an evil ideology like the rest.

Britain's airspace was fed on a diet of Rudyard Kipling and can keep its head when all around are being destroyed by nuclear warfare.

British airspace is protected from radiation by having professional-sounding writers and reporters on TV and in the Guardian, Telegraph etc. So don't worry. Don't be scared of radiation. It can only hurt evil foreigners and such scum. The airspace will NOT allow decent brilliant exceptional people to be penetrated by radiation.

>>

Removal of resistance: Tremlett points out, scarily enough:

<<

Commentators in Spanish newspapers and on the radio are aghast. "They are putting us all in danger," warned a group of Spanish scientists in eldiario.es. French ministers were talking about a special ban on people from the UK.

>>

Unification: Read the rest of Tremlett's article via the link in the references below.

References: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/mar/23/europe-views-uk-coronavirus-plan-disbelief

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 194: Dear Coronavirus-hit west, do you still agree with Albright that the US led sanctions against Iraq under Bill Clinton which killed HALF A MILLION CHILDREN were 'worth it'?

Thrust: Think carefully.

Direction of resistance: The universe, maths, physics and nature are watching.

Removal of resistance: HALF A MILLION CHILDREN YOU KILLED WITH SANCTIONS - and lots of other people - indeed the combined tally of all you have killed, mostly muslim victims of non muslim actions, across a few decades, is about 7 million, not that much more than the jewish victims of Hitler, well okay a million more.

Unification: Are you ready to admit you are c*nts yet? Or what? How much more of the coronavirus do you need to experience before you are ashamed, o genocidal white-supremacist apes?

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 193: Imagine if all these western people obsessing every second of the day about how much risk there is to them had taken even 1000th of the time to talk or think about the victims of their imperialism and genocide throughout my life and indeed about how they treat people like me for standing up to resist their genocide and to demand political action to stop their genocide.

Thrust: No, you can enjoy 'imagine' by John Lennon.

Direction of resistance: You can give people prizes and top jobs for their 'creativity' and 'imagination'.

Removal of resistance: But they are meaningless words.

Unification: Most in this society know how to be an obedient slave and an emotionally-triggered bitch-ape. They know nothing more. I hear and see it everywhere. Do they realise how much time they spend looking out for themselves vis a vis the time they spend on being decent to others.

My friend Ben, before he joined those distancing themselves from me for my writing and posts demanding an end to genocide by the USA, Israel and others, told me that "being posh" is not about money but about how you treat people (ie you are supposed to treat them well). Someone ask Ben what sort of person drops bombs on nations, to take oil, claims it is an act of 'civilising' them, puts sanctions on nations and kills its children and then says "it was worth the price", and doesn't even end sanctions on nations during the Coronavirus crisis, whilst hoarding medicines, foods and much more, protecting themselves each from each other?

And some dick MP, I spotted on a tv somewhere in a building I passed, was saying that Britain should be "ashamed" for hoarding - well what about first being ashamed for being genocidal selfish c*nts who fuck anyone over at all in order to gain some material wealth. What scum.

I suggest you read the link in the references below and start to read what people like me were saying about you BEFORE nature decided to step in herself to deal with the scum you are.

References: http://opinion.tvhobo.com/owenjones_israel_numberwang.html

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 192: To those who did not apply the same fact checking and thoroughness to deciding whether or not to stand by bombing the shit out of 100s of 1000s of 'foreigners' in 'muslim countries' as they do to figuring out if they will get a virus.

Thrust: You are a cocksucker.

Direction of resistance: Yes.

Removal of resistance: You heard what I said.

Unification: That is what you are.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 191: << Beijing sent an Air China flight to Italy carrying 2,300 big boxes full of masks bearing the script, "We are waves from the same sea, leaves from the same tree, flowers from the same garden." China also sent a hefty humanitarian package to Iran, significantly aboard eight flights from Mahan Air - an airline under illegal, unilateral Trump administration sanctions. Serbian President Aleksandar Vucic could not have been more explicit: "The only country that can help us is China. By now, you all understood that European solidarity does not exist. That was a fairy tale on paper." >> Pepe Escobar.

Thrust: "You don't sing it like you're singing Kumbaya - it comes from a deeper darker space" so says Joe Solo on the topic of how you sing "bankrobber" by the Clash.

Direction of resistance: You should all read the Pepe Escobar article via the link in the references below.

Removal of resistance: Many racist and stupid people will claim that they can psychically determine that it's something they don't need to read, without reading it, because it's written by 'propagandists' who merely have to be 'foreign' in order to qualify as 'propagandists'.

Unification: The scientific method requires of you that you read it, pay attention, follow it up, read all that Escobar says and weigh up what you think is important right now - for example you may feel that the society you belong in needs to see a huge surge in social change, in unity or solidarity, and in embracing the notion of mutual aid. There is no way to achieve this but en masse. The way Joe Solo does it.

Say it: I will dance in the only boots I own to the rhythm of Tom Paine's bones.

References: https://consortiumnews.com/2020/03/18/china-locked-in-hybrid-war-with-us/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4pSZ5A3-ao (Joe Solo)

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 190: Western self-delusion on a grand scale.

Thrust: Neoliberalism is a team sport and that's why 'class' warfare 'against neoliberalism' is so meaningless, irrational and redundant (and confuses things even more).

Direction of resistance: Scientific awareness and understanding is entirely lacking among vast numbers of people 'across classes' - and neoliberals maintain their position despite their lack of qualification (so very many of them) to be in it (whatever it may be) through team sport, through being 'the right team' - thus their actual scientific ignorance is papered over.

Removal of resistance: Even every tech organisation, profit and non profit, and every health organisation, profit or non profit, is riddled with people who need basic scientific education, LOTS OF IT, drilled into them - from the basic everyday things in life to far reaching 'big ideas' and 'big things'.

Unification: Examples to follow.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 189: Scarcity and you.

Thrust: Now would also be a good time to mention Duncker and his 'candle experiment' (extremely relevant to the issue of how scarcity impacts behaviour).

The gist of it is, as extracts (to appear right here asap) in this spot will shortly hammer home and drill into the potentially totally ignorant mind of whoever is not reading this but needs to be addressed by whoever is, that Duncker's candle experiment proves (and you can repeat it and prove it yourself, anywhere, anytime) (tell dem, say anytime) that if something is not done for money it is done more intelligently and properly, and this applies, fundamentally, to solving puzzles.

So adding money to the processes of distribution and production harms those processes, ie how they are executed, everything (in the case of solving a puzzle, whether civil engineering, medical, financial scientific {my own favourite puzzle type at the moment} or just 'scientific' or 'academic', if the task is not paid, you will do it more correctly and in a way more 'atuned' to the reality/truth of the matter and of the universe or, if you prefer, the laws of 'physics', and 'mathematics').

The experiment shows this to be demonstrably true with a simple puzzle.

It means, to reiterate and make it clear to the stupid, it means that whatever task you do, if you weren't paid for it, you could do it better, more progress would be made. If we removed the whole 'do I deserve to eat?' or 'to have shelter' or 'to have a social life' or 'to have heating' etc - and accept that WE ALL DO, and provided from the abundance of everything TO EVERYONE, we could then set up the task system to be the best it can be.

'Sadly' crap like donuts may go significantly into production decline due to dramatically diminishing demand for crap like that in an ever evolving society, but it's not really 'sad' that shit like that will happen, it's called evolution.

Only if we actually get rid of money can we begin to approach a utopian society. It will begin the moment the money is removed from the equation.

Direction of resistance: And in the USA apparently they're getting ready to shoot each other for possession of cigarettes, beer, donuts, red meat, toilet rolls - plenty of things. All things.

A related post on Chris Floyd's blog, from August 2019, tells us:

<<

In response to the mass slaughters this week, the "writer" and "political thinker" David French tweets:

"Few things concentrate the mind more than the terrifying knowledge that a person might want to kill someone you love. It makes you aware of your acute vulnerability. [Here's] why a criminal who comes to our house will face the business end of an AR-15..

French then links to an article he wrote for National Review -- complete with a picture of AR-15s "on sale while supplies last" -- which speaks of death threats he's received. (You will forgive me if I don't link to the story. It's not my job to feed the gibbering, moaning shade of William Buckley with the clicks he craves to ease his suffering in the shivering precincts of Hades.)

Upon reading French's chest-pounding discharge, I then gave what I believe is a reasoned, dispassionate, yea philosophical reply (edited here to eliminate the tweet-breaks):

>>

For the full transcript of Floyd's reply use the link in the references below.

However, here are two key paragraphs which perhaps people like Jo Swinson, Boris Johnson and Donald Trump should try reading some time, instead of jabbering on about how the rest of the world are barbarians who need punishing and killing and so on.

<<

And what if they come IN blasting with the "business end" of an AR-15? The Dayton guy killed 9 people in 30 seconds, with cops there who had the "business end" of their guns primed to go. God, the sickening faux-toughness of you cringing, rightwing cowards.

>>

And:

<<

You want to protect your family? Then fight against the gun culture, fight against rightwing hatred, fight against the disempowerment and despair you rightwing extremists have advanced for decades, fight against the militarization and brutalization of our whole society which both you and your fellow travellers, the "centrist," interventionist neoliberal Democrats, have imposed on our collapsing, corroded, corrupted land.

"Business end of an AR-15." Jesus Christ, aren't you ashamed before your family to be so damned pathetic?

>>

In "A colossal wreck" by Alex Cockburn, Hunter S Thompson the second (British-descended Alexander Cockburn, son of former private eye writer and author of Beat the Devil, Claud Cockburn) tells us, on the dateline of the end of April 1999:

<<

By now mandatory apologies for what happened at Columbine are incumbent on Marilyn Manson, video-game manufacturers, Hollywood, publishers of Mein Kampf, and the internet. The only people who apparently don't have to apologize are the US military and their civilian overseers who trained and paid the pilot dad of one of the teen killers; who sent F-16s over the funerals in Littleton; who are now pounding the Serbs each day and night; who mint the currency of violence.

>>

Do what it takes to stop minting violence (which may kill YOUR child).

How can your guns, it's worth asking, save you from things like whatever comes after coronavirus and is even worse and rips through populations at high speed? What tank, or gun, or CCTV, or muslim-hating right wing media mogul, or stooge neo-liberal journalist, which one of them is able to stop things like viruses spreading across vast populations? And then consider how intellectual honesty may handle the same problems.

Removal of resistance: [this grid point is 'under construction']

[it will go on to talk about the fact that]

Universal Basic Income is the next step along the road to utopia. "Crypto" marketers need to

(a) stop being sales ape bitches

(b) accept that 'crypto currency' is to be a short term (in most ways) process bridging a moneyed world to a post-money world, not some new way to make loads of money or be the acest bankster or whatever other crap you hear too many of all sorts indulging in. The solution to people beating you down is, too many say, to beat others down.

Unification: whole thing will be fleshed out asap

References: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/16/us-sales-guns-ammunition-soar-amid-coronavirus-panic-buying
http://www.chris-floyd.com/[..]
https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/11/21/reports-of-war-crimes-in-iraq-and-afghanistan-highlight-the-failures-of-both-war/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBNeD57-RVg (Lowkey, hand on your gun)
https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/19/covid-19-and-the-need-right-now-for-a-universal-basic-income/
https://consortiumnews.com/2020/03/18/china-locked-in-hybrid-war-with-us/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 188: Neoliberals, you are still just as much a bunch of self-satisfied destructive c*nts today as you were yesterday.

Thrust: A glance at some self-adulation by Andrew Rawnsley of the Guardian Observer today reminded me of what retarded self-adulating ill-informed hyperconsumers most of you are.

Direction of resistance: There is no helping you.

Removal of resistance: You are too arrogant to even want to learn anything.

Unification: You are a bunch of c*nts who make everything shit, and will keep doing so. It will take a lot of horror before you start to admit what c*nts you are, you fucking pathetic retarded bitch-apes.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 187: Banning Americans from the planet.

Thrust: Looks to me like Americans will be banned from entering most of the planet.

Direction of resistance: It looks like America is turning into the biggest cesspool of corona virus on the planet surface.

Removal of resistance: Sooner or later most countries in the world will ban Americans from crossing through their borders or using their air space.

Unification: I suggest as many healthy Americans as can do so immediately migrate to Canada - or Mexico.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 186: America and its bitches now the victim of asymmetric warfare.

Thrust: Robert Reich tells us:

<<

America has no real public health system - coronavirus has a clear run

>>

Direction of resistance: Reich explains:

<<

let's admit something more basic. The system would be failing even under a halfway competent president. The dirty little secret, which will soon become apparent to all, is that there is no real public health system in the United States.

>>

Removal of resistance: Perhaps it's time for all you soft and hard white supremacist bitches to learn the meaning of mutual aid.

Unification: You pathetic bitch-apes.

References: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/mar/15/america-public-health-system-coronavirus-trump

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 185: Cowards of the world, you are pathetic dumb-fuck c*nts.

Thrust: Vltchek mocks the coward dumb-fucks thusly:

<<

There are no sanctions, no embargos imposed on the US, which is the biggest violator of international law. There are no retaliatory actions taken against its bullying, attacks, covert and overt operations. The U.N. has become a laughing stock, toothless and irrelevant, synonymous with Western interests.

The fact is - the world is scared. It is petrified. Just as a little creature is petrified and immobilized, when faced by a cobra.

It has gotten to this level. To a primitive, never before witnessed level. In the past, colonies fought back, aiming at independence. Indochina fought against the Western Empire, losing millions, but fought.

Now, Washington and its allies commit crimes, and they laugh straight in the faces of victims: "Now what? What are you going to do? Hit me back? Just try; I will burn your family members alive, break all your bones."

You think I am exaggerating? Oh no, I am not; not at all! This is the level the West really has sank to. And almost no one dares to talk about it! Except.. Well, of course, except Russia, China, Iran and few other brave nations.

>>

Direction of resistance: The United Nations is a bunch of pathetic cowardly dumb-fuck c*nts:

<<

But look at what has happened to Iran. It is just an example of how thuggish, how insane Washington's foreign policy is (if one could really call it a foreign policy):

Iran has done nothing bad to anyone; at least not in recent modern history. In 1953, the West arranged and implemented a horrific coup against the democratic, left-leaning Prime minister Mohammad Mosaddegh. Washington and London put on the throne a real monster - Shah Reza Pahlavi. Millions of lives were ruined. People were tortured, raped, and murdered. Then, in 1980, Iraq was armed and unleashed against Iran, again by the West. Consequently, hundreds of thousands of people died.

But no, that was not enough! Modern, socialist and internationalist Iran helped to defend the entire Middle East against terrorism which has been released by the West and its allies in the Gulf. Teheran also joined forces with several left-wing countries in Latin America, including Venezuela, helping them, among other things, to build social housing, media outlets, and the oil industry.

Therefore, Iran became the target of the U.S. and Israel. President Trump cancelled the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA), a win-win agreement. For absolutely no reason, sanctions against Iran were re-introduced. Iran's allies in Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, Yemen and elsewhere, were attacked by Israeli drones and by war planes, and by relentless Saudi bombing.

Then, the United States murdered the most revered Iranian military figure, General Qasem Soleimani, and they did it on Iraqi soil. This was a double act of war, against Iran and Iraq, which had officially invited General Soleimani in order to negotiate the peace process with the Saudis.

Then, the real banditry of Washington got exposed.

Iran, outraged and in mourning, has declared that it will retaliate; avenge the murder of its heroic commander, as well as the others who were killed by the U.S. attack near Baghdad airport. Trump and his entourage replied immediately, threatening Iran, declaring that if it dares to retaliate, it would face terrible re-retaliation.

Basically, the US claims that it can kill your people anywhere it wants, and if you fight back, it reserves right to obliterate you.

The world has done nothing. It is doing nothing. The United Nations is taking zero concrete actions to stop the biggest bully.

>>

Removal of resistance: Most of my school and university friends (I am of the 'western elites') are raising their kids to be cowardly dumb-fuck c*nts with no future other than, potentially, a bleak one, if that. This is probably because their own parents were dumb-fuck c*nts too and taught them, my friends, to be cowardly dumb-fuck c*nts. Alas.

Unification: Yes, those who purvey empire and hell (in particular the one's I've known, I say this to), your kids are new versions of ISIS and Al Qa'eda, only even more retarded. You are too racist and too much a bunch of dumb-fuck c*nts to read this so maybe some of our 'common acquaintances' can read it for you and then explain it to you in the retarded terms you may understand, bitch-apes:

<<

On 4th January, 2020, Donald Trump Tweeted in 3 separate messages, something that vaguely resembled the language of the German occupation forces during WWII:

"Iran is talking very boldly about targeting certain USA assets as revenge for our ridding the world of their terrorist leader who had just killed an American, and badly wounded many others, not to mention all of the people he had killed over his lifetime, including recently hundreds of Iranian protesters. He was already attacking our Embassy, and preparing for additional hits in other locations. Iran has been nothing but problems for many years. Let this serve as a WARNING that if Iran strikes any Americans, or American assets, we have targeted 52 Iranian sites (representing the 52 American hostages taken by Iran many years ago), some at a very high level and important to Iran and the Iranian culture, and those targets, and Iran itself, WILL BE HIT VERY FAST AND VERY HARD. The USA wants no more threats!"

Outrageous lies, manipulations of a primitive businessman, elected by the American people to lead their country and the world. A man of no culture (one of the things that, perhaps, made him so popular among so many people in his country).

What he is really saying is this: "We overthrew your government, we unleash a war against you, we impose sanctions, prevent you from selling your own oil, and then we murder the second most important man in your country. That is all fine. But, if you defend yourself, if you dare retaliate, we will basically bomb your country back to the stone age, as we have bombed so many other countries to the stone age, including Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam." All this is because the United Sates and West in general believe that they mainly consist of chosen people. That they are different. That they are by definition correct.

And that is, my friends and comrades, the same 'philosophy' used by ISIS, and by al-Qaida. It is deep, extremist, religious fanaticism. As the United States uses market fundamentalism in its trade wars, it also applies primitive fanaticism in the way it deals with the rest of the world.

>>

References: https://journal-neo.org/2020/03/13/west-attacks-the-world-the-world-levitates-towards-russia-china/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 184: Are you a fucking liar and a cheat and a dumb-fuck?

Thrust: Depends on whether you support corporate power, 'capitalism', the united states of aggression and so on.

Direction of resistance: As Vltchek explains:

<<

Washington promotes competition, ideological and commercial, but only when it suits its interests, meaning, when it is winning. When its ideology or products begin to fall behind competitors (China and Russia, for instance), it immediately imposes sanctions, or introduces censorship.

>>

Removal of resistance: So, reader, are YOU a dumb-fuck?

Unification: Read the full article by Vltchek via the link in the references below if you feel you are sufficiently not a dumb-fuck to do so.

The actual bona fide dumb-fucks may at least want to read this much, though:

<<

Contrary to the WSJ's claim, China has entered the critical stage of defeating the novel coronavirus. It has protected its people. Its economy has not collapsed. And despite the attacks from the West, China will become even more resilient after the outbreak is contained.

Washington may deport several Chinese journalists. But it will not be able to silence the truth anymore. The world is watching. And it is laughing.

The US loves to lecture other countries about "free speech", yet it is terrified of alternative views, for it is scared of being exposed as a giant with feet of clay. Some foreign reporters may be forced to leave the US soon, but thousands of them across the world are refusing to be silenced.

>>

References: http://global.chinadaily.com.cn/a/202003/14/WS5e6c5f23a31012821727f168.html

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 183: White supremacist societies need to fucking evolve. People inside them need to overthrow their right wing and neoliberal and racist and goon-mook c*nt fuckhead tw*t 'leaders' and establishments. These are total fucking dickheads killing all around them including their own friends and family now.

Thrust: Andre Vltchek writes:

<<

Twist facts. That is what the Western media do when 'dealing with' China, Russia, Iran or 'unfriendly' Latin American countries. It is an extremely old game with roots in the colonial era.

>>

Direction of resistance: Vltchek warns you and your unfortunate kids (whose future you are fucking up the ass, admittedly with a rainbow coloured battering ram)

<<

If you tell the truth, or if you expose Western lies, you will get smeared, insulted as a demagogue and an undemocratic liar. That's what is happening to China.

>>

Removal of resistance: Vltchek explains:

<<

In early February, The Wall Street Journal published an article titled "China Is the Real Sick Man of Asia". It was an insulting piece, vulgar in many ways. Some saw it as racist. It took advantage of the pain the Chinese people are experiencing because of the novel coronavirus outbreak, and turned a medical emergency into a political issue. It was an apt example of cheap journalism, and obvious propaganda - stuffs that are often written on order, in both North America and Europe.

Indignant, Beijing asked the WSJ to squarely face the severity of its mistake, issue a public apology, and hold the people involved accountable. But the WSJ has not apologized, and instead Washington has launched a "war" against the Chinese media.

On March 2, The Guardian reported: "The United States has slashed by nearly half the number of Chinese nationals allowed to work for their state-run media in the United States, vowing reciprocity as Beijing restricts foreign press... A State Department official said that five media outlets, which last month were reclassified by the United States as foreign missions, would be allowed to employ a maximum 100 Chinese nationals as of 13 March, down from around 160 now.."

What is really behind all this?

Russian, Chinese, Latin American and even Iranian media outlets are becoming increasingly influential in the educated circles of the West, because many people in Europe and the US are turning for information to such media outlets as RT, China Daily, CGTN, PressTV, NEO and Telesur.

>>

Unification: I'd like to know, readers, are you dumb fucks? Do you want your kids to be dumb fucks too? Should we change the name of Britain, America, the EU, Australia, etc etc, to DUMBFUCK-WORLD? That IS what you are. That IS what you are leaving your kids to - they are a dumb-fuck society. You are insisting that your kids be the most dumb-fuck people in history.

Should you think about changing this plan of yours? Can dumb-fucks stop being dumb-fucks? It's worth wondering. But if you are a dumb-fuck how the fuck will you do that?

References: http://global.chinadaily.com.cn/a/202003/14/WS5e6c5f23a31012821727f168.html

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 182: Sales deceit and the ignorant bitch-ape at the cancer research shop.

Thrust: Worth mentioning a bitch-ape from yesterday.

Direction of resistance: I asked for any hats they had, and they brought some out.

Removal of resistance: One almost fit but didn't - I was figuring it out when the middle aged sales ape bitch-ape pulled the usual estate agent style arthur daley line 'if you don't buy it now someone else may do' - fuck off, bitch. That's charity is it? That's an organisation raising money to help people, is it? The hat brim touched the top of my ears, thus had I bought it (for 6 quid, ie several loaves of bread) after a few hours of wearing it my ears would be hurting. The sales ape bitch-ape was interested in taking my money, not on giving me anything worth the money to me. These are the bitch-apes who have made your society shit, reader. This is why the universe is shitting on you. Because of how many of you are bitch-apes.

Unification: Another charity worker wanted me to stop and chat, and I said that I could not donate any money at all or sign up to any donation scheme in present or future, but I could listen to what the charity worker was saying and, if appropriate, act on that (eg by writing here and sharing it with you). The worker said that this was a waste of their time and wished me good day. In other words their goal was to gain some degree of commission point for themselves and spreading the word, informing the public, that was a 'waste of time' - the charity industrial complex, subservient to corporate imperialism and American corporate control, ultimately, seems to be of no fucking use. Just more fields of bitch-apes. Don't waste your time on the bitch-apes, reader.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 181: Bioweapons, invasions, economic warfare and sanctions, disunity, were all these projects of white supremacism and white entitlement and 'western exceptionalism' a good idea? How have all these dumbass racist imperialist greedy projects gone? What is the delta? In the time of coronavirus has the preceding white-racism-driven warfare and division brought us good or bad? And of the accusations that it is American bio-weaponry at the heart of this epidemic - whether true or false - how does that sit with the situation you, your loved ones, your elderly and your young are experiencing? Have you, collectively, been a bunch of dumb-fucks?

Thrust: Yes you have.

Direction of resistance: Is it time to admit to this, Obama, Blair, Clinton, Cameron, the BBC, the Guardian, etc etc?

Removal of resistance: Yes it is.

Unification: What will you continue to do? You will continue to be dumb-fucks. YES YOU WILL. You dumb-fucks.

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/13/what-is-covid-19-trying-to-teach-us/ (Repeat after me: western genocide apologists are complete and utter dumb-fucks)

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 180: You fucked-up crazy bitch-ape tories and neoliberals DO NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR OWN OR ANYONE ELSE'S KIDS - you sick fuck c*nts belong IN BROADMOOR - you are sick fucks.

Thrust: As the man Tariq Ali says:

<<

Why are UK schools not being closed down? Because we have a government addicted to profits rather than people. As Italy reveals there is no such thing as herd immunity. As the GMB union has suggested all private hospitals and clinics should be taken over to cope with what is about to happen. Since little is known about the pattern of the virus, it is foolish to imagine that it will largely affect the elderly. If the government fails to act, trades unions should organise shutdowns of schools and universities just for a start. Labour should demand all this now.

>>

Direction of resistance: FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Removal of resistance: WHY ARE KIDS STILL GOING TO SCHOOLS RIGHT NOW?

Unification: IS THIS SOCIETY REALLY EVEN STUPIDER THAN I HAVE DESCRIBED IT AS? ARE YOU EVEN STUPIDER THAN I HAVE LABELLED YOU - YOU FUCKING IGNORANT C*NTS? YOU ARE SENDING YOUR OWN KIDS TO CARRY GERMS AROUND AND INDEED RISK THEMSELVES - why? To learn how to do spreadsheets so they can later become marketing directors? YOU FUCKING DICKHEADS. CLOSE YOUR SCHOOLS DOWN, TW*TS.

As for the teachers. FOR FUCK'S SAKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? ALL TEACHERS SHOULD BE ON STRIKE RIGHT NOW. IN THE NAME OF PROTECTING THE CHILDREN IN YOUR CARE AS WELL AS THE POPULATION IN GENERAL - you are ignorant c*nts. You call yourselves teachers? You are FUCKING MORONS clearly. WHY ARE YOU STILL GOING IN? WHY ARE YOU NOT ON STRIKE YOU MORONS? HOW CAN PEOPLE AS FUCKING STUPID AS YOU BE TEACHING ANYONE? YOU FUCKING MORONIC PRICKS.

References: https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=3743859668988886&id=100000946684702

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 179: MEAT-EATING and the coronavirus and future similar and worse threats. Should you stop eating meat? Well, some would advise you to check with your GP first (in case you are too shit to improve your diet in this way without ending up doing something dumbass because you are a dumbass). << Take pandemics. There could easily be a severe pandemic. A lot of that comes from something we don't pay much attention to: Eating meat. The meat production industry, the industrial production of meat, uses an immense amount of antibiotics. I don't remember the exact figure, it's probably like half the antibiotics. Well antibiotics have an effect: They lead to mutations that make them ineffective. We're now running out of antibiotics that deal with the threat of rapidly mutating bacteria. A lot of that just comes from the meat production industry. Well, do we worry about it? Well, we ought to be. You go into a hospital now, it's dangerous. We can get diseases that can't be dealt with, that are moving around the hospital. A lot of that traces back to industrial meat production. These are really serious threats, all over the place. >> (Just remember that eating meat fuels the creation of corona virus and any future threat along the same lines - that's one of the side effects of eating meat, so if you DO choose to eat meat, you choose for us all to face such threats, so it's not just about you, it's others' lives you are harming with your choices).

Thrust: I first shared this with readers on 4th September 2017, and it didn't take THAT long for it to become pretty much one of the most important things I published. Young anti-establishment readers, amongst others, would have read it. The headless chickens did not. Here it is then:

<<<

Eating meat is more dangerous than you imagine.

Chomsky explains: 'Well [with] military threats, you can see them actually, you can imagine it. People don't think about it enough. But if you think about it for a minute, you can see that a nuclear attack could be the end of everything. These other threats are kind of slow, maybe we won't see them next year. Maybe the science is uncertain, maybe we don't have to worry about it. Climate change is the worst, but there's others.

Take pandemics. There could easily be a severe pandemic. A lot of that comes from something we don't pay much attention to: Eating meat. The meat production industry, the industrial production of meat, uses an immense amount of antibiotics. I don't remember the exact figure, it's probably like half the antibiotics. Well antibiotics have an effect: They lead to mutations that make them ineffective. We're now running out of antibiotics that deal with the threat of rapidly mutating bacteria. A lot of that just comes from the meat production industry. Well, do we worry about it? Well, we ought to be. You go into a hospital now, it's dangerous. We can get diseases that can't be dealt with, that are moving around the hospital. A lot of that traces back to industrial meat production. These are really serious threats, all over the place.

Take something you really don't think about: Plastics in the ocean. I mean plastics in the ocean have an enormous ecological effect. When geologists announced the beginning of a new geological epoch, the Anthropocene, humans destroying the environment, one of the main things they pointed to is the use of plastics in the earth. We don't think about it, but it has a tremendous effect. But these are things you don't see right in front of your eyes. You need to think about them a little, to see what the consequences are. It's easy to put them aside, and the media don't talk about them. Other things are more important. How am I going to put food on the table tomorrow? That's what I've got to worry about, and so on. It's very serious, but it's hard to bring out the enormity of these issues, when they do not have the dramatic character of something you can show in the movies, with a nuclear weapon falling and everything disappears.'

So the fact that much meat is a cause of cancer is not, alone, the totality of the threat of bad results from meat eating on the world.

Indeed many health issues are obviously linked to meat eating anyway. But I think the threat of a pandemic due to the sickness of meat production worldwide - that's probably the bit of the iceberg which will hurt most when we hit it.

Read the full interview in which Chomsky says all that via the link in the references below. It's very long so you can, during that time, avoid some amount of selling your soul to some corporate overlord or whatever! It's a good way to take a break from the universe of ass-holes - ie read something written by truthful intelligent humans and which is of real value to the species and part of our rich tapestry of knowledge.

>>>

Direction of resistance: Read the whole thing via the link in the references below.

Removal of resistance: I may as well repeat the key bit, for emphasis (and will title this grid point accordingly also).

Unification: <<

Take pandemics. There could easily be a severe pandemic. A lot of that comes from something we don't pay much attention to: Eating meat. The meat production industry, the industrial production of meat, uses an immense amount of antibiotics. I don't remember the exact figure, it's probably like half the antibiotics. Well antibiotics have an effect: They lead to mutations that make them ineffective. We're now running out of antibiotics that deal with the threat of rapidly mutating bacteria. A lot of that just comes from the meat production industry. Well, do we worry about it? Well, we ought to be. You go into a hospital now, it's dangerous. We can get diseases that can't be dealt with, that are moving around the hospital. A lot of that traces back to industrial meat production. These are really serious threats, all over the place.

>>

References: https://chomsky.info/20170202/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 178: The need to stop being money-worshipping bitch-ape retards.

Thrust: So they're stockpiling loo roll, kitchen towels and hand sanitiser in their homes. This is the typical dumb-ass approach to 'protection'.

Direction of resistance: Someone described how he coughed after eating some peanuts - people sometimes cough after one or other scratchy food - and he was on a train. Someone near him immediately took out some wipes and sanitised their hands. Yes. Someone coughed near them so they then sanitised their hands. Someone yesterday was telling me Donald Trump is stupid and knows no science and was offended when I tried to tell them that they and all their friends and most people they know and most people I know are just as fucking stupid as Trump and laughing at Trump is just silly for people who know no more than Trump.

I mean, let's say someone has 'the virus', and coughs or merely breathes in the air around you. Even then, exactly what do you imagine you're achieving by putting sanitiser on your hands when the air you are breathing is taking the virus inside you!??

Removal of resistance: More importantly if you continue the lifestyle and system which created not only the virus but the weak health status quo among most individuals which helps such a thing (and plenty of others) spread easily - but use some sanitisers on your hands, wash your hands a bit more, and stockpile toilet roll - how does that change anything any more than the fat people you see drinking diet coke with their gigantic gluteo-lipid feasts?

Unification: Separately, though, unrelated to the stupidity shown through humanity's dumb-ass responses to 'the virus', I should raise another thing about morality I discovered in Wimbledon. The other day walking home there was a woman, a white woman about the age of the mothers of most of my school friends, standing by a parking ticket machine. The ticket machine was actually right by her car, but on the other side of the ordinary sized (not very wide) pavement. So there she is, standing by her car, about 1 metre away, putting money into the ticket machine to get a ticket for her car (which she'd have to put inside the car). I was a few metres away, walking towards her, on the pavement, on my way to the end of the road. She looked at me, her dinosaur brain could be heard clicking as it operated, then she paused from buying the ticket, pointed her car key thing at her car and locked it. Yes, because I, whatever she thought I am (I do look white, but perhaps working class, or like a rich builder, or who knows what? Or maybe she's heard of me and knows I'm not white - I have detractors who love to gossip and smear) was walking past her car, she locked it. About 5 seconds after I walked past two white women of her age also did, from the other direction. At no stage did THEIR presence make her feel she should lock her car, but when I passed she locked it.

She has no concept of mutual aid.

Mutual aid, not predation, is the cornerstone of human survival. Many predators (who did not use mutual aid) are WELL EXTINCT.

If that dumb racist bitch-ape wants to be a part of a society which isn't consumed by 'the virus' and 'other viruses' (to come), she and other bitch-apes like her need to learn a bit of mutual aid. They need to stop being money-worshipping bitch-ape retards, I'm sure you, reader, appreciate.

So yes, it was relevant to the general point in this thread after all, ie her paranoia, hatred, stupidity and basic bitch-apeness is pretty relevant to whether the virus will kill many apes like her. I would be inclined to walk on the other side of the road to apes like her, in every shape and size, if I thought about it, and I am thinking about it. Idiots like her carry the virus, and a lot more.

References: Bitch-apes need to read this but won't. You'll have to read it instead, reader: https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/13/what-is-covid-19-trying-to-teach-us/
read about chloroquine here: https://geopoliticaleconomy.org/a-treatment-for-corona-virus/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 177: Stoopid is as Americaworld does.

Thrust: Jeffrey St Clair writes:

<<

We are witnessing what happens to a country (this one) that faces a pandemic after it has privatized almost every aspect of its public social welfare and health systems and gutted the teaching of science in public schools so thoroughly that most people can't even understand what's coming at them

>>

Direction of resistance: <<

Speaking frankly, Angela Merkel warned that 70% of the German population could contract COVID-19

>>

(See same St Clair article via links in the references below, and BBC link courtesy of St Clair).

Removal of resistance: So, readers, and those who don't read, who judge me, who "know better" than me, but never read a single thing I say, who never test their theory that I am not entitled to call them morons. So. Are you going to presume that "the mainstream media" and the usual sources of peer-induced self-satisfied pretend-pretend street smart knowledge and brand name hierarchy can guide you through these troubled times? Are the journalists who have lied for and protected neo liberalism and neo conservatism going to suddenly deliver genuinely scientific and reliable truth to you because even more lives rely on their doing that than did on their doing everything they failed to do so far?

Unification: St Clair asks you, reader, this question:

<<

Who would want to consult science when developing (gutting) environmental rules (or responding to pandemics)..?

>>

With reference to this in the NYT:

<<

Even with the latest changes, scientists warned that the regulation would let the federal government dismiss or downplay some of the most important environmental research of the past decades. That includes research that definitively linked air pollution to premature deaths but relied on the personal health information of thousands of study subjects who had been guaranteed confidentiality.

The proposal is one of dozens of environmental protection rollbacks that the Trump administration is scrambling to finalize before the presidential election in November. It caps more than three years of efforts to dilute scientific research, especially on climate change and air pollution, which has underpinned rules that the fossil fuel industry calls burdensome.

>>

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/13/roaming-charges-going-viral/
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-51835856
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/04/climate/trump-science-epa.html
https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/13/what-is-covid-19-trying-to-teach-us/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 176: Some comedy for Boris Johnson to enjoy while he's in quarantine.

Thrust: Hunting of the Snark / Godot 2 / Madam Bovary, the neoliberal version/remake



POTENTIALLY STARRING: BILL BAILEY as SPACE ALIEN, JEREMY CORBYN as SECOND SPACE ALIEN, BETTE MIDLER as IRAQI ORPHAN GIRL, CHARLIE SHEEN as CAPTAIN WILLARD, JOANNA LUMLEY as EMMA BOVARY, JENNIFER SAUNDERS as AMERICAN SPY, VIC REEVES as LOUIS XVI, BOB MORTIMER as MARIE ANTOINETTE, EDWARD NORTON as WHITE NARRATOR, KERMIT THE FROG as HIMSELF, LENNY HENRY as MAN WITH GUN, BERNIE THE AGENT as HIMSELF, JOHNNY VEGAS as MEL BROOKS, MEL BROOKS as KING TURNIP, TONY ROBINSON as BALDRICK, ANTOINE DE CAUNES as CHARLES BOVARY, ENOCH POWELL AS BORIS THE BARBARIAN, RICHARD BRIERS as DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE, ANT AND DEC as ELVIS, DAVID LYNCH as JIMMINY GLICK, BERNIE SANDERS as BERNIE SANDERS, KIEFER SUTHERLAND as KIEFER SUTHERLAND, COLONEL POTTER as HIMSELF, CLINGER as HIMSELF, MATT LUCAS as E.T., CHRISTOPHER WALKEN as RONALD MACDONALD, DAVID HASSELHOFF as CAPTAIN PICARD, DAVID HASSELHOFF as BATMAN, NIGEL HAVERS as BUGSY MALONE, GENERAL ZOD as HIMSELF and DIANA RIGG as ANNE OF GREEN GABLES







EXT. RIVER BOAT. CAPTAIN WILLARD IS TRAVELLING BY BOAT THROUGH SOUTH ASIA AGAIN, ACCOMPANIED BY SOLDIERS.







CAPTAIN WILLARD

I didn't know why I was in this film. Everybody had died in the previous one. And besides, it wasn't parodying anything in particular, my being here was entirely random - arbitrary. But one thing was obvious. Godot was not dead. How could he be? He was probably the screenwriter. I updated my Facebook page to inform my fans that the reason so many white people become hysterically afraid at the sound of the phrase "Jeremy Corbyn" was because his fairness and accountability heralded the beginning of the end of white entitlement and white racial preference. Rachel Riley blocked me. The first like I got came from Madam Bovary. I knew this was not by chance but by the screenwriter's design. So Beckett was going to rewrite Flaubert now. I thanked my lucky stars he had chosen Bovary and not the legend of St Julian the Hospitaller.



RANDOM SOLDIER

Sir! We've reached Guam now.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

Guam. Always Guam. Was it because it had one of those names which sounds good on film? Probably. Even Godot was a sucker for vanity. I knew that the answer to my problems lay there. Somehow I could exploit Godot's vanity and stop him before the no doubt horrifying tale of Madam Bovary were to unfold in its entirety. Being Charlie Sheen, I decided the best thing I could do to save Bovary would be to give her a good seeing to (consenting, of course - I'm not one of THOSE American soldiers, I'm the one who deals with THOSE American soldiers).



RANDOM SOLDIER

Sir, I don't understand. Would you like me to kill someone?



CAPTAIN WILLARD (TO SOLDIER)

No no, I was just talking to the audience. I'm the narrator. It pays well.





CUT TO..







INT. AMERICAN SKY SCRAPER, NIGHT.



WHITE NARRATOR

People always ask me if I know Jeremy Corbyn. Three minutes. This is it. Ground zero. Do you have a speech for the occasion?



MAN WITH GUN

(punches him)

SHUT IT. I'm the hero of this film Norton.



WHITE NARRATOR

I am not Edward Norton, I am a character he is portraying. I am -



MAN WITH GUN

(punches him again)

SHUT IT. I'm the hero of this film, whoever you are. So keep your Stanislavskian crap to yourself. This film is not about white saviours.





CUT TO.. INT. THE ISRAELI EMBASSY IN LONDON WHERE LOUIS XVI HAS, HAVING BEEN BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE BY A MAD ISRAELI SCIENTIST, A SECRET BASE, WHERE HE AND MARIE ANTOINETTE ARE LIVING, PREPARING FOR A NEW FEUDAL AGE THEY INTEND TO BRING ABOUT THROUGH A CUNNING PLAN.





LOUIS XVI

Listen love, soon you will be able to eat all the organic cake products your heart desires, for I have a plan now, I know how I am going to regain control of France and in fact the world, thanks to our Israeli friends.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

What about Israel? Surely you must not take control of Israel or that would be ungrateful. They have killed and nobbled so many people on your behalf, indeed it was their ethics-free scientists who brought you back to life with their lovely Day-of-the-zombie Weinstein 5000 machine!



LOUIS XVI

No love, I will not take over Israel, just the rest of the world. Don't you want to hear my plan?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

I'm sure it's a lovely plan. I want to hear more about those cakes. Will they have chocolate icing? I love chocolate icing. Particularly if it is flecked with little pieces of white chocolate, with vanilla which has come from some location marketing companies know everyone will put their faith in.



LOUIS XVI

Listen, I'm the King. You're just the Queen. Now shut up and listen to my plan. It's a great one. You should love it. It's a feminist plan.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Oh I do love your feminist plans. I enjoyed your feminist revival of Thatcher. The slogan "women have a right to exploit and kill and be labelled heroes" was a masterpiece. Imagine if only men were allowed to receive praise for things like genocide. Since we were granted this privilege we are truly a more well treated gender. What's the new plan?



LOUIS XVI

In a word, Bovary. Emma Bovary. I'm going to get her to carry out a feminist revolution in which the planet is renamed Vagina World and I will be its King.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Surely such a world would need a Queen?



LOUIS XVI

Get with the times, love. Take a look at the Guardian, the head of western feminist thought management - it promotes control of the world by a few extremely powerful men and their wives. Same as you and me. We're proper feminists.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

That's brilliant then, Vic. I mean Louis. What are you waiting for? Get hold of Emma Bovary and start your 'revolution'. I'm just going down the shops. We've run out of Battenbergs again. I know you love em with your tea.



LOUIS XVI

I like my Battenbergs.





CUT TO..



INT. AMERICAN SKY SCRAPER, NIGHT. WHITE NARRATOR, MAN WITH GUN AND BALDRICK ARE PLAYING CLUEDO.



BALDRICK

I think it was Colonel Mustard, in the drone warfare centre, with the computer keyboard.



WHITE NARRATOR

You know, man with gun, I really don't think this kind of contest is macho enough. We need to be bare fisted, rolling around on the ground and sweating.



MAN WITH GUN

My dear Norton, this is not a porn film. This is an existential study of the failings of the latterday bourgeoisie.



WHITE NARRATOR

So was fight club.



MAN WITH GUN

No it wasn't. It was a mindless sexist macho sensationalist bunch of shit with a seemingly 'clever twist' at the end. Just another American male far up himself, revelling in his own sophistry, calling that sophistry dissent.



WHITE NARRATOR

Okay, but it paid well. I'm not even getting paid for this.



MAN WITH GUN

That's because this film isn't real. Nothing is real. We are figments of the imagination of some sort of plant.



BALDRICK

I thought it was King Turnip who was responsible for all this, my lord. After all, in the last film you killed me and now I'm here again. Surely only King Turnip with his magic powers could bring me back to life. And besides, you must have killed the plant in the last film, so it can't be the plant dreaming, can it?



MAN WITH GUN

It's very simple, Baldrick, I killed the wrong plant. I killed a cactus which the plant dreamt it was - ie it dreamt it was dreaming - it imagined itself to be a cactus. In reality it is some other plant. Probably in a pot, on a windowsill. We're going to have to hunt it down again.



WHITE NARRATOR

Yeah, well I think it was Miss Scarlett in the propaganda production facility at Guardian Newspaper Headquarters, with the racist neoliberal bilge intended to drive blind support for racist genocidal interventionist politics, accidentally causing far right numbers to swell so high that it turns into a Brexit and blows up in her face.



CUT TO..



INT. HOME OF CHARLES BOVARY. DULL CEO BY DAY. SECRET GAY NIGHT CLUB OWNER BY NIGHT. WHILE CHARLES OSTENTATIOUSLY ADDS NEW ACQUISITIONS TO HIS STAMP COLLECTION, HIS WIFE IS UPSTAIRS IN HER BEDROOM, ON THE PHONE TO HER LATEST LOVER, AMERICAN SPY, A SENIOR MARKETING EXECUTIVE AT THE CHARITY CORPORATION OF AMERICA, UNFORTUNATELY FOR HER ALSO AN ISRAELI SPY WHO HAS BEEN RECRUITED TO TRICK HER INTO CONVERTING HER PENT-UP RAGE, BORN OUT OF THE FUTILITY AND BANALITY OF HER SITUATION AND THE WORLD SHE LIVES IN, INTO CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE ON A SCALE NEVER WITNESSED BY THE HUMAN RACE BEFORE.





AMERICAN SPY

I'm tired of the world of marketing and charity. I've rolled out my last rainbow coloured stylised turd shaped cushion in the name of gay consumer rights, I want to do more for the world. More than I've already done, absurd though that may seem. Let us make this film about you and me, Emma. Let me raise you to the highest heights - and help you overpower the world. You can revolutionise the way humans think - and live happily ever after.



EMMA BOVARY

But the book doesn't end that way. Flaubert was taking the piss out of us, not holding us up as Roman or Greek heroes to worship. This film is a farce and if you really think you can change that, you're stupider than I thought. But that's okay, sweetheart. I like you for your body not your mind.



AMERICAN SPY

Well we'll rewrite it. That's the modern way. Take anything humans have ever done, good or bad, and remake it in an arbitrary way which suits our immediate commercial needs.



EMMA BOVARY

What sort of revolution?



AMERICAN SPY

The Vagina revolution. We will change this planet's name to Vagina World.



EMMA BOVARY

The whole planet?



AMERICAN SPY

Well except Israel, of course.



EMMA BOVARY

How exactly can we start a revolution?



AMERICAN SPY

You are Emma Bovary. You have a lot of popularity among middle class hyperconsumers across the world, you are a cultural artefact, one of those things western humans and their serfs in many grovelling conquered outposts are most proud of is historical artefacts with famous names. They tend to know, on average, next to nothing about the aforesaid artefacts but are nonetheless able to, in their own minds, assign to them some sort of generative property - which all by itself yields intellectual culture and progress in any individual who is even sitting in the pub nearby having a pint of lard and some pork scratchings.



EMMA BOVARY

So it's my marketing power, really, which you think we can capitalise on. I'm not sure I like that, but I am very bored, so tell me more.



AMERICAN SPY

Well, first we're going to do a charity run.







EXT. SWAMP, DAY. KERMIT THE FROG IS PLAYING HIS BANJO AND SINGING, NEARBY BERNIE THE AGENT IS BOATING.





KERMIT

Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side? Rainbows are visions but only illusions and rainbows have nothing to hide. So we've been told and some choose to believe it, I know they're wrong wait and see. Some day we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and -



[GUN-SHOT RINGS OUT AND KERMIT'S HEAD IS BLOWN OFF HIS SHOULDERS.]



MAN WITH GUN

Sorry Kermit, this film isn't about you or about making millions of people happy. This is a sick farce about the meltdown of human society. This is about the real world.



BERNIE THE AGENT

Was that REALLY necessary?



MAN WITH GUN

Don't ask me, ask the screenwriter.



[SHOOTS BERNIE THE AGENT DEAD]





CUT TO..



INT. SPORTS CAR. EMMA BOVARY AND CHARLES BOVARY ARE HAVING A DOMESTIC ARGUMENT ABOUT THE IMMORAL NATURE OF CHARLES' JOB AS HEAD OF MARKETING FOR THE EXPLOITATION CORPORATION AND HIS LATEST PROJECT TO ROLL OUT FOURTEEN MILLION NOVELTY RAINBOW-COLOURED STYLISED-TURD-SHAPED CUSHIONS TO PROMOTE HOMOSEXUALITY AND VIRTUE SIGNAL IN ORDER TO OPEN UP NEW MARKETS AND INCREASE PROFITS.



EMMA BOVARY

When I married you I thought you were a charismatic, strong-willed and free-minded individual, and glamorous and interesting. In reality all you really have is wealth and might. You are a snake oil salesman and from dawn to dusk all you do is exploit and harm, with a smile on your face and a dirty thought in your head.



CHARLES BOVARY

That is simply not true, I am a very kind man at heart, it is the world which is evil. Ask Nicholas Cage in that film about the virtues of genocide. Even the Times of Israel has, albeit very briefly, praised genocide. Look, there's a hotel. Why don't we stop for the night?



EMMA BOVARY

It's lunch time. And no. I refuse to have sex with you until I have resolved this moral problem. Now talk. What can we do to fix your satanic and evil nature?



HE BEGINS TO MAKE AN OBVIOUSLY SLEAZY SUGGESTION.



EMMA BOVARY

No, I'm not interested in your lazy and ignorant narcissism right now. I want a change to happen. Corbyn style change. Real change. What's it going to be?



CHARLES BOVARY THINKS HARD. HE HAS TO SAVE HIS MARRIAGE. HE KNOWS THERE ARE MEN FAR MORE WORTHY OF EMMA BOVARY THAN HE AND IF SHE GOES ALL HIS WEALTH AND POWER MAY NOT BE AS ENJOYABLE. HE'S NOT ENTIRELY SURE AND DOESN'T WANT TO RISK IT.



CHARLES BOVARY

Okay. I have an idea. Why don't we find you an orphaned Iraqi child, and do something nice for them.



EMMA BOVARY

That's just cheap and nasty. No. Not unless -





SHE HAS AN IDEA. CUT TO..





INT. WAR ROOM. PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK AND A GROUP OF WHITE AND TOKEN RACISTS WHO BELIEVE IN THE BOOK OF GENESIS AS AN AXIOMATIC DOCUMENT ARE ENTERTAINING THEIR NEW FRIEND BORIS THE BARBARIAN.



BORIS THE BARBARIAN

So I said: "but you're a bloody scotsman so why don't you sod off!"



APPLAUSE FROM QUACKQUACK AND HIS COURTIERS.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

Let's sing a hymn now. Hymn number 90210, all things on my credit card.



THEY SING.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

Amen. So, Boris. Tell me more. Godot is back and on the loose again, you say. This is troublesome. I don't remember how it ended last time.



[ONE OF HIS AIDES EXPLAINS TO HIM THAT THEY ALL DIED AND GODOT TURNED OUT TO BE A MYSTICAL FORCE BEYOND THEIR COMPREHENSION, PROBABLY EXISTING IN AN INFINITE NUMBER OF WHAT WE PERCEIVE AS DIMENSIONS BUT WHAT TO GODOT ARE MERELY STRANDS OF A DIFFERENT AND 'HIGHER' PLANE OF EXISTENCE. SECURITY GUARDS IMMEDIATELY DRAG THE AIDE OFF AND SHOOT HER.]



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

What I want to know is whether Louis the Sixteenth and his hot wife can come down and hang with us while we figure out how to kill Godot.



CUT TO..



INT. CHARLES BOVARY'S SPORTS CAR.



EMMA BOVARY

So what do you say?



CHARLES BOVARY

I don't even know Mel Brooks.



EMMA BOVARY

Rubbish. You can get hold of anyone you want. You are one of the most evil and powerful men alive today. There's almost nobody you can't unearth with a few threats to someone who owes you, or a bit of leaning on someone who's scared of you. Mel Brooks or divorce.



CHARLES BOVARY

Why Mel Brooks?



EMMA BOVARY

Introducing an Iraqi child who has been robbed of her entire family by worthless racist western scumbags to Mel Brooks can give that child back some kind of faith in humanity, some sort of understanding that even in the west, low and depraved though it is, there are great people who loathe those who behave the way she has been led by our actions and inactions to believe we are all taught to live.



CHARLES BOVARY

Alright alright, I don't need a lecture. I will get Mel Brooks. Now can we check into a hotel?



EMMA BOVARY

After I speak to Mel Brooks.



CHARLES BOVARY

Fine. Turn on the car phone will you, dear. I'd better call my secretary.





CUT TO..



EIGHTIES' AMERICAN TV DETECTIVE DRAMA SET. JIHADIS BEAT WOMEN IN THE BACKGROUND. PEOPLE WITH DARK SKIN, FROM ITALIANS TO JAMAICANS, GATHER TOGETHER IN GANGS AND KILL SECURITY GUARDS AND POLICEWOMEN TO PASS THE TIME. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE IS WALKING ALONG WITH A YOYO, LOOKING TO DEAL WITH WHAT HE BELIEVES TO BE ANTI-WHITE VILLAINY, IN THE NAME OF PROVING THAT AUTHORITARIAN FORCE IS THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH NON WHITE PEOPLE ALWAYS.





DEMPSEY

I really don't think the screenwriter has ever even seen a single episode of this show, it just had a famous name and he probably Googled it and was amazed at the sheer calumny it embodies, a typical boorish western establishment racist, classist, fascist demonisation of non white people, muslims, socialists, civilians (rather than police, security forces, armies and others with 'the right to kill baddies') and others. Very blatantly. He would never have watched such crap. Have you read the Waiting for Godot screenplay? This writer has some taste. Do me a favour. He doesn't even know which one of us is the American one and which is the English one.



MAKEPEACE

Well it doesn't matter, it's the same actor, isn't it?



DEMPSEY

Yes, I like that very much. I have a feeling the writer will merely write us as Richard Briers talking to himself, partly in an American accent, and will leave it up to us to decide which character, at any given time, has the American accent.



MAKEPEACE

I like that very much.



DEMPSEY

Would you like some tea?



MAKEPEACE

Yes, I'd love some.



DEMPSEY (POURS TEA)

I think that Makepeace sounds like the English name, it has a sort of rustic bizarreness about it. Dempsey sounds much more American.



MAKEPEACE

I would say the opposite; Makepeace has a weird American unorthodoxy about it, whilst Dempsey sounds like some fellow down the King's road.



DEMPSEY

Nonsense.



MAKEPEACE

Look, what if we both use the same accent, or both use different American accents?



DEMPSEY

But that wouldn't be faithful to the text.



MAKEPEACE

What text? The screenwriter is parodying the people who even watch Dempsey and Makepeace, and its writers, and the issue of parodying the show itself doesn't even come up - the writer, as you say, has probably never even watched it - I mean what an appalling show it is, sowing racist stereotypes and blind obedience to violent authority in the minds of the young and impressionable?



DEMPSEY

You've got a good point there, Makepeace, I say we both use my own normal English accent, a little bit Chiswick.



MAKEPEACE

No, I think I should do Boston and you should do Louisiana.



DEMPSEY

You mean Loosiana?



MAKEPEACE

That's it, that's it. You be Louisiana and I'll be Boston.



DEMPSEY

You mean Loosiana?



MAKEPEACE

Very humorous.



DEMPSEY

Oh give me a home where no liberals roam and the folks all think the same way, where each house has a gun, a big helluva one and strangers are told "make my day"..





CUT TO..





INT. GAY NIGHTCLUB. NIGHT. CHARLES BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY ARE SIPPING DRINKS IN A PRIVATE ROOM.



CHARLES BOVARY

Then she tells me she wants me to introduce Mel Brooks to an Iraqi orphan.



AMERICAN SPY (CAN'T CONTAIN HIS LAUGHTER)

So where is she now?



CHARLES BOVARY

I left her with a "headache". Her desire to not have sex with me is definitely at an all time high.



AMERICAN SPY

So we have all night?



PHONE RINGS. AMERICAN SPY ANSWERS IT.



AMERICAN SPY

Emma! What a surprise. I was just thinking about you.





CUT TO..



EMMA BOVARY IN HER HOTEL ROOM, ON THE PHONE TO AMERICAN SPY.



EMMA BOVARY

I've sent Charles to get hold of Mel Brooks for me, so we have all night if you want to meet me. You're almost as bad as he is. When's the last time we did anything but talk on the phone?



CUT TO..



CHARLES BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY HAVE STARTED TO HAVE SEX.



AMERICAN SPY

Emma, darling, I hope you won't take this the wrong way but I have to take care of something before we can finish this conversation. Stay where you are. I will get to you as soon as I can, as fast as my feet can carry me. Don't move from where you are.



HE HANGS UP THE PHONE AND TELLS HIS GOOGLE VOICE-ACTIVATED THING TO PLAY THE BOLERO.



CUT TO..



EMMA BOVARY IN HER HOTEL ROOM, FEELING SAD AND DEJECTED, MARRIED TO A MAN WHO CHEATS ON HER, CHEATING ON HIM WITH A MAN WHO ALSO CHEATS ON HER, ALTHOUGH SHE DOESN'T REALISE THAT IT'S WITH HER OWN HUSBAND, DISILLUSIONED AT NEOLIBERAL AND RIGHT WING MODERN EARTH, WHEN SUDDENLY SHE NOTICES JIMMINY GLICK STARING AT HER FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MIRROR. HE IS NOT IN HER ROOM, ONLY IN THE MIRROR IMAGE OF IT. JIMMINY GLICK IS EATING A CHAIR.



EMMA BOVARY

Aren't you David Lynch?



JIMMINY GLICK

No I'm Jimminy Glick. You're confused because Martin Short usually plays me. That's not important right now. What's important is the three strange men behind me.



HE WALKS AWAY AND SHE NOTICES MAN WITH GUN, BALDRICK AND WHITE NARRATOR ARE SITTING ON HER BED, BUT ONLY IN THE MIRROR IMAGE OF IT, PLAYING POKER FOR THE SAME THREE OPENED PACKETS OF PRETZELS WHICH HAVE FEATURED IN ALL FILMS AND TV EVER, IN WHICH PEOPLE PLAYED POKER FOR PRETZELS OR WHILST EATING PRETZELS. MAN WITH GUN LOOKS UP AND SEES HER AND IS AS SHOCKED AS SHE IS.



CUT TO..



INT. HOTEL ROOM. MAN WITH GUN, BALDRICK AND WHITE NARRATOR ARE PLAYING POKER FOR PRETZELS.



MAN WITH GUN

Look Baldrick, in the mirror. It's Emma Bovary. We shouldn't be sitting around wasting our time, we have a job to do.



HE WALKS OVER TO THE MIRROR.



MAN WITH GUN

Can you hear me Emma Bovary?



EMMA BOVARY

Who are you?



MAN WITH GUN (TO BALDRICK)

She can hear me.



MAN WITH GUN (TO EMMA BOVARY)

Don't worry about who I am, I'm a friend. If you're Emma Bovary, sit tight, we've come to save you from Bourgeois Hell.



EMMA BOVARY

Finally, someone who understands. Who are you? WHERE are you?



MAN WITH GUN

Uh - not quite sure.



BALDRICK

I thought you said we're in the dream of a yucca plant.



MAN WITH GUN

It might be a fern Baldrick. Or anything. Probably a pot plant. You're being too specific. It could be any pot plant.



MAN WITH GUN (TO EMMA BOVARY)

Do you have any pot plants nearby? Any unusual flora and fauna love?



EMMA BOVARY

So you're mad? So I'm caught between neoliberals, tories, entirely mindless advertising executives and a mad person?



MAN WITH GUN

No I'm not mad, I'm - look, wherever you are, you may be in danger. If there is a pot plant somewhere in your vicinity you must get away from it, or destroy it or something.



EMMA BOVARY

There's some daffodils in a vase.



MAN WITH GUN

No it would be a pot plant. If it's a vase you're okay.



BALDRICK

What about the fridge?



WHITE NARRATOR

I've checked, there's only beer.



EMMA BOVARY ALMOST JUMPS OUT OF HER SKIN, SINCE WHITE NARRATOR IS NOW IN HER HOTEL ROOM.



EMMA BOVARY

Who the hell are you? Wait a minute. You're Edward Norton. Can I get your autograph, it's for, ahem, my daughter.



WHITE NARRATOR

I am not Edward Norton, I am a character he's playing -



MAN WITH GUN PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE AND HE FALLS FLAT ON THE GROUND



EMMA BOVARY

What the hell?



MAN WITH GUN

It's alright, I think our meat-head friend there managed to break through some kind of spacetime barrier in to your part of the world we're trapped in which, you may want to take note right now, is the dream of a pot plant. No ordinary dream, a tormented dream beset with fear of apocalypse and the banality of evil.



EMMA BOVARY

Hence the choice of subject matter.



MAN WITH GUN

That's right. And we have to prevent the degeneration of this dream into the worst sort of meltdown imaginable. Last time we had to deal with nuclear and military meltdown. This time it's going to be worse, the author is clearly going to take it to a new level of horror, whatever that is.



EMMA BOVARY

I don't understand. Are we in a screenplay, as you imply with your mention of an author, or are we in the mind of a pot plant?



CAPTAIN WILLARD'S BOAT SMASHES THROUGH THE WALL AND INTO THE ROOM, WHERE IT GRINDS TO A HALT.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

We had this conversation already. I think it's a dream. We're all asleep and dreaming of being here, in this situation where someone is telling us that all of reality, even outside our dream, is a dream.



MAN WITH GUN

Not this time, Captain Willard. This is just the main dream, not a dream inside a dream.



BERNIE SANDERS ENTERS



BERNIE SANDERS

Hang on, hang on, if this is just the main dream, how did Willard get here, to urban Europe, from Guam, in that boat? Not just so fast, but how could the boat get into this room? Where is the water?



JIMMINY GLICK APPEARS AGAIN.



JIMMINY GLICK

I think I can explain that.



BERNIE SANDERS

You're David Lynch.



JIMMINY GLICK

No I'm Jimminy Glick, in the script. Let me explain -



THEY LEAVE, WITH GLICK EXPLAINING TO SANDERS WHAT HE FEELS MAY BE GOING ON IN THIS SCREENPLAY



EMMA BOVARY

Well that was odd.



BALDRICK

Forgive me for intruding, my lords and ladies, but I still think King Turnip may be behind all this and we would be well advised to get out of here and conceal ourselves from the Turnip Royal Guard, which will make us all into shrubberies, all of them forming, from an aerial view, a cleverly constructed agriculture-based image of infamous comedian and travel writer Michael Palin.



EMMA BOVARY

Again. Things are getting very odd.



MAN WITH GUN

You're telling me. We're doing another one, they told me. You're the main character, they told me. This time you, the non white anti-hero, save the rich white woman from horror and grief, and she's a real feminist too. And what do I find? First they force me to have Edward Norton shadowing my insanity at every move, to try and pretend that you can benefit from white privilege but also be against the white-privilege-centric establishment at the same time, Charlie Sheen is back, probably hoping to stick his unmentionables into anything which can wear underwear, temporarily of course, and now David Lynch and Bernie Sanders are trying to turn it into a party political broadcast.



EMMA BOVARY

I thought you said this was a dream.



MAN WITH GUN

I think it's a screenplay of a dream of a dream of a screenplay.



THE PHONE RINGS. EVERYONE VANISHES AGAIN EXCEPT EMMA BOVARY. SHE ANSWERS THE PHONE. AMERICAN SPY IS AT THE OTHER END.



AMERICAN SPY

Darling, I can't believe this is happening now, but I've just had an urgent call from Jimmy Carr asking me to help him figure out the best way for him to give charity to the bioweapons department of the Israeli military. I need to get hold of Deniro and talk to him, he remembers how I arranged that the last time. It's a lot of money. A LOT of foul mouth racist macho people spend their money on Jimmy Carr's professional imperial juvenility. You're going to have to manage without me this time.



EMMA BOVARY

But -



AMERICAN SPY

Sorry I have to go now. I'll call you the moment I've finished my work.



HE HANGS UP AND GOES BACK TO ROGERING CHARLES BOVARY.



EMMA BOVARY (TO HERSELF)

Why did he say professional imperial juvenility - a man as ignorant as him sees that as high satire, as attacks on the corrupt - whilst anyone of intelligence couldn't possibly compare Jimmy Carr's puerile machismo to the anti-establishment wit of Jonathan Swift, or even Vic Reeves on a good day, that's not the sort of thing these backward lovers of mine usually see as being the case. I don't understand. Something odd really is going on. Was I dreaming all those strange people?



MAN WITH GUN REAPPEARS, BUT ONLY IN THE MIRROR. THE OTHER TWO ARE NOT THERE, NOR IS WILLARD OR HIS BOAT.



MAN WITH GUN

No I don't think so. And I think the reason he spoke out of character is to do with Godot.



EMMA BOVARY

But Waiting for Godot was written a long time after Flaubert and has apparently nothing to do with Madam Bovary. What has Godot got to do with it?



MAN WITH GUN

I'm afraid this is the second film. You didn't see the first one. It was insane. Nukes flying. Fat dumb American presidents running around the world while the author played fast and loose with eighties stereotype-laden comedy and drama characters. Didn't end well. Tony Blair almost became involved. And even though the writer cut him out before the very end, it was still pretty much the most grim ending possible.



EMMA BOVARY

And you think this time it'll be even worse?



MAN WITH GUN

Logically there's no alternative possibility we can deduce to be probable. Is there?



EMMA BOVARY

No, I suppose not. And you say that if we find the right pot plant and eliminate it the whole show is over and Dawn French will spring up and do her best rendition of "Here comes the bride".



MAN WITH GUN

Yes, I think that's a pretty apt metaphor.



EMMA BOVARY PUTS ON HER COAT AND HAT AND PICKS UP HER HANDBAG AND SHE AND MAN WITH GUN LEAVE HER HOTEL ROOM.



CUT TO..



INT. THE ISRAELI EMBASSY IN LONDON. LOUIS XVI AND MARIE ANTOINETTE ARE EATING BATTENBERGS AND DRINKING CUPS OF TEA.



LOUIS XVI

TONY, TONY, I JUST GOT A FACEBOOK FRIEND REQUEST FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

I've told you before, Vic, you can't shorten Marie Antoinette to Tony.



LOUIS XVI

Why not? You called me Vic.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Yes but that was a departure from the fiction, that was just a step into the world beyond the fiction, although under the circumstances it's hard to say in which direction the step moved. Anyway, it's not the same at all. You can call me Mary for short if you like.



LOUIS XVI

Alright Mary. So what should I do? Should I accept his friend request?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Why not Vic? He's a nice bloke. Has his own set of golf clubs and a proper barometer. We may need to borrow either. I think the president would be a useful friend even if he is a bit of a racist genocidal maniac who's obsessed with sex and is only a gender-egalitarian insofar as he treats everyone with equal contempt and equally as nothing but a means to an end, regardless of gender, although gender may impact the ends involved or desired. I say go for it. You added Henry Kissinger, didn't you? How can you really sink any lower?



LOUIS XVI

I could. I haven't replied to Alistair Campbell yet.



LOUIS XVI ACCEPTS PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK'S FRIEND REQUEST AND THEN GETS A PRIVATE MESSAGE IN WHICH THE PRESIDENT INVITES LOUIS XVI AND HIS HOT WIFE TO HANG OUT WITH THEM IN THE WAR ROOM IN WASHINGTON.



LOUIS XVI

Mary, Mary, the President wants to meet me and my hot wife.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

You can't do that, Vic. You don't have a hot wife. Your wife is played by me and I'm hardly hot. I'm a man.



LOUIS XVI

Well if the president's gay then you might be hot.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Have you met the president? He's a proper village idiot dinosaur-man. Purely paleolithic. The fact that this screenplay is littered with gender shuffling and actors playing characters the wrong gender, interspersed with gay plots, would totally throw him. He's going to be pretty upset if you walk into the war room with a man dressed as a female french aristocrat.



LOUIS XVI

So what are we going to to Bob? I mean Tony. I mean Mary.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

I'm thinking, Vic. I'm thinking.



MARIE ANTOINETTE THINKS.



CUT TO..



EXT. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE SET. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE IS TRYING TO ESTABLISH THE MOST LIKELY CHARACTERISTICS OF HIS/HER SHOW.



DEMPSEY

So we know to begin with that there must be some sort of personality clash between the two police officers, there always is. In Due South you had the lazy one and the overzealous one. Generally speaking if you have two cops, the purpose of having two is that they argue with each other and take very different approaches, leading them to constantly bounce the plot in different directions.



MAKEPEACE

You're probably right but you're overlooking the most important characteristic - by essentially legitimising both proper, indeed over-zealous use of law and authority at the same time as improper, lazy or even purely delusionary methods, including abandoning things like the presumption of innocence, indeed due process, indeed civilised behaviour, the primary purpose of any cop show or similar is to remind civilians that authority-figures should, gladly, be given absolute power over all life which appears on their tv show.



DEMPSEY

You've got a point there, Makers old son.



MAKEPEACE

If you're doing the English accent then I have to be the woman don't I? I mean if you speak in an obviously English accent people will just assume you're Richard Briers and imagine you to be the male. So you can't call me old son.



DEMPSEY

Alright then, old girl.



MAKEPEACE

Personally I think the author's taking the whole sending up of the pantomime-like ostentatious exhibitionist nature of western 'gay rights' flag wavers, most of whom actually don't care about gay rights and aren't gay but need a whole armoury of virtue signals to use to cover their tracks as they plough on each day with genocide, ecocide and species-wide collective suicide, just a tiny bit too far.



DEMPSEY

How much is a tiny bit?



MAKEPEACE

Three or four hundred words. Not much in contrast to say a medium sized technical lecture by Chomsky.



DEMPSEY

But a lot longer than a tweet from the president of the USA.



MAKEPEACE

An advert for dog food would have more words than the average nugget of 'wisdom' from the Americans' infamous tweeting president. Words are not the president's strong point.



DEMPSEY

Does the president indeed have any strong points?



CUT TO..



EXT. GUAM. CAPTAIN WILLARD IS SOMEHOW BACK IN GUAM, STILL IN THE BOAT, WITH THE CREW, BUT NOW IN THE MIDDLE OF GUAM HIGH STREET, BY THE LOCAL TESCO OPPOSITE THE KRISPY KREME.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I had no idea what the hell was going on. I knew that the screenwriter was showing the audience that the president really did have a sort of 'strong' front end, which was me, but I wasn't sure if the author was, in fact, mocking me. Bouncing me around reality like a basketball, robbed of any self-determination or even rational reality in which my character might at least be able to build itself some humanlike narrative so as to be recognised as more than a mere punch and judy puppet.



MAN WITH GUN COMES OUT OF THE TESCO WITH A BAG CONTAINING ALL THE CHILLI PLANTS IN THAT PARTICULAR TESCO BRANCH, IE THE GUAM HIGH STREET BRANCH. HE WALKS OVER TO CAPTAIN WILLARD AND PLACES THE PLANTS IN FRONT OF WILLARD. HE THEN TAKES WILLARD'S GUN FROM WILLARD, AS THOUGH WILLARD'S MIND IS ENTIRELY AT HIS DISPOSAL, AND HE SHOOTS ALL OF THE PLANTS.



MAN WITH GUN

Nope. We're still here.



BALDRICK AND WHITE NARRATOR APPEAR ALSO, COMING FROM KRISPY KREME.



BALDRICK

Do you think there's a subtle joke about racial profiling hidden in this scene, my lord?



MAN WITH GUN

Very possibly, Baldrick.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I know you, you're Godot.



MAN WITH GUN

No I'm not, I'm Man with Gun, can't you read. Look, it's right there.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

My mistake, sorry. Should we all just go somewhere, play some poker, eat some chilli, drink a few beers, that sort of thing? I mean we don't have to play it the way the screenwriter wants us to. We can outwit him.



EMMA BOVARY APPEARS ALSO, FROM TESCO, WITH A FULL TROLLEY LADEN WITH GLUTEO-LIPID MAXIMISATION RESOURCES.



EMMA BOVARY

Or her, captain.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

Madam Bovary!



EMMA BOVARY

Captain Willard.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I have a bedroom on the boat. We can move straight on to the part of the film which you're here primarily to cater to, assuming this is standard western 'art'.



EMMA BOVARY

That's quite an assumption, captain. I'm afraid you Americans overlook that little devilish thing called the details, when you cast yourselves and figure out your plot points and mid points and what nots.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I don't follow.



EMMA BOVARY

Oh but you do. You are nothing but a sheep. You tart yourself up like a cheap heterosexual male whore. And you think all I need is a good seeing to when the one thing I need least is more sex or the ego of another penis-with-man-attached.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

You're very harsh. I don't understand. I'm the hero. I'm here to save you. Or why would I be played by Charlie Sheen?



EMMA BOVARY

My friend Man with Gun here has explained to me the fact that in the first film you thought you were there to save the world from Godot when in reality it was up to Godot to save the world from you and everyone else in the film. In this film clearly most of the same characteristics are true - you, in short - are no force for good. No matter what you seem, all you really are is an engine powering the motion of this film towards a bad, a very bad, filthy, dirty ending. Why else cast YOU? And indeed me.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I see your point. But what about him? Why do you think he's the good guy? Everywhere he goes everything melts into chaos. And he's a maniac. He keeps shooting plants. Ever since I first met him he's been doing it. Just out of the blue. This time he bought them. The man bought seventeen chilli plants for putting on your windowsill, he took my assault rifle and he blew them away. Is this a man you feel can guide you through these troubled times to a stable future?



EMMA BOVARY

I don't expect you to understand that, but do understand this: he's the only man in the screenplay who doesn't try to have sex with me whilst also not being gay. THAT is why I trust him and not you. For him this film is about something else, it's not a porn film as it is for you and Tyler Durden over there. For him this film is nothing more than a continuation across the spacetime continuum of the nightmarish vision behind works like Flaubert's Madam Bovary, and so much more, from Gilliam's Brazil and Ionesco's Rhinoceros to the words and works, long gone, of the nameless poets of the distant past who surely first lit this fire which has burned so brightly over the ages and in the faces of so many fascist tyrants, saying to each and every one: you can bully them, mother fucker, but YOU CANNOT BULLY ME. What I have written I have written.



CUT TO..



INT. HOTEL ROOM WHERE CHARLES BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY ARE CONTINUING TO HAVE GAY SEX LONG INTO THE NIGHT. THEY TAKE A BREAK TO WATCH THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST AND TO PLAY RUGBY. AFTER RUCKING AND MAULING AND SINGING ABBA SONGS AND SUCH THEY TAKE A FURTHER BREAK TO GO TO THE GYM AND THEN AFTER MORE GAY SEX DECIDE TO HAVE MORE CONVERSATION, SINCE THEY'RE BOTH SO GOOD WITH WORDS AND IT SEEMS A SHAME NOT TO.



CHARLES BOVARY

So do you know where I can find Mel Brooks?



AMERICAN SPY

Didn't I tell you? I spoke to someone at the Israeli embassy and they found us a Mel Brooks already. He's waiting for us in the lobby.



CHARLES BOVARY

A Mel Brooks? So not the actual one?



AMERICAN SPY

Well, when there is such an oversupply of celebrities and actors in the west, who needs the real thing? There's always a dozen copies and duplicates and potential posers or imposters for any celebrity worth a few bucks.



CHARLES BOVARY

I don't know. My wife is quite intelligent. I know you wouldn't expect it of me, but there it is. My one mistake. I married a woman who considers her mind to be more important than her vagina.



AMERICAN SPY

I suppose if you find someone like that what else can you do. It's got to be worth a lot of money, a one in a million like that.



CHARLES BOVARY

Particularly to a pair of randy gay men like ourselves, eh?



AMERICAN SPY CHUCKLES



AMERICAN SPY

Do you think she's gone to sleep by now?



CHARLES BOVARY

Indubitably. Dreaming of enabling children to live natural and calm lives or some other insane far-left fantasy. She hangs around with too many of these anti-semitic anti-genocide people who don't realise that unless we kill all the people we say we're going to kill, they may try to kill us first. We have to deter them.



AMERICAN SPY

Indeed, genocide is the only deterrant. Hippies and far-left terrorists just don't understand. Their answer to everything is violence or just being annoying.



CHARLES BOVARY

They should be lined up against the wall and shot.



THE TWO TAKE THE LIFT DOWN TO THE LOBBY WHERE MEL BROOKS IS WAITING FOR THEM, EATING A KEBAB AND DRINKING BEER.



CHARLES BOVARY

But that's Johnny Vegas. She'll know. She's not stupid.



AMERICAN SPY

Yes but she'll have to play along, it's part of the fiction. She can't very well argue against actors playing characters in this film. What does she expect? Some sort of Pirandello-meets-Douglas-Adams type of thing? Before you know it we'll be back to Richard Briers talking to himself which, even if it is entertaining, does distract us completely from the key nodes of the plot of this film.



CHARLES BOVARY

All the gay sex has caused me to forget what they are. Please refresh my memory. What is actually going on in this film other than gay sex, dubiously portrayed through gender-mismatched actors such that the heterosexual relationships are actually gay and the gay relationships are actually heterosexual.



AMERICAN SPY

If you recall we decided to use your wife to kick start a fake revolution which will result in the empowerment of a global monarch operating as the puppet of the new Israeli government.



CHARLES BOVARY

Oh yes, the Israelis. All that killing and genocide and torture. Come on, let's go back upstairs.



MEL BROOKS

Don't you want to hear my act?



AMERICAN SPY

It's okay, you're part of an insignificant side-plot. Do it how you like.

(HE GIVES MEL BROOKS A PILE OF CASH)

Go and get yourself a drink, just be back here at lunchtime.



MEL BROOKS

(LOOKS AT THE WAD OF CASH)

Maybe I'll get myself a bar.



AMERICAN SPY

Just get back here at lunchtime, that's all. We need you to talk to some Iraqi kid.



CHARLES BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY GO BACK UPSTAIRS AND CONTINUE TO HAVE GAY SEX UNTIL THE AUDIENCE NO LONGER FINDS IT NOVEL AND INTERESTING AND FINDS SOME OTHER NICHE BEHAVIOUR TO CHAMPION AS THE EVIDENCE OF THEIR ADVANCEMENT.



CUT TO..



INT. ISRAELI EMBASSY.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

What about Dan Hodges?



LOUIS XVI

Surely he's a man too?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Don't make me laugh. He boasts about making entire groups of people froth and foam at the mouth in anger, as he did when Corbyn lost the election to Johnson. Even though right after he had been promoting making people froth and foam at the mouth to 'celebrate' the killing of 'jihadi john', some people frothed and foamed so much they massacred the writers of Charlie Hebdo - days after Mr 'make them froth and foam at the mouth' had been proudly advocating justice by summary execution on twitter.



LOUIS XVI

So that makes him a child, not a woman. This film is lampooning fake feminists, not women Bob. You need someone who can look sexy. Dan Hodges won't do. His cowardice is irrelevant, he looks like an ape. President Quackquack will not fancy him. You need a better idea. What about Winona Ryder?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

He'd snap her like a twig. You need someone more Viking.



AMERICAN SPY SUDDENLY REVEALS HIMSELF FROM BEHIND THE CURTAIN.



AMERICAN SPY

What you need, if you'll forgive my listening in on you and treating you as fair game -



LOUIS XVI

You work for the Israeli State and the American military, do you think we would ascribe any other ethical modality to you?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

You tell him Vic. I'm sick of his smart arse ideas. They always go wrong.



AMERICAN SPY

Hear me out. I have the ideal woman for you to use. Emma Bovary. I'm her agent.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Is she doing gigs still? I thought she'd retired after that standup night in Merseyside she did went really wrong and she was chased away by a mob of female dockyard workers.



LOUIS XVI

I like this idea very much. I'm going to buy myself a new crown and sceptre and a new suit from Giorgi Armani, and some after shave.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

But you don't shave, Vic. You're just tarting yourself up so you can have sweaty sex with Emma Bovary by seducing her with a combination of your northern charm and your dashing metropolitan dress sense.



AMERICAN SPY

So it's all set, then?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Yeah, I think Vic's up for it. I mean Louis.



AMERICAN SPY

I'll be back with her in 24 hours. Then we can fly you to Washington and have some fun. In the meantime I'll leave Kiefer Sutherland with you to shoot some extra footage to edit in later.



AMERICAN SPY LEAVES. KIEFER SUTHERLAND SITS DOWN ON A HIGH CHAIR AND BEGINS TO EAT A RUSK.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Excuse me, but what the Turkey Dinner Marketing Campaign are you supposed to be doing here? This scene ends in a few lines so I don't know what you're going to do for 24 hours, while we wait for our next shoot.



LOUIS XVI

Yeah, I can't hang about here with Kiefer Sutherland for 24 hours. A man needs to eat and sleep.



KIEFER SUTHERLAND

I think the idea is that footage of me spending the next 24 hours with you, minute by minute, will be run in diptych next to the main film. Surely that's right up your street, true parody. I mean "24" was awful, such horrible propaganda fuelling xenophobia and division and glorifying and justifying violence and barbarism.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Ordinarily I'd like to stay and agree with you but we're going off set now and then we'll just be ourselves.



LOUIS XVI

Bob will go and break a few apples in half with his thumb and I will paint a picture of a member of the British Royal Family looking like a miner.



KIEFER SUTHERLAND

Fair enough, I can't fault you there. My dad was really good in MASH, the film. Anyway, we may as well let Richard Briers have a scene now, we can always just leave the camera in the fridge and film whatever's inside it for the rest of the 24 hours.





CUT TO..





EXT. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE SET. BATMAN HAS JUST RESCUED AN ARMED ISRAELI FROM A PALESTINIAN BABY IN A PRAM AND IS JUST EATING THE BABY, HAVING FRIED IT UP, WITH PEPPERCORN SAUCE, LISTENING TO ZIGGY MARLEY TUNES WITH A MACHINE POWERED BY INTEL WHILST MORRISSEY GIVES HIM A BACK-RUB.



DEMPSEY

I say I say I say. What have we here?



MAKEPEACE

It's Batman, he's on our side.



BATMAN

Hello Dempsey and Makepeace. I liked you in that film Arthur. I thought you were shorter.



DEMPSEY

I think you have me confused with Dudley Moore.



BATMAN

Is he your twin brother?



DEMPSEY

Why don't you just go back to the Baywatch set and put on some lotion or something.



BATMAN

What about Knight Rider? I haven't always been obsessed with my body.



MAKEPEACE

And that's another thing. Why do you superheroes always dress up in the most flamboyant and seemingly homosexual clothes possible? I don't understand. Generation upon generation of satirist has lampooned you for it and you still do it. Nowadays in CGI and with a budget bigger than the annual food budget of a small third world nation or a big American or British city under corporate rule. Why do you do it? Are you oblivious to how stupid you look?



BATMAN

Oh come on, there's no need to punch so low. Do you think I enjoy being famous only because largely brainless young women fantasize about me or even more brainless young men to want women to fantasize about them and feel that copying me is the way to do it, presumably not a bad guess for people that stupid.



DEMPSEY

You're not trying to pretend that underneath that show tunes, baywatch, american authoritarian hide-in-the-shadows enforcer is a person capable of things like mutual aid, critical self-analysis and evolution? Really? You're having me on.



BATMAN

Look I just came here to help some Israelis, same as you.



MAKEPEACE

Don't imagine I'm here helping Israelis gladly. I promise you the very first chance I get to truly defy the part I've been cast in I will, and I will bring down the house.



BATMAN

Okay, but your mental breakdown aside, what I came to your set to tell you was that my associates are planning to kick off a major coup, using Emma Bovary as the pivot to the coup. I think you and I should get down to where the action is and make sure that we stand up for justice, white racial preference and the AngloZionist and Other White American way.



DEMPSEY

Well why didn't you say so? Thanks very much for the gold and frankincense. Don't worry so much about the myrrh next time. Let's go.





CUT TO.. A CLOUD FLOATING ABOVE TRAFALGAR SQUARE. MAN WITH GUN IS IN THE LOTUS POSITION. BALDRICK AND WHITE NARRATOR AND EMMA BOVARY ARE PLAYING CANASTA.



EMMA BOVARY

So what you're saying is that if we find the plant and kill it the whole of this horrific ordeal involving sadistic men in suits, hyperconsumer morons, hypersexual hyperconsumer morons, sorry, will come to a dramatic end?



MAN WITH GUN

Not necessarily end. Certainly a stationary point of some sort.



EMMA BOVARY

Forgive me but I'm not a mathematician. What's a stationary point?



MAN WITH GUN

Well it's not an end, but it's a kind of pause, before something else happens, in this case something else terrible.



EMMA BOVARY

By which you mean -



MAN WITH GUN

It'll turn out that whatever we kill is just the dream of something dreaming it was the plant having the dream. Probably. If it went that way the first time why should it not continue in that vein until the author has exhausted all edges of this universe to test and has been through all those institutions and individuals she or he wants or needs to challenge, ridicule and humiliate.



EMMA BOVARY

So we could end up shooting the plant, ending the bourgeois farce, and then suddenly turn up in an entirely new film called Planet of the Sales Apes, or something.



BALDRICK

That, my lord and lady, is precisely the sort of thing the screenwriter would throw in if the next script were indeed going to be called that.



WHITE NARRATOR

But what the screenwriter also then get you, Baldrick, to bring this up, out of some sort of vanity, or an additional theatrical device? Or would she or he throw himself or herself against a wall using only their tie, because of the capacity to defy actual laws of physics.



MAN WITH GUN

In a dream there are no laws of physics, you forget Norton. Remember, this film is not about white saviours, it's about me, saving her, from a lot of idiots.



EMMA BOVARY

Well it's hardly saving me if we're all going to end up in the next film anyway.



MAN WITH GUN

Alright, temporarily relieving you of extreme stress and horror.



EMMA BOVARY'S PHONE RINGS. SUDDENLY THE CLOUD VANISHES AND THEY REAPPEAR IN HER HOTEL ROOM, IN THE MIRROR. SHE ANSWERS IT AND SPEAKS, BUT SHE IS STILL ONLY IN THE MIRROR.



CHARLES BOVARY

Emma darling, I have Mel Brooks with me. Meet me at Macdonald's on the Strand. The Charity Corporation is sending over an Iraqi orphan to meet us there for lunch.



EMMA BOVARY (REAPPEARS IN HOTEL ROOM BUT THE OTHER THREE REMAIN IN THE MIRROR)

You came through. I don't know what to say. I'll get dressed and see you there.



SHE HANGS UP THE PHONE AND LOOKS IN THE MIRROR WHERE THE THREE STRANGERS ARE, MAN WITH GUN STILL IN THE LOTUS POSITION.



MAN WITH GUN

It's not Mel Brooks, you know, it's Johnny Vegas pretending to be him.



EMMA BOVARY

I did read the cast list at the start you know.



MAN WITH GUN

Well that won't have told you about the Iraqi orphan.



EMMA BOVARY

What about the Iraqi orphan?



MAN WITH GUN

They vetted her, they went through fifty and found the one who could most successfully be trained to say "I love my American overlords, I want to eat Macdonald's and watch tv shows about people doing violent things all day, have an overactive but low quality sex life, become clinically obese or overweight at the very least and multiply my carbon footprint by nine."



CUT TO.. INT. MACDONALD'S. EMMA BOVARY STANDS TO GREET THE IRAQI ORPHAN GIRL PRESENTED TO HER.



IRAQI ORPHAN GIRL

I love my American overlords, I want to eat Macdonald's and watch tv shows about people doing violent things all day, have an overactive but low quality sex life, become clinically obese or overweight at the very least and multiply my carbon footprint by nine.



EMMA BOVARY

I'm very pleased to meet you. I'd like you to meet a friend of mine called Mel Brooks, he's very funny and I think he'll make you see that the Americans who told you they are your overlords are just fascist berks and that a good American is someone like my friend Mel.



MEL BROOKS

Pleased to meet ya, Iraqi orphan.



IRAQI ORPHAN GIRL

But you're Johnny Vegas. I've seen Blazing Saddles you know, and Shooting Stars. I do know difference. Anyway, it doesn't matter because I love my American overlords, I want to eat Macdonald's and watch tv shows about people doing violent things all day, have an overactive but low quality sex life, become clinically obese or overweight at the very least and multiply my carbon footprint by nine.



EMMA BOVARY

This isn't going the way I'd imagined.



CHARLES BOVARY

I did try to tell you, darling. These people are not like us. As Boris Johnson said, they are centuries behind us. Look at their attitude to anal sex, for example. Centuries behind us. And they don't drink. Can you believe they don't drink?



EMMA BOVARY

Sometimes I think you do this to me to actually make me not want to have sex with you so you can go off and have a romp with a gay lover or something. Honestly Charles, you are basically the worst man in the world to be married to. What the hell was Flaubert thinking, setting me up with you? What a cruel cruel piss-taker he was.



HER PHONE RINGS. AMERICAN SPY SPEAKS.



AMERICAN SPY

Hello darling, I want to take you somewhere amazing. You'll have to pretend to be the Queen of France, though. Can you meet me in 10 minutes in Fleet Street?



EMMA BOVARY

Very easily. (TURNS TO CHARLES) Charles, you, the northern comedian and the house-trained Iraqi slave-girl can conclude this scene by yourselves. I'm going to do something I can regret and forget how much I hate the tedious and banal character of your pseudo-glamorous life.



SHE WALKS OUT.



CUT TO..



INT. CAPTAIN WILLARD'S BOAT. MAN WITH GUN, BALDRICK, WHITE NARRATOR, CAPTAIN WILLARD, RANDOM SOLDIER, COLONEL POTTER, CLINGER, ARE PLAYING POKER, FOR CASH, WHILST EATING THE SAME PRETZELS ALWAYS FEATURED IN ALL TV AND FILM POKER GAMES.



MAN WITH GUN

What I'd like to know, gentlemen, is where the hell we are.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I thought you said we're in a dream, or a screenplay.



MAN WITH GUN

Don't get cocky with me, Captain. I'm the only one who ends up surviving, other than Madam Bovary, you must surely realise.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

How can the plot of a story be obvious only half way through?



COLONEL POTTER

How can it not be? The plot of every work of art is woven into the smallest part. You could tell just from the title what would happen. Instead of the Bourgeoisie continuing business as usual and the outlier vanishing into nonentity, the outlier survives and the entire Bourgeoisie turns out to be the insane dream of a possibly disturbed member of the plant species, put out of its misery by an angry black man from the north of England.



MAN WITH GUN

As I was saying, the reason I'd like to know where we are is because I'm losing time here. Somewhere either in our vicinity or eluding me entirely is a plant which needs to be killed so that we can escape the insane horror of this thread of possibilities, floating as they are, around the spacetime continuum or continuums.



BALDRICK

Are you certain, my lord, that King Turnip isn't at the heart of this untoward status quo?



CLINGER

Are you nuts?



MAN WITH GUN

That joke was far too predictable. Clearly we are getting ever closer to that moment where the screenwriter has compacted so many good threads together that the final horrific descent into the delta of this dark farce rolls down like a waterfall at the end of a seemingly calm river.



WHITE NARRATOR

They've got Emma Bovary and they are taking her to the War Room so that the American Agent can begin his dark games to take over the world on behalf of Israel and sell the King of France to an alien species for experimentation.



MAN WITH GUN

How do you know that? This film isn't about white saviours. Who gave YOU inside information on the unfolding of this narrative, boyscout?



LIFTS WHITE NARRATOR UP BY HIS BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD T-SHIRT AND HOLDS HIM AGAINST THE WALL.



WHITE NARRATOR

Okay, okay, I admit it. It was King Turnip.



MAN WITH GUN THROWS WHITE NARRATOR TO THE GROUND.



MAN WITH GUN

Bollocks. There's no such person.



BALDRICK

See, I told you my lord. This is King Turnip's doing. King Turnip and the Knights of the Folding Plastic Garden Set.



WHITE NARRATOR

No, that's just insane. I'm talking about King Turnip, the powerful billionaire who owns Ronald MacDonald.



MAN WITH GUN

Rubbish. MacDonald's is owned by some guy called Clive or Andrew or something.



WHITE NARRATOR

Not MacDonald's, Ronald MacDonald, the burger-selling clown and Mafia Gangland Warlord.



MAN WITH GUN

Oh, I see.



LOOKS AT BALDRICK



MAN WITH GUN

Have you been feeding him the same juju beans you've been eating, Baldrick? Why is he saying the same crazy shit as you?



BALDRICK

Should we not, my lord, pay more attention to the Israeli scheme to take over the world?



MAN WITH GUN

Why, Baldrick? The problem has nothing to do with that. These are all just characters, in a fiction. The problem is the plant and the horrific dream it's having. The problem is it should wake up, not that any part of the dream is bad. It is the nature of this dream.



BALDRICK

Why is the cactus having so many bad dreams, my lord?



COLONEL POTTER

I was going to ask that.



MAN WITH GUN

If we are characters in the dream of some sort of plant or even vegetable, then how do WE know what the vegetable's been doing which caused the dream. Maybe the soil's eroded or something. I don't know. It's probably climate change related.



COLONEL POTTER

Excuse me Mr With Gun, but surely there's something important we're overlooking.



MAN WITH GUN

What would that be, Colonel?



COLONEL POTTER

They've got Emma Bovary and they are taking her to the War Room so that the American Agent can begin his dark games to take over the world on behalf of Israel and sell the King of France to an alien species for experimentation.



MAN WITH GUN

How do you know that? This film isn't about white saviours. Who gave YOU inside information on the unfolding of this narrative, boyscout?



LIFTS COLONEL POTTER UP BY HIS BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD T-SHIRT AND HOLDS HIM AGAINST THE WALL.



COLONEL POTTER

Edward Norton just said so.



WHITE NARRATOR

I am not Edward Norton, I am a character he is portraying. I am -



MAN WITH GUN

(punches him)

SHUT IT.



CUT TO..



EXT. M4. LOUIS XVI AND EMMA BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY AND MARIE ANTOINETTE ARE ON THE TRACTOR, HEADING TO HEATHROW AIRPORT. AMERICAN SPY IS FUMING. THE OTHER THREE ARE HAVING A LAUGH, PARTICULARLY EMMA BOVARY, WHO IS WELL CHEERED UP BY THE LUNACY OF LOUIS XVI.



AMERICAN SPY

Why do we have to use a tractor? For fuck's sake it'll take hours, we'll miss the plane.



LOUIS XVI

Look, I'm the King aren't I? And if you're serious about giving me control of all the world outside Israel then you'd let me travel by tractor. So unless you're just pretending that you're helping us, you'd better let me travel by tractor.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Tractors are the transport system of the Farm Kings, you know.



AMERICAN SPY

What the hell are you talking about? Why are you even here?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Don't worry I'll blend into the background.



SHOWS THEM HIS AMERICAN DISGUISE. IT IS A BIG BELLY AND A T-SHIRT STAINED WITH BEER, AND A HUGE BOX OF LARD, AND A TV REMOTE CONTROL.



AMERICAN SPY

Are you serious?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

You haven't seen the finishing touch. Pulls a cowboy hat out of a carrier bag and puts it on.



AMERICAN SPY

You should have said.



AMERICAN SPY IS NO LONGER PERTURBED. THEY FINALLY REACH THE ENTRANCE TO HEATHROW AIRPORT. EMMA BOVARY DECIDES TO FOLLOW LOUIS' EXAMPLE AND STICK IT TO AMERICAN SPY WHILE SHE HAS THE CHANCE AND THE SCREENPLAY IS VEERING HER WAY, ON ITS WAY TO A CALAMITOUS ENDING.



EMMA BOVARY

Let's go via Gatwick instead.



LOUIS XVI

Brilliant idea!



SWINGS TRACTOR AROUND AND HEADS OFF IN THE DIRECTION OF GATWICK. MARIE ANTOINETTE TUCKS INTO A BATTENBERG. SMOKE STARTS TO POUR OUT OF AMERICAN SPY'S NOSTRILS AND HIS EYES TURN GUANTANAMO-ORANGE.





INT. WAR ROOM. GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL IS DEMONSTRATING VIA A SLIDE SHOW AN ARTIST'S IMPRESSION OF GODOT.FIRST SLIDE WE SEE SHOWS AN ORDINARY PERSON ABOUT TO SELECT ORGANIC PRODUCE IN A SLIGHTLY EXPENSIVE SUPERMARKET FAVOURED BY THE MIDDLE CLASSES.



GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL

Here we see a potential terrorist about to make an extremist decision. See how he buys the organic produce and pays for it. This man is not buying organic produce by mistake or unknowingly - this is a calculated attempt to undermine the profit motive behind food and drink items whose purpose is not nutrition for the consumer but profit for the producer and is held in place by addiction on the consumer's part, as well as peer pressure. By refusing to participate in the perpetuation of capitalism the organic food product purchaser is purposely attempting to destroy the free market, no doubt in order to usher in communism. Such a vandal is, if not directly paid or controlled by Godot then at best controlled by an agent of Godot. Nuke such low-lifes on sight and then get yourself a big mac and a bucket of coca cola and never stop shopping. Do it on credit if you must, buy things you'll never need, if that's what it takes, but do it. Do not stop shopping, ever.



NEXT SLIDE SHOWS A STUDENT EATING AVOCADO ON SOURDOUGH TOAST, PURCHASED FROM THE SAME SUPERMARKET. THERE IS ALSO A SALAD ON THE SIDE.



GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL

In this one the tell tale sign isn't just the use of avocado as a food, rather than something normal like processed diluted meat and preservatives, not even the presence of sourdough bread instead of the cheapest most glutenously dodgy bread item on the cheapo supermarket shelf. In fact what makes this terrorist stand out from others, what enables us to see this is an organiser, not just a low ranking terrorist, is the salad. Your low ranking terrorist may well eat avocado toast and waste all the world's money whilst sensible people are busy having a donut for breakfast, a cheap, profitable to corporations, heart disease causing, triple bypass causing donut. But your low ranking terrorist probably won't have time to constantly make fresh salads and eat them at all hours of the day. Less dangerous salad eaters, those who don't organise, merely participate, will eat a salad occasionally, whereas your class A terrorist will eat salads morning, noon and night, as though high fibre, vitamins and minerals are more important than fats, sugars and an oversupply of carbohydrates. Indeed as the gutter press has recently reported, due to celebrities who tell people not to be fat stupid bastards, there are anorexic people. Anorexic people would not exist if nobody had a good diet, but selfishly some people out there not only have good diets but try to encourage others to join in their terrorist activities and form terror groups in which all members eat either relatively healthy food and occasional salads or, indeed, full blown regular salad dishes and generally very healthy food. There are people who even drink water, instead of fizzy sugar drinks or hot caffeine drinks. You cannot take risks with people like this. A missile strike is the only way.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

This is boring. I thought we were going to have a stripper. Charlie Sheen's going to take care of Godot for us. All we have to do is eat burgers, drink a variety of alcoholic drinks and enjoy the company of strippers. You're letting Godot get to you.



GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL

I'm sorry sir, I don't know what came over me.



GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL GETS HIMSELF A STRIPPER AND ENJOYS HIMSELF.





CUT TO..





EXT. GATWICK AIRPORT. LOUIS XVI, MARIE ANTOINETTE, AMERICAN SPY AND EMMA BOVARY ARE TRUNDLING TOWARDS A PRIVATE JET WHICH AMERICAN SPY HAS HAD TO ARRANGE FOR THEM. E.T. IS IN THE WAY OF THE TRACTOR AND LOUIS, WHO IS DRIVING, IS FORCED TO DO AN EMERGENCY STOP.



LOUIS XVI

What the hell are you doing E.T.? You could have been killed.



E.T.

E.T. Phone home.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

You should have signed up for a contract with roaming calls, shouldn't you? You can't blame us if you didn't think things through when setting up your communication infrastructure before setting out to explore the galaxy.



E.T.

E.T. Phone home.



EMMA BOVARY

Oh come on, don't be mean. He just wants to use the phone. [GIVES E.T. HER MOBILE] Here, have mine. My husband is filthy rich and a total arsehole. Make as many calls as you like, he's paying.



E.T.

Thank you very much, you're very kind.



E.T. CALLS UP HIS UNCLE, BUGSY MALONE. PHONE RINGS. BUGSY ANSWERS



E.T.

Uncle Bugsy, I'm stranded in Boris Johnson's England, I need you to get me the fuck out of here. There are few places in the galaxy as hostile to me as this place.



CUT TO..



INT. GAY NIGHT CLUB. ACROSS THE TABLE FROM BUGSY MALONE ARE CHARLES BOVARY AND CAPTAIN PICARD.



BUGSY MALONE

Sorry E.T. I'm in a high level meeting right now. Have you thought about calling Bernie Sanders? He's definitely floating around this screenplay somewhere. He may be less hostile and aggressive towards outsiders than others in western politics. Get him to give you a lift to the war room in Washington. That's where the screenplay will end, I think. Or thereabouts. At least that's the impression I got.



CUT TO..



EXT. GATWICK AIRPORT (etc)



E.T.

Okay Uncle Bugsy. I'll do that.



HANGS UP. LOOKS AT EMMA BOVARY



E.T.

Apparently I should get a lift from Bernie Sanders to the war room in Washington.



EMMA BOVARY

That's where WE'RE going! Just come with us. [TO LOUIS XVI] We can give a lift to E.T. here can't we?



AMERICAN SPY

I absolutely forbid it



LOUIS XVI

You know what Bob.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Vic, I've told you, call me Mary.



LOUIS XVI

You know what, Mary, I don't think I'm going to bother with President Quackquack after all. I think we should go to Pakistan and have a few games of cricket with Imran Khan. E.T. can play in mid field.



E.T.

There's no mid field in cricket, even I know that. What planet are you from Vic, I mean Louis?



AMERICAN SPY

Alright alright, he can come with us to the war room. But I'll have to call ahead or they're liable to shoot him (and us) on sight. Walking around America in the company of an alien is extremely dangerous. Americans like to kill anything living they don't recognise and quite a lot of things they do recognise. It's part of our culture. If you can't endorse mindless violence you're not just unamerican you're anti-american and should be killed, that's the ethos we have always lived by.



THEY BOARD THE PRIVATE JET.



CUT TO..



INT. WAR ROOM. PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK IS DOING A MAGIC TRICK FOR HIS FRIENDS AND AUDIENCES, IN WHICH THEY ALL PLACE THEIR VALUABLES INTO A SWAG BAG AND HE GIVES IT TO A SECURITY GUARD WHO LOCKS IT UP AND WILL CONFIRM WHEN ASKED THAT IT ALL NOW BELONGS TO PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK WHO IS THE BEST PERSON IN THE UNIVERSE.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK [BOWING]

Thank you ladies and gentlemen, for your time and your valuables.



PRESIDENTIAL AIDE [INTO HIS EAR]

Sir I think you're supposed to thank them for their valuable time, not take their valuables and thank them their time and their valuables.



[SECURITY GUARDS IMMEDIATELY DRAG THE AIDE OFF AND SHOOT HER. ANOTHER AIDE ARRIVES AND WHISPERS SOMETHING IN HIS EAR. HE SMILES]



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news. Louis XVI is going to join us and [HE GRINS, VERY PLEASED WITH HIMSELF FOR HIS BRILLIANT IDEA] he's bringing his hot wife! We all know what the Frenchies are like, eh?





CUT TO.. INT. GAY NIGHT CLUB. PICARD AND BUGSY MALONE ARE HAVING GAY SEX ON THE TABLE WHEN BATMAN AND DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE ENTER.



BUGSY MALONE

Blow me. How the hell did you do that?



PICARD

Do what, how's your father?



BUGSY MALONE

How did you manage to enter the nightclub as the same time as being inside it and buggering me?



PICARD

In-bred hollywood-style latterday-ealing-style casting. Obviously. One or two overpaid white men doing all the jobs except the ones required for tokens or female sex objects.



BATMAN

Alright, alright, can the gay banter. Serious shit is going down at the war room. We need to get into an SUV and head over there asap.



DEMPSEY

How did you do that?



MAKEPEACE

How did he do what?



DEMPSEY

How did Batman talk to Picard when both are being played by David Hasselhoff? And how, as Bugsy Malone pointed out, did Batman enter the night club whilst he was already inside entering Bugsy malone?



MAKEPEACE

That's a bit rich coming from you.



DEMPSEY

Don't you mean me?



MAKEPEACE

That's what I said, that's a bit rich coming from me.



BUGSY MALONE

Alright alright, enough of this schizo banter. What are you saying Batman? What's going on in the war room? Why the sudden need for four wheeled drive transport? Are we going to have to run over Iraqi children on the roads, the way Halliburton's drivers, I gather, used to do in Iraq when the Americans were trying to take that place over.



BATMAN

American spy, Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette have convinced Emma Bovary to head to the war room to initiate some kind of global feminist revolution which may make it impossible to differentiate heterosexual men from gay men, which would make life very hard for me. At the same time it would entrench further the spread of white entitlement and male domination, which would obviously benefit all of us greatly. I am conflicted.



PICARD

And me.



BUGSY MALONE

Conflict is good. It's healthy. Particularly nuclear conflict or class oppression. We should go to the war room and help them get it done. There will be malcontents, miscreants and theatrical devices initiated by Godot or Beckett or Flaubert to try and reverse the process. It's up to us to make sure that white entitlement survives this screenplay, at least into the next one and a few to come after.



PICARD

This is a screenplay?



BATMAN

Don't pretend you didn't know that. I'm Batman, you're Picard, we're both David Hasselhoff, how could it be anything but a screenplay?



DEMPSEY

On the contrary, if you read the previous screenplay you'll find that it may be a dream within a dream - OF a screenplay.



BUGSY MALONE

Rubbish. Nonsense. A dream screenplay would be about a couple of white men and their female sex object, usually white, sometimes a token, being white saviours - a magic negro would feature too, or some equivalent. The story would be simple - it'd glorify narcissism, gratification, maintaining the status quo, consumerism, militarism and nihilism.



PICARD

And what is the current screenplay doing?



CHARLES BOVARY ENTERS.



CHARLES BOVARY

Exactly that, my friends. Exactly that. Now let's have some more sex before we move onto the next scene.



BUGSY MALONE

We're not even in the next scene.



CHARLES BOVARY

Perfect, then no one will mind if we get on with having some sex.



THEY BEGIN TO HAVE MORE SEX. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE DECIDE TO STAND GUARD OUTSIDE THE NIGHTCLUB IN CASE GODOT SHOULD TURN UP AND ALSO BECAUSE HE'S NOT ACTUALLY GAY BUT DOESN'T WANT TO TELL THEM IN CASE THEY EXCLUDE HIM FOR NOT FITTING IN.





CUT TO.. CAPTAIN WILLARD'S BOAT. THE BOAT APPEARS TO BE SAILING THROUGH DEEP SPACE. ANNE OF GREEN GABLES HAS JOINED THEM AND IS DOING A PERFORMANCE OF HAMLET, USING HAND PUPPETS, ALTHOUGH SHE HAS REWRITTEN IT COMPLETELY



ANNE OF GREEN GABLES

To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether tis nobler to go to the dance with Gilbert Blythe or to become a mounty and help Paul Gross combat the myth that survival of the fittest means predatorial behaviour, authoritarianism and people in uniforms thuggishly lording it over others.



MAN WITH GUN

This was not in the original Shakespeare.



EVERYONE ELSE

Sssssshhhh!



ANNE OF GREEN GABLES

There are more things in Gilbert Blythe's trousers than are dreamt of in your philosophy, Horatio.



MAN WITH GUN

I am not called Horatio. Nobody here is called Horatio. Who is this Canadian schizo talking to?



EVERYONE ELSE

Ssssssshhhh!



ANNE OF GREEN GABLES

Methinks I am a prophet, new inspired, and thus expiring do foretell of him. His rash fierce blaze of riot cannot last, for violent fires soon burn out themselves; small showers last long, but sudden storms are short; he tires betimes that spurs too fast betimes; with eager feeding food doth choke the feeder. Light vanity, insatiate cormorant, consuming means, soon preys upon Gilbert Blythe.



MAN WITH GUN [shoots Anne of Green Gables]

We don't have time for this. We have to put an end to the nightmare we are in before it puts an end to us.



WHITE NARRATOR

I can't believe you killed her, I wanted to bone her. I hadn't boned her yet.



MAN WITH GUN

You hyperconsumers are pretty sick. The woman was old enough to be your grandmother. She may even BE your grandmother.



COLONEL POTTER

If I may make a suggestion, I think we should head to the war room. I think it's all going to kick off there.



MAN WITH GUN

That's exactly what the screenwriter wants us to do. To throw us a curve ball, as you Americans say. It is my considered opinion that the war room is the last place we should go to find the delta of this story.



BALDRICK

But everyone else in this script with an important role is heading there.



MAN WITH GUN

I'm more interested in knowing where Kiefer Sutherland is. The Israelis are playing a dark game and I believe he is missing piece of the puzzle. Where was he seen last?



CLINGER

He was in the Israeli embassy, sir, trying to involve Reeves and Mortimer in some sort of home art movie.



MAN WITH GUN

Don't you mean Louis and Marie Antoinette?



CLINGER

Please, sir, the casting is unconvincing. I prefer to accept that it's Reeves and Mortimer, not members of the former French Aristocracy.



MAN WITH GUN

Well however you choose to perceive the northern comedians, the fact is that Sutherland didn't go with them to the war room, did he? I suspect he's still in the Israeli embassy. We have to go there too, to rule.



GENERAL ZOD

That's my line you south London upstart.



MAN WITH GUN [shoots General Zod dead]

I always wanted to shoot General Zod.



CUT TO..



CHARLES BOVARY'S PRIVATE JET. PICARD, BUGSY MALONE AND BATMAN ARE HAVING SEX WITH CHARLES BOVARY WHILST DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE PILOT THE JET. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE MAKES AN ANNOUNCEMENT ON THE PLANE'S ANNOUNCEMENT THING.



DEMPSEY

This is your captain speaking.



MAKEPEACE

Both of them.



DEMPSEY

Yes, yes, alright. I'm not sure that joke really has the staying power the author is treating it as having. Still, we must press on.



MAKEPEACE

Will you or will I?



DEMPSEY

Go ahead.



MAKEPEACE

Gentlemen and gentlemen we are coming in to land in Washington DC now, please stop having sex and fasten your seatbelts.



LIGHT BUZZES INDICATING AN EMERGENCY AMONG THE PASSENGERS. DEMPSEY PUTS THE PLANE ON AUTOPILOT. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE GO IN TO FIND OUT WHAT THE EMERGENCY IS.



CHARLES BOVARY

Is it okay if we continue to have sex if we do it with our seatbelts on?



MAKEPEACE

If that makes you happy.



DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE RETURN TO THE COCKPIT AND BEGIN LANDING THE PLANE.





CUT TO.. AMERICAN SPY'S PRIVATE JET. LOUIS XVI, MARIE ANTOINETTE, AMERICAN SPY AND EMMA BOVARY ARE PLAYING CANASTA WHILST E.T. PILOTS THE JET.



AMERICAN SPY

I cannot believe you forced me to let an unknown extra terrestrial pilot this plane and had my own pilot take a bus. You are sick in the head.



LOUIS XVI

I can just go home if you like and you can finish your scheme without me and my hot wife.



EMMA BOVARY

Yeah, as his hot wife I'll just go with him to Darlington or wherever he lives and make his chips and grill steak whilst he puts his feet up and watches the boxing.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

And I might go to the outskirts of London and break an apple in half with my thumb.



AMERICAN SPY

Okay okay I get the point. I have to do what you want so that you finish the job you've started and we can pull off my excellent plan. Okay. Fine. But I hate you. You're all sick in the head.



E.T.

Ladies and gentlemen we are coming in to land in Washington DC, please fasten your seatbelts unless you are the King of France in which case you may do an entire jig in the middle of the aisle whilst balancing a plate of cakes and a whole jug of vodka on your head by means of a very large hat built with a tray on top.



LOUIS BEGINS TO DO THE JIG WITH THE AFOREMENTIONED HAT ON HIS HEAD. EMMA BOVARY AND MARIE ANTOINETTE CLAP LIKE GUESTS AT A GREEK WEDDING OF SOME SORT. AMERICAN SPY TAKES SOME VALIUM.



CUT TO..



INT. CAPTAIN WILLARD'S BOAT. IT HAS JUST PULLED INTO THE RIVERSIDE NEAR HAMMERSMITH BRIDGE. MAN WITH GUN, BALDRICK, WHITE NARRATOR, CAPTAIN WILLARD, COLONEL POTTER, CLINGER AND RANDOM SOLDIER GET OUT OF THE BOAT AND WALK THROUGH HAMMERSMITH, VIA KING STREET, UP TO WHERE THEY CAN CATCH A NUMBER 10 BUS TO HIGH STREET KENSINGTON. JIMMINY GLICK AND BERNIE SANDERS HAVE OPENED A FALAFEL STAND AND ARE SELLING WRAPS TO PASSERS-BY.



BERNIE SANDERS

Get your hot fresh falafel wraps here.



JIMMINY GLICK [OPENING A SECOND STALL, SELLING A WIDE VARIETY OF PROCESSED SUGAR PRODUCTS, DAIRY PRODUCTS AND GLUTENOUS PRODUCTS]

Get your hot fresh falafel wraps and your processed sugar products and your dairy products and your gluten. Get it all here. Get your fill.



ELVIS APPROACHES THE STALL.



ELVIS

I'd like to buy a little bit of everything please.



JIMMINY GLICK FILLS A VERY LARGE BUCKET MOSTLY WITH PROCESSED SUGAR PRODUCTS, DAIRY PRODUCTS AND GLUTENOUS PRODUCTS AND PUTS SOME FALAFELS IN A WRAP AND STICKS IT ON TOP.



ELVIS

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.



[ELVIS POURS THE CONTENT OF THE BUCKET INTO HIS MOUTH AND CHOMPS IT DOWN LIKE POPEYE EATING ANIMATED SPINACH. SUDDENLY HE EXPLODES LIKE MR CREOSOTE]. RONALD MACDONALD ARRIVES WITH HIS HENCHMEN AND HAS THEM CLEAN UP THE MESS AND CART OFF THE EVIDENCE TO THE SET OF MAX HEADROOM.



BERNIE SANDERS

Hey, aren't you Christopher Walken?



RONALD MACDONALD

No I'm Ronald Macdonald. Fuck off.



RONALD MACDONALD LEAVES.



BERNIE SANDERS

Get your hot fresh falafel wraps here.



MAN WITH GUN AND HIS POSSE TURN UP AND BUY SOME FALAFEL WRAPS.



BERNIE SANDERS

Hey I thought you were supposed to be trying to save the world from President Quackquack or from the nightmare of an arbitrary plant or shrub. What are you doing here on High Street Kensington?





MAN WITH GUN

I'm afraid, Mr Sanders, you don't have the courage or integrity to handle the truth about where I'm going, which is to the Israeli embassy, which is the root of all the ills in this nightmare we are in.



BERNIE SANDERS

It's not that I don't know that, you know, it's just a question of pragmatism. There are enough problems in this nightmare to deal with already without bringing Israel and its unholy machine of assassinations, genocide, chemical, biological and radiological weaponry onto the table.



MAN WITH GUN

It's a bit late for that. The entire plot revolves around an Israeli plan for global domination.



BERNIE SANDERS

No it's about Charles Bovary and the military industrial complex and the horror experienced by his innocent wife, a leading feminist, Emma Bovary.



MAN WITH GUN

This is why you're not capable of being president even if they were to elect you, Bernard. Let me show you footage of what Israel has been up to, vis a vis Emma Bovary.



[He shows Bernie Sanders a video clip of earlier scenes from this film].



BERNIE SANDERS

Look I'm just an old man, there's nothing I can do myself, but if there's any way in which I can help YOU deal with Israel and its malevolence once and for all, just ask.



MAN WITH GUN

Fine. Give me your VIP entry pass allowing you passed the front door security of the Israeli embassy.



[BERNIE SANDERS HANDS OVER THE ENTRY PASS].





CUT TO..



INT. RONALD MACDONALD'S HEADQUARTERS. RONALD MACDONALD IS DEMONSTRATING TO HIS STAFF HOW TO HANDLE WORKER STRIKES DEMANDING THINGS LIKE STATUTORY SICK PAY. CLEANERS CART THE CORPSE OF THE SAMPLE WORKER BEING USED AS A DEMONSTRATION OFF TO AN AMERICAN AIR BASE NEARBY AND RONALD MACDONALD ORDERS A LARGE EXPENSIVE LUNCH TO BE BROUGHT TO HIM, PREPARED BY THE FINEST CHEFS IN THE WORLD. AS HE TUCKS IN HE ADDRESSES KING TURNIP, WHO IS DRINKING AN AMERICANO WITH OAT MILK.



RONALD MACDONALD

I'm tired of this film. I think we should just kill all these ass-holes.



KING TURNIP

What ass-holes?



RONALD MACDONALD

All of them. Every last motherfucking one of them. Starting with Tarantino. What a fucking violence-glorifying prick.



KING TURNIP

And you? You're not a violent character played by an actor known for violent films?



RONALD MACDONALD

Don't you understand my lord, this screenplay is being written by a dangerous and powerful anarchist, a writer with extreme levels of intellectual honesty doused in an ever present combination of scientific method and sheer existential comedic style.



KING TURNIP

Listen, I'm Mel Brooks and nobody tells me what to do. I'll have you know -



RONALD MACDONALD

My lord, in this film you are King Turnip. Mel Brooks is played by Johnny Vegas.



KING TURNIP

Really? Then you're right. They ARE ass-holes. Kill them all. How you gonna do it?



RONALD MACDONALD

First you have to stop Man with gun. He is going to rescue them all. True they will end up in an even worse film, pursued by the many-headed Coronavirus, but they'll still have a chance of survival. We could finish them off right here, before he can save them. Just give the order, my lord, and I will get it done.



KING TURNIP

Get it done. But I want to deal with Man with gun myself. It seems to me that he embodies a projection of the writer's own being into the script. I'd like to meet the force strong enough to match me, punch for punch, in the boxing ring of art.



RONALD MACDONALD

As you wish, sire. He is on his way to the Israeli embassy. There he will eliminate Kiefer Sutherland and close in on the plant which is having the dream we are all in. Once he kills that plant we'll all vanish again and start again from scratch, like Prometheus or some such greek legend, and hunting him down, indeed killing everyone, will become tricky again and we'll have to get through loads of pages of screenplay before we get another chance.



KING TURNIP

Enough. I detest excessive dimensional travel or discussion about it. I get the gist. I will go to the Israeli embassy and deal with this gun bearing man. You sort out the rest of the humans. Kill them artistically, that's all I ask. Make sure that if any life exists anywhere else and is looking on, it is thoroughly entertained by how you kill all the humans. I am Mel Brooks, I have to do it stylishly -



RONALD MACDONALD

Again, sir, you are in fact King Turnip in this screenplay.



KING TURNIP KILLS RONALD MACDONALD WITH A SHARPENED BIG MAC AND THEN REANIMATES HIM.



KING TURNIP

Don't make me kill you again. I am whoever I want to be. No screenwriter can put a label on me. I am the character I believe I am, and I simply don't believe King Turnip exists. And as for getting Johnny Vegas to play me - if that's where Hollywood has reached then it is time for me to bring its sordid lifespan to an end.



CUT TO..



INT. WAR ROOM. THE DOORS BURST OPEN AND AMERICAN SPY, BATMAN, CHARLES BOVARY, CAPTAIN PICARD AND BUGSY MALONE ALL ENTER FROM ONE SIDE, LOUIS XVI, EMMA BOVARY, MARIE ANTOINETTE, AMERICAN SPY AND E.T. ENTER FROM THE OTHER DOORS.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

What the fuck is going on? Oh wait, look, it's Louis XVI and his hot wife, and some guy dressed as a woman (shoot him). Oh shit look, it's Batman - I love Batman. And Bugsy Malone. You guys are great. I'm so glad you made it. Nobody reinforces my heterosexuality more than you do. Somebody bring them some prostitutes and a big mac.



THEY SETTLE IN. THE GAY HEROES START PRETENDING TO BE HETEROSEXUAL AND TUCK INTO THEIR PINK SLIME BURGERS. E.T. DOES A NOVELTY JIG FOR THEM AND THEY ALL CELEBRATE THEIR MULTICULTURAL VALUES TOGETHER.



E.T.

E.T. phone home. E.T. phone home. E.T. phone home.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

Is it a song?



EMMA BOVARY

No I think he wants to use your phone.



BATMAN OFFERS HIM A PHONE.



BATMAN

Here, E.T., use the bat phone.



E.T. phones up a pizza delivery place and orders a number of extra large deep pan pizzas with additional gluten and a double dose of dairy.



E.T.

Mmmm. Be scrumptious.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK (to LOUIS)

Listen Louis, I need to take sexual advantage of your hot wife for a moment. Perhaps you would like to play with my mock up nuclear war computer game while I'm doing that. Shouldn't take more than a few minutes.



LOUIS (WINKING AT AMERICAN SPY)

Okay President Quackquack, you can have sweaty sex with my wife and I'll just stay here and play computer games, shall I?



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK GRABS EMMA BOVARY BY THE ARSE AND DRAGS HER OFF WITH HIM TO WHERE HE USUALLY RAPES WOMEN.



EMMA BOVARY (to AMERICAN SPY)

Hang on, is this really part of the plan?



AMERICAN SPY

Just play along. The Iraqi orphans are depending on you.



A PRESIDENTIAL AIDE ENTERS AND WARNS THE PRESIDENT OF IMMINENT DANGER.



PRESIDENTIAL AIDE

Sir, while we were fucking around praising ourselves and seeking gratification, the screenwriter hoodwinked us. Man with gun is currently closing in on the Israeli embassy and has a special pass he borrowed from Bernie Sanders. Soon he will track down his quarry and end our orgy of joy and exceptionality. We must act fast.



AMERICAN SPY

I don't believe it. What a cunning trickster.



EMMA BOVARY

Maybe it's time you realise that you are merely a figment in someone's imagination, you are no greater than the rainbow coloured stylised turd shaped cushions you sell in the name of trying to equate anal sex with virtuous, utopian and noble behaviour. As though all a guy has to do to be noble is fuck another guy in the arse.



CHARLES BOVARY

Mmm. I can't take it any more.



[RIPS AMERICAN SPY'S CLOTHES OFF AND THEY BEGIN SHAGGING]



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

Shoot them. And the one in the dress. Come on.



[ATTEMPTS TO KEEP ON HEADING TO HIS RAPE CORNER WITH EMMA BOVARY. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE SUDDENLY ENTERS, HAVING HAD TO PARK THE CAR AND THUS ARRIVE AT THE WAR ROOM AFTER EVERYONE ELSE]



DEMPSEY

Unhand that french bourgeois anti-heroine now, Quackquack.



BATMAN

But Dempsey, you're one of us. You're supposed to believe in domination, authoritarianism, gratification, arseholery and unchecked at that. You're letting the team down. We are team white privilege, we are team genocide, we are team rape.



DEMPSEY [SHOOTS BATMAN DEAD]

Smile you son of a bitch.



PICARD

How could you do that? You killed me. You sick bastard.



MAKEPEACE

No he didn't, he killed Batman.



PICARD

But I'm the same actor. That was callous. I shall call the union. We actors are supposed to stick together. We're ALL paid big money to demonise outsiders and the vulnerable, to promote authoritarianism and violence and to shit on everyone from a dizzy height. If one of us breaks ranks, we ALL suffer. No moral compass is permitted among American actors.



DEMPSEY

But I'm British. I was in The Good Life - and even a particularly good episode of Doctor Who starring Sylvester Mcoy.



PICARD PULLS OUT A HIGH TECH STAR TREK WEAPON TO USE AGAINST DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE BUT AMERICAN SPY STOPS HIM AND ALSO STOPS PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK FROM RAPING EMMA BOVARY, ADVISING THE PRESIDENT TO PUT HIS CLOTHES BACK ON AND ALLOW EMMA BOVARY TO DO THE SAME.



AMERICAN SPY

This is no time for in-fighting, or rape. We are ALL in danger. If Man with gun reaches the kitchen of the Israeli embassy, we may all die and none of us will have any more lines. We may have to find other work in order to pay for things like food or shelter. Some of us could end up in office jobs.



THEY PILE INTO AMERICAN SPY'S LIMO AND SET OFF IN THE DIRECTION OF HIS PRIVATE JET, SO THEY CAN ALL HEAD TO THE ISRAELI EMBASSY AND TAKE ON MAN WITH GUN AND HIS POSSE.



CUT TO.. INT. MOTHERSHIP OF E.T.'S RACE OF ALIENS. KIEFER SUTHERLAND IS ON THE DECK, WATCHING A SCREEN. ON IT IS A LIVE FEED FROM THE CAMERA INSIDE THE FRIDGE IN THE ISRAELI EMBASSY. THE FRIDGE DOOR OPENS. MAN WITH GUN PEERS INSIDE.





MAN WITH GUN

Where are you Kiefer Sutherland? I know you're around somewhere, and up to no good I imagine.



HE CLOSES THE FRIDGE DOOR.



CUT TO...



INT. ISRAELI EMBASSY. THE STAFF ARE ALL OUT TO LUNCH, EATING PALESTINIAN, SYRIAN, IRAQI AND LIBYAN BABIES SOMEWHERE, IN THE FORM OF PIES, CASSEROLES, EVEN RAW, SUSHI STYLE. MAN WITH GUN, CAPTAIN WILLARD, BALDRICK, WHITE NARRATOR, COLONEL POTTER, CLINGER, E.T. AND RANDOM SOLDIER ARE LOOKING AROUND, TRYING TO FIND THE PLANT MAN WITH GUN NEEDS TO KILL.



MAN WITH GUN

Remember, people, it could be any form of vegetation at all. Stay frosty.



THEY (MAN WITH GUN, BALDRICK, CAPTAIN WILLARD, WHITE NARRATOR, COLONEL POTTER, CLINGER AND RANDOM SOLDIER) GATHER IN THE AMBASSADOR'S OFFICE TO TAKE STOCK.



COLONEL POTTER

This place gives me the booboo jeebees.



CLINGER

I'm going to wear a dress.



COLONEL POTTER

It makes sense. This film is ridiculing the gay-washing industry. A profusion of gay sexuality, transvestism and just general outwardly mobile sexual shenanigans adds to the strong emotive attack on the sneering homophobic racist sexist virtue-signalling pathological self-deluding humans who if they read this screenplay will be 'offended'. It's they, the author is showing, who can't stand the trappings of gay sex or promiscuity or sexual expression. They're the ones we catch and convict in the end. Isn't that right Harvey?



CLINGER

If you're talking to Harvey Weinstein, he can't hear you, sir, this is a screenplay he is seriously unlikely to read.



COLONEL POTTER

Maybe I was talking about him, maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was talking to the millions like him who try to pretend they're not.



MAN WITH GUN

Excuse me but this is my film, not a slow-moving dialogue on a lesser-watched MASH 4077 episode.



COLONEL POTTER

Sorry, sir. Please command us, that we may fight, in your name, and overthrow the enemy.



MAN WITH GUN

That's more like it. Baldrick, flipchart.



BALDRICK PRODUCES A FLIPCHART ON WHICH THERE IS A PLAN DRAWING OF THE ISRAELI EMBASSY WITH THEIR POSITION MARKED OUT CLEARLY.



MAN WITH GUN

We've checked the torture chamber, the ethnic cleansing planning office, we've checked the blackmailing lawmakers warehouse, we've looked inside the surveillance and weapon company proliferation department and we've found nothing. Moreover Keifer Sutherland has vanished without a trace but has left his camera in the fridge in the kitchen. Does anyone have any suggestions?



CAPTAIN WILLARD

Have we checked the bedrooms? I only ask because I'm really overdue for some gratuitous sexual gratification now. You don't put Charlie Sheen in a film and never have anyone fuck anyone. It's a complete waste.



WHITE NARRATOR

This is the Israeli Embassy. If decadence has a physical epicentre it is the entire civil structure of Israel. We are in orgyland. Just give it some time and the sex will come to us. All we have to do is wait.



BALDRICK

My lord, I have an idea about where the plant may be.



MAN WITH GUN

Speak Baldrick, guide us with your provincial simplicity.



BALDRICK

Well my lord I noticed on the plan that there is one place we didn't check.



MAN WITH GUN

Is it a place where we will find a spoon?



BALDRICK

Yes my lord.



MAN WITH GUN

That didn't work in the Life of Brian and it won't work for us either.



BALDRICK

But my lord, all I meant was that we didn't actually check the kitchen. Only for Kiefer Sutherland, not for the plant.



MAN WITH GUN

That's good thinking, Baldrick. I'm going to give you a side-kick in the next film, you've earned it. Maybe Bill Murray could play the part. Let's go.





THEY SET OFF FOR THE KITCHEN.



CUT TO..



INT. MOTHERSHIP OF E.T.'S RACE OF ALIENS. KIEFER SUTHERLAND IS ON THE DECK, WATCHING A SCREEN. ON IT IS A LIVE FEED FROM THE CAMERA INSIDE THE FRIDGE IN THE ISRAELI EMBASSY. THE FRIDGE DOOR OPENS. MAN WITH GUN PEERS INSIDE.



MAN WITH GUN

Okay Kiefer Sutherland, I know you're watching. Where are you? What's your plan?



KIEFER SUTHERLAND (TO HIS ALIEN ACCOMPLICE)

Little does he know that it was I who paid the Israelis to hand over the entire human race to me, including they themselves, but they are gullible bastards are they not?



SPACE ALIEN

As are you.



SPACE ALIEN KILLS KIEFER SUTHERLAND WITH A NAPKIN.



SPACE ALIEN

Now, my fellow space aliens, we can take over this planet and turn its life forms into our commercial slaves. We can sell rainbow coloured stylised turd shaped cushions all over the galaxy in the name of gay-rights-friendly huge profits and mansions and gated housing for us, and coronavirus for everyone else. Yeeeha. We still need to experiment on the King of France.



SECOND SPACE ALIEN

Why?



SPACE ALIEN

He's played by Vic Reeves. Isn't that reason enough?



CUT TO..



INT KITCHEN IN ISRAELI EMBASSY. MAN WITH GUN HAS RIPPED THE CAMERA OUT OF THE FRIDGE AND SHOT IT WITH HIS GUN. NOTHING HAS HAPPENED.



MAN WITH GUN

It was just a thought. So much for your plan, Baldrick. There are no plants in this kitchen. The cupboards contain a few dried spices. Most of what they eat in this place is purchased from extremely expensive food preparation service providers.



BALDRICK LOOKS IN THE VEGETABLE DRAWER.



BALDRICK

My lord there is a turnip in the vegetable drawer.



MAN WITH GUN

Stand back Baldrick.



MAN WITH GUN TAKES THE TURNIP AND PLACES IT ON THE KITCHEN TABLE. EVERYONE STANDS BEHIND HIM. HE PREPARES TO SHOOT IT. SUDDENLY THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN AND KING TURNIP ENTERS.



KING TURNIP

So, Man with gun, you dare to defy the symbol of the mighty King Turnip do you?



MAN WITH GUN

Who the fuck are you? Another lunatic?



KING TURNIP

I am King Turnip. And I challenge you to a duel sir.



MAN WITH GUN

But your Mel Brooks.



KING TURNIP

And you're Lenny Henry. So what? We have a task to do. You and I must duel, my friend. It is written.



MAN WITH GUN

By an insane screenwriter, probably trapped in an insane, militaristic, bourgeois hell, if his or her screenplays are anything to go by.



KING TURNIP PULLS OUT TWO SWORDS AND THROWS ONE TO MAN WITH GUN AFTER FIRST KILLING BALDRICK. THEY DANCE AROUND THE ROOM, CLASHING SWORDS AND MAKING PARTLY GAY PARTLY MACHO GESTURES WITH THEIR SHARP PHALLIC SYMBOLS.



MAN WITH GUN

Why are you doing this, Mel Brooks? You'll prolong the nightmare. If we wait too long, that posse of retarded westerners will show up and ruin everything. This is our chance to end this horror. Let me shoot the turnip, you bastard. Are you taking sides with the virtue signalling industry and Bette Midler and everything shit? You're Mel Brooks, you're the only person in this film who's funnier than I am.



KING TURNIP (FLATTERED)

Okay, okay, you make a good point.



PUTS DOWN HIS SWORD.



KING TURNIP

Go on. Let's blow this thing and go home, kid.



JUST AS MAN WITH GUN IS ABOUT TO SHOOT THE TURNIP THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN AND PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK AND ALL HIS POSSE ENTER. CHARLES BOVARY SEES CHARLIE SHEEN AND IMMEDIATELY WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM AND EVERYONE ELSE.



CHARLES BOVARY

This is the perfect place for us all to have sex.



THE DOOR BURSTS OPEN AGAIN AND ALL THE STAFF OF THE ISRAELI EMBASSY RETURN, WITH FOOD THEY'VE BOUGHT FROM OUTSIDE, EACH MEAL COSTING MORE THAN A WEEK'S RENT FOR MOST OF LONDON'S WORKERS. THEY ALL SEE CHARLIE SHEEN AND HAVE THE SAME IMPULSE AS CHARLES BOVARY. SUDDENLY THEY ALL START HAVING SEX WITH EACH OTHER.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

Bring me some strippers.



ISRAELI AMBASSADOR

I could do it.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK [SHOOTS AMBASSADOR DEAD]

I'm not gay. Somebody find me his wife.



A CROWD OF MUSICIANS WHO HAVE HELPED MARKET ISRAEL AND ITS GENOCIDE TO THE WORLD ENTERS THE KITCHEN AND ALL BEND OVER FOR THE ISRAELI AMBASSADOR TO FUCK THEM BUT SINCE HE IS NOW DEAD, AND PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK IS NOT GAY, CHARLES BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY TAKE TURNS.



MAN WITH GUN

This is getting very sick. Where the fuck is the turnip? It's got lost in the mayhem.



EVERYONE IS FUCKING EVERYONE ELSE IN A MAD HYPERCONSUMER ORGY IN THE KITCHEN OF THE ISRAELI EMBASSY WHILST KING TURNIP TRIES TO QUIETLY SLIP OUT OF THE BACK DOOR WHEN HE NOTICES EMMA BOVARY LOOKING AT MAN WITH GUN WITH A SUSPICIOUSLY DEMONIC LOOK IN HER EYE. MAN WITH GUN FINDS THE TURNIP BEHIND THE COOKER AND IS ABOUT TO SHOOT IT WHEN EMMA BOVARY SUDDENLY TRANSFORMS INTO A CLINICALLY OBESE SUCCUBUS WITH SNAKES COMING OUT OF HER MEDUSA-HEAD AND A PUSSY RIOT T-SHIRT AND A COPY OF THE GUARDIAN UNDER HER ARM.



EMMA BOVARY

Stop, male-creature, you will not kill that turnip. Instead I will kill you and drag your soul down to the depths of hell.



SHE GLARES AT HIM WITH HER RED EYES AND HE IS FROZEN TO THE SPOT. KING TURNIP THINKS FAST AND REANIMATES BALDRICK, WHO SEIZES THE GUN FROM MAN WITH GUN AND USES IT TO SHOOT THE TURNIP. THEY VANISH IN A PUFF OF CONVENIENT SCREENWRITING, BUT THE FILM IS NOT OVER. NO END MUSIC PLAYS.



CUT TO..



MAN WITH GUN, KING TURNIP, BALDRICK AND JEREMY CORBYN FIND THEMSELVES AT THE START OF A NEW FILM CALLED PLANET OF THE SALES APES - IN THE DISTANCE THEY SEE MILLIONS OF APES WITH HEADSETS, CLEANING MARKETING DATA.



MAN WITH GUN

Baldrick, I command you to create an ISMG right now.



BALDRICK

An ISMG?



MAN WITH GUN

An instantly-spendable money generator. It is vital that we invent such a device, with the power of our minds, for the author of this screenplay to use to save himself or herself from the disturbed society the author is living in. We can do this. It's all part of quantum theory. But the author must beware, for the forces which force the author to write this screenplay are as real as you or I or the author and are evil, evil I tell you. Just as we can throw the author into a new point of spacetime in which that author has an ISMG, so evil can taint that point of spacetime. Look, yonder. There it is. Evil.



IN THE DISTANCE THEY SEE THE MANY-HEADED CORONAVIRUS, HUNTING FOR SALES APES.





END MUSIC: THE BEAST MAN, ETNICA.





QUOTE FROM PLANET OF THE APES, AS RECITED IN 'THE BEAST MAN, ETNICA':

Beware the beast man, for he is the devil's pawn,

alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed.

Yay he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land

let him not breed in great numbers

for he will make a desert of his home and yours.

Shun him. Drive him back into his jungle lair

for he is the harbinger of death.

Direction of resistance: being republished to the latest grid point too, here.

Removal of resistance: In the meantime, Boris, since you really have nothing useful to do with your time, give it a read.

Unification: There's an outside chance you may realise, to some very small degree, what precisely is wrong with you, "old man".

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 175: On sneering at Corbyn's allotment. << Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir. >>

Thrust: Are they laughing at his whole food lifestyle now? Ironically, still, yes. No doubt they are still stuffing the red meat down their collective digestive systems, and all the processed food and refined processed stuff, and your rivers of gluten and dairy (adverts on bus stops are telling people to 'be scrumptious' and have plenty of butter, milk, stuff their faces silly). So the farming methods which no doubt brought us many a virus including the latest, providing the digestive systems which enable it to harm so many of 'us' - they continue.

But 'wash your hands'! It's not the fault of housing full of damp and work practises which are unhealthy, it's not about products which are unhealthy and unsatisfactory regulation, it's not exploitative systems which leave many in bad health and fill just about all with diseased and/or disease-driving food products. No. It's because YOU, reader, didn't wash your hands for twenty seconds just now and all the time. Every nanosecond. That's right. It's YOUR FAULT, not that of all the c*nts who actually did it. That's right.

Direction of resistance: Anyway, Corbyn still has his allotment. Fresh air, home grown fresh food. They're probably still laughing at him as they tuck into their big mac and ice cream and fizzy sugar drink or their crisps gluten sugar drink 'lunch deal' or whatever.

Removal of resistance: Anyway, I think Corbyn's allotment is laughing at them.

Unification: The last laugh, eh? Then again it's no laughing matter. I feel that if society were as humble as Corbyn is, universally, by now we'd have found a vaccine (although if we were all that humble, the virus wouldn't even exist), but right now what we have to vaccinate against first is the hubris, the ignorance of capitalist thinking, of mercantile feudal thinking, of scientific materialism, and a great deal beyond this, but when is there time to write it all down? Almost finished Bovary, coming soon to a fresh new front page post on TVhobo - a day or two away at most.

References: Laugh it up, virus fodder. C'est la vie say the old folk, it goes to show you never can tell.
https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/10/will-covid-19-kill-globalization/
https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/11/blowing-in-the-whirlwind-as-ye-sow-joe-shall-ye-reap/
https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/12/dont-trust-anyone-over-30-40-says-this-70-year-old/
https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/12/time-to-think-about-hiroshima-and-nagasaki-again/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 174: Burgon rises to the challenge.

Thrust: <<

Neoliberalism is a racist system.



It tries to turn one part of the working class against another - whilst keeping the wealth in the hands of the billionaires.



As a Party, we have to fight the racist scapegoating of migrants that right-wing populists are increasingly pushing.

>>

Richard Burgon.

Direction of resistance: "We must be an anti-racist internationalist party".

Removal of resistance: One day, no doubt, if Labour has a future, Burgon will be its leader.

Unification: Although we are, indubitably, heading into an era of majority independent candidates, of a new kind of politics and of a largely post-party system.

Respect to Richard Burgon, a genuine public servant whom one hopes is in Parliament for many many decades, helping to shape and lead governments and society.

References: https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=513130342968943

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 173: << Let's not try to imagine a world in which people openly and shamelessly try to market coronavirus. Instead let's try to imagine a world in which people do not openly and shamelessly market nuclear weapons, missiles, bombs, grenades, guns, coal, oil, gas, fracking, factory farms, or Joe Biden. Let's even try to imagine a world in which we can be sure nobody working for any government is right now trying to figure out how to use coronavirus as a weapon. You know damn well that you cannot be sure of that in the current world. >>

Thrust: <<

How do we get from this world, in which weapons shows are totally acceptable, to a world in which they are as absurd as a coronavirus show? I don't claim to know, but would suggest a few steps.

First, recycle all televisions. We've spent decades trying to make a significant proportion of the content of television something better than catastrophically awful. Let's focus elsewhere. Get rid of the things or do not turn them on - and don't view that stuff on your computer either.

Second, stop promoting optimism. Promote activism instead. Stop telling people they have to hear happy news or be incapable of functioning. It's a ridiculous lie. Tell people the actual state of affairs and the need to alter things.

Third, stop all promotion of violence. Replace it with promotion of the world-changing powers of nonviolent action. Rid even your speech of violence, and don't agree with this by telling me I'm "killing it."

Fourth, try to view the world from the outside for a second. Assume that nothing is acceptable or unacceptable, for a second. Think, for a second, about what should be acceptable and what should not.

>>

Direction of resistance: Read the rest of this material by Swanson via the link in the references below.

Removal of resistance: Or go and endorse weapons industries, food companies which degrade people's health, and any number of organisations which help ensure your kids and those of your loved ones have no future and will probably be among the very many who die horribly sooner or later.

Unification: It's up to you - make a choice. Live with intellectual honesty and with integrity, or go and do whatever you were ACTUALLY going to do.

References: https://davidswanson.org/when-a-weapons-show-is-canceled-by-coronavirus/
https://www.facebook.com/davidcnswanson/posts/10157981528803320

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 172: << our goal is that we are interested in reducing the likelihood of such crimes whether they are against us or against someone else >>

Thrust: <<

Assume 2 Conditions for this Talk

I'm going to assume 2 conditions for this talk.

- The first one is just what I assume to be recognition of fact. That is that the events of September 11 were a horrendous atrocity probably the most devastating instant human toll of any crime in history, outside of war.

- The second assumption has to do with the goals. I'm assuming that our goal is that we are interested in reducing the likelihood of such crimes whether they are against us or against someone else.

If you don't accept those two assumptions, then what I say will not be addressed to you. If we do accept them, then a number of questions arise, closely related ones, which merit a good deal of thought.

>>

Direction of resistance: That's a vital Noam Chomsky quote.

Removal of resistance: What follows it is also vital.

Unification: For now, read it via the link in the references below. Myself I watched the video of it around the same time it was spoken by Chomsky himself.

References: https://chomsky.info/20011018-2/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 171: Whatever I may say about Burgon's failure to tell white racists they are sick-fuck white-racist c*nts, he's good at closing down sick fucks of the type I mention.

Thrust: <<

Ridiculous. Thatcher's aim was to crush the unions to clear the way for neoliberalism.

We can't tackle climate change or deindustrialisation through the unrestrained free-market.

We need a Green Industrial Revolution that invests in the former mining towns Thatcher destroyed.

>>

Direction of resistance: That's his response to some sort of typical white-celebrity-fascist retard called Julia Hartley-Brewer, saying:

<<

Richard Burgon: The evil Tories were wrong to close the mines.



Also Richard Burgon: we must achieve net zero carbon emissions by 2030 by replacing fossil fuels with renewables.

Quote Tweet



Richard Burgon MP

@RichardBurgon

· 6 Mar

Tonight I'm speaking at the premiere of a new film on the Miners Strike.



That struggle shows how the establishment treats working people who fight back.



But every victory for working people came as a result of fighting. We need to step that fight up over the coming years.

>>

Removal of resistance: Brewer shut your ignorant mouth and stop giving rich white people a bad name you retarded corporate whore.

Unification: I'm progressing, by the way, reader, with the notes and plans for the finishing of my latest armchair screenplay Madam Bovary the neoliberal version. Must get on with writing the rest. Coming very soon. As for this Brewer character, I'd avoid ignorant fuckups like her altogether whoever you are. I think that if these corporate whores want to maintain credibility in meltdown times they will need to begin attempting to step onto the path of intellectual honesty. I'm sick of ignorant retards with a lot of expensive education who make it look like expensive education is a total waste of money and who help, with their loud mercantile feudalism, spread the misconception that white western imperialism is something people living in this part of the world, the west, the 'white' 'west', really want, since it clearly isn't and retards like Brewer there speak for a shrinking minority of self-adulating retards.

References: https://www.facebook.com/richardburgonmp/posts/2513546585586944

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 170: List of things which probably won't help you save yourself and loved ones from the coronavirus.

Thrust: Surveillance, tanks, bombs, guns, gutter press headlines demonising muslims, white-preference-oriented social engineering, classism, racism, money-worship.

Invading people, stealing their oil. Genocide. Covering up genocide. Labelling anti-semitic all or most muslims and anyone against the genocide of muslims by white supremacists.

Hyperconsumerism, hypersexuality, red poppies, jingoism, soundbites, memes, social media sites, white racial preference in employment, white racial preference in housing, an exploitative market system including a terrifyingly unhealthy housing market.

Feminazism, corporate personhood, 'the free market', the British Army, cruise missiles, nuclear weapons (no, Swinson, your big penis-substitute will not be warding off any microscopic organisms, dear).

Gluten, dairy, high carb diets, fossil fuels, Hollywood propaganda, d-notices, locking Julian Assange up, locking Bradley Manning / Chelsea Manning up.

Direction of resistance: That's just off the bat.

Removal of resistance: Then there's: factory reared meat, the british transport police, never-ending replays of the audio warning about "say it, see it, sorted, be white, anyone different is scary and funny, funny tinges need to be said, seen and sorted, if you see a funny tinge and are scared, it may be terrorism, call the transport police, use tax money to cater to your racist paranoia and don't worry too much about Grenfell". Machismo, sneering at poor people, sneering at non white people, sneering at rich people, sneering at non white people, pretending your pretentiousness is intelligence, equating the capacity to read Barbara Cartland novels (or write them) with scientific method.

I will lengthen this list further asap.

Unification: And then perhaps a list of things which MAY help you defend yourself / yourselves / yersel.

References: Fab item by Craig Murray on the topic of death and entitlement: https://www.craigmurray.org.uk/archives/2020/03/momento-mori-unpopular-thoughts-on-corona-virus/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 169: Can't you even TRY to say 'lots of white Britons are racist fuckup bastard pig-shit people'?

Thrust: In a useful article in the Indy Minnie Rahman explores the misconceptions about immigration which have run rampant in Britain as long as anyone honest and intelligent can remember. Max Keiser and Stacy Herbert, indeed, mentioned some figures relating to this donkey's years ago.

I wrote this in 2013 and again in July 2014 - and even now, this many years later, look how few people are any less deluded or stupid than at the time:

<<

British public wrong about nearly everything.

A survey for the Royal Statistical Society and King's College London reported by the Independent and Stacy Herbert in July 2013 shows British public opinion is repeatedly wrong about most things.

One example is that British people overestimate benefits fraud and immigration. With benefits fraud every 70p of fraud is imagined by the public to be £34.00.

There is no real reason for people to remain ignorant because of course there are easy and extensive ways to check facts, but few consider it worth their time.

Puffery by the media, by political institutions, by advertisers and other unfactual data sources are the only input to most British people's minds.

>>

Direction of resistance: Whilst Minnie's prose tells an important story what it doesn't tell is key. So grovelling and pathetic are Britain's middle class non white tokens that they never say much about the truth and the source of the problem, for fear of alienating themselves from their in-denial neoliberal white racist middle class friends and colleagues and family.

Removal of resistance: Minnie tells us

<<

We hear almost daily that migrants threaten British jobs, and that migrant workers lead to a drop in wages for British workers. In reality, there is no evidence that migration drives down wages, particularly for the working class. Migrants themselves are disproportionately represented in low-wage sectors and research from the University College London has found that migration can actually lead to an increase in the wages of higher-paid workers. A recent government-commissioned report by the Migration Advisory Committee found that it is international financial forces, not migration, that impacts salaries, with all workers having done badly since the financial crisis of 2008. Real wages are still struggling to rise above where they were in the aftermath of that crisis and in many cases, migrant workers are actually leading the battle to ensure that standards rise for all workers.

>>

And most importantly Minnie tells us:

<<

In the same breath, people who perpetuate the false notion that migrants drive down wages often also claim that migrants are abusing our welfare system. Memes and viral Facebook posts often claim that "illegal" immigrants are always "first in the queue" for housing, benefits and are a drain on the NHS. But this couldn't be further from the truth. As shown by the latest report from the Office for National Statistics on immigration, it's students who make up around half of all non-EU immigration and the majority of EU nationals predominantly arrive to work.

Health tourism is almost non-existent, with the NHS spending more on stationery than on treating people who aren't eligible for NHS care. The government's own estimate puts the cost of deliberate misuse of the NHS by overseas visitors at 0.3 per cent of the NHS budget - the majority of this is actually British expats living overseas, who are not "ordinarily resident" in the UK and return to the UK solely to use the NHS outside of the rules.

Migrants of all kinds do pay for NHS services and have done for many years. The Immigration Health Surcharge, which is included as part of visa applications, means that migrants actually pay for the NHS twice over - £1,000 a year as part of their visa application, and then payments through their tax contributions.

In fact, most people who come to live in the UK have "no recourse to public funds", meaning they are not eligible for benefits. Even asylum-seekers, who are barred from working, are left to live on just £5.39 per day, and struggle to support themselves and their families. What's more, the "hostile environment" denies anyone without documentation the right to benefits, banking, driving licences and employment.

>>

Unification: What Minnie fails to talk about, like most writers at the Indy, Guardian or anywhere else attempting to present an 'alternative' to the jingoistic, money-worshipping corporate-whore culture of the BBC, Times, Telegraph, etc, is the obvious fact which comes out of what she herself is telling us clearly: this nation is full of people who seek to blame anyone 'different', particularly if the difference is in name or skin colour - and they have become worse and worse and worse over the years.

As my screenplay 'Madam Bovary the neoliberal version' will soon show you, Coronavirus has many faces - the faces of Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage, Tony Blair, Theresa May, Priti Patel, David Cameron, George Osborne, Emily Thornberry, Tom Watson, Chukka Umunna, Robert Peston, Robert Webb, David Baddiel, Rachel Riley, Keir Starmer, Rebecca Long Bailey, and so many others. THESE are the faces of the coronavirus.

This is a society of racists and buffoons in total denial who refuse to even take one step towards acknowledging the mass white-racism in this country. Even Richard Burgon is a pathetic coward who says "it was a brexit election that's why we lost" instead of "it was a white-racism election punctuated by brexit and we lost because too many white people in Britain are fucking racist scum who need to grow up and stop being vindictive racist c*nts" as he should say. If they did stop being such fuckup retarded c*nts they would be a more united, more healthy, stronger nation which would lose less lives to coronavirus, but instead they cling onto their racial preferences, their entrenched ignorance even when it means many very young and very old people will die, that's how lost and fucked up they are.

People like Minnie need to have the guts to confront this head on and not stop at saying "you're wrong about migration" - they need to say what they need to say: "you are wrong about your perceived racial superiority you ignorant racist piece of shit".

Note this too, reader: there is not ONE SINGLE white racist c*nt, nor one single middle class virtue signalling white-preference carrying fuck who thinks she or he is not racist but is, who is reading this document I have written which you are reading. They are allergic, these dumb c*nts, to scrutinising ANYTHING which may prove them and their diseased way of life wrong.

Minnie does, no doubt, reach some of the racist c*nts, but what's the good if she doesn't tell them that that's what they are? Eh?

Indeed as Stacy Herbert pointed out, it doesn't just show how racist most Britons are it really shows how stupid and uninformed most of them are and how much the 'media' intensifies that stupidity.

So when we wonder how to save ourselves and those we love from coronavirus, perhaps we should think about how much to trust the media or the general population's ignorant hysterical mindset.

References: https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/immigration-[..].html
What Minnie and her colleagues SHOULD be telling their stuck up middle class friends and readers: http://opinion.tvhobo.com/owenjones_israel_numberwang.html

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 168: Where do you begin if trying to repair or manage one or more fucking morons? Okay. Let's see what I can tell you. As if I have the answers to that. Maybe the approximate direction, but the answer? Do you see a utopia anywhere near you? That's evidence of whether or not I have the answer to how to make fucking stupid people no longer fucking stupid.

Thrust: So read this Chomsky quote:

<<

INTERVIEWER: One thing that you pointed out, which is in fact very obvious once it's pointed out, is that most people probably aren't actually taught language at all. That is to say that most parents don't give any systematic instruction of any kind to their children, yet the children nevertheless learn.

CHOMSKY: Well, I would want to even go beyond that. I think it's certainly the case that language is, in only the most marginal sense, taught and the teaching is in no sense essential to the acquisition of language. But in a certain sense, I think we might even go on to say that language isn't even learned, at least if by learning we mean any process that has those characteristics that are generally associated with learning, for example, the characteristics that I mentioned. It seems to me that if want a reasonable metaphor, we should talk about growth.

Language seems to me to grow in the mind, rather in the way that familiar physical systems of the body grow. We begin our interchange with the world with our mind in a certain genetically determined state. And through an interaction with experience, with an environment, this state changes until it reaches a mature state which we call a state of knowledge of language.

This sequence of changes, from the genetically determined initial state to the final state in which we really have a quite complex system of mental computations, the series of changes seems to me very much analogous to growth of organs. And in fact, I think it's not inappropriate to regard the mind as a system of mental organs--the language faculty being one--each of a structure determined by our biological endowment, with interactions also generally determined by the nature of our biological endowment, growing through the triggering of active experience which shapes and articulates the organs as they develop in the individual through the relevant period of his life. So, as I say, it seems to me that not only is it wrong to think of language as being taught, but it's at least very misleading to think of it as being learned if we carry with the notion of learning the associations that generally go along with it.

>>

Direction of resistance: OBVIOUSLY if you are fucking stupid do not bother. That isn't going to help you.

Removal of resistance: It may help someone else figure out how best to help you not be fucking stupid.

Unification: Reading prose in which I call you fucking stupid (assuming you know, and many do, that you are, in the eyes of me or one like me, fucking stupid) isn't going to do anything for you other than intensify your stupidity and stress you out. This is for others to read. People who can get it, and work with it.

To such readers one more note - more info will follow. Dig into that Chomsky quote for now. I have cited much more of it at the numberwang doc, which you can access via the link in the references below.

References: http://opinion.tvhobo.com/owenjones_israel_numberwang.html

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 167: Are you all just bitches who do what you are told? I think most of you are. I don't see how anyone can pretend otherwise.

Thrust: Evaggelos Vallianatos tells us:

<<

Government officials and the World Health Organization see no connection between this hell on Earth, the failed international order and the virus. They confine themselves in issuing instructions on the magnitude and symptoms of the corona disease. Not a word that perhaps this sort of thing - anthropogenic onslaught on the Earth resembling biological warfare - is likely the explanation for the corona virus.

>>

Direction of resistance: You're probably a fucking moron if you don't realise that:

<<

a real rather than a cosmetic solution of the pandemic would require the remaking of our world: banning nuclear weapons and nuclear power plants; enforcing a strict worldwide population control like that of China; ending fossil fuels, replacing them with solar, wind and other renewable forms of energy; returning to small-scale democratic and ecological farming without synthetic fertilizers and pesticides. And, of course, a worldwide ban of the plundering of the natural world.

>>

Removal of resistance: Vallianatos advises: << Focus in the restoration of environmental and public health. Nothing is possible without health. >>

Unification: My own advice is a little harsher, a little more down the line, a little closer to the words of Jesus or maybe M.G. Piety or even Noam Chomsky when talking about liberation theology. It is simply this - get off your knees and stop worshipping money you utterly pathetic ape society.

You have disregarded truth for a long time. It is almost implausible that anything can save you. The world is in meltdown. It's not the fact that you didn't vote Corbyn, for example, which made you a society which will be torn apart by things like and possibly including coronavirus - it is the fact that even many of those who DID vote Corbyn are and were merely virtue signallers with no sincerity - who were after personal gain. The way the Labour party has lost all its credibility and every one of its 'leadership candidates', including Rebecca de Israel, has proven that rather than demand the obviously correct course of action (Jeremy Corbyn ought to remain leader and save the lives of many British children) they have instantly kicked off their sordid and utterly diseased 'leadership contest' in which each of them imagines somehow that millions of anti-racist, anti-austerity, anti-war voters who were galvanised behind Corbyn and who tore Blair many new ass-holes will suddenly say "oh okay, we'll just accept a compromise; you can support Israeli apartheid and global genocide SOME of the time; Corbyn's 'defeat' has convinced us. Principles are only useful if you can pretend to have them in order to get power".

Fuck you you doomed ape species. Fuck you to hell, you ignorant ape fuckheads.

Anyway, wherever I go in London I meet people who voted Labour and 'claim' they will not vote again. Not for anyone. Unless of course I point out that people like me will stand as indy candidates. In such cases they become enthused and know that they will have someone to vote for eventually.

Is anyone going to tell the estate agents that if 40% of the private rented homes in London have had damp or mould they have exposed those living in them to conditions which obviously contribute to their likelihood of getting and indeed being killed by coronavirus? Is it time for these nasty money-worshipping ape bastards to take responsibility? Is it time for housing to be worthy of the name?

What about 'food' producers? All that gluten and dairy and sugar? All that refined processed crap everywhere, which many of the more honest and intelligent and hard working scientists among us clearly point at as destructive to all bodies? Are we going to start talking about what the fuck that's doing to you and your children you stupid ape bastard?

And the alcohol consumption?

The slave-like overwork?

The dumbing down of people through utterly propagandist and mindless media products?

What about the degree to which people's 'work' is not structured in a healthy way, the way in which profit and income takes priority over all else?

That estate agent who told me and another witness that there are people they can easily get to live in damp housing while they take months to 'fix' it - by lowering the rent they can, he assured us, easily get people to live there.

What a bunch of ignorant ape bastards. Look at what you do to yourselves and each other, apes.

You fucking apes. Bitch-apes. That's what you are. You call yourselves all sorts of things, from job titles to religious sects, from 'class' groups to genders and races and hobbies. Meaningless. What you are, science will tell you, dear world, what you are, there is no doubt, in the main, is bitch-apes. Teach the word/phrase to your kids, with or without the hyphen, because it is, without a doubt, what most of you are, and what you are teaching your children to be. They should at least know what they are. Doomed bitch-apes.

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/05/a-pandemic-of-fear/
https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/03/covid-19-upends-political-landscape-and-global-economy/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khOaAHK7efc

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 166: Why so many sadistic, nay sadomasochistic Britons could not permit Corbyn to come along and make people happy.

Thrust: The great M.G. Piety, rightfully the president of the USA (or what the hell, why not a kind of female derivation of the word president - the presidente - seems to fit, under the circs), wrote this about Sanders, and I think it applies, as I have made it clear from the title of this point, to why so many killjoy self-adulating arseholes stopped Corbyn from being there to do everything we need done to protect us from, for example, amongst other things, Coronavirus:

<<

Strange isn't it. We'd clearly all be better off, both materially and emotionally, if Sanders wins and is able to implement his programs. Why can't conservatives see that? Or perhaps they can. Perhaps it's the thought of people being happy that has them so up in arms. This situation reminds me of what H.L. Menken said of Puritanism. He described it as "the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy." That's conservatives for you - people tortured by the fear that Americans might actually be made happier.

>>

Direction of resistance: When it comes to 'brilliant writing' you have your Hunter S Thompson and your Alex Cockburn, but I find, personally, that the belief that there's no one amazing left alive and writing is just unjustifiable pessimism. M.G. Piety is a god damn amazing writer. As I have said, I think she has the talent to be president, by which I mean the talent to be what an American president ought to be. But fair enough, it's not a job anyone sane would choose to do, it's just an idle thought.

Removal of resistance: "The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy" - that basically sums up what ticks me off about the way the minds of so many of the mooks and goons I have to deal with in my life work.

Focus ye on this extract from the Piety article in the references below:

<<

When I was a child my parents explained to me that public school was an essential democratic institution. It was important, they explained, that well-educated middle-class and wealthy people not pull their children out of the public schools. It was important, they explained, that children of all classes and backgrounds and income levels mingle. That they learn about one another, form bonds of friendship, that the middle-class parents and wealthy parents could advocate for improvements in the schools that working-class and poor parents might not be able to do because of greater constraints on their time.

One never hears rhetoric like that anymore though. Now it is every man for himself. Everyone who can puts their kids into private schools to give them that leg up over the kids of parents who cannot afford to do that. Nice, eh?

>>

(Some {but not many} English readers may need it clarified that 'public schools' in the USA are, obviously, clearly, what we in Blighty, birthplace of lard-patriotism, call 'state schools' - as opposed to what we in Blighty-land, land of the Eton tosspot, call 'public schools' - ie capitalist madrassas for turning out genocidal dickheads like Blair or Mogg or Johnson or some other fucking hitlerite jut bastard.)

Let's remind ourselves of what it is about these pissant little hick bastards (I hesitate to use the word c*nt or I'd call them that) (maybe I can get over my hesitation, give me time) which drives me to be so 'free' with my language:

<<

Meet Britain's Nuclear Nutcase: Defense Secretary Michael Fallon", Counterpunch's John Wight tells us: "By now we are all aware of the role that Madrassas (religious schools) have played in places such as Pakistan, Afghanistan, and across the Middle East in radicalising young people with the inculcation of extremist ideology and fanaticism. In Britain we have our very own version of Madrassas. We call them public schools - institutions such as Harrow, Eton and Fettes where maniacs such as Michael Fallon, Boris Johnson, David Cameron, and Tony Blair are hatched, inculcated with a fanatical belief in British exceptionalism and imperialism".

>>

(Obviously Fallon is not the current secretary of state for genocide, Britain has someone else doing that job at the moment, but you can't easily tell them apart, and I will explore this in forthcoming comedy fiction when, once I have finished Madam Bovary the neoliberal version, I get onto writing "Planet of the Sales Apes" - which I'm looking forward to. It'll really help me let off steam.)

Unification: Piety is straight down the line, doesn't fart around with sugar coated crap. She tell us how the world works, unabashed and unafraid:

<<

Don't get me wrong. I don't mean this as a criticism of Sanders. Just look at the opposition his centrist assault on our current system has generated. If he suggested anything really radical, such as a government stipend like they have in Denmark for all college and university students, he'd risk being carted off to a mental hospital.

>>

She's not exaggerating. In 'our' society, here in Americaworld, far outside Denmark, and far outside anywhere like it, we, here, in mad-land, in Americaworld, in capitalism-land, we here dictate, through our craven conformity, that anyone who doesn't bow and scrape, who doesn't compromise themselves in the name of materialism, anyone who isn't merely a materialistic soulless waste of space, we label in a negative way, either mad or criminally evil. Myself, Piety would not be at all surprised to learn, I have been labelled all such things, to the extreme, by every party imaginable, most of whom conflict with each other other than when it comes to labelling me. Being a woman of 'faith' Piety would not be surprised to learn, moreover, that I'm not too concerned about how beings in the material world label me. They are just part of the material world, just things, just stuff. Nothing of significance.

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/05/the-myth-of-sanders-socialism/
https://www.counterpunch.org/2017/05/01/meet-britains-nuclear-nutcase-defense-secretary-micheal-fallon/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 165: << Their highly paid spokes people even shamelessly deploy concepts like "freedom" and "liberty" to rationalize the enslaving and killing of millions for profits in resource wars. >>

Thrust: I may have knocked Dennis Skinner for erring towards a politics of rude name calling, but let me just talk about ignorant posh twats for just a second.

Thinking back to the other day, a pretty lovely day, by the river near a bridge which has great significance for me, a bridge from a neoliberal or tory past and upbringing into a utopian present (and future?) where I left the date-your-own-kind bow-to-orthodoxy fold and met white girls (well hey, let's put it in more coy terms if you like, on another day, but for now let me get on with my point).

So I was chatting to a seemingly very well spoken and decent sort of a chap, possible civil servant type or bankster of high rank - the bridge is currently closed and pedestrians can use it but cars cannot. They will open it to cars again, no doubt.

I said to the man that I hope they keep it pedestrianized permanently - the ignorant fuck made a 'joke' at my expense. He said 'yes and let's get rid of the wheel'. Trying to argue with a stuck up brow beating little twat like that is a pointless exercise but luckily something I just read on counterpunch basically answers that twat extremely well.

Direction of resistance: <<

Elites have ruled over people and commanded the surplus produced by their labor for many millennia. It is this long history we have to contend with in today's crisis of capitalism that has produced endless wars and environmental catastrophes as corporate billionaire rulers continue to promote business as usual while preparing to fight each other with armed forces and nuclear weapons. This has all been "normalized." Concentrated elite power ends up massively distorting people's understanding of the nature of big business rule. Their highly paid spokes people even shamelessly deploy concepts like "freedom" and "liberty" to rationalize the enslaving and killing of millions for profits in resource wars. But we also need to understand that despite this long reign of (t)error, human beings lived for most of their evolutionary history (a much longer period of time than that during which elites have ruled) in nomadic hunter-gatherer societies where life conditions produced a rough equality among the Paleolithic family groups.

>>

Removal of resistance: In other words, since many posh twats just like him are far too stupid to get my point without its being spelled out for them in very simple and clear terms - just because we've been doing something for the last few x years doesn't mean that what we were doing before for FAR LONGER isn't actually more survival-friendly - and no, my suggestion that we pedestrianise that bridge permanently was not a suggestion that we ban wheels, although I certainly think transport should be generally commuter transport, transport which is rational, and not millions of cars each carrying one person with a huge carbon footprint, electric or otherwise. But commuter transport has wheels too. Anyway, that man is a twat. I was going to let it go but this description I quoted from counterpunch is important for YOU to read, reader, and in the context I've given it that adds to what I have shown you.

Unification: This site exists because of how many times and people in my life, strangers or people I know, confront my often forensic examination of the truth by means of behaving in a downright intellectually thuggish way with me, and the word intellectual barely belongs in any description of them. Psychologically thuggish that's more accurate. Whether the 'joker' by the bridge, pretending that my desire for an eco-friendly survival capable society is the same as desiring to roll back evolution, or whether numerous people near and far who think that the way to 'deal' with me is to play to your eventually-extinct audience and make a 'quip' about me or brow beat me, push me underfoot, whatever.

The fact that I merely speak the truth and that it changes not a jot with or without me doesn't occur to them.

Often there is an answer to their behaviour which is summed up like this:

<<

Saying "it's a matter of choice" or taste, when in reality it is a matter of degree of effort and/or a matter of degree of intellectual honesty.

>>

So if I say "that smell in the air is harmful, I don't like it" - they may say "it's just a matter of taste" - this is literally the sort of thing I hear. A health and safety inspector of a building once said to me that he believed that tobacco doesn't really cause cancer. He also said, when challenged about a damp smell from a flat whose 85 year old owner was ill, probably because of the damp his carer told me, that maybe the old guy "liked the smell" - he liked the damp smell. So it wasn't a problem. That's what the health and safety inspector for that company said (don't worry Jeremy Corbyn, I'll email you the name of the company and the name of the health and safety guy, I kept a note). Later the old man died and when they were clearing his place the workers doing it showed me how the entire flat had about three feet of rising damp on all the walls I could see through the door.

But that twat said "maybe he likes the smell".

The answer is he was really saying "it's a matter of choice" or taste, when in reality it is a matter of degree of effort and/or a matter of degree of intellectual honesty.

Mr Corbyn will hear from my notes how the gardener who had been there for decades told me that the old guy's wife and himself had had a long dispute with the freeholders, a pension fund, over sorting out the building's plumbing - clearly the problem in his flat was caused by the building as far as he or his workmen were concerned - the wife, the gardener told me, spent the last years of her life in a wheel chair. Perhaps the environment harmed her health too. Anyway, I'll get all the details of this to Mr Corbyn sooner or later, and I'll name the names - they can hound journalists and whistleblowers for revealing the truth to the public, but do they imagine that they can stop me or scare me out of sharing all the juicy details of these and other horrific things I've seen people with money and power do from the right honourable Corbyn J MP?

Anyway, it's quite sad that we have so many dishonest people who think so much of themselves, like the posh twat by the bridge who really thought he was clever and funny as he, some well spoken capitalism-sucking twat 'joked' about me, a writer with useful reach and with, seemingly, one or two 'powerful' talents in the field of making money make money, ruling over money-worshipping backward retarded twats like that man and his 'joke'. Yes, of course, I who program algorithms which beat markets across the globe, I am calling for the rolling back of the wheel and technologies which power our ambulances and bicycles, just because I think HGVs full of donuts are actually regressive.

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/05/the-long-history-of-elite-rule-what-will-it-take-to-end-it-2
https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/05/the-myth-of-sanders-socialism/
https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/04/relationships-are-not-the-monopoly-of-the-state-and-its-appendages/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 164: The good news.

Thrust: There is a lot of scope for human survival.

Direction of resistance: And so, then, onto the bad news. The so-called 'bad news' - since it's fairly obvious to most of the most intelligent humans and by no means 'news'. Since they admit the truth it is also not 'bad' news as they have never presumed otherwise. To the many who do presume otherwise, and are about to be disillusioned, potentially, it is indeed 'bad' and 'news' and therefore bad news.

Removal of resistance: The 'bad news' then is that whether or not the so-called 'coronavirus' spreads like NATO in an oil-rich country or like western imperialism on a virgin planet, ie whether or not it spreads like a rash, harming and screwing over much of what is in its path - we, or those who take care to inform themselves intelligently, can see how dangerous it can be and how dangerous something like it can be. The risks we face from it or something similar are immense and even if this one happens to not be the one, one will come along which will tear through society like a hot knife through butter. There is a reason. The 'bad news'. The news is (new to most) that your lifestyle, your diet, what you call work, what you call pleasure, is ALL WRONG - and the universe is sick of you, your excuses, your fucked up lazy stupidity and your overdue-for-extinction species.

You go around labelling those who tell you what's wrong with how you live - the labels you apply vary but all tell the same story "I am exceptional superhuman and wonderful, EVEN when I am fat, EVEN when I am diseased, when I am committing genocide, when I am committing ecocide, etc etc - I am bloody amazing - and that person, who is criticising me, should be seen as fucked up, and all the vast marketing forces on my side, gutter press headlines, entire programming schedules for most tv channels and film studios, will ensure that from the very stupid to the almost intelligent, the bulk of people on the human bell curve will be drilled, like victims of a Coca Cola advert campaign, into having or failing to resist having contempt for anyone who actually evolves and who is at the forefront of our species."

Unification: So let's conclude with some key quotes from the World Health Organisation which may help you in your quest, reader, to look for and find information which can tell you truthfully how you and society collectively can stand up to threats such as those mentioned and stave off future disaster (for millions of humans, most of whom, probably, today, are merely children).

<<

Stay aware of the latest information on the COVID-19 outbreak, available on the WHO website and through your national and local public health authority. COVID-19 is still affecting mostly people in China with some outbreaks in other countries. Most people who become infected experience mild illness and recover, but it can be more severe for others. Take care of your health and protect others

>>

<<

maintain a healthy lifestyle, including proper diet

>>

The fact is that it is urgent, it is vital, that humanity adopts, universally, a far healthier lifestyle and diet than at present.

Even if the coronavirus isn't serious enough to push us over the brink, although perhaps it may prove to be so (who will stick their neck out and predict one way or another?) the capacity is clearly there, and something may do what we fear this one may conceivably do.

The health of people's bodies is something we have disregarded in the name of profit for a long time - what they eat and drink fucks them up day and night and just about everyone I ever spoke to on the matter said to me, as though I were some evil doom-sayer who should go and die, that they were ENJOYING themselves and that was far more important than having a diet which didn't cause things like cancer or heart disease etc etc.

But a virus like the one we're currently scared of, which will prey upon those whose health is under a certain deterioration point, requires of us that we eat properly or are beaten by it - and so bad diets, endemic across corporate / capitalist / consumer society will open the door up wide to whatever virus does one day come and wipe out millions in weeks, across the globe, maybe 100s of millions, certainly within a few years.

It is no longer acceptable for the Indy and Guardian to market for the war corporation and the feed-them-crap corporation of the world, the Extinction Corporation of America.

THEY NEED TO FUCKING GET THEIR ACT TOGETHER NOW.

Sort out what you eat, ape-descended kind. The one thing no leaders are saying anywhere about the virus 'scare' is this - LIVE A HEALTHIER LIFE - thus SAY NO to corporations who sell you what harms you. DISSENT against governments who are accomplices to that which harms your health and the health of others.

The Universe / Nature has asked you a question. It is this: "are you too stupid to survive"? Don't answer in words. Answer in the way you choose to live.

References: https://www.who.int/emergencies/diseases/novel-coronavirus-2019/advice-for-public

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7nWSFf8Hyk
Also read this: https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/03/04/the-call-for-an-extinction-rebellion/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 163: This area of TVhobo may be behind a password barrier temporarily in the near future - although it probably will not, since in the end the survival of life on earth largely depends on the increased presence of stuff like this, and a decrease would only increase the probability of the imminent collapse of organised human society. The Numberwang document, its follow up and a number of comedy fiction items will all continue to be available and I hope you read them and dig in. I'm keen, myself, to see what happens to Julian Assange, a modern day Sophie Scholl. In the meantime energy will go into producing the completed Numberwang doc and its follow up as well as these various comedy fiction items. See references below for links to all such material, perhaps bookmark those links since this page will be behind a password barrier also, if I switch it on.

Thrust: From my notes on the numberwang document and its completion and the next follow on document:

<<





so I have worked out where the numberwang doc is going and how to finish it





the second part will cover all, or close to all, recent and past imperial, genocidal and other criminal exploits of britain, france, germany, much of europe and then the usa - "our" "western world", including relating to australia, new zealand, and no doubt others



it will look at crimes committed all over the east, middle east, far east, south america, no doubt in northern lands too



it will show the excuses/"reasoning" the imperial and other criminal actors give, and show the consensus and various opinions of the rest of the world (the majority) about each such example



it will demonstrate, in other words, that the numberwang game has gone on for centuries, with western people going "I'm having that" "i'm killing you" "that's mine" and when asked why effectively say "it's numberwang, you see"

>>



<<





however the second article is also determined and must proceed long before i can finish the numberwang doc -



VIRTUE SIGNALLING SOCIETY / VIRTUE SIGNALLING SYSTEM



demonstrating that the entire parliamentary "democracy" system and variations of it (eg in the usa) are MERELY virtue signalling systems, that not virtue signalling, that actual following of the unchangeable spirit of the law and all laws is not the business of the system



the system is there to provide virtue signals to justify imperialism, and always has been



its first victims are the people in the host country/countries of such a system, ie uk, france, germany, eventually usa, israel, australia, etc



>>

Direction of resistance: Also current numberwang doc so far needs cleaning up and more examples added in assorted places - see tvhobo's grid for much of the material which will clearly be added to it.

Removal of resistance: The second part of the numberwang doc can be written with due expediency in a kind of first-draft form asap, since the whole document's logic is now clear.

Unification: And then onto the virtue signalling document. Quite a lot of work to do on that. A fair bit of useful material already gathered.

As well as all of the above, I think I should add some material at dosh.tvhobo.com to help any of those trampled underfoot of capitalism and institutional plundering of society and its 'human resources' - to enable such victims of 'capitalism' to learn whatever I can teach them to give them a chance against currency and other markets.

References: http://opinion.tvhobo.com/owenjones_israel_numberwang.html
http://grid.tvhobo.com/wfg.pdf
http://opinion.tvhobo.com/
http://grid.tvhobo.com/gridmap.html
Highly recommended video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYdDp4mHDRY

Coming soon: Madam Bovary, the neoliberal version
The lost hat of Mo Wooster
Aunts R U.S.
Mo Wooster and the Hinari Lifestyle

in the meantime read: Waiting for Godot, the Hollywood version
and read Owen Jones, Israel and Numberwang

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 162: What the case of Julian Assange PROVES TO ALL THE HUMAN RACE AND TO HISTORY ABOUT OUR TIMES: Being white and western today and living with entitlement and decadence and evolutionary retardation of your own mind and usually body too and not speaking out against this entitlement means you are like someone enforcing laws which are, as this document explains, somewhat absurd.

Thrust: And there is no excuse for 'tokens' either - who should stand up and resist - of course the punishment faced by tokens is far far worse than that faced by white dissenters and the chances of a token's having any opportunities, any power, are very small anyway, so whilst they are also guilty, those who are white, in this society, are far far far more guilty, because they are handed the world on a plate in exchange for keeping quiet about extreme monstrosity and bestiality, which two words sum up 'white western' culture today.

Direction of resistance: So being white and western today and living with entitlement and decadence and evolutionary retardation of your own mind and usually body too and not speaking out against this entitlement means you are like someone enforcing laws which require others are arrested for (for example) -

giving mouth to mouth to a person who nearly drowned and saving him/her

helping an old or disabled person cross the road

stopping an accident

saving a rape victim

saving a murder victim

saving a human or animal victim of cruelty

teaching a child to read

saving 100s or 1000s of people from burning alive in a building

[I can and should add to this list].

Removal of resistance: Many of you pretend you are the opposite, you actually pretend to stand up against some or all of those very things - ie you pretend that you endorse saving all the people mentioned.

Unification: Yet you do not. And when challenged to read evidence proving this terrible thing about you, what you do is you come up with reasons not to read the evidence. For example, LOADS of the evidence is shared in the 'numberwang doc' you can read RIGHT NOW in the references below.

Rather than do that you will, without any legitimate basis, judge me and not read it, you will decide that you think I am evil and that therefore you have no need to read what I have written, thus fulfilling my prophecy.

And while we are there - to me the word judgment is clear - it means punishing people, sentencing them. Even Jesus himself, let alone a vicar or imam or rabbi, didn't/doesn't punish or sentence people (well they should not and those who do are sick fucks) - but to criticise people for what they do wrong - that is not judgment. A parent criticises a child, that's fine. A parent who punishes a child is in a different boat.

So no, I'm not 'judging you' by writing like this - quite the opposite - I'm dignifying your existence. As a financial expert if I wanted to judge you I could keep quiet and merely watch as you destroy your own world and lives whilst I protect myself against your evolutionary retardation.

READ the article in the references below. It's not finished or polished but it's ready enough for you to read. Read it now.

References: http://opinion.tvhobo.com/owenjones_israel_numberwang.html
and also read this: https://www.medialens.org/2020/with-head-lowered-and-eyes-averted-israeli-racism-and-the-honourable-robert-peston/
As for you, dear Mr Robert Peston, I respectfully ask, on behalf of all that is decent and truthful in the universe, that you resign from your job immediately. You are harming the human race. Stand down you abysmal failure of a man. You are a shame on your species. Get out, you nasty piece of walking fertiliser. You do not deserve what you have been paid. Donate to Palestinians all that you owe them (which is pretty much all that you own, you apology for a life-form).

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 161: What do some mean by 'karma'? Right now the UK and other economies are suffering their own economic Grenfell - or so it seems. A week ago I was thrown out of an estate agent by self-satisfied ignorant estate agents because I asked for flats which are high spec and which are affordable, because I insisted that too many agents are palming off homes with damp and mould in them and treating prospective tenants like shit - yes because I told some agents that they treat potential tenants too off-handedly they threw me out - there's a little more to it - the white english male who threw me out wanted to have sex with the white european accented feminazi female estate agent who made the classist and immoral remarks, and the man who wanted to do the shagging heard only half the conversation, not the opening where I explained that bad housing had demonstrably caused a massive alopecia totalis attack in me and moving into good housing had shown beyond all reasonable doubt what the case was and my alopecia is reversing, hugely - he missed that bit and heard me telling her off for saying to me that if I want a 'bargain' (ie a flat with good standards, not at an unaffordable - to most - price) I should "go south of the river" - he heard me tell her that that was an immoral and classist thing to say and that eventually agents wouldn't be able to speak like that to prospective tenants, and that regulation would police such behaviour. So the white english, apparently classist man who wanted to shag the white european woman who was being a bitch, sniggering at me and laughing at me as I explained about the agents I have spoken to lately and what I have written online and she said, in that playground bully voice "oh, are you going to name and shame me? Are you going to name and shame me?" Laughing at me. At the time the press had just reported the hugest property sale price increase in recent, or possibly all, history - the markets were moving fast and these nasty little hypersexual racist classist dumbfuck agents were really up themselves and at peak treat-others-like-shit mode. Today I have watched the UK markets crash and burn all week and their allies - trillions have been knocked off the British and American economies, amongst others, by the coronavirus pandemic 'scare'. Will the British property market's imagined boom turn into a bust overnight? Will the UK property market also crash and burn now, the way so very many of its companies are crashing and burning? I emailed Andy Slaughter, the MP in whose constituency the estate agent treated me as I have described. The agent is very close to Charing Cross Hospital, indeed. Andy Slaughter has had a week and hasn't replied, presumably as I am not his constituent. Eventually I will stand against him as the Indy MP for Hammersmith and Fulham. This isn't the first time, in my records, I have found Andy Slaughter weaseling out of dealing with estate agents who are abusing his constituents or potential constituents.

Thrust: It's just after 7.20am and I'll post this grid point just after 8am. About to cook some of my famous fish (among the few, not the many, sorry Mr Corbyn, I'd gladly share my knowledge and experience with the many, but the few elitists and the many hyperconsumers who worship them are only interested in bowing to Boris Johnson, all the more when he tells them that royals can commit rape, theoretically, and be 'beyond reproach'). When the market opens I'll see how FTSE stocks have fared, although overnight records do indicate more downward leaps.

Direction of resistance: So as things stand the FTSE index is at about 6574, at 7.27am (ie overnight moves, thusfar, factored in).

That's the lowest it's been since December 2018. At the time that was the lowest it had been since October 2016.

In other words the FTSE has had the absolute shit kicked out of it by karma. The estate agents of england, before that week, were clearly going around shitting on the world with even more energy and bastardy than normal.

Anyway, to conclude this grid point (here, rather than below, since these are the last words I'm adding before I click the 'save' button and share with the world) the question is have my open trades gained profit overnight? At 8am I'll know - they probably have, as they are on FTSE stocks, pointed downwards, and the index has collectively dropped a great deal overnight - but those new moves will appear on individual stocks only in 30 mins from now (it's now 7.30) when they open for trading. The answer? They have rocketed down nicely.

Incidentally if you're curious, here are the notes I made about that estate agent on Fulham Palace Road:

<<

i told them about how bad housing in hammersmith had caused my alopecia to return after decades, and that after eventually moving out of bad housing it was going away again

i said i wanted a flat without damp, in excellent condition, for 1500 a month

lady said "if you want a bargain, go south of the river"

i said that it was unacceptable to say that and suggested that even the government's stats re 40% of private rented housing indicated that estate agents are taking liberties

i was basically thrown out at that point - if you demand good housing, they throw you out - you must grovel or fuck off

>>

I emailed that info to Andy Slaughter, of course. He did nothing about it, of course. That's how much you in Hammersmith can trust Andy "only stab Corbyn in the back sometimes" Slaughter. When the time comes and I stand in your constituency, remember to vote for me. These lying cheating con-women and con-men don't think twice about making your kids ill. They are shameless about it. QED.

Removal of resistance: It should be added that ever since Facebook banned me for 30 days, my rate of making profit has entered all time highs and is dramatically increasing exponentially all the time. As I have said time and again, do the right thing and the universe will protect you.

Unification: And remember it is not for facebook or estate agents to tell you what you are allowed to say. That agent threw me out for asking questions he feels I am not allowed to ask, eg "why are you robbing people?".

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 160: The Religion of Money is VERY hard to shake.

Thrust: I buy sourdough bread from Waitrose, PROPER sourdough bread, with the correct ingredients, ie flour, water, salt - no yeast, no added malarkey, nothing which means it is not really sourdough.

Rachel Hosie of the Independent tells us:

<<

a recent investigation by Which? found that around 75 per cent of supermarket sourdough loaves do not contain the correct ingredients to live up to their name authentically.

>>

And she explains:

<<

A starter culture is simply flour and water mixed together and left to ferment for a few days until it becomes a frothy, bubbly, thick liquid.

Most of the supermarkets don't list the ingredients in their sourdough loaves, either online or in-store, and this is potentially problematic: yeast is one of the most common ingredients used in supermarket loaves, but if you're allergic to it and simply presume all sourdoughs are authentic, you can run into trouble.

>>

Direction of resistance: So my buying of actual sourdough at 2 quid a loaf in Waitrose, where normally the same amount of bread would, if bought in cheapo shitty bread form, would be at the most about a quid fifty, but often a tad or more less - this is considered an evil act of sacrilege and defiance of the money god.

Removal of resistance: One of my relatives really likes the sourdough I buy but desperately needs to buy a 'version' of it which pleases the money god, so ABSOLUTELY refuses to buy waitrose quality sourdough with the right ingredients and keeps buying discounted sourdough from places like sainsbury's and coop - the most recent was an entire loaf for 17p. This fake sourdough has, so far, ended up mostly in the bin.

Unification: Flour, water, salt, starter - those are what sourdough is made of. Adding yeast, butter milk, nitrogen and the cast of Friends or Mamma Mia is just more hyperconsumer stupidity.

Anyway, time and time and time again the relative I mention resists, with great devotion to Money, the act of buying any real sourdough - the fake sourdough at discounted prices (reduced considerably even from normal prices) are what they buy.

This is more of the long list, building up, of examples of things like and including 'virtue signalling' and how the religion of money, amongst other things, propagates this signalling system.

I shall now go and get some of the proper sourdough bread from Waitrose.

NB in Rachel Hosie's article you can see she checked 6 supermarkets and only Waitrose had real sourdough. The others, Rachel says, sell only 'fake Sourdough' - including "Marks and Spencer" - whose reputation is far in excess of any true measure of its quality and good health, I find, generally. Of course the co op sourdough bloomer in the kitchen is also, Rachel tells us, 'fake' - ie it's in that list of 6, where only 1 in the 6 is real sourdough.

What a terrible system our commercial system is - where 5 out of 6 of these fuckers is selling my relatives stuff which is NOT sourdough but informing them that it is, 5 out of 6 of them?!! What a bunch of con merchants.

References: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/sourdough-bread-supermarket-loaves-authentic-traditional-rachel-eats-stuff-waitrose-sainsburys-a8567106.html

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 159: << WWF, for example, routinely violates human rights, the law and its own policies. It's already spent millions of dollars illegally pushing for a new park in Congo, Messok Dja. The money comes from WWF itself and its accomplices, including a logging, oil palm, and luxury tourist company, as well as the Wildlife Conservation Society, the U.S. government, the EU, and the UN. As with the creation of almost all African PAs, the first step has been to kick out and terrorize the local Baka (so-called Pygmies) who've probably lived there for thousands of years, and who have adapted and sustainably managed their biodiverse-rich environment. Now they are kept out of their ancestral lands and terrorized, beaten and arrested if they return to seek traditional foods or plant medicines. >>

Thrust: Shame on World Wildlife Fund.

Direction of resistance: If you have been donating to them, it seems to me that you want to think carefully about repeating such behaviour and maintaining such support.

Removal of resistance: Other key quotes from the article quoted in the title of this grid point:

<<

It turns out that the most diversity is not found in areas where all human interference is banned, but actually the reverse - it's found in places where tribal, indigenous, and other local, communities have stayed put and carried on doing what they've always been doing. It's simply not true that everyone shares responsibility for biodiversity loss.

>>



<<

If we really want to save our world, then we have to start with the rich cutting their massive overconsumption. The wealthiest ten percent cause about half the world's total pollution, so they must work hardest to cut it. Both military conflict and the growth of information technology must be seen as the major polluters they are. The first is barely mentioned in climate activism, and the plan for the second is the exact opposite of what's needed, with yet more energy-hungry "artificial intelligence" lined up to monitor our lives for the benefit of industry and state control. If we're going to reduce dependence on fossil fuels, we must also reduce dependence on "smart" tech, and we must accept the fact that real solutions aren't found in marketing gimmicks like "net zero," offsetting, carbon markets, or "pricing nature." Real solutions are found with the local peoples that have successfully been creating and managing the world's biodiversity since prehistory.

>>



<<

Let's be clear that cutting destructive pollution globally is vital for the climate, and that stopping industrial exploitation of unspoiled areas is essential for the flora and fauna, and the physical and mental health of inhabitants and visitors. None of that is disputed, but these are not the arguments advanced for asserting the right of this "New Deal for Nature" to more taxpayers' cash. It's a marketing gimmick designed to funnel even more money to those who have for decades demonstrated their failure to mitigate either climate change or biodiversity loss.

>>

Unification: Read the article via the link in the references below.

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/02/24/new-deal-for-nature-paying-the-emperor-to-fence-the-wind/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 158: << And the bandit's time is a borderline that's only crossed when the game is lost. And the hunter's lot is a single shot when the sun is hot and the dice are tossed. >>

Thrust: That's from Ticket for the Wind, by John Stewart, featured in Smokey and the Bandit.

Direction of resistance: The internet, in all its exceptional American British European glory, transcribes the lines (google it) as:

<<

And the Bandit's trying there's a borderline

That's already crossed, when the game is lost

And the hunter's luck is a single shot

When the sun is hot and the dice are tossed

>>

Removal of resistance: I guess the song isn't about them, really, is it?

Unification: I mean it's about talent, it's not about whatever the hell they are, for talented is not their lot, even if it is there in that film, and there in that song.

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/02/24/new-deal-for-nature-paying-the-emperor-to-fence-the-wind/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 157: The Numberwang files continue.

Thrust: Moving, for the moment only, on from where individuals selectively call out racism, but support other racism, nullifying any value in any calling out they may do - eg where people who vote for Islamophobic Johnson and Trump pretend to stand up against white racism when aimed at someone they like (ie not a muslim) I'd like to look at another form of virtue signalling and numberwanging, something I've noticed in one or other form over the years but which you'll admit in any honest thought experiment represents the status quo very fully and, as Feynman would say, modernly.

Direction of resistance: The latest manifestation was an advertising slogan outside a hair do merchant (ie a 'hairdresser') - it said "Love is in the hair". Touching on this only briefly, for now, with my alopecia totalis beginning to be behind me again, having appeared about 10 years ago and been reversed only in the presence of extremely good housing, very recently, lust is in the external characteristics - 'love is in the hair' is a motto of how banal sick ecocidal genocidal people think and live. Love is not in the hair, or the clothes, or the wallet, or the diamonds, or the smooth tongue, or anything else of this nature. But that 'innocent' 'joke' 'love is in the hair' - is not really as innocent as anyone defending it is bound to pretend.

More importantly if we agree that lust is in the hair and that a good hair do can inspire lust and 'pull' the girls or boys, also note, from observation and evidence, that a lack of hair, depending on the shape of the head, or a virtual-lack (ie a very close cut), can also be just as 'good looking' and inspire lust.

Nonetheless, perhaps for this society two points at the same time is too many and one should focus on the easily-comprehensible fact that love is love and little tricks to make others want to fuck you are nothing at all to do with love.

Removal of resistance: And so let us also now, despite my admission that many readers are incapable of handling even two points, let alone three, imagine an elderly Gujurati aunt who out of 'love' and 'kindness' showers her nephews and nieces with treats, but the treats are a plethora of high fat high sugar diabetes obesity cancer causing things which on top of all else taste quite sick, and at least half of it is more than 6 months stale when given as gifts (it is bought during discount periods and hoarded or similar situations) - that when you consume this stuff it basically harms you, that the aunt herself has been in and out of hospital and people are concerned about her extreme thinness in later life, inability to eat very much, as though her entire digestive system is fucked up, with doctors unable to do anything about it - and her slightly less warped in some ways and slightly more in others American-based sister coming to visit and trying to force feed her large amounts of chapati and macdonalds food including a macdonalds veggie burger (I mean look for the sickest thing you can and it's BOUND to be cheap) - and also bear in mind that maybe all these aunts are millionaires, very very rich some of them, overloaded with money - and the one trying to force feed the thin one is herself 40 pounds overweight.

What then? What is this action of 'being kind' - when such a person gives you a 60 day past its sell-by date chocolate made with GMOs and non organic milk and anything else corporations use to addict people to digestive-system-destroying crap? It is a virtue signal. IT IS NOT MUTUAL AID - mutual aid is absent. It is the same when companies sell those goods to your aunts or to anyone else. NO MUTUAL AID - the basis for SURVIVAL is gone and these acts, the aunts' "kindnesses" (but cheapness and hostility with regard to letting anyone purchase organic food, whole food, anything healthy and 'expensive' - ie not dirt cheap) are anti-survivalistic, same as when corporations fill our young with gluten and dairy and all sorts of preservatives and dodgy crap.

To sum up - kindness is if that aunt gives you something you need or something that is good for you, or even a treat which isn't harmful - whereas to give you stuff which is shit and bad for you and so on, which tastes sick, but is cheap, this is virtue signal, unconscious of course, it is a desire to show kindness, to feign kindness without delivering the IMPACT of real kindness.

This is just a little taster of the aunts you will find running amok in the stories of Rajeev and Wooster, coming soon, in the first two books, being planned right now: firstly, "The lost hat of Mo Wooster" and secondly, "Aunts R U.S.", the latter involving the devastating incident of one of Mo Wooster's least tolerable aunts, an American aunt, and her pursuit of the U.S. presidency.

Unification: Anyway, for now I recommend reading the work in progress, the first Numberwang doc, so far, via the link in the references below.

References: Read more about all this stuff in the numberwang doc: http://opinion.tvhobo.com/owenjones_israel_numberwang.html (And even more to come, plus a new doc, all about virtue signalling).

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 156: Virtue signalling and white racism.

Thrust: My friend M is Chinese and was just abused in a racist way somewhere in England, where he lives - having moved beyond London (England is a different place to London, London votes Corbyn, England votes Trump).

Direction of resistance: So my friend posted this on facebook, which got my sympathy (but currently I can say nothing as facebook have, once again, banned me for standing up to white racists)..

<<

People of ********, thank you for your concern: there really is no need to flash your headlights at me whilst I'm running along.

I'm particularly touched by the lads in the SUV, circling around to shout 'coronavirus!' at me was definitely worth it, I kind of guessed what you shouted the first time though it wasn't quite clear enough. I'm guessing that was what the builders in the van earlier were trying to shout too.

I'm pretty sure I'm OK, though I have to admit I've had a bit of a cough for the last couple of days and we did pass the convoy of evacuee coaches on the A34 yesterday, so maybe you know something I don't? Perhaps you should contact the authorities, I'm sure your abilities to spot disease would be greatly appreciated.

Next time, do please step out of the safety of your vehicles and have a free hug and a kiss with my gratitude

>>

(place name redacted)

Removal of resistance: Then I read this comment replying to that post, from an old 'friend' of mine (no longer my friend on facebook as I don't believe Israel should be allowed to commit genocide and he does):

<<

There are some propery stupid people out there ****. Rise above..

>>

This guy, E, would not say the same thing to someone muslim being abused by islamophobes, and if a muslim complained about mistreatment by Israelis, E would call the muslim a racist. E's 'concern' for M is just virtue signalling. On top of all else, the xenophobia promoted by Israel and its British 'friends' is something E has supported, fully, and that xenophobia has built up to America's new cold war against Russia and China, and the casualties of it, like my friend M, are the result of the racism of E and his friends (he is a REPUBLICAN - British, yes, but his dad is American and a republican) and their refusal to stand up to xenophobia during the last 15 years or more.

(person name redacted)

Unification: In other words E can say what he likes but it is he and his racist cock-sucking dickhead friends who are precisely WHY there is so much racism in England. Note how he pins the blame on a few isolated people, not on the swathes of English racists. You can be sure E did not vote Corbyn. As for M, I would guess that he did.

In the background to all this, ever increasing externalities are generating ever increasing profit for those who know how to beat markets you can be sure. Fortunately I myself am managing to also take advantage of this and will only ever use my advancement and gain with mutual aid thoroughly in mind and to deal with the racism and ignorance, amongst other things, which people like E pretend to deal with whilst sucking the phallus of corporate and imperialist and genocidal institutions. So yes, if you're wondering, even my latest ban from facebook appears accompanied in spacetime by even more mathematical and financial scientific advancement on my part. Quite a big leap, apparently, on top of the previous one. Previous one pictured in references below. So yes, I've now gone even beyond this - perhaps WAY beyond it. Looking good for me. Not for E, or the republicans, or islamophobes and other racists circling in their SUVs - they may be at their boorishness peak, but they are at their survivability trough, regardless of whom they point at and laugh at and abuse racially.

References: From a 200 quid budget in 15 years this one turns into nearly 9000 quid:

And yes, I appear to have, in the immediate aftermath of yet another 'ban' by white racists of my presence on a white-racism-pushing web site (ie facebook), made a huge scientific leap forwards from even this 200 quid to 9000 quid algo - although I will not publish any further information, I feel, on any further leaps forwards - what is published so far on this site is clearly enough for a hard working and honest and intelligent person to figure it all out and to be able to do what I do, and potentially more, if they work harder than I do.

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 155: Let the seller beware.

Thrust: So I have a reasonable solution to the problem of demonic sick-fuckism in the property industry and among a vast number of estate agents and others involved in steeping millions in bad housing.

Direction of resistance: My new novel, "The lost hat of Mo Wooster" will take on these mooks, as well as feminazis, aunts and a whole load of others.

Removal of resistance: Consider this - Roger Cook (of "The Cook Report") can/could make the workers, associates and 'friends' of a tyrant laugh at them, etc. Whereas P.G. Wodehouse can make the tyrant's own children laugh at the tyrant and at any part of themselves groomed to be a tyrant also.

Unification: Madam Bovary, the neoliberal version will of course appear here first, asap, but sooner or later my completed novel, in its entirety, about Rajeev and Wooster, will be available to you herein on this web domain.

The lost hat of Mo Wooster is a story which will, amongst other things, ridicule the British property 'industry' and the many conceited, ignorant, dodgy, deceitful, thieving dickheads who perform the job of 'estate agents' up and down the land. It will take a good look at the people who brought you, and Kensington, - GRENFELL TOWER and other such horrors.

Just give me time. It'll take a while to write it in the form I want to write it. In the meantime I'll warm my pen up on Madam Bovary.

As for my stories about Mo Wooster and his cousin Rajeev, they will be a homage to Wodehouse, above all, and written not to emulate him, but to write what he would write in my shoes in this day and age.

People like my old friends Liam and Daisy will get to see their world through my eyes, they will get to laugh at themselves, their friends and families and all around them the way I do, from my perspective.

As for the property market - it is my considered opinion that millions of deceitful and workshy estate agents and other profiteers should sort their industry out before the infamous god of Price Correction just kicks them hard where they fucking deserve it (in the wallet). How many estate agents will still have jobs after the next crash? Perhaps by the time The lost hat of Mo Wooster is published online we'll already know the answer to that question, reader.

References: https://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/.premium-witnesses-say-israeli-policeman-shot-sponge-tipped-bullet-at-9-year-old-palestinian-1.8558330
https://www.haaretz.com/middle-east-news/palestinians/.premium-idf-soldier-kills-palestinian-police-officer-at-his-station-no-explanation-offered-1.8562777/.premium-idf-soldier-kills-palestinian-police-officer-at-his-station-no-explanation-offered-1.8562777

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 154: << These revelations have major implications for public and environmental health. They undermine the idea that testing by commercial laboratories is independent of the chemical industry, thereby challenging the validity of the entire system of toxicological evaluation of chemicals like pesticides and pharmaceuticals. >>

Thrust: In an item entitled "Extensive Chemical Safety Fraud Uncovered at German Testing Laboratory", Jonathan Latham writes in Counterpunch about terrifying findings by undercover activists and writers pertaining to the safety of products you and your children and parents are exposed to.

Direction of resistance: Latham advises us:

<<

LPT Hamburg, with around 175 employees, is one of the largest contract laboratories in Germany. It is a family owned private company. It prepares regulatory studies on behalf of the pharmaceutical and pesticide industries and has three locations: Mienenbüttel in Lower Saxony, Neugraben in Hamburg and Wankendorf in Schleswig-Holstein.

An initial case of fraud was reported in 2019 by the German magazine FAKT, which worked with the animal rights organisations Cruelty Free Internationaland SOKO-Tierschutz to expose the findings of the undercover employee. The disturbing irregularities they discovered included the death and replacement of animals without this being reported to authorities.

This distressing video from FAKT summarises the findings and was filmed at LPT.

But since the initial investigation by FAKT five former employees of LPT Hamburg have come forward with new information.

>>

(Follow the link in the references for the source material, video, etc).

Removal of resistance: Statements from witnesses run along these lines:

<<

These animals, especially in the high-dose group, actually had completely open skin - so it was the raw meat that was visible, miserable really miserable. [..] In fact, one animal died in the high-dose group and was replaced by another animal. Here, too, the tattoo number, which is in the chest area of the animal, was cut out of the dead animal and added to the organs of the replaced animal after the end of the study. So that it looks as if this animal had not died at all.

>>

and

<<

So, a few months after I left LPT, I contacted the responsible authorities here. And had an appointment. And in this appointment we discussed the LPT issue together. It was also about manipulation of data and of course about the fact that studies were so strongly influenced that it was not compatible with my conscience.

>>

Latham tells us, then, that << the employee never heard from the authority again >>

Unification: Of course you don't have to worry about all this if you don't actually give a shit about your own children.

As for the next generation, you need to read all this and share it and blog about it and get moving on it. These fuckheads will continue to rape your future, it's up to you to change that future right now. Use the means at your disposal. One primary fuel these arseholes rely on is consumerism, your money, your purchasing decisions. You need to be strong and say no to their crap. Just say no, kids. Choose truth, not consumerism. Fuck them and their products.

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/02/21/extensive-chemical-safety-fraud-uncovered-at-german-testing-laboratory/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 153: A crash course in not being a waste of space from a species scheduled for total extinction, yes even you Mr Exceptional(ly fat-assed) Donald Trump(et).

Thrust: First, intellectual honesty.

<< From time to time ponder whether you are unconsciously saying:

'Truth is what I happen to be thinking at this moment.'

- Idries Shah, Reflections >>

<<

A MOTTO OF THE HUMAN RACE

Tell me what to do; but it must be what I want you to tell me.

- Idries Shah, Caravan of Dreams

>>

Direction of resistance: Armed with a basic desire to be more intellectually honest now face the following truth: you use words like 'privilege' and 'elite' and 'progress' to describe what is actually merely (and nothing other than):

self indulgence

narcissism

laziness

gratification

Removal of resistance: So how do you change?

Unification: Start by accepting this - you are not about to change. If you do ever change it will be the end result of a lot of effort and in the process you will spend more of your time continuing to fail than even just beginning to not fail.

It is for this reason that worldwide populations are increasing their capacity for so many illnesses and flaws and the general approach to self-improvement and self-development is to perceive it as a negative trait possessed by 'troublemakers' and the 'naive'.

Additional notes (ongoing).

- most people I observe doing anything at all never do whatever they are doing properly; people are slack almost all of the time - thoroughness is extremely rare.

References: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcuK_Pv8ouY

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 152: You say that this wasn't in your plan.

Thrust: Sting wrote:

<<

I'm a walking nightmare, an arsenal of doom

I kill conversation as I walk into a room

I'm a three line whip

I'm the sort of thing they ban

I'm a walking disaster

I'm a demolition man

>>

Direction of resistance: Another step forward since: 138.

Removal of resistance: As I mentioned in 146:

<<

74, 96, 138, 139 and 140 are some of the raw material so far, in chronological sequence.

>>

Unification: I repeat:

<<

It is not financial advice in any way.

It is scientific data and analysis by various primary and secondary sources.

The subject is "mathematics and the financial systems of the world".

Read also grid point 37, Chomsky and "the future of capitalism"

>>

Also useful in the context of the above research and analysis is this item, grid point 51: Beat the devil, beat the market, but you can never beat the maths.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 151: << Moreover, Sanders almost always introduces support for Palestinians by professing devotion to Israel's security and right to exist. He has a long history of funding Israeli war crimes. (His claim that he'll condition aid to Israel on a better human rights record is a sucker's bet; Sanders has had three decades to apply that principle.) All the candidates are Zionist. I don't care to parse the nuances of their Zionism. Finding - or, worse, celebrating - a kinder colonizer is a waste of time. >>

Thrust: The psychology of the rich of Wimbledon, who are the key example of all rich Tory voters in England, is easy for me to fathom, having spent some time here recently.

Direction of resistance: They are gleeful that they have impoverished loads of 'dumb' white racist northerners, in order to enrich themselves. Those racist northerners (not actually any more racist than these filth I mention in Wimbledon - not the entirety of the population of Wimbledon but the bulk of its tory voters, and those like em in Chelsea and other rich London Tory-minority-held areas {in London Tories are the minority, severely}) voted for Johnson on the basis of his dog-whistle politics, his Islamophobia and general Trumplike ass-wipe nature. Indeed Boris's hair even LOOKS like toilet roll, used at that.

So these rich white Tory racists are PLEASED at having conned loads of other white tory/blairite racists into voting for Johnson and enriching the rich, they are gleeful that he has already robbed those very voters, the northern white racists, of money, for the benefit of the rich white tory racists who voted for Johnson too, and make intellectually dishonest excuses to gloss over Johnson's resounding racism.

Removal of resistance: So you see rich white tories CONNED loads of poor white blairite/tories into losing their money to the rich white tories.

Unification: Labour is a tad different, eh? Many decent tories and others backed Labour in the Corbyn election. As for Labour - many rich Londoners joined with Corbyn and tried to save the finances of England's poor, including the finances of the white racists in the north who voted for Johnson, who were robbed by Johnson and by the rich white London tory racists who are laughing at the northerners they robbed by conning them into voting with them.

Labour's vote was unity, it was an act of unity, ALL who voted Labour this election were a unified force who believed sincerely in the same principles of fairness and decency, of civilised society.

This sums it up.

As for Sanders, what Counterpunch says is very true. It is worth facing that - what will happen in the USA in the end is no different to this example I have given - ie the rich white Donald Trumps will con all the poor white provincial and other voters - and if not the Donald Trumps, then one way or another the Clintons, even if they use, in the end, "Bernie", as a puppet or fig leaf.

Given his failure to make a genuinely noble stand on Palestine, Bernie can hardly really be trusted any more than Tom Watson could, eh? Still, you're entitled to pretend, as you face judgment, that you are not guilty, even if you will be found guilty.

The blood of Palestinians is what American guilt is written in. It is written every day, in fresh writing.

I suggest Americans and British/European bitches who grovel to and kneel before American corporations read the document in the references below.

Here's another good quote from it:

<<

Was Sanders fighting for Palestinian rights when he fondly recalled living on a kibbutz (in other words, a racialized settlement)? When he voted in favor of a Senate resolution (introduced by Mitch McConnell) that recognizes Jerusalem as Israel's undivided capital? When he yelled at constituents protesting the war crimes Israel was committing with weapons he voted to provide? When he fired a campaign staffer for criticizing Netanyahu? When he went on a Zionist diatribe in an interview with a Palestinian journalist? When he blamed an Israeli massacre of 50 civilians on "Hamas"? When he suggested that Palestinian parents train their children to become suicide bombers?

>>

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2020/02/13/how-bernie-sanders-became-a-fighter-for-palestine/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 150: Edward Scissorhands, Julian Assange and the Feminazi Lynch mob.

Thrust: Even Tariq Ali and Alex Cockburn's close friend and ally Jeffrey St Clair have aided and abetted the lynching of Julian Assange, indeed of Johnny Depp (Edward Scissorhands) and of countless other men because of their obedience to norms, their conformity, their cowardice, their pussy-footing around and their capacity for intellectual dishonesty, intellectual laziness and cognitive dissonnance. Less shocking (to me) is the fact that even Jonathan Cook has done the same.

Direction of resistance: Tim Foley is apparently an ex footballer. Also apparently a neonazi who has in the past taken it upon himself to 'patrol' borders in a maverick way, against migrants, he is a Trump-cock sucker. And he is Caitlin Johnstone's sexual partner.

Removal of resistance: Johnstone is a feminazi whose generalising about men and 'advice' to all men stems from the delusion that she understands men, all men, and can tell this inferior (clearly in her eyes) gender how to sort its sorry self out.

I will not waste time here going into the details of Caitlin's crimes, that I can add later - suffice it to say that she feels that for men sex merely has to last 2 minutes and men are satisfied, but women need more - that her experience of men is limited to ex American footballer neonazis isn't something she apparently realises is relevant to her absurd generalisation about men and our sex lives.

Unification: What matters is not the jackass stupid neonazi-fucking bitch "Caity" skin-cream. What matters is that even Jeffrey St Clair mutters no more than a bit of lip service to those who point out that the 'metoo' movement and feminazism in general (see Femen and the case of the fucking of the frozen chicken in a supermarket) succeeds in eliminating due process and enabling lynch mob mentality, when his lack of a voice on this matter, along with Jonathan Cook's, Tariq Ali's and all the other cowardly 'left wing heroes' is why there is no chance of a loud loud voice rising up and saying "The murder of Julian Assange is an act of SHEER FEMINAZISM". Craig Murray definitely sees my point these days and I've seen him say something akin to the latter statement in a polite way.

I hope at least Tariq Ali has the balls now to listen to me as I intend to make him directly aware of my view on this, by means of 'social media'.

Alex Cockburn would not have failed Assange in this way and if he had been alive (Cockburn) his voice would have raised the roof, and the attack on feminazis would be well underway.

There was a CP journalist who alerted me to the fact that Caitlin, who claims all men are done with sex in 2 minutes, knows about men only via a neo nazi redneck retard - read about Foley and his views on snipering migrants.

When raising these issues with such men as Cook and St Clair I have found myself removed from the counterpunch friends and family facebook group, banned and blocked from Cook's facebook page, etc.

If these arseholes listened to me and do as I do on the matter, given their audience reach, they would have saved Assange's life ALREADY. Instead Assange may well die, and these jackasses pretend they're doing all they can to help, when they have done NOTHING to help which they should have.

LOUDLY call out feminazism and Assange will live, you pussy-whipped dickheads. (No offence, I like you guys, but I have to be balanced in my journalism. If Foley is a dickhead, and he is, then those who essentially stand shoulder to shoulder with him are also dickheads, and those who stand shoulder to shoulder with those dickheads are also dickheads). (But I still like you. I'm still on your side. Nonetheless, you're going to fail to save Assange's life and that IS unforgiveable when you have the power to change that outcome 'merely' by letting your reputation come under attack from feminazis, merely by taking a true honest stand against feminazism and standing up for its many many many victims, the case of Julian Assange being pretty much the most significant but by no means the most horrific.)

Quoting "Caity" in her articles which often "stand up for" the left or migrants is unnecessary, there are plenty of good writers to quote. As for "Caity" - she has issues. She should lose weight, meet a much broader variety of men and no longer be sexually attracted to men who like to sniper non white people. Or maybe I'm asking too much? Maybe we should favour "Caity" and ignore the plight of Assange. Maybe we shouldn't take on 'allies' like "Caity" in the battle to save Assange's life. Maybe we should allow Assange's life to be sacrificed to the hormones of "Caity" and the pussy-whipped nature of St Clair and Cook and Ali and so on? I dunno. You, reader, will have to decide. You're the ones who can pressure these juts to save Julian and stop calling it 'chivalrous' to not tell off a whole bunch of nasty racist violent women who blatantly are nothing more than proponents of sexism and self-righteous tomfoolery.

The counterpunch writer who drew my attention to Caity's links to neonazis was, as far as I recall, a jewish (and I think Israeli) counterpunch writer, a good man. I urge Tariq Ali to wake up and boycott dickheads like "Caity" right now and stop posting her material on facebook. The others are never going to listen to me, not St Clair and not Cook, but Tariq Ali knows what I'm like in person and realises that there is strength in integrity taken to the limit, there is strength in letting go of convention and in risking yourself in order to do the right thing. SAVE JULIAN ASSANGE, Tariq. Tell your friends and allies to challenge the feminazis fully now. And stop cavorting with racist fat-fuck Caitlin Johnstone, who should go to a health farm and fucking well stay there.

References: https://talkingpointsmemo.com/muckraker/extremists-go-to-war-in-the-arizona-desert

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 149: Blowing the whistle, being the dog which watches, mutual aid, unity, kinship.

Thrust: I was in a part of London I won't name. For the purpose of what I shall tell you it doesn't matter. I was looking at the bus app on my mobile phone. Suddenly a woman spoke out and warned me: some kids were circling on bikes, planning to grab my phone and cycle off. Thanks to her warning I was able to prevent it from happening.

Direction of resistance: What she did is something we should all do under the circumstances, and I was grateful.

Removal of resistance: Just because they were kids at the bottom, with nothing, doesn't excuse what they were doing. She knew what they were doing as they do it a lot. You should be careful, reader, when handling your mobile or tablet etc etc in public. Whatever part of London you are in, I feel you should be careful about this. It doesn't matter which area this event I described happened in. Wherever you are you ought to be careful about this.

Unification: It's no excuse that those boys are poor. Just as there is also no excuse when 'the rich' do the same thing. My experiences looking for decent flats to rent are something I have written about here for the same reasons that that woman warned me about the boys on the bikes who were about to rob me.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 148: << the Chosen One has issued executive orders ridding the country of the plague of regulations that protect children from mercury poisoning and preserve the country's water supplies and lands, along with other impediments to further enrichment of Trump's primary constituency, extreme wealth and corporate power >>

Thrust: Noam Chomsky tells us:

<<

..much of the world is aflame. As the men of Davos recognized with trepidation at their January meeting, the peasants are coming with their pitchforks: The neoliberal order they have imposed for the past 40 years, while ultra-generous to them and their class, has had a bitter impact on the general population. A leading theme at Davos was that the Masters must declare that they are changing their stance from service to the rich to attending to the concerns of "stakeholders" - working people and communities. Another theme was that while not "alarmists," they acknowledge the threat of global warming.

The unstated implication is that there is no need for regulations and other actions about climate change: We Big Boys will take care of it. ** Greta Thunberg and the other children demonstrating out there can go back to school. And now that we see the flaws in our neoliberal model of capitalism, you can put aside all those disruptive political programs calling for health care, rights of workers, women, the poor. We're taking care of it, so just go back to your private pursuits, keeping to democratic norms. **

>>

Direction of resistance: Chomsky concludes:

<<

As the neoliberal order is visibly collapsing, it is giving rise to "morbid symptoms" (to borrow Gramsci's famous phrase when the fascist plague was looming). Among these are the spread of authoritarianism and the far right that you mention. More generally, what we are witnessing is quite understandable anger, resentment and contempt for the political institutions that have implemented the neoliberal assault - but also the rise of activist movements that seek to overcome the ills of global society and to stem and reverse the race to destruction.

The confrontation could hardly have been exhibited more dramatically than by the appearance of Greta Thunberg immediately after the most powerful man in the world - the leader in the race to destruction - had admonished the Masters to disdain the "heirs of yesterday's foolish fortune tellers" (virtually 100 percent of climate scientists) and to take up his wrecking ball.

>>

Removal of resistance: Most importantly, in the same interview, Chomsky tells us:

<<

Are the crimes discussed a basis for impeachment? Seems so to me. Has Trump committed vastly more serious crimes? That is hardly debatable. What might be debatable is whether he is indeed the most dangerous criminal in human history (which happens to be my personal view). Hitler had been perhaps the leading candidate for this honor. His goal was to rid the German-run world of Jews, Roma, homosexuals and other "deviants," along with tens of millions of Slav "Untermenschen." But Hitler was not dedicated with fervor to destroying the prospects of organized human life on Earth in the not-distant future (along with millions of other species).

Trump is. And those who think he doesn't know what he's doing haven't been looking closely.

Is that a wild and ludicrous exaggeration? Or the very simple and apparent truth? It's not difficult to figure out the answer. We've discussed it often before. There is no need to review what is happening on Trump's watch while he devotes every effort to accelerating the race to catastrophe, trailed by such lesser lights as Brazil's Jair Bolsonaro and Australia's Scott Morrison.

Every day brings new forebodings. We have just learned, for example, that the gigantic Thwaites Glacier in West Antarctica has been eroding from warm water below. The Washington Post describes this as "a troubling finding that could speed its melt in a region with the potential to eventually unleash more than 10 feet of sea-level rise," adding, "Scientists already knew that Thwaites was losing massive amounts of ice - more than 600 billion tons over the past several decades, and most recently as much as 50 billion tons per year." It has now been confirmed, as suspected, that "this was occurring because a layer of relatively warmer ocean water, which circles Antarctica below the colder surface layer, had moved closer to shore and begun to eat away at the glaciers themselves, affecting West Antarctica in particular." The chief scientist involved in the study warns that this may signal "an unstoppable retreat that has huge implications for global sea-level rise."

That's today. Tomorrow will be something worse.

What's causing the warmer water? No secret. This is only one of the likely irreversible tipping points that may be reached if "the Chosen One," as he modestly describes himself, is granted another four years to carry out his project of global destruction.

We have just witnessed an extraordinary event at the January Davos meeting of the Masters of the Universe, as they are called; for Adam Smith, they were only "the masters of mankind," but 250 years ago it was just British merchants and manufacturers.

The conference opened with Trump's oration about what a fabulous creature he is. The encomium was interrupted only by a comment that we should not be "alarmist" about the climate. His Magnificence was followed by the quiet and informed comments of a 17-year old girl instructing the heads of state, CEOs, media leaders and grand intellectuals about what it means to be a responsible adult.

Quite a spectacle.

Trump's war on organized life on Earth is only the barest beginning. More narrowly, in recent days, the Chosen One has issued executive orders ridding the country of the plague of regulations that protect children from mercury poisoning and preserve the country's water supplies and lands, along with other impediments to further enrichment of Trump's primary constituency, extreme wealth and corporate power.

On the side, he has been casually proceeding to dismantle the last vestiges of the arms control regime that has provided some limited degree of security from terminal nuclear war, eliciting cheers from the military industry. And as we have just learned, the great pacifist who is committed to end interventions "dropped more bombs and other munitions in Afghanistan last year than any other year since documentation began in 2006, Air Force data shows."

He is also ramping up his acts of war - which is what they are - against Iran. I won't even go into his giving Israel what the Israeli press calls "a gift to the right," formally giving the back of his imperial hand to international law, the World Court, the UN Security Council and overwhelming international opinion, while shoring up the Evangelical vote for the 2020 election. The prerogative of supreme power.

In brief, the list of Trump's crimes is immense, not least the worst crime in human history. But none merit a nod in the impeachment proceedings. This is hardly a novelty; rather the norm. The current proceedings are often compared with Watergate. Nixon's hideous crimes were eliminated from the charges against him despite the efforts of Rep. Robert Frederick Drinan and a few others. The Nixon impeachment charges focused on his illegal acts to harm Democrats.

Any resemblance to the farce that is now winding up? Does it suggest some insight into what motivates the powerful?

>>

Unification: Read the full interview at the link in the references below.

References: https://truthout.org/articles/noam-chomsky-sanders-threatens-the-establishment-by-inspiring-popular-movements/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 147: In the last few weeks I have spoken to around 40 London estate agents, looking for a flat in the lowest rent bands of any area or one band above, the second lowest. I have asked to see flats which had no smell, no damp-like or damp smell, and only one flat I was shown did not. In many cases agents at least were honest enough to not show me flats which had damp and not show me flats at all as a result, whilst others showed me all they had and it had damp. The kind of things they have said to me when I have insisted on not seeing a flat unless they have seen it themselves and can verify that it really has no smell and is a perfectly healthy flat, include the statement "I have 6 other people seeing it tomorrow, all desperate to live near Shepherd's bush, and it'll go quickly". The Guardian has begun reporting on the illnesses, such as diabetes and digestive problems and gum problems which are obviously associated with this kind of housing if you live in these sorts of flats for decades. Today in most parts of London not a single agent I speak to will do anything but lie to me, dodge questions, palm off whatever they can on me or, if they realise they can't get away with it, simply offer me nothing.

Thrust: <<

A YouGov and Shelter poll, found that 39 per cent of London's private renters have experienced damp or mould in their homes in 2016, while 26 per cent experienced poor insulation or excess cold.

>>

That's from a government report, that's the word of British government. Check the link in the references below.

Direction of resistance: I am trying to find flats in Corbyn's area instead.

Removal of resistance: It is my belief that considerably less problems and considerably more honesty will be found there.

Unification: It is not a naive theory, it's clearly a very likely case, and so I shall give it a go. I'm not saying that in those north London spots there won't be bad housing, just that the agents will probably be more responsible and most of them will not be overpricing stuff which is habitable and rolling out crap to the bulk of low income tenants.

Either way, it's disgusting what goes on in places like Kingston upon Thames, Wimbledon, Putney, Clapham, Battersea, Lambeth and so many other places I have been to where the properties shown to me are not fit for human habitation, where estate agents don't think twice about making me spend money and hours of time going to see things which are substandard, where the honest agents explain to me that the general rule among those annoying me is to play a "numbers game", to throw enough mud against the wall so that some of it sticks, to send half a dozen or a dozen people to a flat half an hour from Shepherd's Bush or Ealing a day even if that flat has problems like extreme noise, damp, pigeon shit outside (and associated smells), etc - because in those dozen, at least one is desperate enough to take it. The time of the others which is wasted matters not to these agents or their callous immoral masters.

Let's jump to some notes I have already made, relating to the dodgy and underhand and fucked up people calling themselves estate agents I have dealt with so far this year:

<<

"you should see that flat tomorrow, rather than waiting for me to confirm that it has no damp smell first, because i have 6 other people seeing it and they are all desperate to live near shepherd's bush" - she had never been in the flat and could not confirm that it doesn't have any smell (which every single other flat i've seen but one has had). her manager, who has been, could only say this on the matter: "none of the previous tenants has complained" (of course ALL of those previous tenants decided to move out, none of them is still living there).

>>

and then

<<

"i have another flat, in putney, of the same price and size but it DOES have damp; however the landlord will get people to fix that problem, while you're living there"

(my associate: "who would live in a flat like that?"

agent: "lots of people. we'll give them a low rent and make it worth their while")

>>

the same person as the first example:

<<

friday: "i'll have pictures for the flat on monday"



monday: "these pictures are great. are they recent?"

"um. no. let me check. um. about 2 years old"

>>

And for now let's close with this horror - there was a flat in Richmond, absolutely beautiful in the picture of the interior, perfect. Bright, perfectly clean looking. And I made it clear that I thought that was excellent and that's why I wanted it. When I got there - dark and grotty - the pictures were not representative at all - they must have been even more than 2 years old, those ones must have been maybe 5 years old.

Estate agents should not be allowed by law to show photos of flats which are more than 90 days old.

What's more stunning is that in all cases I went out of my way to emphasise to agents that the single most important aspect was this 'high spec' nature of interior I required, but they often knowingly sent me to places falling far beneath that standard, allowing me to believe that they WERE that standard - for two reasons. One, it is still possible that I may have agreed to take it, so they were trying to force me to take what I don't really want. And two - the more people are seeing it the more they can say to everyone else "I have six other people who want to see this (crappy health-destroying life-span-shortening disgusting) flat and one of them will easily take it soon, so I suggest you basically hurry up and give me your money before someone takes away this "opportunity" from you and I can get paid my blood money in exchange for harming you and others, for I am a sick fuckhead."

What irritates me most, like one youngish female estate agent in Barnes, is when the mention of damp by me is treated as a 'tin foil hat' statement, and they even speak back of 'damp' in a voice which denotes that they are mocking me and that flats do not have damp.

To that agent I say - read the government doc. 39% of London's housing is known to have had damp and mould problems. No doubt it extends beyond what is surveyed and known. And that's just the private housing. Across all London housing the figure must be more than half, clearly, perhaps a lot more than half. So when you pretend you are helping people find housing, shelter, a home - you are not. You are harming them, you are nasty little fuckheads and you deserve no mercy from TVhobo. Sooner or later I will name every agency guilty of these crimes. BUCK UP YOU NASTY LITTLE SHITS.

Just now, agent in Clapham:

<<

Paraphrase of agent: "There is a difference between mould and damp. Is it okay if it's mould but not damp? Mould is often caused by tenants, not by the flat."

precise words to follow: "If I show you flats where there is mould caused by the tenants, lack of ventilation, not the property's fault, where there is no damp, only mould, will that be okay?"

"No"

"Well I can tell you right now that I don't have anything for you."

>>

I then asked to speak to her manager, she refused to give me the manager's name and hung up. I told her I was publishing this and told her to get her manager to read it. She claimed that I was breaking the law by writing it. I told her that since I have not named her she is quite wrong, there is no question that the legality of my words here are sound. The fact that agents try to brow beat you like that is also quite dark.

All three quotes shown above are from agents who on their site claim to work with or be policed by "TPOS". See link below. I will approach TPOS and ask them why so many agents they allegedly police behave in the above manner. The competency of TPOS is clearly not at a level society should be satisfied with.

I have now used TPOS's contact form to direct them to this page you are now reading, reader. This is their automated reply:

<<

Thank you for contacting The Property Ombudsman (TPO). This message is an acknowledgement of receipt to your email. Once we have had the opportunity to look through your paperwork we will write to you again to advise of the next steps.

Please note that by submitting this e-mail you have consented to TPO exchanging information with other relevant parties about your complaint, if required in order to deal with your complaint effectively.

The Property Ombudsman provides a free, fair and independent service for dealing with unresolved disputes made against Registered Firms. The Ombudsman is impartial and is not a regulator of the estate agency industry or a consumer guardian.

Thank you for your patience.

For more information about TPO, please visit our website at www.tpos.co.uk

The information in this email is confidential and is intended solely for the addressee. Access, copying or re-use of information in it by anyone else is unauthorised. Any views or opinions presented are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of TPO Limited. If you are not the intended recipient please contact [..etc..]

The Property Ombudsman Limited, Registered in England No: 3339975

Registered Office – Milford House, 43 - 55 Milford Street, Salisbury, Wiltshire, SP1 2BP

>>

I will inform you, reader, of any reply they give, or if they do not reply within a reasonable period.

We must ask this - in the event of a major property market crash, to what extent is the apparent failure of organisations like TPOS responsible, and what should future governments do to reform the industry and those who claim to provide quality control and accountability to the industry? If I continue gathering data like this, of agents who dodge questions about damp, who mistreat prospective tenants who insist on not having their time and money wasted or on not being put into flats which may harm their health, which smell less than acceptable, how many of those agents I will be able to easily quote here also claim to be policed by TPOS and other such organisations?

__

Update: see version history for time delay. As yet still not a single word of reply from TPOS since their autoreply. Apparently they don't realise that not replying to TVhobo when it makes a completely open public request from them could be seen as entirely undemocratic and negligent. They are supposed to be accountable to you and I, the public, and our governments.

___

New update (see version history for datestamp) - I have phoned them. The lady at the other end told me that they do have a 5 day response time, so they may have more time to respond to me. Nonetheless she took my name and I gave her my email address so that they can identify my communication to them from their contact form and get back to me. I have told them I will publish any/all responses from them to me at my discretion, for your benefit, readers.

___

Update: now there has been a response. And I have responded to it. Both, below:

<<<<







On 07 February 2020 at 16:26 ***** wrote:



 



Dear Mr Pirani







Thank you for your enquiry received on 4 February 2020.



 



I note that you have raised concerns regarding agents who are registered with The Property Ombudsman (TPO) and how they are communicating with you and the condition of the properties they are offering you on your website.



 



Firstly, it may be useful to explain that TPO is an independent redress scheme, we provide consumers with free fair and impartial redress for service complaints. We do not act a regulator and our role is not to police the property industry. This is not within the Ombudsman Terms of Reference, I have attached a copy for your information.



 



Currently there is not a regulator in the property industry but you can refer general complaints about agent(s) to the National Trading Standards Estate and Letting Agency Team, via the Citizens Advice Consumer Service on 03454 04 05 06. They may be able to conduct an investigation into one or more agents regarding their business practice and could take punitive action.



 



If there is a service complaint you would like TPO to consider about a specific agent you will need to exhaust that agents internal complaints process first. You can then forward copies of your complaints correspondence to us and we may then be able to review you complaint or provide you with further guidance. I have attached a copy of our Consumer Guide which gives guidance on what to expect from the agents complaints process and how we review complaints



 



If we review your complaint and it is supported then TPO can instruct agents to pay you compensation for aggravation distress, inconvenience or proven financial loss. 



 



If you require further guidance on how to raise a complaint against a specific agent please do no hesitate to contact us again.



  



Yours sincerely



 







 



*************



Initial Enquires Team Leader



 



 

The information in this email is confidential and is intended solely for the addressee. Access, copying or re-use of information in it by anyone else is unauthorised.  Views or opinions expressed in this email do not necessarily represent those of The Property Ombudsman Limited.



 



If you are not the intended recipient please contact *******



 



The Property Ombudsman Limited, Registered in England No:  3339975 Registered Office – Milford House, 43 - 55 Milford Street, Salisbury, Wiltshire, SP1 2BP



 



 



 





 



_____





my reply:





Thank you for your reply. Unless you express an objection to my doing so I will publish your reply on the same web page as where I have "raised my concerns". To clarify I am not interested in spending time and money "exhausting" the "complaints processes" of all of these and any other agents I find behaving in the manner described. Why I have written to you is to inform you that clearly there is some indication that perhaps your organisation is failing in its work, if we judge by the number of cases already found of behaviour such as that described, by institutions you apparently would redress problems within, under certain circumstances. I note your statement that you are not here to police the property industry and your statement that you do not act as a regulator. I have no further need to contact you as I do not intend to follow up any such complaint although I will record as many instances of such organisations as I find, and will continue to wonder why it is that there are such instances. I presume there is nothing more for you to say, therefore, and will refer the matter to those who are here to redress any failures on the part of organisations like yours to work in such a way as to make agencies such as those cited think twice about behaving in the ways I have described. I will of course also publish this reply of mine along with your reply. In future I will refer this matter directly to members of parliament, regarding the agencies in their constituencies, where and when such agents give me reason to do so. I am saying, if it is REALLY unclear to you and you're not as intellectually dishonest as you appear, that I don't think you're doing your job properly, that if you were there wouldn't be so much of what I have found, and therefore I am not asking you to do it on my behalf as you appear incompetent and potentially corrupt. I am saying that I think members of parliament need to look at why these failures are there and ask about your role in preventing or failing to prevent such failures. There is no need to reply to me as what I am saying indicates that I do not, at this stage, given your reply, consider that you are capable of addressing this concern. Members of parliament will need to. This reply, and yours, is being added to my site right now; in the event that you have any objection to this let me know or I will assume that that is the end of the matter. I will remove your name and contact details from the extract.



Regards,



Shams Pirani



>>>>

References: https://www.london.gov.uk/moderngov/documents/s73880/[..]scoping.pdf
https://www.tpos.co.uk/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 146: The externalities companies leave to you are ever increasing, hence the ever increasing 'profit' of those Chomsky gives Bezos as an example of.

Thrust: 74, 96, 138, 139 and 140 are some of the raw material so far, in chronological sequence.

Direction of resistance: It is not financial advice in any way.

Removal of resistance: It is scientific data and analysis by various primary and secondary sources.

Unification: The subject is "mathematics and the financial systems of the world".

Read also grid point 37, Chomsky and "the future of capitalism" for the references accompanying the following material:

<<<<<

Chomsky on "the future of capitalism".

<<<

Q: Question about the future of capitalism.

Chomsky: The general future of capitalism?



Q: Yeah.

Chomsky: first of all we should bear in mind that capitalism is a bit of a myth. We don't really have capitalist societies. We have state capitalist societies and the state has always played an essential central role in development and extension of the capitalist system, so that goes back to England in the 17th century and all the way through the history of development.

But let's just take the recent period, so take today's high-tech economy. Take your iPhone. If you take your iPhone and you take the technology - take it apart and it turns out that almost everything comes from the state sector. The GPS was developed by the Navy, the electronics was developed in military labs. You know: everything. The computer that's in front of you. The computers began to be developed in the 1950s, actually in a large part in the lab where I happened to be working. It wasn't until 1977 that Apple was able to produce a computer that could be marketed for profit - that's after about 30 years of research and development in the state sector.

Now suppose we had capitalist societies, one of the principles of capitalism is supposed to be that if you invest in something, especially if you invest to make a risky costly investment over say 30 years, and there's some profit that comes out, it's supposed to go back to you.

But our system doesn't work like that: it goes to Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos. The public pays the costs through various devices, the university labs and so on and then after many years something is handed over to the private corporations and they make the profit. Same with the internet. The beginnings of the internet were in the late 1950s actually in same lab where I was working at MIT that began thinking about the internet and it developed over decades within the government system, meaning taxpayer support. Finally around 1995 the public made a gift simply a gift to private corporations to say ok you guys can have the internet that we developed. Now we have the half a dozen huge mega corporations which run the Internet. It's a public gift, you know.

And in fact across the board that's the way it is: it's the same if you go back to the 19th century when what was called the American system of production developed and kind of amazed the world. You know: mass production, quality control, interchangeable parts. Most of it was developed in government armouries. That's where you can do experimentation you can you can make investments for the long term. Private corporations don't do that, they want to make profit tomorrow not invest for what might happen in 30 years, and that's in fact the entire history of development of what we call capitalism and its current function.

If you look at the present: take the people who are saying we have to have a small government and devote ourselves to the market, just look at how they live. There are huge public subsidies, government subsidies, to every major sector of the economy: agribusiness, energy, finance - they're all heavily publicly subsidised. That's okay. That's a "proper function" of the government just not pensions and security and health and "irrelevant" things like that.

So that's what's called capitalism but it's a very specifically shaped and designed form of capitalism. So can that survive? Well it certainly shouldn't survive and I think that can be changed. In fact the public wants it to be changed.

So again if you take a look, the United States is a very heavily polled society mainly because business wants to know what people think and it's important so we know a lot about people's attitudes. One thing we know is that across the spectrum people want much higher taxes on the rich but the taxes keep going down. In fact those results usually aren't even reported. That of even people who are considered very right-wing, tea party let's say - if you take a look at their actual attitudes they're more or less social democratic.

People say yeah we want a very small government but we want more expenditures in health and education and support for people who can't feed their children and so on but just a small government but all the things that a big government does - in fact even attitudes on things like foreign foreign aid are very interesting like in the polls about foreign aid everyone says it's way too high, we're giving everything away to the undeserving foreigners. But when you ask them what foreign aid should be it's just about about ten times as high as it actually is you know because - these are the results of extensive propaganda systems which indoctrinate people into having certain conceptions. You know: everybody's stealing from us, the poor are taking away, the government's putting the poor in front of us, immigrants are flooding the country. Take, say, immigration: huge concern about immigration in the United States you know Mexican rapists and criminals. Almost half the immigration is from Asia: educated trained people who are being brought in to help develop the high-tech economy. It's about 40% of the immigrants. It's not what people hear, you know. What they hear is something that doesn't exist. Mexican criminals.

But it's it's pretty much the same in Europe so for example in fact it is very striking, I mentioned the other day the latest elections in Europe were in Sweden a couple of weeks ago which again the right-wing did get a much higher percentage in everyone wanted which is a frightening development but there was a careful study of the rise of the right in Sweden and what it showed was very interesting and generalises. Turns out that the rise of the right in Sweden was before the wave of immigrants: it was a reaction of people who were basically cast aside by the abandonment of the social democratic policies as the government including the Social Democratic so-called left began to move towards the so-called austerity programs. People know the mass of the population was left out.

Some people do fine you know they get rich - the elites, as they're called. So what most of the people see is: those guys up there are doing fine and I'm left out so I object and I'm gonna respond by voting for the Nationalist xenophobic party. That was before the wave of immigrants once the immigrants come in they serve as a convenient scapegoat and so it's their fault it's not the fault of the corporations up there, we don't see them.

Finland, the same study showed, has the same rise in the right-wing parties but they have almost no immigration. If you take a look at the United States it's quite interesting - the 2016 election - there have been extensive studies of why people voted for Trump and almost all the studies say it's racism and sexism which is not false but the question is why did these attitudes emerge and if you look back they emerge from people who were left out who have been stagnating for forty years even worse: wages declining, benefits declining, organisation declining, those are communities that are ripe for a demagogue who can blame everything on a scapegoat.

The racism is there undoubtedly, misogyny is there, xenophobia is there and it comes out of the bottle when people are angry and resentful and don't know where to turn to for explanation for their plight. I think the source of a lot of this is simply the neoliberal policies of the last generation which were designed. They're not a law of nature, you know, they're designed to have certain consequences which they have and one of them is leaving the mass of the population as what's sometimes called a precariat: people living precarious existences, no security, pensions aren't coming, no organisation, [..] who are going to look for somebody responsible and the easiest place to look is people who are even more vulnerable than you are and so it shows up in these dangerous antisocial attitudes.

The decline of democracy is a consequence and in fact a desired consequence of the policies that were instituted: they overcome what was called "the crisis of democracy", "too much democracy". So now yes we've succeeded in reducing the crisis of democracy with the consequences that follow from that.



Q: How about the resistance? You said this system will not survive like this. Can't.

Chomsky: Yes, impossible for a reason we haven't discussed. There are two huge crises growing one of them we know about the nuclear threat. If you look at the history of the nuclear age it's an absolute miracle that we have survived. If there was time we could go through it but case after case dozens of times sometimes by accident mostly by accident, sometimes by reckless acts of leaders we came literally within minutes of terminal destruction. Literally. Some of the cases are shocking when you look at them and miracles don't continue, so sooner or later we'll manage and destroy ourselves.

The other is global warming which is very serious. I mean if the use of fossil fuels continues at anything remotely like the present level, by the end of this century let's say we might see sea level rising 6 to 10 metres. You can just imagine what that would mean. Plus what we already see severe weather: droughts, hurricanes, typhoons, all escalating and it already has big effects. Like the the Syrian war for example: at one of its roots is an unprecedented drought, nothing (like it) in hundreds of thousands of years of history. Huge drought surely the result of global warming which drove peasants off the land into the cities. No way for them to survive. It creates a kind of a kindling which any spark will set off, it's part of the background for the conflicts that arose.

The same happened in Darfur: the huge drought drove nomads into the agricultural areas and there's also ethnic conflict there, and that immediately led to conflict and confrontation, ended up with big massacres. These things are not are not just the future, we're living with at beginnings of them take a look at Bangladesh which is mostly a coastal plain, the sea level starts rising. What's going to happen to hundreds of millions of people?

If the glaciers keep melting in the Himalayas the already meagre water supply in South Asia is going to be severely threatened. Right now there are several hundred million people in India who do not have potable water. We're taught in Pakistan it's going to be even worse.

I mean we're talking about the fate of hundreds of millions of people in the near future.

The rich may think they can escape by going to a mountain somewhere but that's not going to happen. And the policies that are being pursued are to escalate the problem - it's not just Trump, take a look at the big banks. Take a look at the JPMorgan Chase huge banks they know exactly what the consequences are and they're increasing their investments in fossil fuels. That's the nature of capitalism. As I said its we have a mixed form of capitalism but there is a market system underlying it somewhere and an imperative of the market system is that you try to make maximal profit tomorrow and you disregard what are called externalities. The things that are not charted. And if you don't do that you're out of the game. It's part of the structure of the system. So Jamie Dimon who's a smart guy, head of JP Morgan Chase, understands perfectly well the consequences but nevertheless is compelled by the logic of the institutions to maximise the threat to his own grandchildren. He may not like it, maybe on the side he gives money to the Sierra Club, environmental groups, but functioning within the system they're destroying the possibility for organised life.

That is nothing that you can put band-aids on. This is much deeper. Then of course the Trump administration that's just the worst by far. We ought to have big headlines and the newspapers every day saying these guys are trying to destroy the possibility of organised human life and if you think about it honestly there's been nothing in all of human history to compare with this not a Atilla the Hun not Genghis Khan not Hitler.

Horrible as they were they never tried to destroy organised human life. This is something new. There's no word to describe it: evil doesn't capture it. Insanity doesn't capture it because it's not insane it's planned, and conscious and part of the very logic of the system in which they work.

Now of course with Trump and his associates they're trying to extend it make it worse. That's not part of the logic of the system - the system could function with palliative efforts as Obama in fact was doing and most of the world is doing. Not enough but at least something, but it's a very deep problem. It's like class hatred in Brazil. This is deep, you can't put a bandaid on it. It's fundamental things that have to be dealt with.



Q: How about resistance, the movements against capitalism, against those things?



Chomsky: that's the encouraging part of the story: all over the world there is a resistance. So the most popular political figure in the United States by a considerable margin is Bernie Sanders which is kind of unthinkable in the framework of American political history. It's never happened in American political history that somebody like Sanders could become even noticed let alone become the most popular political figure in the country. Now just think of what happened. You have to recognise that American elections are literally bought: you can you can predict the outcome of elections with remarkable precision simply by looking at campaign funding, Executive and Congress.

Goes back well over a hundred years, now here's somebody who entered the campaign virtually unknown. No media support. Barely mentioned if the media mentioned him they just made fun of him you know. No support. Zero from any of the funders. No corporate support. No support from private wealth. He even used what in the United States is a kind of four-letter word. The United States is I suppose the only country in the world outside of maybe some dictatorship where you can't say the word socialism, let alone communism: it's just unspeakable. You know it's literally a four-letter word: he said he was a socialist.

Socialist really means New Deal Democrats, doesn't mean anything very profound but with all of that he came very close to winning the nomination for the Democrats.



Q: you are for Hillary at that time?



Chomsky: No. After the nomination yes. But that's not for Hillary that's against Trump. That's something quite different she was awful. But if Sanders had been able to win the nomination frankly I don't know what would have happened because the Republican propaganda machine which had not been directed against Sanders and which is huge, corporate backed, fantastic. It would be directed against Sanders and what you'd start hearing is things about this atheist Jew communist wants to destroy everything a ton of stuff like that. He probably probably couldn't have withstood it - but so it's kind of unpredictable but that's what certainly would have happened. How people would react to that you really don't know.

You can see it in England right now, the attack on Corbyn. I mean there's an enormous fear including the Labour party you know the old Labour Party, the Guardian: you know the idea that you might have a political party that actually represents the general public and its interests and suffering people abroad and is led by a decent human being. That's totally intolerable so you have this enormous attack of the kind you can't defend yourself against like anti-semitism you say somebody's a Holocaust denier and anti-semite - there's no defence basically. And it's just across the board: a huge attack on Corbyn and the Labour Party and that's the kind of thing you would have seen if Sanders (had won) - you know. They'd pick a little differently but anti-israel, you know all this huge propaganda which is so familiar you can just make it up - so there's a lot to overcome but what the Sanders campaign showed and what the Corbyn success shows is that you can do quite a lot.

Sanders and Yanis Varoufakis just came out with a joint declaration, that's very important I think. Varoufakis is a very smart interesting guy - he is the centre of this new political organisation diem25, which is in fact running candidates, transnational candidates for the European Parliament and ultimately in the Greek elections and later other ones - which is a kind of a counterpart to Corbyn and Sanders and the Varoufakis Sanders declaration a couple of days ago is you know it's not radical it's calling for sensible multipolar and Liberal Democratic structures. It wants in Europe to preserve what's good about the European Union and to overcome the serious flaws, the same in the Western Hemisphere and things like the Obrador election in Mexico, another example.

So I think if you look around the world and the [. just plain.] level of activism mainly among young people which is quite surprising, striking. I think it's much higher almost than it's ever been, except for a few few brief moments - 1968 there's a brief spike but this is lasting, so I think the basis is sort of there, if it can be brought together and organised.

>>>

I took a particularly poor transcription of that and cleaned it up. Hopefully cleaned now.

I suggest you read it a few times over since the material it contains is all pretty seriously fundamental to the survival of you and anyone you "love".

I will take key extracts from it and summarise much of its content to aid and abet education of people, asap, in what Chomsky is saying in the above interview. Watch the whole extract on youtube via the link in the references below, if you prefer.

>>>>>

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 145: Wimbledon, Richard Nixon and Nazi Germany.

Thrust: Electoral results leave us in no doubt that the majority of people living in Wimbledon, which seemed so beautiful to me in my teenage years growing up here (I'm writing from Wimbledon right now) are racist, classist and very stupid. Take the 'educated' 'intelligent' woman and her dog I chatted to on the common (one or two actually, and all of them equally tragic examples of the failure of much of the human race to continue evolving) - when I said I would bet her money that she didn't know that Professor Hawking had recommend people vote for Labour, and that she was a smug buffoon who thought she was cleverer than people who voted for Labour under Corbyn whilst she didn't even know that one of our cleverest scientists had backed them - her answer was not to admit she was a fucking moron, it was to say "well then why didn't Corbyn tell us?" - yes it was his fault that she is an ill-informed walking dog shit and a moron. I said to her "he did. How many of Corbyn's words does the tv report?" and I went on "So did Stephen Hawking himself. He told us." The half-wit fucked off. I had stopped and said to her, pleasantly, drawing her into conversation, that I felt for the dogs of Wimbledon because the underclasses and dogs in any area shared the same fate. She had protested that her dog loved the common and I had said that it wasn't about how beautiful the common may be but how the humans really treat the dogs. The dog had come up to me and been quite taken by my presence - detecting from the exchange and my tone, perhaps, that its associate the tory fuckwit was being taken to task for being a fuckwit. I am not one for stroking animals, having spent much time in the city centre where so many species of disease exist that touching anything unsterile is a high risk sport, but I did stroke the dog, which clearly would have enjoyed hanging out with me. I hope its racist human friend doesn't mistreat it for that, but no doubt, psychologically, she will.

No doubt she shops at Pet Pavillion in Wimbledon Common - when I saw the 'rootin tootin Putin' dog toy they sell there I was distressed. The American company which outsources production of the racist dog toy to China and sells it here in England also produces a Trump and a Clinton dog toy, but the Wimbledon shop was only selling the Putin one, a Russophobic dog toy which would sell well to its cretinous racist clients. Perhaps rich and horrified readers here should boycott Wimbledon tennis. Perhaps we all should. It is something this disease of a postcode is proud of. So let's boycott it. I certainly will, for the rest of my life. And I have queued at Wimbledon and watched it on the tv too for many many many hours of my youth.

Another woman I'd met, younger than the stupid racist who said that it's Corbyn's fault that she didn't know that Stephen Hawking said to vote for Labour (he did, I admit, advise Corbyn to get a new leader to prevent Labour losing because of all the nasty white racists, but he was wrong - the new leader would have endorsed remain and we'd have had an even worse result for Labour - but Hawking was on Corbyn's side, supported his policies and personally voted for Labour under Corbyn, so he was not one of the racist dickheads like the women and men I meet in Wimbledon).

So when I first saw the dog toy I struck up a conversation with a young Wimbledonian about my age, my education, but female, blonde and just the sort of prick Wodehouse ripped it out of. When she heard I lived in Wandsworth she, not yet aware of my 'politics', sincerely said "poor you" - she felt that living among Corbyn voters was a horrible thing to endure.

The truth is that when I was young, returning home from central London, or even from Oxford (where I went to St Anne's College, a nasty place where fake working class Labour scum and nasty Tory scum become one) I loved the sight of Wimbledon, it was the beauty and calm at the end of the journey. Now, when I return to it, as I am here temporarily, I feel horror and wish I was back in the middle of town, for the people here are sick in the head, mainly,(one or two are not, but most are) and in the centre the majority are people you can enjoy being near.

True in Wandsworth, which Labour just stole from the Tories, many many ukipper Boris-loving fuckwits exist. I was chatting to a white working class woman on a bus, sticking up for her because her walking frame was making it difficult for her to get off the bus and they weren't coming up close to the curb (naturally, that's another aspect of safety - I mean they can't go to close to the pavement or the bus's big mirrors may hit someone). She revealed that she hates Corbyn, voted Boris because 'no one else can stand up to Parliament' - she was thick as pig shit and her political 'analysis' of 'Brexit' was this: 'Europe needs us but we don't need Europe' - that's high intellectualism for the slave class of fuckwits who work hand in hand with those two dog-walker morons I mention - that's their idea of wisdom. They are fuck-stupid and spend their lives seeing themselves as superior to everyone from their asian doctor who tells them their disgusting habits and stupid lifestyle will kill them, to the EU civil servant who arranges to ensure that Britons and other Europeans don't have to suffer, at least as far as any regulator CAN ensure that, the sort of horror that the people of the American town of Flint have suffered.

These are disgusting people. And yes on the edges of London, even in now-Labour Wandsworth so many of these sickos proliferate and continue to be fucking morons.

While I'm on the subject of London's Corbyn ideology I should also mention this - the fake-working classes across England, who have much lower living costs than Londoners and are rich, if you measure wealth by disposable income and by not having to live hand to mouth, want to ditch London and Corbyn both, Labour, I heard Aaron Bastani say at a meeting of 'the left', needs to satisfy voters in marginal constituencies and not waste political capital serving the needs of London Labour voters with, in his words, 'majorities of 40,000'. So you see London, Labour is going to betray you and it's time for indy MPs to take what the juts call 'Corbynism' a step further. We don't need Labour any more, although it's welcome to stay in Islington. Instead of admiring London's commitment to anti-racism, to working class rights, Labour wants to appease the fake-working-classes who have better lifestyles than London's millions and are a bunch of partisan wh*res. I've asterisked wh*res because I intend to share this on facebook and in the past facebook has made comments of mine featuring the word wh*re invisible. Corporate wh*res I was talking about - but the establishment is all as stupid as the prick woman in Wimbledon who said that it is Corbyn's fault she had no idea that Hawking voted for Corbyn's Labour and said so loudly and proudly to Britain. No doubt when the oncologist one day diagnoses her, or whoever, she'll blame someone, maybe not Corbyn, but not herself.

Direction of resistance: The people of Wimbledon like the smug woman who insisted that Corbyn was to blame for the fact that she herself had no idea that Stephen Hakwing had voted for Corbyn's Labour and recommended that she do it too - they have no idea that their smug and arrogant and self-adulating ignorance can so easily be challenged by someone like me in a context like this website and that these words can reach and inform so many, and that many people will have their stress and pain relieved, the stress and pain caused by dickheads like the women I mention, like Pet Pavillion (I went in and asked to speak to the manager, the American accented till girl told me that the manager was on a break, so I gave her my feedback and said I would write a letter and/or publish material in the media about this racism - and she laughed at me - she actually laughed at me - so shameless and remorseless about offending people - so determined to be proudly racist, not just racist).

The Nixon-like Hitler-society-like fuckwits think they are feudal overlords and that anyone criticising them can be squashed by their infinite power. Yet this is not true. We saw how many millions were galvanised behind Corbyn and today are behind Sanders.

Removal of resistance: The working classes you meet in Wimbledon are as fake as most of Labour's little England supporters, ie not working class, just servile participants in feudalism, happy with what they ARE thrown and often living with lower costs than London's true working classes, London's Corbyn-supporting masses in the middle who regardless of income (which ranges, but never goes high enough for ANYONE) have living costs above what they can afford and live from hand to mouth. But the odd working class person from the south I have met here has been even more racist and fucked in the head than the nasty dog walkers I have mentioned to you.

Unification: The spirit of Hunter S Thompson and the spirit of Alex Cockburn may have aided and abetted fate in landing me back in Wimbledon for a while for I'd never have believed what a diseased-minded postcode full of nasty racist hitlerite fuckheaded ***** (far too rude to actually say, even on my own site, starts with a C and has an N and a T in it) it really is. It's utterly disgusting. So there it is. To my rich readers and any others for whom the advice is appropriate - boycott Wimbledon Tennis, no need for banners or anything, or protests, just don't ever give them your money. I will never give them any of mine. It is one way I can punish this nasty digusting shit-hole where overt proud Russophobia is profitable for pet shops, where almost every working class serf is a class traitor, where all the decent middle class minds flee from, well almost all - and it's true, no doubt, of Barnes also, not far from here, where I went to school - so close to Corbynland, on the Hammersmith side.

You see in Hammersmith and Fulham, Wandsworth, Battersea, Brixton, New Cross, Old Street, etc etc etc - in these places where white and black and brown people I talk to are all the same to talk to, are all one, are unified, we meet each other, we know each other, and we no longer see each other as 'different races' - but in little England and in tory shit-holes like Wimbledon white people largely live only among other white people and know either no non white people at all or only tokens, who are essentially anti-racism traitors - ie traitors to anti-racism or to unity (not to any 'race' because the idea of 'race traitor' is itself racist, really, when you get down to it) - and so they have many prejudices about 'other races' and beliefs which they cling onto right up to when they are nasty old racists, starting from when they are nasty young racists. The good ones, eg the ones I knew from school who were decent, flee these postcodes and head to Corbynland, and live there and have kids there. When you say 'Corbynland' to some fuckwit in Wimbledon they think you mean Islington - which is ironic, for they admit then that a heavily jewish area of London is one where Corbyn has been popular, the majority vote holder, for several decades. Buy Corbynland is in fact all of Labour London and therefore MOST of London.

As I said, in Corbynland people are exposed to each other and everyone of every race knows many people of every other and has friends of every other, and so dehumanisation is not possible, they tell Murdoch and the BBC to get it right up them. Whereas in Racist Wimbledon and little England white people live sheltered lives, keep to themselves, are usually racist ***** and non white people have to be tokens and play along and either are also racist, in the grovelling fifth columnist sense, or are just forced to keep shut and keep their heads down. So the white people in such areas never become like the white people in Corbynland or like Corbyn.

That I can write all this up here so fully and fuck over all these nasty racist fuckup ***** in Wimbledon is something these CRETINOUS backward 'educated' but fucking moronic and racist and nasty and utterly nauseating walking dog-shit people of Wimbledon and the like could never conceive of because Rupert Murdoch and the BBC haven't admitted to these nasty walking dog-shits that people like me exist, that efforts like mine exist, that places like TVhobo have vast readership and reach and that basically the day of the fucking nasty white-racist ***** is OVER.

References: This is the racist American dog toy from a Vermont company which outsources production to Chinese workers, if you're curious about the sort of nastiness these diseased racists in Wimbledon lap up: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Fuzzu-Rootin-Tootin-Putin-Large/dp/B01N35EGAB

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 144: << In the same year, Jess also defended Labour MP Sarah Champion, whose article about child sexual exploitation for The Sun stated that "Britain has a problem with British Pakistani men raping and exploiting white girls". The article, which claims that "these people are predators and the common denominator is their ethnic heritage", caused such alarm that local charity Just Yorkshire was commissioned to conduct a survey on the article's impact on race relations. The report found that women and school-age children [..] have experienced a perceptible spike in racist and Islamophobic comments and responses". In spite of this, Jess defended Sarah's article, later remarking that "The British Pakistani-Bangladeshi community, certainly where I am, has issues about women's roles in a family, in society. That's the truth". >>

Thrust: Corbyn's constituents should vote Labour.

Direction of resistance: A few other Labour MPs deserve their seats - eg Richard Burgon.

Removal of resistance: But most are racists like Jess Phillips and Sarah Champion. Does it occur to them that in their constituencies Nora Batty has interesting ideas about womens' roles also? But no, of course not. They see faults in 'races' they subconsciously hate and have a blind spot for those same faults in 'their own race' - helping them imagine all brown men are rapists and all white men are wonderful. FUCK you you dumb racists.

Unification: Fuck Labour, don't vote for them. Fuck them. Except the ones like Corbyn, they're good people.

As the writer of the article below explains:

<<

We need a Labour leader who isn't going to use misappropriate the phrase "working class" as a dog whistle for appealing to white racist voters, at any cost. We need a leader who will bring our communities together, not entrench racist stereotypes that play directly into the rhetoric of the far-right. We need a leader who recognises that foreign policy, climate change, and the trident nuclear warheads are feminist issues, as women of colour in the global south are most directly impacted by Britain's wars and exploits globally. Progress has been made on the left which must not be undone by a new leader whose white feminism leaves women of colour and marginalised communities out of a vision for the way forward. We must continue to believe and act on the premise that a different politics is possible.

>>

References: https://gal-dem.com/heres-why-weve-got-no-time-for-jess-phillips/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 143: << Global warming, Overpopulation, Social inequality. The three legs that carry this monster that is the Climate Crisis. >>

Thrust: For your immediate Christmas season viewing.

Direction of resistance: Switch off the James Bond, assuming you have very bad taste, or even the Vic Reeves, those with actual taste.

Removal of resistance: An hour of your time, please.

Unification: A stitch in time saves nine.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 142: WE ARE LONDON, London talking, London walking.

Thrust: From Regent's Park mosque on to Baker Street

Down to the Cross where all the pipe smoke meets

To Somerstown where some things never stop

The Roundhouse, The Marathon Bar in Camden Lock



You can make it your own hell or heaven

Live as you please

Can we make it, if we all live together

As one big family



Down to Chinatown for duck and rice

Along Old Compton St, the boys are nice

On Carnaby you still can get the threads

If you wanna be a mod, a punk, a ted or a suedehead



You can make it your own hell or heaven

Live as you please

Can we make it, if we all live together

As one big family



Na na na na naaaa na na

We are London

Na na na na naaaa na na

London talking



Na na na na naaaa na na

We are London

Na na na na naaaa na na

London walking



In all the nightclubs, strip joints and the bars

From its poorest paid to its highest stars

The poets, plumbers, painters, spreads and sparks

From its inner-city to its furthest parts



You can make it your own hell or heaven

Live as you please

Can we make it, if we all live together

As one big family



Na na na na naaaa na na

We are London

Na na na na naaaa na na

London talking



Na na na na naaaa na na

We are London

Na na na na naaaa na na

London walking

Direction of resistance: Lyric by madness. (Original draft, with americaworld transcription errors, corrected by hand and Londoner).

Removal of resistance: Check out their latest tunes.

Unification: Eg Bullingdon Boys.

NB, to middle England "intelligence" means Boris Johnson not Stephen Hawking, whereas to London intelligence means Stephen Hawking and Jeremy Corbyn and Boris Johnson means Middle England or "Little England" depending on what sort of a day you've had.

Jeremy Corbyn forced England to show its true colours. London is a strong Corbyn shade of Labour, England is a true blue shade of racism.

Not that London is without all sorts of visitors who bring middle England with them, of course. But the real London is Suggs' London. That's my London. That's where I grew up. If you don't know where it is, you've not been to my city yet.

I think that I was wrong to a small degree about the lack of anti-semitism in Britain. In England it may well be the case that jews also face employment discrimination - less, perhaps, than non white people, but discrimination nonetheless. I do not believe that it is likely to be a significant problem in London. This city is clearly very anti-racist and whilst corporations are racist towards non white people and non white London suffers massive race discrimination in employment, I do not believe jews have any significant employment racism to deal with in London. I would not have thought so. I hope I'm not wrong about that. Jewish families would know. Most probably concur with me. Outside London jews face provincial employers and face racism along with others the provincial white racists hate.

So I suspect that there really is anti-semitism in England, whilst in London one doesn't tend to notice any or meet jews who feel they have suffered employment discrimination, whereas the number of non white Londoners who feel that they are treated in a racist way when it comes to being given jobs and opportunities is a mountain, ever growing.

Nonetheless I admit that England certainly does appear to have very serious racism not just in its corporate presence but among the people - and so I suspect that there is a serious anti-semitism problem and an extremely serious anti-non-white problem in England.

London is different. The only source I can say definitely is racist in London is the landscape controlled by corporations and their billionaire owners. The rest of London is usually bloody nice.

References: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czb5_-puIeE

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 141: Dear Mr Corbyn, a public statement to you and your friends, allies and associates.

Thrust: What I like is YOUR policies.

Direction of resistance: What I support is a full coalition of MPs and voters who like YOUR policies.

Removal of resistance: Party names and affiliations are a barrier.

Unification: The new kind of politics has no such barriers. You have led the way and shown us all that policy comes before team games.

The future is all about making all MPs into MPs like you. Whatever it takes.

The ideology of the Labour movement is now evolving into something much more expansive.

We live in times when negotiating for workers' rights is a waste of time - because what we have to negotiate is an end to money. When there is heart surgery to do, waste no time waxing the patient's legs for her party later in the month.

You succeeded in starting a new kind of politics. The brutal, fascist, racist, undemocratic way they treated you and 'beat' you was more important for us all to see even than the existence of an MP like you.

Reform is not an option in Britain. Revolution, full political revolution, is the way. Neither Labour nor Tory nor Lib Dem nor Green party can be reformed into a party which isn't dependent on white racist ideology to survive.

We don't need that any more.

We can take over both sides of Parliament with indy candidate majorities, held together by numerous policy-centred alliances, not just in elections, but at EVERY VOTE. There would not be one pair of teams all year around, there'd be different teams on both sides of the room according to policy and debate - ie in one debate there would be numerous government MPs and opposition MPs in a tight coalition to vote to honour a shared policy - the groups of cross-chamber coalitions would differ from policy to policy. This would be real democracy and the final step towards the world of 'direct democracy', that which the Trilateral Commission would most fear, no doubt, and flat earthers fear it as much too.

This AMAZING future is the one you have kicked off.

If you continue to lead Labour, or even if you don't, its MPs, and you, will be a strong part of that new kind of politics.

Has the Labour Party deserved the respect you still show it? Has it earned it? Did it earn it when it refused to carry out YOUR policy on Trident in its manifesto, losing you Scotland, for example? Did it earn it when it threw out Pro-Palestinian-Rights Williamson, whom Chomsky says Labour's treatment of is disgusting and an insult to victims of the holocaust? Do the Labour party deserve for YOU to try and make ME want to join them? Look carefully. The truth is no. They don't. No party is even capable of reform, let alone worthy of a leader or members or voters with integrity.

A coalition of independent MPs will now form, over the years, first taking segments of the opposition and then, once in government, spreading across both sides of the house until the largest size any old school dinosaur 'party' is is a dozen or two dozen MPs.

The first independent candidates will be the tories driven out by Johnson when he enacts his crazed policies and they are forced to question their consciences. Inevitably they will start, one by one, to join you in the opposition benches, where the alliances I describe will grow and turn into a government coalition soon enough. With your experience, who better to be the leader of that coalition when it comes?

And again, after society's and Labour's forcing you out of leadership PRECISELY BECAUSE you stand up for me, how could you imagine it even slightly rational to expect me to vote Labour? I will destroy Labour, I will do all I can to ensure the SNP wins its referendum, and I will drive indy candidates all over Britain and destroy all the parties. Labour was batting for all the parties, and that's why they should have all stood down and united to beat racist middle England. The world isn't interested in games and is tired of excuses from white western colonialist imperialist racist society. There is no more room for excuses. This country must be forced to evolve. First step, give Scotland its independence and its capacity to evolve at the rate it is capable of when not held back by racist Little England. Once that is done, I suspect we can rejuvenate England too. Until then England has chosen the path of sadomasochism for itself. It has chosen to play dark games. Its hopsitals and schools, its salaries, its health, its intellect, its mood - will continue along the path of the last decades. Insular and isolationist, in bed with its small set of extremely racist friends on the international stage, England has chosen to live like a medieval society. Scotland deserves to be rewarded for wanting policies like yours and the SNPs. The SNPs strength lies in their delivering policy which defies the imperialism and corporate imperialism, economic imperialism, of the neoliberals, of Blair's Labour, the Labour you still did not fix. The fault is not yours. You never had the tools. The writers and thinkers of Britain failed you.

I don't think England can escape Scotland. I think that Nicola Sturgeon can make Scotland independent and if you take the time to pay attention to financial scientists instead of pseudo scientists (eg economists and political 'scientists') you'll discover that Scotland can compete on the world stage at the very top in finance and evolution of technology, particularly climate change management technology. Scotland has been learning and becoming expert for years in these fields and far far far far outranks England.

When it is an unfettered nation it will end up with 1000 times as much wealth and power as the entire UK - and will still be our neighbour and YOUR and my friend, maybe my home, or my business's.

England cannot be like that. It is self-satisfied and medieval. Scotland has been humiliated for centuries by being a bitch to self-satisfied medieval dinosaurs! And thus, like all oppressed people, it has made its self-respect strong, its identity unshakeable and has done what we saw it do.

While the Little Englanders played games, Scottish voters made a serious choice. They voted clearly and fully against Trump. When Scotland is free, its NHS will without a doubt be safe from Johnson. For the same reason people should have voted Labour, they should vote in Scotland to leave England behind to play genocide and division games with Trump on their own, no help from Scotland.

The only acceptable Labour party, do understand, is one in which a man like you, Jeremy Corbyn, is forced to stay in charge even if you want to go, rather than the other way around, having to fight to be 'allowed' to defend the people who depend on you. So whatever you may say, when you are no longer leader, the party I voted for no longer exists and never finished becoming existent. It had to be a party where you are the kind of leader the majority of the MPs and media WANT to see, ie that they the media and other MPs are not immoral rather than the status quo, where only a leader who agrees to be 'at least slightly' immoral can be ALLOWED to be leader. It is not for you to change but for them. If they fail, I am not interested in you, only in them, in giving them what they deserve, using democratic platforms. In the name of those you serve, I promise to wipe out all the old parties, almost 100%, and help the next phase of the new kind of politics western society badly needs, to save its children from extinction - the rest of the world will probably find a way. The west can and must be saved by learning to evolve and not be racist, genocidal and stupid.

BY THE WAY - i have just been banned from facebook for 30 days again:

<<

You can't post, comment or use Messenger for 30 days

This is because you previously posted something that didn't follow our Community Standards.



This post goes against our standards on hate speech and inferiority, so no one else can see it.





Shams Pirani i know it's not because you're white that you're retard

>>

<<

We define hate speech as language that attacks people based on their:



• Race, ethnicity, national origin or caste

• Religious affiliation

• Sexual orientation

• Sex, gender or gender identity

We sometimes allow things we'd otherwise consider hate speech: for example when someone shares someone else's hate speech to raise awareness about it, or uses a word in reference to themselves.

>>

Piss off facebook you white-racist retarded dickheads. I can do without your propaganda in my face anyway.

TO ALL MY FRIENDS AT FACEBOOK - AND OTHER READERS OF ME THERE - HAPPY XMAS, HAPPY NEW YEAR. Bovary screenplay coming to front of tvhobo very soon.

My comment, if you are curious, was in reply to someone who replied to a comment I had made, insulting me and London and implying that Londoners and non white people are racist.

He had no right to insult me, and I replied to him squarely.

The comment after the one quoted above, ie another comment by me, was "you are retarded because you think all you need to do to be clever is be white".

We are London. We have the brains of this country, at least once Scotland is its own country.

Further update - Facebook has, this time, apologised and reversed their absusive mistreatment of me, which is clearly a breach of any spirit of any contract between consumer and service provider. They make money from my being on their site - they have broken the law in treating me that way, which they admit by reversing their abuse, having done it in the first place.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 140: Still not in awe of the unchecked (by the ethical policies of Corbyn J) power of my algorithms? Bear in mind, Little Englanders, that the MOMENT Corbyn was defeated the financial markets gained huge new zest and profit-making will start to reach all time highs, for the tiny minority, for the financial sector, gains which, institutionally, never reach the coffers which fund your schools or hospitals, but often get huge bailouts from them. Yes, the MOMENT Corbyn was defeated I myself had to fund my account as it became clear that new trades and new profits (for the banking sector, not Britain's businesses or workers or home makers or public servants) are on the way, lots of them. LOTS AND LOTS of them. That's what you just did, you who voted against Corbyn, you JUST put money in the pockets of Mr Big - the financial bastards. And yet, of course, you'll never know about that, not, anyway, in terms of knowing it adds anything to your purse or wallet! You just gave them a load of money. You rejuvenated speculative asset flipping and jiving in a big way, and this will adversely impact your lives, unless you are all really really rich banksters. Even the slaves of banksters, the 'high paid' lackeys, are worth zero. Their entire lifestyle and 'wealth' can be switched on and off by their 'superiors' any time. Right now only the extremely few are cashing in on all the fat gains, not the many. I, fortunately for the many, am a maverick trader, like Soros, trading on behalf of Skid Row. Soros is out there, making billions, you can bet on it, so that's a good thing - I'm sure some of his money and power will be used the 'right' way - in the more racist parts of Eastern Europe I have seen news sources labelling Corbyn a "puppet of Soros" - ie where they REALLY hate jews, they hate Corbyn as a "puppet of jews". Aren't you "clever" Riley? Eh? Yes. How "good at maths" you are. And how "funny" you are. And how "clever" you are. I bet you could write 10,000 algos like mine in between putting your make up on and having a coffee enema. The reason you don't and take a low paid celebrity idiot job is because you just love doing quiz shows for old people and school boys. Imagine how polite my jokes would have to be with Corbyn J as Prime Minister - and you INSISTED I not be restricted in that way. Muchas gracias.

Thrust: Well, that's understandable, for this is a society where infants are raised to scream 'GOOOAAL!' early on to become bestial, tribal and mindless as they age, in awe of what primitive man would be in awe of, shiny things, sparkly things, and so on.

Direction of resistance: Anyway.

Removal of resistance: One last serious note before the final copy of Madam Bovary appears and takes over the front page of tvhobo for Christmas. It's coming along well, I'm bursting to share it, so I'd better finish it asap. I hope Jeremy Corbyn likes it, it is my gift to him for Xmas. Will show it to him (or whoever manages his facebook page) via facebook as soon as it's done. By then I'll finally be 'allowed' to post on facebook again.

Unification: Below is the arbitrarily compounded version of the algorithm with enhancement mentioned recently, created recently. This is compounded by 1.2 every 50 trades, although compounding it as the dosh goes up every 200 is probably a better plan, will adjust the software, test it and produce graph sooner or later - either way they are just guidelines about what to expect when doing this algorithm in future, what they both show is that whichever way you do it, overall, you make muchas buckaroonis. The kind Tories and others throw down the drain daily to try and suppress the rise of democracy, keeping you poor and spending much of their money ensuring you stay poor. And they pretend they are 'capitalists' and are doing responsible or even rational things. Anyway, observe. Since the algo before is called the high road, this version is called the arbitrarily compounded high road. Another name for it is the BOOM BOOM algorithm - because during a boom or a bust the profit accelerates, ie a boom is a boom to this algo and a bust is a boom to this algo, so you get booms and booms and then quiet days.

References:

Again, this is 15 years inclusive. The starting budget required remains a mere 100 quid. So this way, over 15 years, your 100 turns into 2000. Can Little England and its hatred of Corbyn beat THAT? You can't smear the inner nature of the market or play games to change how it unfolds. Only those who merit can win, the market is meritocracy, Little England has no way to beat it, no more than Murdoch or Weinstein. Soros, meanwhile, I think I read, has speculated that the Daily Mail is going to collapse. Is that the rumour going around? What has Soros done? I'll read about it in time, no doubt. But it sounds like he's speculating that the Daily Mail is in trouble.

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 139: And let's not forget, during the time all the Dan Hodgeses were frothing and foaming at the mouth and bashing Nelson Mandela's people, in Rachel Riley's case, I worked out how to use my algorithm with literally a ZERO POUND BUDGET.

Thrust: As I wrote: <<< If Corbyn wins, Britain will be a utopia within 20 years, if Corbyn loses, Britain will be a near-universally-jew-hating white-racist cesspool with less than 1% non white population in the same timeframe.

TJ Coles tells us:

<<

The establishment British media, be it the BBC or the privately-owned Sky News, have marginalized ordinary Britons who are critical of the neoliberalism, known as "capitalism." They and their allies in the right-wing print media have done so, in large part, by slandering the political representatives of the poor as "Marxist lunatics" and so on. But now, even elements of the establishment are beginning to recognize that the neoliberal system is collapsing itself.

The government-funded British Academy, a research institute for humanities and social sciences, reports that Britain has "a particularly extreme form of capitalism," in the words of Professor Colin Mayer. In the age of Orwell, the BBC can report this with one hand and with the other continue to its pro-government propaganda. In this context, it is little wonder that British culture and public services are utterly dire. Given the relentless media and political assaults on Jeremy Corbyn, the leader of the only political party (Labour) that can and will change some of this system, Britain's "extreme capitalism" is primed to get a whole lot worse if the Tories win this coming election.

>>

He points out:

<<

Professor Mayer of the British Academy says that the neoliberal - or "capitalist" system, as he and his colleagues call it - "has failed to deliver benefit beyond shareholders, to its stakeholders and its wider community." Failed is the wrong word. The system was designed by the ruling classes for the ruling classes. Mayer adds: "Most ownership in the UK is in the hands of a large number of institutional investors, none of which have a significant controlling shareholding in our largest companies." He concludes: "That is quite unlike virtually any other country in the world, including the United States," where even small-time employers and employees can at least pretend to be market players by owning stocks and shares.

With an election campaign underway, the ruling Tory party has published its manifesto. The shadow of "extreme capitalism" looms over the manifesto. The manifesto promises more of the same. It is notable for its lack of social care policy for the elderly. Nigel Edwards, the Chief Executive of the UK's semi-privatized health service, the Nuffield Trust, issued a statement in response: "I was bitterly disappointed to see yet more unnecessary delay on social care, without even a policy proposal as a starting point for serious reform." Edwards concludes that "There is already a cross party consensus that action must be taken, and we don't need more contemplation of options that are perfectly clear: we need action." But unless privatized, social care doesn't serve "extreme capitalism," quite the contrary.

The shadow of Britain's "extreme form of capitalism" darkens the future of the bottom quarter. The Resolution Foundation is a think-tank set up to tackle middle- and lower-class poverty and relative poverty. In response to the manifesto, it estimated that by the time the Tories call another general election in 2024 (god forbid they win this one), child poverty will hit a 60-year high of 34 percent if trends persist, affecting an additional 1.3 million children (approx.).

>>

Coles concludes:

<<

By relentlessly hammering Jeremy Corbyn and by blotting out Labour's socialistic policies with the endless coverage of "anti-Semitism," BoJo the Racist Clown, political opponents, the mainstream media (both state and private), so-called liberal journalists and presenters, and individuals like Rabbi Mirvis, are personally and institutionally ensuring that under the inevitable consequences of its "particularly extreme form of capitalism" (British Academy), Britain will get worse and worse for ordinary people.

We expect the few who benefit from Britain's "extreme form of capitalism" to vote in their own interests. But the biggest tragedy is that enough reactionary elements of the working-classes will swallow the anti-Corbyn bile, believe that BoJo will "Get Brexit Done," and vote against not only their own interests but, even worse, use their voting power against the interests of the wider society.

>>

Now imagine in 20 years, when Britain is literally like Darfur of yesterday, when it has become a pure tin pot dictatorship, with the vast majority in abject slavery and a tiny minority with unchecked material power. And everyone remembers that it was 'anti-semitism' smears which were used to make sure this happened - and most of non white Britain has, by then, long fled, to better societies (as is inevitable if Corbyn loses). Surely it's obvious that in the near-all-white society, which will still have jews in it, not much less than today's white-jewish-British society - most people in Britain are going to blame and hate those jews and indeed all jews.

I guess that's the sort of outcome you can expect when you commit the hubris of calling an anti-racist racist and supporting racists as anti-racist.

I mean on top of all else I've said on the topic, from Burka-hating Boris to the Tinges Are Funny Corp, figure this (as the Americans say) - I was banned for the 30 days up to the election, from facebook, for saying, correctly, that facebook and twitter are "the last outpost of white stupidity" - and Rachel Riley, who desecrated an iconic photo representing anti-racist white Britain's support for victims of white supremacist apartheid south Africa - she is not even banned from Twitter for doing it, not for a nanosecond, let alone fired from her high profile job.

Anyway? You think that bad guys win? Think again. This final thought from my recent notes, giving you some idea of how now, with about 10 days to the election, the universe has, with my efforts, helped me reach a state of the art of financial science which enables me to make money off the markets without even having any budget to invest (other than a temporary 'loan to myself' of 50 quid, which only need by loaned to myself for a few hours at a time, rarely). There is such a thing as 'elite' - but it's not what the Blairs and Rileys and Trumps and Nixons and Farages and Johnsons recognise it to be:

<<

SKID ROW TRADING METHOD:

(1) you need the Ace of Algorithms (which I have)

(2) the rest is easy:

The rest:

I can now 'lend' myself, or rather my trading account, money merely to keep trading, ie any time I can let 50 quid rest in that account, I can open a trade if necessary. I must never ever withdraw any profit made on the account (calculated on paper) but can take my 50 quid back out whenever I want, at the cost of not being able to trade, then, until I can put it back in. The algorithm generates a guaranteed profit over almost all 'short-ish' bursts of 'time'. Thus what I'm doing is merely lending myself money, sometimes, ie lending it to my trading account, to keep the business process alive; any profit yield from it will remain in the trading account and before long the money I've lent myself will have generated a profit, which will enable, therefore, trading to always be going on, whether I can lend myself more money or not. It appears that I probably really only need to lend myself the first 50 quid, repeatedly, until 50 quid profit has gelled up. Nonetheless, it may also 'make sense' to continue to 'lend' myself money in this way. It would appear, from internal intuitive mathematical reasoning I JUST carried out in a nanosecond or less, that it would be a FAB plan. Imagine when I start lending myself 200 quid regularly. Well, that's not much to imagine, as I will not increase trading size until I have more than 1 lot of 200 being traded with, lent or profit. The idea, on that front, is to increase the trading size every time I have 200 pounds, ie for every 200 in the account I'll trade 10p per point. But I only need 50 to cover the actual trade at that size, and since I'm lending myself the entire 200 quid at any given time, to begin with, I'm really only lending myself the first 50 quid to keep the trading connection 'alive' 'permanently'. Once that 50, lent, drawn back out, lent again, drawn back out, etc, has produced 50 of profit, then THAT 50 can just sit there. The next amount needing lending would be a further 350, then, ie to 'lend' myself the 400 to trade at 20p a point with, until a full 400 has been yielded. Anyway, a version for less intelligent minds or minds less/un able to comprehend what my own mind does and has attempted to codify in language form here in such a manner as to enable you to know what I know. If communication is unsuccessful it is unintelligent to then ascribe to me and what I know some value, some perjorative judgment, because that is taking deficiencies of nature, possibly yourself and possibly myself, deficiencies entirely unrelated to the matter described, and just arbitrarily make a brand new judgment 'based' on that deficiency, clumsily, with no rational connection between the 'evidence' you use and the judgment you make. Anyway, the primary purpose of this bit of prose is to re-inform me, when I get up again tomorrow, of precisely what I have articulated to myself both in i-language and, subsequently, in higher (of a 'lower order', to use the bbc jargon about importance) level forms, the latter primarily to give me better capacity to re-grip these ideas without relying entirely on the intuitive or hidden aspects of mind and will which undermine any primitive attempt to use the mind in a way similar to the way one uses a filing cabinet or computer, ie some sort of easy to store and retrieve data facility.

>>

So you see if the tories do beat Corbyn somehow this time, if all the racism has worked, if all the using of jews as a universal weapon against him, if the weaponising of all jews, adult and children alike, has worked for the corporatist fascist white-imperialist racist scum, if they beat Corbyn - well - you see my financial power is something which cannot be challenged by people whose future hoarding depends on not only maintaining the system which I benefit from but enhancing it in my favour even further.

Not even 1% of the scum who oppose Corbyn can match me, let alone beat me, on the trading floor. This is what happens when you do the right thing - no matter what, the universe will protect you. If the people of Britain do not get Corbyn as their Prime Minister I can only conclude that the universe felt that they are just too far away, universally, from repenting from their racism and imperialism. Many documents on this web site can help them repair that - just do a bit of reading my fellow South Africans(!).

Next up, that finished Bovary script. As for the Nixon anti-semitism stuff from Alex Cockburn's book, well, perhaps you should buy the book. I have no immediate plans to get that work done, ie transcribing the key bits here.

The universe is marvellous. It was during this 30 day ban from twitter that this amazing twist in my trading occurred, ie where suddenly I can now make money with a budget of, essentially, zero pounds and zero pence. Money out of thin air pretty much. Thanks to the power of my 'ace algorithm'. There's a bit more to mention beyond that extract from my notes. Eg if I put in 50 and lose 4, and need to take my bucks out, I take out the 46, but when I next 'need to put in a 50' I put in merely the 46. That perhaps goes without saying for some minds but not all. Anyway, good luck dear Britain. I hope the universe sees fit to put Corbyn in number 10. Either way, the universe has, apparently, taken care of me - I guess I have, thusfar anyway, "done the right thing".

I know I know, there are still many readers, out of anyone reading this, who still don't quite get what I'm saying, what is 'new' here, what new change has happened. Well, it means that the sequence of trades leading to my first billion, leading to my first 1 pound, of profit, in a single sequence leading to billions, has now kicked off. Just the fact that I am now waiting for the next trade and if it comes when I can 'lend' it 50 quid temporarily, I shall trade it. The Brook Green Chapati Co is finally born. Since yesterday, 8am London time, I've entered like the dragon. How come? Because, as I said, as is absolutely significant, I can now generate profit using a budget of effectively zero pounds and zero pence. The chess clock is on.

Another way to explain that: I can now 'lend myself 50 quid', interest free, and use it, giving it back to myself whenever I need it and re-lending it to myself again whenever needed, if possible (otherwise one just waits for the next trade, and it changes nothing, in terms of probability, not one thing), to generate the first 50 pounds of profit, which can then power onward motion. All I have to do to ensure the system works is never draw out the profit. I can lend myself 50 quid until I have 50 quid of profit, then I don't need to lend myself anything at all and can let it slowly build up - but when it's 200 I can see if I can lend myself a further 200, on and off, whenever I need (withdrawing it whenever I need, same as that 50). In other words after I reach 200 in profit, with no money lent to myself and not paid back, I can then lend myself 200, and trade at a faster rate, and so on. One may need lots of experience with trading and with financial spread betting and options trading and with ideas like the notion that you should risk no more than 2 percent of your overall budget on an individual trade, ideally, coupled with the idea that a budget is not merely what you keep in the account at any given time if you are truly intellectually honest, intelligent and disciplined. Anyway, so there it is - I can lend myself 50 quid, giving it back to myself any time I need it, or all but at most 4 or 8 quid, at the start, but as time goes by, before long, without a doubt all of it, leaving, from then onwards, a small, rising, residual profit in my trading account still, at such times. And when that 50 quid loan has generated a full 50 quid profit I won't need it, I can merely use THAT 50 until it has reached a tally of 200 (all profit, at this stage), and then I can, if by then I have managed to scrimp and save, lend myself 200 quid, potentially, not necessarily even putting it all in at any given time but being willing to put it in if really necessary (highly unlikely to be necessary, ever, even if it is, 'in spirit', being 'lent' by me to me at that point - ie the account will merely contain 200 in it but I'll trade at that point as though it has 400, and only if it loses more than 100 of that 200 in the account would you even need to add any of the 200 to be 'lent' and top it up to the theoretical 400. And thus when the 200 lent has helped bring the overall tally to 400, perhaps one would continue to lend oneself 200, and move it up by another 10p per point. That would be far more sensible than, say, bumping it up to a 400 pound loan from self to self - ie there's no reason to do that, and it's clearly not something one could merely find manageable just like that. So I think at that stage I'd move it up by 10p. Of course separately to this I should try to save money, and if I were able to lend myself a full 400, saved up, at any given point, lending it with no need to take it back (but fully intending to immediately repay it, to myself), that would then definitely be the right thing to do - ie all the above does not even take into consideration the possibility of saving additional money and so on - since, after all, the primary goal, a necessary goal, is to be able to carry out the trading sequence with literally no money other than the 50 quid you can stick in there, just for a few hours or a day or so, at most, at a time, spaced out by weeks, often longer.

Anyway, one way to handle the complexity and powerful content in this document is to merely see me as one of many negative things, make this a personality contest, see this as a battle between your ego and my image, and not treat it the way you would treat a very difficult homework from a very knowledgeable teacher. That is a standard response. No question there. On the other hand you can read this doc, and linked docs, until you really understand what I have explained. After all, whether or not you understand my words, I understand my thoughts (and words). Judging me, when the problem is the failure of reality, one way or another, to enable you to understand my thoughts, is a different direction to the one you must take to keep on the track of evolution.

I will further inflame some readers or potential readers here by adding even more words to the 'page'. One of the things some of the people who come quite close to being able to learn from me or people like me but who fail, dramatically, all have in common is their sense that when faced with many pages of my writing they are being insulted, tormented and forced to waste their precious time.

Indeed to them I should actually spend 80% or more of my time crafting what I say for the benefit of its readers when I, instead, in fact, spend 98% of my time thinking and learning and devote less than 2% to communicating, and when doing so report rather like an extensive lab experiment log, rather than a p.r. person or other soaped up speaker.

Indeed this is something which reading the numberwang doc below, or at least the scientific extracts within it, can shed a LITTLE light on but really you need to extensively watch/read Chomsky's material, across the ages, on language and thought and related topics. Otherwise you really won't find it easy to understand why what I am saying is both spot on and key. Key because the point is that either you get good work done, or you masturbate your ego, not both. Good work means disregard for external validation and judgment, indeed the clarity required is internal and since external clarity (Chomsky's works point well at the fact) is always to some degree imperfect, often VERY imperfect, it is rather ignorant to spend most of your time on that and almost no time on the thing (relatively speaking) you are actually communicating ABOUT.

Another way Chomsky talks about the same issue, in lay terms, is the idea that if you are being taught something new to you you WILL need to be subjected to potentially lengthy evidence-delivery and if you are closed to that you have no business pretending the ideas you already hold, correct or false, have any value. If the scientific method, as Feynman calls it, is something you are willing to ignore, on a whim, based on who you hate, who makes you feel insecure, how much work you need to do, how much scarcity you face, how whatever - if for one or other reason you ignore evidence because it is expedient or convenient or simply a knee-jerk response to ignore it, nothing you actually say or think is really reliable and all sorts of problems will always befall you in your life, you will never reduce the volume but instead, over time, see problems take up more and more and more of your spacetime usage, to move towards coining a more useful description of these things than the outmoded terms most modern languages still rely on, themselves often remaining entirely stubborn about accepting that time is not a 'linear' thing. Which are good words to end this doc on, clearly. Well, if you get my point.

It's important that I do my work properly, with no excess regard for external comprehension, and it is important that Corbyn becomes PM, that the 'sea change' comes, that Palestine is no longer 'forgotten' by Britain, whilst its princes pretend (to themselves) otherwise. >>>

Direction of resistance: I know, I know, you don't like to read, that's too much information for you, too many words, a 'rant'.

Removal of resistance: Obviously. If people weren't almost all like that, ie not ready to be genuinely intelligent, Boris Johnson wouldn't be PM, Jeremy Corbyn would.

So what is the key in that quote? Well, it's the thing about dosh, innit guv?

Unification: This bit:

<<<

Anyway? You think that bad guys win? Think again. This final thought from my recent notes, giving you some idea of how now, with about 10 days to the election, the universe has, with my efforts, helped me reach a state of the art of financial science which enables me to make money off the markets without even having any budget to invest (other than a temporary 'loan to myself' of 50 quid, which only need by loaned to myself for a few hours at a time, rarely). There is such a thing as 'elite' - but it's not what the Blairs and Rileys and Trumps and Nixons and Farages and Johnsons recognise it to be:

<<

SKID ROW TRADING METHOD:

(1) you need the Ace of Algorithms (which I have)

(2) the rest is easy:

The rest:

I can now 'lend' myself, or rather my trading account, money merely to keep trading, ie any time I can let 50 quid rest in that account, I can open a trade if necessary. I must never ever withdraw any profit made on the account (calculated on paper) but can take my 50 quid back out whenever I want, at the cost of not being able to trade, then, until I can put it back in. The algorithm generates a guaranteed profit over almost all 'short-ish' bursts of 'time'. Thus what I'm doing is merely lending myself money, sometimes, ie lending it to my trading account, to keep the business process alive; any profit yield from it will remain in the trading account and before long the money I've lent myself will have generated a profit, which will enable, therefore, trading to always be going on, whether I can lend myself more money or not. It appears that I probably really only need to lend myself the first 50 quid, repeatedly, until 50 quid profit has gelled up. Nonetheless, it may also 'make sense' to continue to 'lend' myself money in this way. It would appear, from internal intuitive mathematical reasoning I JUST carried out in a nanosecond or less, that it would be a FAB plan. Imagine when I start lending myself 200 quid regularly. Well, that's not much to imagine, as I will not increase trading size until I have more than 1 lot of 200 being traded with, lent or profit. The idea, on that front, is to increase the trading size every time I have 200 pounds, ie for every 200 in the account I'll trade 10p per point. But I only need 50 to cover the actual trade at that size, and since I'm lending myself the entire 200 quid at any given time, to begin with, I'm really only lending myself the first 50 quid to keep the trading connection 'alive' 'permanently'. Once that 50, lent, drawn back out, lent again, drawn back out, etc, has produced 50 of profit, then THAT 50 can just sit there. The next amount needing lending would be a further 350, then, ie to 'lend' myself the 400 to trade at 20p a point with, until a full 400 has been yielded. Anyway, a version for less intelligent minds or minds less/un able to comprehend what my own mind does and has attempted to codify in language form here in such a manner as to enable you to know what I know. If communication is unsuccessful it is unintelligent to then ascribe to me and what I know some value, some perjorative judgment, because that is taking deficiencies of nature, possibly yourself and possibly myself, deficiencies entirely unrelated to the matter described, and just arbitrarily make a brand new judgment 'based' on that deficiency, clumsily, with no rational connection between the 'evidence' you use and the judgment you make. Anyway, the primary purpose of this bit of prose is to re-inform me, when I get up again tomorrow, of precisely what I have articulated to myself both in i-language and, subsequently, in higher (of a 'lower order', to use the bbc jargon about importance) level forms, the latter primarily to give me better capacity to re-grip these ideas without relying entirely on the intuitive or hidden aspects of mind and will which undermine any primitive attempt to use the mind in a way similar to the way one uses a filing cabinet or computer, ie some sort of easy to store and retrieve data facility.

>>

So you see if the tories do beat Corbyn somehow this time, if all the racism has worked, if all the using of jews as a universal weapon against him, if the weaponising of all jews, adult and children alike, has worked for the corporatist fascist white-imperialist racist scum, if they beat Corbyn - well - you see my financial power is something which cannot be challenged by people whose future hoarding depends on not only maintaining the system which I benefit from but enhancing it in my favour even further.

Not even 1% of the scum who oppose Corbyn can match me, let alone beat me, on the trading floor. This is what happens when you do the right thing - no matter what, the universe will protect you. If the people of Britain do not get Corbyn as their Prime Minister I can only conclude that the universe felt that they are just too far away, universally, from repenting from their racism and imperialism. Many documents on this web site can help them repair that - just do a bit of reading my fellow South Africans(!).

>>>

I had to mention it because if all you've read is grid point 74 (as if anyone but me has) you don't realise that the new enhancement, described in 96 already made me uber-powered-up financially, tradingwise, and so this latest enhancement, improving even the underlying algo, is a triple crown type of thing.

Some people play act at 'being bankers' like our Boris there. Others do the real work and get it done.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 138: I'll take your brain to another dimension. Pay close attention.

Thrust: My algorithm maths has finally taken another step forwards, which is grand news.

Direction of resistance: The step I took involved using one of two further dimensions I haven't managed until now to get to increase the profitability of my main algorithm.

Removal of resistance: So there remains a dimension which has not managed to yield any step forward in tests on forex, even though that dimension is crucial in algorithms for the FTSE and Dax and no doubt others. That was how I discovered that particular dimension's potential role in the first place. But still not found a way to use it to increase the forex algorithm's performance. However a further dimension, which had always been one I'd tried testing, finally yielded an ace result - I just happened to try out the correct idea for using it.

Unification: Naturally you cannot possibly work out what the algorithm is from the numbers in the image, only I know what they mean. Almost each number is actually also a dimension, because each number provides rules for determining the trigger and each is a measure of some aspect of something, across a variety of dimensions.

References: This algorithm was suddenly discovered by me yesterday, or rather I suddenly tried the idea which led to it, and other new working additions to my algo collection:

Image shows performance of algo across every single opportunity from morning to early evening from January 1st 2004 to December 31st 2018, ie 15 years inclusive, with a minimum required budget of 100 pounds at the start, but you could manage it on 50 to 80 quite easily, with a bit of luck - however to be 'safe as houses' you would definitely use 100, and in reality I would compound it in blocks of 200 pounds, ie I'd really start at a 200 pound budget trading at the rate you see above for 100, and then I'd increase the trading size every time the budget increased by 200, increasing it by adding the original amount on top again, each time it increases by 200.

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 137: "It is goodness, not man, which is rewarding you for your fidelity. " Ten years ago I lost my true love to smears and exclusion, to a campaign against me the same as that you saw against Corbyn J, by the same people, in fact. Today I know how bad Jeremy Corbyn feels. I felt exactly as bad 10 years ago. What he loves most has been taken from him, perhaps forever, and he is in immense pain. 10 years from when this happened to me I am at the top of the arc, there is no soul in the heavens and earth as radiant and happy as mine. You will not be punished for your grace Mr Corbyn, in the opinion of one who has taken the long walk down the long road. And your true love will always love you, near or far.

Thrust: 10 years ago.

Direction of resistance: I didn't cry at the loss of Labour, because I am a banker and Corbyn's defeat instantly rejuvenated the markets and opened the door to vast profit for me, and since then, today, I have even found an algorithm enhancement ONE BETTER than that shown on grid point 74 and am now ready to pump out bucks like a money machine man with no soul, except that I am not one, and so my having this power is exactly the same as Corbyn's being Prime Minister - therefore even though I feel ALL Jeremy Corbyn's pain, reliving the pain I felt 10 years ago at this time, the years of wishing to no longer exist which followed, I did not weep for Corbyn or Labour, but what gets my heart is the song below.

Removal of resistance: I am not Scottish nor is the woman to whom I have alluded, but art is never about parochiality, and the song is about my journey and hers, our souls, all of us, you too reader, and Jeremy Corbyn.

Unification: YOU HAVE NOT LOST THE ONE YOU LOVE, Jeremy Corbyn, you have not. Ten years ago people told me the same (well, most said the opposite, but the nun and the agent and the relative, they knew the truth), it took ten years to know how true that was. Your day is already here, and it will keep being here, and the pain you feel is a gift, raising you above the petty and the weak, the material and the profane. You are better than Little England. Could the universe allow you to devote yourself to a community which is unworthy of you?

I don't want to join Labour and therefore I'm quite comfortable with your choosing to accept not leading it in the next election - but if you change your mind and lead it, I will join Labour, because you have asked on your facebook wall. But only if you stay as leader. If you want me to not give up on the Labour party, you must not give up on being the leader whom I trust, I do not trust anyone else and you cannot expect me to go against my own discernment. Not that it matters. I'm looking forward to a free Scotland and seeing the people who betrayed me all now spend the next decade doing their duty and fighting for ME and MY rights and standing in MY corner, even if, the moment I can afford it, I will apply to migrate to Scotland, at least financially, although my home and heart, like yours, is always in London, where I was born, in the Labour stronghold which surrounds the location of our financial heart, our governmental heart and the heart of the 'monarch' who protects London from Little England and its rampant racists.

References:


https://www.facebook.com/IdriesShah/posts/2659696994083990 (it's not about you, Corbyn J, it's about Little England - you are the one they made a long list about, a long list of your 'racism' - and look - we saw in the end who was condemned by the universe, who was really racist out of you and Little England and its media, Little England who has lost their future, their social protection, their global reputation - Little England, and you, you get to enjoy the blissful life you knew before this horror kicked off and see people like me overthrow them without your needing to do a single thing). As your successor Nicola Sturgeon, who will inherit all the revolutionary force of the young from you, put it so well, they cannot bludgeon Scotland into agreeing and bowing down the way they bludgeoned Little England. Corbynland is near. And I will probably get to build vast global Sorosian powerhouses inside it, whilst enjoying a nice home in London, who knows, perhaps in your neck of the woods. I loathe Wandsworth and the south west. There are better places in this Labour heartland to live in. Humans have pretended to punish you, they have done what they think is a punishment to you, and thus have empowered me to finish your job for you. Another Sufi writing this brings to mind is this: a bribe is a substitute for law, and law is a substitute for justice, as Rumpole knew only too well, so be at peace Saint Corbyn.

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 136: KINSHIP! A new kind of politics: the three teams and the three posses of juts. A vision of a post-Labour post-Scottish-Independence British political landscape. SCOTLAND WILL NOT BE ENGLAND'S BITCH LET ALONE A BITCH OF AN ENGLAND WHICH IS A BITCH OF WASHINGTON AND NEW YORK, TRUMP AND THE ARSEHOLE CORPORATION.

Thrust: Team A: Corbyn (and his army, vast and diverse, across every part of England), me, the antiwar protestors, the frontline, the most vulnerable, the bloggers living inside grenfell speaking out against the disaster to come, before it came.

Team B: SNP Scottish Independence activists and Corbyn-policy embracing Blair-detesters.

Team C: The Tory Corbyn division, frequently lib dem, sometimes Labour (consider the great Hugh Grant, for whom Murdoch will buy no drinks), including Corbyn-promoter Giles Brandreth, a few IQ points beyond (non-Team A or B or C member and) Numberwang Presenter Rachel Riley (paid up Israeli MP for Channel Four and uniformed Cheerleader of mob-jut posse B - see below).

Direction of resistance: Then we have mob jut-posse A: the classist 'I hate the toffs' jut posse, largely Labour, not 'far left' but working class white Labour with sense of white entitlement - angry that 'toffs' share white entitlement with tokens but not with the vast swathes of other white British entitled people.

In a friendly brotherly way I mocked Dennis Skinner for being part and parcel of this sort of foolish dick-waving, and he and his bunch were the hole in Corbyn's armour - all those seats lost which gave Tories victory - they were lost because the 'Labour' voters were from jut posses A and B which are interchangeable, and chose white Boris over 'nigger-lover' Corbyn. Brexit and no more muslims, that was what they wanted, not Jeremy Corbyn.

Then mob jut-posse B: the tory jut-heads. These are main the ones who just voted for Boris, they include Lippy Lipman, of course, and the many sales and marketing workers she has cashed in on human purchase-decision-forcing with. They are jut-heads. He, Boris, is one of them, as is Mogg, many Labour MPs including Blair and all his goons, many Lib Dems, like Nuclear Swinson - went out with a bang did that one. (All praise is due to Scotland, maintainer of all Britons, Lord of the Day of Judgment).

Mob-jut posse C also exists: the rest of the masses, well-meaning but off course (hey, don't call me arrogant, did you see who was just elected Prime Minister in a 'landslide'?)

Removal of resistance: So, before, Mob-jut posse A and Mob-jut posse B were united and outnumbering Teams A and B and C.

Mob-jut posse A and B were voting en masse for Blair. Blair destroyed Britain and whilst nobody wanted to admit it they wanted a new leader, but got new Blairs, ones with more tact, but the same lack of talent or ethics. The Blair clones persisted in Labour and then the tories. When the tories were in power they already took much of mob jut-posse B from Blair, hence ended up initially in a coalition and then with precarious leaders like May and early Johnson.

At that time Team C remained, as for the previous entire decades, totally cut off from Team A.

Then activists like me destroyed Blair entirely, as mob jut-posse A had held him down long enough to make it easy. In a panic mob jut-posse A tried to revive and work with mob jut-posse B and then lost control and mob jut-posse A and B became a single posse united under white supremacism, Trump and Boris.

Mob jut-posse C had now joined Team A and Team C to vote for Corbyn but were defeated by untold mob-jut posse-ism. But Labour has been destroyed, Team B has (this is clearly leaping ahead in spacetime) elevated itself far above all three mob jut-posses, its longterm enemy for centuries, and above Team A and C and become a superpower, a country far superior to England in the cornflake-order.

Team C and Team A unite in a society where Labour is destroyed and mob jut-posse B and A are now fused permanently into one small part of the Tory party, where it originally was birthed.

Team C and Team A take over the Tory party and win number 10 and are in control, with Mob jut-posse C as their majority.

Unification: The problem so far is that the voters of Team C and Team A have been entirely divided, totally split apart, each of them saddled with a bunch of yahoos for 'allies'.

Add to this the idea that independent candidates can fill the seats and new alliances can replace the number game currently played by one single two-faced party (ConservativeLabour) so that the most unifying policies determine the coalitions and alliances, not paperwork and money, and as a result the old system has no further power and only a new kind of politics reigns supreme.

___



I have tried to 'illustrate' my description and give it more detail, here:







BLAIR ERA

mjp A + mjp B + mjp C votes Labour

Team A refuses to vote and protests and is held down and kept without money by Team A and mjp A and mjp B and mjp C

Team B votes SNP

Team C votes Tory

result: Labour majority endures with huge momentum (the actual kind, not the brand)



MAYHEM ERA (blair loses the cash in an iraqi desert)

Team A refuses to vote and protests and is held down and kept without money by Team A and mjp A and mjp B and mjp C

Team B votes SNP and decreasingly Labour

Team C votes Tory

mjp A votes Labour

mjp B votes Tory

mjp C is confused, stops voting, votes here and there, joins Farage, joins Lib Dems

result: Labour slowly loses more and more of mjpC and then the tories and lib dems form a coalition to take it over for themselves and divvy it up, things like grenfell and trump and the collapse of the nhs happen



CORBYN MOMENT

Team A votes Labour

Team B votes SNP and Labour

Some of Team C starts voting Lib dem and 'even' Labour, if absolutely 'necessary'

mjp A votes Labour

mjp C votes Labour to some small degree but many of them say lib dem or farage

mjp B votes Tory

outcome: tories are shaken, corbyn alliance looks amazingly strong due to sudden appearance of Team A after total dormancy as voting block





CORBYN DEFEAT

Team A votes Labour

Team B votes SNP

Team C votes Tory, Labour, lib dem

mjp A votes Tory

mjp B votes Tory

mjp C votes Tory, lib dem, green,

outcome: massive tory win





BORIS ERA

sabotage of tory party begins by day 41, then:

Team A returns to protesting by not voting and spitting on the fake democracy of white supremacist britain and its little poodles and slaves

Team B votes SNP and brings about the end of Britain, the birth of Scotland, the end of Labour and the cornering of mjp A and mjp B

Team C starts to think about independent candidates, jumping the tory ship, eradicating protest votes and creating new indy votes, taking them away from tories seat by seat, resignation by resignation, by-election by by-election, what remains of Team A remains under the Labour label in parliament, or affiliated parties, and works with the new Team C

mjp A and B remain racistly galvanised

mjp C is horrified and helps Team C and Team A



leading to (later in the era) -

Team B - no longer relevant



Team A votes for AC coalition

Team C votes for AC coalition

mjp C votes for AC coalition

mjp A and mjp B will vote Tory



result: AC coalition wins and endures and tory party vanishes forever



(will check all that later, tomorrow, and make sure it says what I want it to say and that there are no communication errors)

I don't believe Mr Corbyn's call to join Labour is sincere, this morning.

One thing is true - if Labour stops their minimal calling out of Islamophobia when it's no longer an election tool, it just goes to show how much anyone in this land really gives a shit, other than the hardcore of Teams A and B and C, about Middle England's rampant racism and islamophobia.

As for the media and institutions, unabashed by the fact that the tinges-are-funny corp was 100% defeated and that the SNP with its Corbyn-like anti-centrist policies had a total victory, they want to say "see, it's Corbyn's fault, he's too left wing" - what they really mean, and we know it, their stooges and goons all say so to me in private, the ones who treat me as a human - is "you SEE what happens when we have an attempt at a British leader who disobeys our American Overlords? Tut tut. We MUST only have leaders who obey our American Overlords."

References:

Johnson and Blair's Middle England, which Corbyn tried valiantly to forgive and save, but the universe doesn't, apparently, want such scum saved: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/tory-party-islamophobia-kyle-pedley-resign-conservative-muslim-a9203571.html

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 135: Meanwhile on Planet White-Racism, round 2 of the 'anti-semitism' 'scandal' has begun.

Thrust: Norm Finkelstein shares this tweet on his site to show us that the next phase of the major crying-wolf project has begun, now that phase 1 is clearly over:

<<

Bernie Sanders' associations paint a pattern of proximity to antisemitism, which raises the question: Is it that he really doesn't notice, that he's willing to tolerate it, or that he somehow also supports it

- The Federalist (@FDRLST) December 10, 2019

>>

Direction of resistance: Chomsky has warned precisely that it would be anti-semitism smears thrown in the direction of Sanders to eliminate his chances.

Removal of resistance: Those of us who are neither white nor jewish can, no matter what else, be thankful that these crimes are not something you can blame on us.

Unification: Simply crying wolf about anti-semitism or racism or any such immoral position is itself bad enough but doing so in order to thwart progressive change, to thwart anti-racism indeed, and much more (good things) besides - this is the mark of a psychotic and disturbed society.

References: http://normanfinkelstein.com/2019/12/14/round-2-of-the-great-anti-semitism-hysteria-has-begun/
https://www.opendemocracy.net/en/opendemocracyuk/dont-blame-corbyn-or-brexit-labour-failed-to-fight-our-broken-politics/
https://eyalclyne.wordpress.com/2019/12/13/reflections-on-our-defeat-and-the-challenge-ahead/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 134: The Rise of the Tory Corbyn.

Thrust: Point 133 leads nicely on to an obvious fact. A Tory Corbyn will now rise and with Scotland's independence and Labour destroyed and reduced to Lib dem status, incapable of matching a Tory Majority, battles will break out to change the Tory leadership and when a Tory Corbyn stands, the racists will swing Labour and the real Labour voters will vote Tory, as will the John Major Tories.

Direction of resistance: As 'with Brexit' the tennis ball will bounce the other way again soon.

Removal of resistance: WHO will be the Tory Corbyn?

Unification: What will his or her name be? What will she or he do with regard to sexism, racism and other serious problems the Tory party is riddled with?

Go on England, little England, RACIST Little England - let's see how long it takes you to find another leader I'd vote for! I won't hold my breath.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 133: (Scotland and) London vs England.

Thrust: Most of London is Labour, Corbyn Labour. Most of the voters, I mean.

Direction of resistance: Tory London is partially (I'd like to know how much) Tory-Corbyn London.

Removal of resistance: England hates London and Corbyn and non white people.

Unification: We have reached a moment where tectonic plates have collided. Scotland didn't really reject Corbyn (since the SNP shares the bulk of his policies), Scotland rejected England. Now Scotland will vote to be its own nation state. A nation state with the policies of Jeremy Corbyn, a fully independent state which has entrenched Corbyn's policies, the ones he and the SNP share, for a long time in its establishment. The man and his popularity outside London is not what Scotland was ever interested in, only his policies and those of leaders like him.

We need not fear. A Corbyn-led anti-racist Britain is an absurd childish pipe dream. Sorry little Englanders, you can protest all you like but most of little England's population are racists, and protesting them won't change them, Scotland has their number, these Islamophobes won't be changing any time soon.

But an anti-racist Corbynland, named Scotland, where the policies are no different to those of Corbyn and Milne and Cockburn and so on and so forth, to quote Feynman (!), is moments away.

The goons have opened the door to it. How can Scotland stand side by side with Boris Johnson's Little England?

It'll be horrifying, of course, if that too is an overly optimistic view of the degree Corbyn-like philosophy exists in Scotland. I know Scots who are as goonish as Blair and Bojo, and I know Scots who probably taught Corbyn's teachers how to be what makes Corbyn Corbyn and them them.

FEAR NOT me hearties! Corbynland is even closer now.

What fools we were to imagine we could make one using an island full of Little Englanders who hate everything about this evolved plan, one so well laid out in Corbyn's manifesto.

But Scotland has qualities which make it ripe - Max Keiser predicted it long ago and I thought it was absurd, that Scotland could become a world leader state almost overnight as a result of independence.

I think the answer to Vijay Prashad's question about how we let the British colonize India is actually there, in the parts of Britain outside Little England, and I say 'we' loosely, as it was the dravidian Indian which essentially fell, and the lands of Pashtuns, for example, and the sorts of cultures which led to my own personal ancestors, one way or another, on one or other fringe - were never colonized by the British. Last time they tried was 2001, and it's 2020 soon and they're talking about whether or not to carry on invading that zone and continuing to try to conquer it. Whether or not they choose to carry on (being arseholes) or not doesn't seem as relevant as the fact that even now it remains untaken by them, even with their 'advanced' militaries and nukes and big press systems and gigantic slave workforces - even now a few geezers and geezerettes in mountains are 'too tough' for this remorselessly militant and invasive society to 'take'.

When the world's environment has been all but destroyed by Western Fraggles, and almost no humans are alive, as a 'speculator' I would bet money that somewhere in the mountainside of Afghanistan humanity will continue and move to the next generation and one day build back up to a vast global civilisation. Don't worry. It's not just about people without "funny tinges"! There are others who may survive even if you don't!

However, Scotland has mountains too. And a lot of clever people. And it will clearly not break off its relationship with the rest of the "European Union" or pander to petty xenophobic mob mentality, in my opinion.

But as I said, I think that without Scotland, Little England is really just a thug land, by the look of it. And of course it is. What is the 'difference' between them? When you look back at that, the whole thing is obvious. Who stole what from who? Who is an invasive thug and who is a planet-nurturing being nurturing what was always theirs and only going out and being imperialist as a result of having been conquered by imperialists, rather like roman slaves. Scotland, then, is like an entire slave country within the Roman Empire, right next to Rome.

Either way, it was a DREAM to imagine England can be like that - but is it really so hard for Scotland? In Scotland the Blairites are outnumbered by united nationalists and the real left wing. In England, by contrast, the real left wing is hugely outnumbered by colonialist right wing and Blairite neoliberals. A free Scotland would not only enshrine Corbynism - in whatever name it wants - for the rest of human history in an entire nation state, it would destroy Blair and the neoliberals permanently, and force Westminster to become a battle between Tory Corbyn and Tory Trump. It would end the party system and open the door to amazing new independent candidates, coalitions, alliances and leaderships, you may see Jeremy Corbyn as Prime Minister yet, leading a group of 450 independent candidates allied by a climate policy, for example.

When you shoot down someone carrying an important idea, the idea spreads all over the land you shoot it down over, and becomes much more powerful than it was when merely in flight.

SNP's red line on Trident spells the end of Little England's undemocratic dominance over the policies of this entire nation. When the referendum comes in Scotland, vote against Tony Blair, my Scottish sisters and brothers, vote against Tony Blair, even if they use Jeremy Corbyn to try and sell Tony to you. No doubt he'll resign before being forced to do THAT.

You have sent a clear message to Tony Blair, now send one to the rest of Little England. Be free, and finish the job of making a Corbyn Wonderland. You take the high road and I'll take the low road. Land of the Hobo, open the gates, so that the weary my come 'home'.

References: https://sputniknews.com/[..]-scotland-will-be-free

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 132: Lesson for Cameron, Major, Corbyn, Clegg, Guardian, Remainers - fighting Islamophobia was your TOP priority if you wanted a Labour win and/or a successful remain appeal referendum. You cannot do ANYTHING until you have fixed the racism rampant across middle England, not anti-semitism, but Islamophobia - it is Islamophobia which has driven brexit - we saw the true nature of racism among Labour voters - the many voters who switched to vote for an Islamophobic Prime Minister - there's your racism Lipman, Hodges, and all other Islamophobes. I warned that this would happen, you can find the post on my site. Tony Greenstein's response at the time was the childish word, on its own, 'whatever'. When I was 15, Tony, and trying to pull Californian muslim girls, on my hols in the American sun, I bought a t-shirt with the word 'whatever' on it. Very teenage, Tony. Maybe if you'd been more grown up when I warned you about this loss you have had you'd have had a victory instead.

Thrust: Chomsky says you must not have revolutions unless reform is impossible. No way to reform our political system, blatantly. The 'media' is its nazi enforcement department. As you can see from how Corbyn was treated, there is no way to reform the British state, only a revolution, Mr Chomsky, can work now. No doubt this will prove true in the USA soon enough.

Direction of resistance: People say Britons become 'more conservative as they get older?' - white kids are often not racist when young, as they grow older any anti-racism is beaten out of them by peer pressure and 'received wisdom' and 'pragmatism' (eg if a white man is still anti-racist by corbyn's age, just look what happens to them) - they become more racist with age. That is the reality. Not conservative, racist. Bullied. Willing to do what's wrong since that's 'pragmatic'.

Removal of resistance: If you look honestly, white Britain does not take any interest in what anyone defines as racist other than what white Britain defines as racist. If white British people tell themselves they are not racist and meanwhile the entire rest of the world looks on shocked and says they ARE racist, white Britain simply writes them off as people with a 'racist world view' whilst ignoring all non white Britons who share that view, labelling those non-white Britons the same.

Unification: Remember, even the man organising the ballot for my area was 100% unaware of the following news item, yet VERY aware of 'anti-semitism' in the Labour party:

<<

The deputy chair of a local Conservative branch has quit the party over what he claimed was Islamophobia among members.

Kyle Pedley resigned as a local party officer and Tory council candidate in Stourbridge after saying he had witnessed a Muslim member face a grilling over his religious practices.

He said he had been present during an interview in which the man, who was seeking to be selected as a Tory council candidate, had been asked how many times a day he prayed and how often he went to the mosque.

Local Tory officers then discussed between themselves whether "we need an Asian", he said.

Mr Pedley said he had complained twice to the Conservative Party about the incident but had received no response.

He resigned from the party after deciding that there were a "series of issues, problems and things I've encountered which I can't align with my own personal convictions and my own personal beliefs".

Johnson said Islam left Muslim world 'literally centuries behind'.

The news came a day after the Tories were forced to suspend more than 20 current and former councillors over allegations of Islamophobia and racism.

>>

Now let's re-write that as Labour and Jews instead of Tories and Muslims and imagine how many people would NOT know about it in this case:

<<

The deputy chair of a local Labour branch has quit the party over what he claimed was Anti-semitism among members.

Kyle Pedley resigned as a local party officer and Labour council candidate in Stourbridge after saying he had witnessed a Jewish member face a grilling over his religious practices.

He said he had been present during an interview in which the man, who was seeking to be selected as a Labour council candidate, had been asked how many times a year he prayed and how often he went to the synagogue.

Local Labour officers then discussed between themselves whether "we need a Jew", he said.

Mr Pedley said he had complained twice to the Labour Party about the incident but had received no response.

He resigned from the party after deciding that there were a "series of issues, problems and things I've encountered which I can't align with my own personal convictions and my own personal beliefs".

Corbyn said Judaism left Jewish world 'literally centuries behind'.

The news came a day after the Labour party were forced to suspend more than 20 current and former councillors over allegations of Anti-semitism and racism.

>>

This is the warning I mentioned, to which Mr Greenstein simply replied 'whatever' - the warning which even Corbyn did not prioritise - there really was no higher priority for Britain than combatting Islamophobia. The energy put into fighting non-existent anti-semitism should really be put in to fighting real Islamophobia and nonwhite-phobia, including, as we can see all too clearly, among many of Britain's most promiment white jews: The Blair-led Islamophobes use the pretence of 'anti-semitism', smearing all British muslims (the majority of whom are obviously incensed by Israeli genocide and apartheid), by association, with "anti-semitism" (other than uncle Tommohammeds whom they use as tokens to help them pretend they and their supporters are "not racist") and pandering to the Islamophobes Boris and the Tories and Farage have all pandered to, to win votes from white racist voters. Is Labour ready to pay the same price those guys are paying? This is the most strong and stable time in Labour's history, it seems. Does Corbyn want to risk letting Hodge, who voted to bomb Iraq under Blair, and those like her and Blair take away all that the Labour party has achieved?

The detail I was lacking in my warning but see now is that it is the VOTERS who are all important. MILLIONS of white Labour voters supported Blair's rampant Islamophobia. And when forced to choose between Labour muslim allies and an Islamophobic Tory, they chose the Tory. I warned you Tony - and you were a child about it. Tony added me on Facebook because my online campaigning was of such a calibre that it drew many fans like him in. Hence I figured he was actually willing to listen to what I say, I wasn't playing dial-a-celebrity or anything.

I know, Tony. You're right. I'm an idiot. Let's forget ALL of the above, let's NOT talk about muslims and Islamophobia. Let's talk about jews. Why not? What harm can that do?

References: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/tory-party-islamophobia-kyle-pedley-resign-conservative-muslim-a9203571.html

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 131: Pride and the Labour Party.

Thrust: Even if his reasons for doing it are personal and he is not being pushed, whether by media or party or 'allies', Jeremy Corbyn's departure from Labour's leadership so prematurely spells the end for those in Britain who need Labour's protection.

Direction of resistance: There is nobody in the Labour party who can do even 1/100th of what he can, at an individual level, as a party leader and as an MP.

Removal of resistance: He would deny this, perhaps sincerely, but I know that my assessment is sadly correct.

Unification: Pride, reputation, game play and electioneering is at work now, and the Labour Party will throw away the only real tool it ever had for protecting and serving the British public and any of that public's allies.

But you have to ask: what good was a party where only the leader was capable of doing any real good and even his allies and followers were weak in one or other way which he isn't, whilst everyone else is categorically inferior to him in every way which matters? A society like that is dysfunctional. When there are 400 to 600 Jeremy Corbyns in Parliament, regardless of name, age, gender, then we will see democracy. Until then I may be called Shams, but they are THE sham.

When you think about it, whilst I have only sympathy for Jeremy Corbyn, one has to feel very bad for the millions of Britons who will be 100% without protection again when he 'resigns' from being Labour leader. You can lie and pretend to yourselves, but I KNOW, the fact is that nobody else at all can do what he did, none are reliable, none can really be trusted to do it. So it will not be done properly. And that's the future. I who know feel very sad for Britain - its weak and vulnerable will lose their final protection against the Thatchers and Nixons and Bushes and Reagans and Trumps and Johnsons.

Because it cares only what the joneses say, Britain will throw away its LAST protection - Jeremy Corbyn. Because Labour is just as guilty as Boris Johnson of making life revolve around what the Joneses say and think, Labour will not stop him or will push him indeed - and Corbyn will go.

I have no reason to be in despair for myself, at least not because of Labour's loss, but so many people will, I am sure, cry hard over this loss, and I cannot stop feeling much sympathy for them, for we have all been in places of such despair that we wept, and tonight the mass armies of muslim-hating money-loving gullible stupid trampled slaves have 'voted' with both glee and venom to make all those people weep. Was it not Jesus (the Queen's "God" and master, according to her 'faith') who said "what you do to the people in Grenfell, you do to me, you fuckhead".

Jeremy Corbyn is not proud, or weak, I think he's sensible. Presumably the way to save Britain is no longer via the Labour Party. He must realise as much as I do that once he resigns, the Labour party will never again be useful in this battle, even if it should miraculously live to be a valiant institution another day.

Do not despair. There are MANY ways to proceed. None of them, however, involve the Labour Party. It only was useful to democracy with Corbyn as leader. There is no suitable replacement in Parliament.

The most important thing to do right now is to cultivate intellectual self defence in as close as possible to 100% of Corbyn's supporters and anyone else in Britain who has joined that alliance, eg those seriously concerned about properly debating any EU UK 'divorce' - admitting that we have not yet ever had a full honest clear debate about it - no more than we had about Corbyn or his policies. So no matter what you believe it is wrong to proceed with that at all until honesty is the order of the day and debate in that context can happen. As I said, the departure of Corbyn seals the permanent absence of that, for making him depart is the same as making that quality depart.

This is why number one priority is the intellectual self-defence of all those people being wronged, Corbyn's allies and the EU's allies - every one of them a "British voter" - apparently not considered so by Boris Johnson's fans or Tony Blair's fans.

Chomsky states in the preface to Necessary Illusions the opinion that << citizens of the democratic societies should undertake a course of intellectual self-defense to protect themselves from manipulation and control, and to lay the basis for more meaningful democracy. >>

Vijay Prashad: "How was it ever possible that we were colonized by the British?"

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/13/roaming-charges-thats-neoliberalism-for-you/


Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 130: No man is an island.

Thrust: The Materials of the Locality

IBN ASWAD visited the Tekkia of Sheikh Halim Unwani in Syria and was much impressed by the extent and dignity of the place, the numbers of servants and the plenitude of disciples.

Sheikh Halim was, however, absent, and Aswad followed him to North Africa, where he had settled for a number of years to spread the Teaching there.

In Morocco he found Halim living in a small house, with a mere shed outside for the exercises. His pupils numbered no more than a handful, and his clothes were of the simplest kind.

Aswad was perplexed and, taking Halim's closest associate, Mustafa Mahjub, aside, he asked him:

'Why does the Sheikh not bring people and wealth from Aleppo and Damascus, and show these people of Africa that he is a man of substance? Why does he not bring droves of disciples from the East, and carpets and workmen, and make a fitting audience-hall?'

Mahjub laughed, and then he said:

'Our gold is not the same as their gold, as our tongue sounds different from their tongue. Do you not see how our Sheikh talks and dresses like a man of the locality? The crops of the locality, the houses of the locality come from the materials of the locality.'

* * *

Better to quarrel with a friend than to support enemies.

Proverb

The Dermis Probe

Direction of resistance: Mathematics is a language plus reasoning; it is like a language plus logic. Mathematics is a tool for reasoning. (Feynman)

Removal of resistance: << Better that ten guilty men should go free than one who is not guilty should be convicted.

For to convict the innocent is to spit in the face of justice. >> (Rumpole and the Golden Thread).

Unification: <<

There's more to this feeling than a differing mind to anatomy

On my own who's going to hold me?

A burning heart lifts me up to my life

I can't run from the truth and I won't try

'Cause it wouldn't matter who you were in this world

There's nothing on earth that we can't change

But on the inside I could never be the same

Come into the garden

Baby

Oh

You've got to come on in

Come into the secret garden

We're changing the way we're made

And in our own eyes

We're going to move the mountain

So how do you see me now? Can you see me?

Don't butter me up and tell me lies

I've seen the black and white coloured in your eyes

But trapped in a cage is not the place

You can leave me or cover it up to ease your mind

In this confusion I can always see the light

into the garden

Come into the garden

Baby

Oh

Come on in

Come into the secret garden

We're changing the way we're made

And in our own eyes

We're going to move the mountain

>>

Songwriters: Carol Ann Decker / Ronald Phillip Rogers

References: Paperback, eBook, audiobook and free online book, here: http://idriesshahfoundation.org/books/the-dermis-probe/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 129: << But Och! I backward cast my eye, On prospects drear! An' forward, tho' I cannot see, I guess an' fear! >> (For all the victims of neoliberalism and of vulture capitalism, for the victims of invasions, for the victims of social inequality.)

Thrust: Before we laugh, I offer this.

Direction of resistance: Spare a thought, you who live safe in the warmth.

Removal of resistance: For those whose lives you destroy.

Unification: On Turning Her Up in Her Nest with the Plough,

November, 1785



Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim'rous beastie,

O, what a panic's in thy breastie!

Thou need na start awa sae hasty,

Wi' bickering brattle!

I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee,

Wi' murdering pattle!



I'm truly sorry Man's dominion

Has broken Nature's social union,

An' justifies that ill opinion

Which makes thee startle

At me, thy poor, earth-born companion

An' fellow-mortal!



I doubt na, whyles, but thou may thieve;

What then? poor beastie, thou maun live!

A daimen-icker in a thrave

s'a sma' requet;

I'll get a blessin wi' the lave,

An' never miss't!



Thy wee-bit housie, too, in ruin!

Its silly wa's the win's are strewin!

An' naething, now, to big a new ane,

O' foggage green!

An' bleak December's win's ensuing,

Baith snell an' keen!



Thou saw the fields laid bare an' waste,

An' weary Winter comin fast,

An' cozie here, beneath the blast,

Thou thought to dwell,

Till crash! the cruel coulter past

Out thro' thy cell.



That wee bit heap o' leaves and stibble,

Has cost thee monie a weary nibble!

Now thou's turned out, for a' thy trouble,

But house or hald,

To thole the Winter's sleety dribble,

An' cranreuch cauld!



But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,

In proving foresight may be vain:

The best-laid schemes o' Mice an' Men

Gang aft agley,

An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,

For promis'd joy!



Still thou are blest, compared wi' me!

The present only toucheth thee:

But Och! I backward cast my eye,

On prospects drear!

An' forward, tho' I cannot see,

I guess an' fear!

References: https://www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.uk/poem/mouse/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 128: Things to come over the merry new year for some, but immensely cruel for others.

Thrust: That comedy script. Hopefully will help bring some jollity to some people without satellite tv and SUVs and the rest of it, without indeed, in many cases, anywhere to call home, short of cash and luck, out of faith and energy, needing some free entertainment. Well it's coming soon. The comedy YOU sir and madam have been waiting for: Madam Bovary, the neoliberal version. (I'll try to deliver it this weekend). There are people out there who even begrudge homeless people the mobile phones many of them may have, as though mobile phones aren't nowadays as vital for survival as clothes.

Direction of resistance: Large collection of extremely pertinent quotes, to transcribe, from much key British tv/film/comedy art. Already done a tonne of research and prepared much much much much material.

Removal of resistance: And all the other stuff which was going to be here anyway.

Unification: Eg more of that discussion of ideas of Feynman and Chomsky and other key matters. But first that comedy. I won't "re-post" the link because you may as well read it afresh when the next and final draft of it (Madam Bovary, the neoliberal version) appears here asap.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 127: Long live Jeremy Corbyn. Please return to being Chairman of Stop the War, honourable Mr Corbyn. If you do, I will come and stand RIGHT NEXT TO YOU and you can teach me everything you know, if you like. Either way, whether you are Chairman again or not, I will come and stand by you at any protest you go to which I can go to too. Thank you for what you have done for me.

Thrust: Long live white anti-racism.

Direction of resistance: Long live anti-war.

Removal of resistance: Long live mutual aid.

Unification: Long live human evolution.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 126: A relief?

Thrust: For now, Corbyn J doesn't have to suffer the heart-life-shortening job (for him, given what he's up against) of Prime Minister. For now I do not have to stand with Boris Johnson or John Major or anyone else I don't really enjoy defending - as Corbyn, the anti-racism movement, the anti-war movement, the working classes and non white Britons are still the underdog. It is still my job to stand up for them and to shout loudly on their behalf.

Direction of resistance: For now as a property owner and forex trader I have no doubts that if I possess unbeatable algorithms and a real mastery of the markets my future is a solid gold one.

Removal of resistance: For now as the owner of TVhobo there is no reason to consider phasing the site out or shutting it off, or putting it on hold until it can be handed over to other journalists and writers to work on. For now there's not even any point in adding anything new, the now demonstrably majority white-racist Britain and its opponents have a LOT of catching up to do in terms of reading and understanding what I've written.

Unification: For now the inspiration to finish writing Madam Bovary, the neoliberal version is at a peak and the demand also at a peak.

How could it have been?

After decades of exclusion and poverty at the hands of the same white racism which 'defeated' (hardly counts when you cheat so much and lie so much and use all jews as a human shield so much in order to 'beat' Corbyn) Corbyn, poverty and exclusion, exclusion and poverty, and I eventually learned how to beat the markets, I wrote wondrous software and worked hard. And if Corbyn J had won, and don't forget I voted for him, and in my constituency, Putney, Corbyn won, took a seat from the tories, had Corbyn won the election even though my hard work has put me ahead of millions of white racists in spite of their best efforts to exclude and crush me, that advantage of mine would be reduced considerably. This must give us some insight (are you reading 'archbishops', 'rabbis', 'imams' and such? well do) into how 'god' or rather 'the universe' works.

Let's not pretend that anyone who gained from Corbyn's victory would have been grateful to me, and anyone like me, for our sacrifice.

And let's not forget that in the last 30 days of the election, well, 27 apparently, for I still have 3 days to go, I was banned from speaking on facebook as I wrote that facebook and twitter are 'the last outpost of white stupidity', a true and anti-racist statement.

This is a society which treated the election as a game, a society which treats the oppression and exclusion of millions as a game, and yet the universe is ahead of that game and now they will find that they played games with their own future.

I have less to worry about than I did yesterday and much more to feel sad about.

I can understand more than ever the motivations of George Soros.

Well, dear reader, dig into my site, it's the last front line of the revolution now. There were never many such front lines.

Before leaving you to it, having my late breakfast and getting on with things like writing the rest of that Bovary script I must say something to 'the left', to Owen Jones, to Des Freedman, and many others - I will give you more material later, but just know this - before you can do anything strong using communications and networking you have to swallow your pride and humble yourselves and admit that you are know-nothings, often using celebrity or even jewishness as 'proof' of your wisdom, and the average unpaid korean intern at a big company in London is far far far more capable than you of building the required sites and software to spread a democratic revolutionary movement. It is because all you're really interested in, any of you, is your reputation, as this election, like so much else, has shown.

Freedman you are no specialist in making viral information spread worldwide. I'm going to have to teach you all of the basics of building good viral web site phenomena - or am I? I mean the fact is this - if I share THAT info in public, the 'enemy' gets it too. So far out of you, me and the enemy, ONLY I have that knowledge. So perhaps there is a case for just doing things my own way and leaving you to catch up however you can.

References: Britain has proved that most white Britons are exactly as racist as the group of them who led Kyle Pedley to resign from his job in horror at islamophobic racism: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/tory-party-islamophobia-kyle-pedley-resign-conservative-muslim-a9203571.html

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 125: Sanjeev Bhaskar is a funny man, but there is nothing "funny" about his skin colour. P.G. Wodehouse is "funny". Douglas Adams is "funny". Krishnan Guru-Murthy's skin is NOT "funny". Naga Munchetty's skin is NOT "funny". Kerry Anne Mendoza's skin is NOT "funny". Anyone who claims that such skin is "FUNNY" and does not admit that what they have said is racist is unfit to be a "public servant" other than in Hitler's Germany or some other white supremacist sociey - Israel, indeed, with its own (acknowledged internationally as immoral and apartheid) race laws.

Thrust: Would a remainer say "it's not just about English white European people, it's about funny European countries too" and not have their career ended?

"It's not just about being black or a funny tinge" (Angela Smith, Blairite MP and now Lib Dem candidate claiming that many non white Labour supporters are racist).

Direction of resistance: If the 'remain' voters really really were majority anti-racist they would have won the first referendum.

Removal of resistance: There is no point pretending that either Leave or Remain is the racist or anti-racist position.

Unification: Corbyn is the anti-racist position. Against Corbyn is the racist position. That much IS a credible statement whose credibility will still be accepted, more so in fact, in a hundred years.

References:
https://www.counterfire.org/articles/analysis/20765-whatever-the-result-this-is-what-the-election-has-told-us
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/general-election-results-chuka-umunna-gyimah-berger-lib-dems-labour-a9244996.html

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 124: Would a remainer say "it's not just about English white European people, it's about funny European countries too" and not have their career ended?

Thrust: Angela Smith displays that degree of racism when being voted out of the Labour party and is instantly picked up by the Lib Dems.

Direction of resistance: "It's not just about being black or a funny tinge" (Angela Smith, Blairite MP and now Lib Dem candidate claiming that many non white Labour supporters are racist).

Removal of resistance: Again: would a remainer say "it's not just about English white European people, it's about funny European countries too" and not have their career ended?

Unification: Again: Angela Smith displays that degree of racism when being voted out of the Labour party and is instantly picked up by the Lib Dems.

"It's not just about being black or a funny tinge" (Angela Smith, Blairite MP and now Lib Dem candidate claiming that many non white Labour supporters are racist).

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 123: "It's not just about being black or a funny tinge" (Angela Smith, Blairite MP and now Lib Dem candidate claiming that many non white Labour supporters are racist).

Thrust: "It's not just about being black or a funny tinge" (Angela Smith, Blairite MP and now Lib Dem candidate claiming that many non white Labour supporters are racist).

Direction of resistance: "It's not just about being black or a funny tinge" (Angela Smith, Blairite MP and now Lib Dem candidate claiming that many non white Labour supporters are racist).

Removal of resistance: "It's not just about being black or a funny tinge" (Angela Smith, Blairite MP and now Lib Dem candidate claiming that many non white Labour supporters are racist).

Unification: "It's not just about being black or a funny tinge" (Angela Smith, Blairite MP and now Lib Dem candidate claiming that many non white Labour supporters are racist).

(So Asian people don't even get a full colour - asians, and south americans, some of your mediterranean Europeans too - we are all merely 'a funny tinge' - except for me of course as I have skin so 'white' it looks like a white skin mutation and hence often am privy to the most amazing racism you could imagine, the sort of stuff Angela Smith presumably says in private, the stuff which goes hand in hand with calling non white skin 'funny').

(One white woman in a supermarket in Shepherd's Bush in the queue, standing in front of me, one behind the person being served, said to me: "My husband was in the second world war, but I've been to Germany and it's lovely, we shouldn't have been fighting them - it's these who are the enemy - they come here and cheat the benefits" she said, pointing to a young, dark skinned asian woman serving us at the till.)

References: "It's not just about being black or a funny tinge" (Angela Smith, Blairite MP and now Lib Dem MP claiming that many non white Labour supporters are racist).

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 122: Maureen Lipman stereotypes jews and stands next to white men who call muslim women letterboxes.

Thrust: On Spitting Image in the 80s a BT advert starring Lipman was ridiculed thusly: "bagels bagels bagels, it's jew we stereotype".

Direction of resistance: Lipman aided and abetted jewish stereotyping and spreading racist tropes about jews (as lampooned by Spitting Image with that catchy dig - bagels bagels bagels, it's jew we stereotype - the BT ad they were mocking contained a money obsessed Jewish woman called 'Beatty' who was advising her dumb grandson on what to do, financially, in the light of his exam results - the slogan 'it's you we answer to' was changed by the satirists to 'it's jew we stereotype' - but I would be shocked to see Spitting Image's Ian Hislop calling Lipman out for the same crime again today, when his pride and pomposity and self-worship depends so much on going along with peer pressure and 'hating' Corbyn). (Isn't it funny that though you have no remorse for genocide of many of my ancestors, Ian, I don't actually "hate" you - whereas you DO "hate" people who stand up for my right to have you apologise for being such a dick who backs such vile things out of pride and narcissism).

Removal of resistance: Now Lipman stands by a Tory party which is flagrantly racist and proudly demonises and bashes muslims. (Unsurprising given the anti-semitic advert she gladly went along with for a few pieces of silver in the 80s).

Maureen Lipman you nasty hag, tell me this - how come you pretend to be against racism but you stand by a racist tory party?

So do you Maureen Lipman pretend that if Labour members had grilled a potential jewish candidate with questions about how often they go to synagogue and had said "do we need a jew?" you wouldn't call THAT racist? And yet when Tories do it to muslims you nonetheless vote tory. Piss off you ugly-personality-possessing diseased jew-stereotyping racist

Unification: It's also not surprising that the most insidiously racist jewish dick I've known goes to the same synagogue as Lipman. (Although not the most racist - not sure who would win that contest - there's you Alex, there's Jon, not Simon, he's with the anti-racists, there's Hyman - what a twat - how come Hyman had to or has to live on illegal land stolen by Israel (as far as international law is concerned) while he has at least 8 million pounds of property in Richmond? He may well win that prize, I would not be surprised if I were to be informed one day that he had personally gunned Palestinians down alongside his deranged religious fundamentalist racist wife - let's hope their kids have more sense. Fairbairn? Was he jewish? He certainly was one of the most racist pro-Israel people at our school in my year - but he may not even be jewish, just a Christian Zionist, eh? Driver. Yes, Driver may well be one notch higher than Hyman in his racism. I think Driver I should tell you now - Liam is a far better musician than you and I am a far better mathematician than you - since childhood you've been put on a pedestal for being jewish - the fact is that you're not really as clever as you think, even if you're not stupid. It's for your own benefit that I tell you this and I know you, out of all of them, read my words, even if you spit whilst doing so, but you actually altered Liam's life - he's a real Gerswhin, and turned him into a programmer. Not you, but those who needed to use you as their new god to worship, as a new idol to set up, like every religious leader and revered imagined-mystic - the Guardian, for example, calls Blair a 'mystic' - the label can be found on their site. As for me - well, there were 100 others in line before you to take my opportunities away, so you made no impact there, nor did the 100 I mention - I guess I just lucked out, the long hard road led to the place you never got to which they told you it was your destiny to reach.

Diskin - now that's the most unracist amongst you, although 'you' there is not all the jews I knew but all the racist ones, for he does occasionally spout actual racist shite about muslims or asians or brown people - every now and then. But is so almost-cleansed of racism that it wouldn't take much for him to be ashamed of that. With friends like you it's hardly surprising he's a bit racist though. If only the whole lot of you together had even 1/1000th the decency and morality of Emmerson, our common ally.

Hyman, reader, shop lifted marker pens in front of me once, or rather came out of a shop and then showed us he had nicked them. I found it repugnant even more than others since my family at the time was in the business of selling stationery on the high street and shop lifters were an annoying thing to have to deal with, financially. The purpose of nicking it was to use it for vandalism. Later he lived in Israel on an illegal settlement. One of our common friends, Jim, who worked at a major defence contractor conference place, hobnobbing with many military types, from a military family himself, once told me off for calling Hyman out - it was when he was giving his facebook friends a precise guide to recognising angels (in a religious, not hollywood-sexual, sense) that I pointed out, somewhere relatively unpublic, that he was an ex shoplifter, a war criminal and a religious nutter - and it was me, of course, being labelled a 'terrorist' for speaking out about him, when in reality, when it comes down to it, since he lived in a violent Israeli settlement and may still be there, he could EASILY now have killed humans, seeing them the same way Hitler's nazi soldiers often saw jews. That's why, since I believe it eminently possible that he has done that, I think him and Driver there are first equal on my contest to see which is the most racist jew I've known. If I were to give an award for the least racist jew that would be impossible. Every jew I've known who isn't racist is equally not racist, if you see what I mean. Whereas the racist ones clearly vary in the ferocity of their nazi values. Some would blatantly kill in the name of their own perceived racial superiority, whereas others, even the ignorant fucked up Driver, would have the capacity, if such an urge came to him, to be horrified at himself and reflect and repent. He has enough intelligence to do THAT, you can be sure. Out of jewish women I've known, to be honest the most racist one was clearly the most anti-religious when I knew her, but not the way my mate Simon was, not the agnostic/atheist way - she was a 'goth' and even planned to euthanase (presuming it to become legal) herself after a certain age and have a big party - and clearly edging towards that sort of new religious trend which can go either way - either towards where quantum physics has left us, for now, or, as in her case, towards self-worship and hocus pocus woo-woo shelf bullshit, which happens to be very similar, in so many ways, to atheism, particularly when sat next to a definition of the scientific method given by say Chomsky or Feynman or even Zinn, I expect.

No, there is no question that anti-racist jews are all equally anti-racist, and are as equally anti-racist as anti-racist agnostics, anti-racist muslims, anti-racist humans in general, in fact.

Lipman, Lipman, Lipman, it's YOU I just handed your ass on a plate to. But what do you know? A low grade actress producing mindless adverts. You're not exactly Arthur Lowe are you? I'm sure the character in Danger Man would put your callous disregard for Palestinian and muslim lives down to a form of mental illness, he would point out you're too much of a daft demented dinosaur to be held responsible for the fact that you condone genocide and racism. As for Rachel Riley - I'm sure McGoohan would, rightly, make exactly the same defence for her. It would be ageist to pretend otherwise.

A white male Royal Marine said to me that this black man had been asking another black man, in some regiment or other, same as him, about some matter of science, and the one being asked told the other to ask a white man. And the marine said "that's racism, obviously". And it's true. It is racism. Obviously. And yet I have met SOOOO MANY white and even jewish people who take it for granted that you ask jews about financial matters, or even good salesmanship. Etc. This attitude is so entrenched that one may argue that the 'lack of anti-semitism' in Britain in general, which is clearly the case, a certain 'deference' shown to jews ever since World War 2 (in Britain there have only ever been White male, white male jewish and a few white female Prime Ministers or Prime Ministerial candidates - there has never ever been a non white one, a muslim one, a Chinese-desended one, a Vietnamese-descended one, a hindu one, a sikh one, etc etc - so clearly jewishness is already a very very established part of British national identity), is in fact a deep-seated racist trope, a belief that you ask a jew about maths or money or conning people in the market place.

Indeed that's why people like my 'friend' Driver there (I presume in his case) 'even' label Shakespeare 'anti-semitic'. Shakespeare's sitting there saying "I write ONE jewish bad guy and they never let me forget it". Still, not my quarrel.

I personally had no conception of 'jew' until I was about 15, when I met and hung out with lots of people who included a few jews, one of whom was and is a really good guy, although his mother had to convert, and he never considered himself religious - indeed he would openly eat bacon flavoured crisps in order to rile up our more racist jewish comrades and assert his mother's equality that way. Obviously it must have upset him, inside, that in order to be accepted as his father's equal, technically, even if she'd done so willingly, she'd HAD to take exams and "become jewish". Anyway, before I met those lads I had once or twice heard the name Israel on the news, but that was it, in childhood. All humans are and were the same to me. While my friend S****, a Boris Johnson aide, I gather, or something like that, was gossipping about my friend Long, claiming that his father was a Vietnamese war criminal, gossip I heard about decades later, from several sources, amazingly - I was enjoying being 10 years old. He on the other hand was already the original tory boy. (This is the guy who finally deleted me from facebook when, the day he posted pictures from a Tel Aviv restaurant I called him a cannibal). In fact though S**** was rich, it was not he who introduced me to good English living, really excellently cooked lamb and broccoli and so much else (at school, Booker Foods were making sure I imagined, compared to the indian food at home, English people all ate the most disgusting food in the universe - foods I love now were, when I first ate them, totally disgusting as they were made by our woefully inadequate mass food production system) (even the cornish pasties were disgusting - most of the food was utterly disgusting). Long was richer than S**** and had an even bigger mansion, its name indeed was 'The White House' - which may also have annoyed S****. Long was my best friend in early childhood and my intellectual equal - he left Britain very young, ended up in Chomskyland. Maybe he had the sense to even get taught by the fella. So you see for me all humans were the same and the first jew I met and got to know was Simon, my best friend for the first year at St Paul's, after which I became too popular a revolutionary figure to have best friends. Eventually I became (in about 2010) too popular a revolutionary figure to have ANY friends, but jokes aside.

So you see in my mind there has never been a difference between what a jew is or a muslim or a christian or a white or black or brown or purple person. Indeed at the 'mosque' as you call it (muslims have different words for things, according to what sort of islam they follow) I frequently told off my muslim friends for cliquing together in groups of brown and of being racist towards their white friends - most of these sorts of people were the ones trapped in state education, whereas privately educated non white people I knew were almost all very pluralist, many of them like me, destined to be pushed off the side of the boat after "911" and labelled "evil" and "religious fundamentalist" - for being so 'religious' as to not want to simply silently accept racist genocide as what white racists call it (intervening to 'help' others).

So I have never really perceived anyone as different (if you lined up all the women I've ever known romantically in my life and compared their experiences, they, above all, can confirm I treat nobody differently because of their race).

Whereas these chaps I mention would all call me 'anti-semitic'. What does that even mean? THEY, we know, are racist and mad, particularly S**** - I mean the poor boy was being groomed to be a Nixon-like psycho when were were 10. If people put you on a pedestal, S****, you'll never learn how to climb a mountain. To climb a mountain you MUST start at the bottom. Still, with a bit of luck, after the election result, "insha allah", that's where you'll be, psychologically, and maybe you can start the long climb before it's too late. You've left it to your 40s. The older we get the more extra battles we have to fight, aka mortality, so I'd get moving with changing yourself to a better person lad.

As I wrote all this millions of voters have been pouring into voting places, many many of them trying hard to make sure Corbyn wins and changes Britain so that all the friends I mention are the last of their kind, ie that their kids and grandkids are more like me and less like this bunch of racist twats I have, so many times, called my friends, although they have almost never done the same for me, most of them. One day I'll definitely hook up with Simon again. He and I sat in our form teacher and history teacher Mr Wallersteiner's class together - the famous one in the news - look it up on my site and Google for more - as Mr Wallersteiner taught us that, according to Jewish law, Adolf Hitler was as jewish as Simon's father. Hodge has already shown her hatred for Wallersteiner's opinions, when he said that demonisation of 'elites' is the same sort of behaviour as the anti-semitism seen in society's like Hitler's. Even many of my friends on the left attacked Wallersteiner who was really speaking out for all those pluralist privately educated non white kids I mentioned earlier - the Angela Smiths of Labour or Lib dems or whatever will gladly buy votes off poor white kids by handing them Oxford places which would otherwise go to rich brown kids who work hard but are still only thrown crumbs (see numberwang doc in the references below for irrefutable data, before you start some whitesplaining and racistly try to pretend that asians are treated equally in British employment). Wallersteiner was quite right about that, read all about it on other pages of this site. Grid point 1.11 is where you'll find that information at the moment but depending on when you read this, perhaps there will be more discussion and more points you can find relating to that. The search subdomain is included in the references to guide you towards more effective future use of this site!

References: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/tory-party-islamophobia-kyle-pedley-resign-conservative-muslim-a9203571.html
http://opinion.tvhobo.com/owenjones_israel_numberwang.html
https://twitter.com/RobScottPhotos/status/1198509772795834368
https://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/recalled-sa-ambassador-to-israel-will-not-be-replaced-sisulu-20190405
http://search.tvhobo.com/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 121: "Both parties are promising to protect the NHS from privatization, but only one party is actually selling NHS data to private companies like Amazon. That should matter a lot more than whether or not the British public would like to go on holiday with Jeremy Corbyn."

Thrust: Sameer Dossani writes: <<

The muckraking includes calling Corbyn an anti-semite, but it doesn't stop there. (Somehow the fact that Boris Johnson has a habit of making racist comments is irrelevant; Labour is an anti-racist party and therefore must be held to a higher standard.) A new book by Tom Bower paints a portrait of a power hungry anti-semite who regularly hangs out with Muslim extremists. Anyone with an ounce of sense will struggle to find the Labour leader in this description; for his part Bower had the sense not to source his allegations so there's no way to check up on which of these might be true and which are blatant fabrications. For anyone interested, Peter Osborn has a thorough debunking.

The advantage of mudslinging is that it sometimes sticks. Many British voters can't say exactly why they don't like Corbyn, but they know that they don't like him. Even if these allegations were defendable, Corbyn's Labour party has effectively won the debate on austerity. Both parties are promising to protect the NHS from privatization, but only one party is actually selling NHS data to private companies like Amazon. That should matter a lot more than whether or not the British public would like to go on holiday with Jeremy Corbyn.

Whatever the outcome, this is one of the most fascinating elections on record. Arguments for the status quo - that the rich should see the biggest gains when capitalism works and the poor should pay when it doesn't - aren't working. Demonization of one's opponents has always been a part of electoral politics, but in this election that's pretty much the only tactic in play, at least for the Tories. Their victory would be a huge triumph of the British propaganda system. It would also be a huge failure for democracy.

>>

Direction of resistance: What the USA and the world are all looking forward to finding out is this: are British people, on the whole, amazingly stupid? Are they easily led, easily lied to, easily used and walked all over?

Removal of resistance: We British rebels, meanwhile, know that the answer to that is obvious.

Unification: What is really very interesting is the answer to this question: has Corbyn and Co outsmarted the mafioso villain fuckheaded genocidal baby-eating enemy or not? The fact is that defeating a bunch of idiots doesn't need to be carried out by THAT many intelligent people, and Corbyn's enemies are, without a shadow of a doubt, as Stephen Hawking himself clearly demonstrated (DO look up the nasty things the Israeli state said to Stephen Hawking as a result of his joining one or other of the boycotts of Israel), idiots of the highest order. Their idiocy is a whole order apart from the idiocy of even the worst idiots of days gone by, like Hitler or Stalin or some lunatic like that. Genghis Khan. That sort of chap. These guys, these 'enemies of Corbyn' (self-defined) are an order of idiocy far far above those past idiots. So they're no match for people like Hawking and Corbyn. Hawking, whatever word games you may try to play, voted for Corbyn's Labour, and advocated saving the NHS by voting Labour. There's no question that British intelligence and innovation may easily win the day. I will be far less surprised than the rest of the planet if it does and far less amazed at how stupid British people really are, on the whole, if it doesn't (this time). My experience in forex and stock markets makes me absolutely sure of one thing - I have no idea who is going to win, and neither do you!

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/11/ideology-or-popularity-how-will-britain-vote/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 120: Emeli Sande. Jeremy Corbyn. Julian Assange. Bradley Manning. Jeffrey Sterling. Edward Snowden. David Kelly. Alexander Cockburn. Michael Hastings. Diana Spencer. And all of their friends. And everyone I forgot or nobody even told me about who is also on that list, whether I say it or know it or not. You, reader. YOU are on that list too. It's an IQ test. What is the relationship of all the people on the list to whether or not I am alone?

Thrust: Are you sick and tired of being lied to?

Getting kinda bored of being ignored?

Can't find the tribe that you belong to?

Oh my friend, you are not alone

Direction of resistance: Are you tired of begging for some answers?

Are you scared you won't make it out alive?

Does it make you sick when truth is censored?

Oh my friend, you are not alone

Oh you are not alone here, don't fear

You are not alone here, no way

There's plenty more others here, yeah yeah

My friend, oh you are not alone

Removal of resistance: Are you tired of working for the minimum?

Has your heart adjusted to the dark?

Well does it make you sick they kill the innocent?

Oh my friend, you are not alone

Well, are you dreaming of a brighter future?

Somewhere the children can be free

Will you risk it all to tell the truth? Yeah

My friend, oh you are not alone

Oh you are not alone here, don't fear

You are not alone here, no way

There's plenty more others here, yeah yeah

My friend, oh you are not alone

Unification: Are you tired of feeling so invisible?

Are you sick of silencing your voice?

Do you still have hope that peace is possible?

My friend, oh you are not alone

You are not alone here, don't fear

You are not alone here, no way

There's plenty more others here, yeah yeah

My friend, oh you are not alone

References:

https://www.thecanary.co/global/world-analysis/2019/12/12/collapse-of-us-charges-against-journalist-raises-serious-questions-about-politically-motivated-prosecutions/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 119: It's not because they're terrorists that it's wrong for the Taliban to bomb Washington, it'd be wrong even if Mahatma Gandhi did it (Chomsky).

Thrust: In other words, when the USA and NATO and the UK and the nuclear dick-wavers like Swinson, Johnson, Blair and co, say that it's okay for THEM to bomb other people - the fact is it isn't.

Direction of resistance: It is no more right for any of us to go around bombing Iraq than it is for anyone to come here and bomb London or anywhere else.

Removal of resistance: If you do not understand this, Chomsky says, you do not have the right to talk.

Unification: "If you can't understand that you pay attention to your own crimes," he says. "You have no right to talk".

So all you nuclear dick-wavers: SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP.

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/10/afghanistan-a-pentagon-paradise-built-on-lies/
https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/11/why-the-afghanistan-papers-are-an-eerie-reminder-of-vietnam/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 118: Whether Corbyn is about to win or lose, much of the media and private organisational space is loudly proudly saying he will definitely lose (and so on).

Thrust: As a scientist of the markets I know more than most that anyone dumb enough to be so certain in their predictions is entirely unreliable.

Direction of resistance: And the cynic and scientist in me refuses to accept the apparently quite probable Corbyn Prime Ministership as real until there is visible evidence. It's not that there isn't already evidence, just that the media and so on have done their best to conceal what it shows, moreover maybe game players 'on both sides' have therefore been lying to polls and so on (and look at the polls, how unscientifically their claims are made).

Removal of resistance: So I don't know. I know that the right thing for me to do is vote Labour, I know Labour will very probably win Putney, as the Labour vote will not be split but the Tory campaign has lurched rightwards to try and win back UKIP dissenters. In Putney, without a doubt, the odds are totally in Corbyn's favour. Moreover places like this are unknown to the world - ie the press hasn't mentioned them, and every effort has been made to just pretend it's not happening.

Unification: Anyway, so as the chief scientist of Ra Ra El and its subsidiaries (eg TVhobo), I say this - I have no idea if he will win or not, but if he doesn't I will (a) not be hurt by it from a purely material perspective, (b) be saddened, deeply, for all the reasons mentioned time and again on this site (DO read it). Ironically those who hate me most in Britain, ie the white racists, will suffer a great deal, collectively, at the hands of vulture capitalism, which will accelerate to maximum speed if they manage to dispense, at least for now, with the threat of real democracy. So the ones who are trying to hurt ME by voting against Corbyn will only empower me and make my life better (the desire for a Britain where white people are majority non-racist and where I am not judged by my name is long dead. You're not going to make Britain like that in my lifetime, probability indicates. 1 in millions, the chances are. You are shit. Basically) whilst bringing certain harm and scarcity to their own descendants and friends.

But if Tony Blair ever said a good thing, just one good thing, it was that Britain needs a "can do" attitude. And with that in mind I have to admit I still think Corbyn will win. After all I'm standing in a former Tory constituency where the MP has run away and handed over to far right nutters, after losing almost all of her 10,000 vote lead. A constituency overflowing with deprived non white people, not just working class UKIPPERs. Plenty of Labour here, hence the possibility of its turning Labour now. So it's easy for me to see how high the real chances of a Labour win are - most of your pundits out there are not including the existence, needs or words of ANY of the Labour voters in Putney, when they give you their 'elite' assessments of the nation. Remember how fervently they said Corbyn would lose the leadership re-election, how fervently they said Labour would be reduced to a tiny minority, how afterwards they said "how come the polls were so wrong?" and then like goldfish didn't wait for an answer, and today repeat the same childish errors.

So no, I think on December 13th I will not be mourning the failure of the Corbyn movement to win its first major battle, really major, but in fact I will mourn the end of the post-big-bang unregulated financial domain in which, for now, I remain a 'top cornflake' - as far as skill goes, demonstrably. See, again, this point: 74.

Nonetheless, when a photon stream hits a reflective surface even if we know the percentage of photons which will reflect, ie the probability, we do not know which ones, neither before nor after, we cannot know, about any given photon, what will happen, ever. When I trade on the eurodollar even if I know that over the entire stream of trades there will be a specific profit level, give or take this or that, I can never know whether any given trade is going to win or lose, never. And people who pretend to know who will or won't be in Numero Dix later this month are the same as all the 'losers' who go into markets saying "I know I'll win" and lose. 70 to 80 percent of retail traders on spread betting sites are 'losers' overall, as the warnings forced by ESMA make it clear. This failure rate is not unique - across the financial sector the failure rate in the longrun is remarkably similar to that figure. Yet almost none of its workers does not sincerely believe that they, ultimately, know which trades are 'likely to win'. No trade is likely to win. A stream of trades is likely to generate a general profit level of x or y. But to imagine that you can predict, with any usefulness, the outcome of one particular trade - is to be western instead of intelligent. In this regard I would assert that George Soros, Max Keiser, Robert Shiller - are NOT westerners. Not by any means. And any means is what it's about, eh? Ask Malcolm.

Rumours via Tariq Ali that Thornberry is already out seeking to be the 'next Labour leader' makes me certain that I made no mistake at all in my use of her name in the numberwang doc when I did (see below). I never had any legitimate reason to remove her name from it and she has just burned her name into it with a branding iron!

References: http://opinion.tvhobo.com/owenjones_israel_numberwang.html
https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/11/ideology-or-popularity-how-will-britain-vote/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 117: Corbyn vs Old New Labour.

Thrust: Tony McKenna tells us:

<<

The Labour Party could have enunciated the facts, soberly and conscientiously. On the question of immigration, for example, they might have pointed out that immigrants from the eight countries which joined the EU in 2004 (all poorer countries of eastern and central Europe) - contributed £4.96 billion more in taxes to the UK than they took out in public services in the period up to 2011. But they didn't choose to do so. Instead Labour's movers and shakers hit upon a far more adroit and punchy concept - they issued a cup which proclaimed 'Controls on Immigrants - I'm voting Labour'. (On the plus side, every crank and immigration obsessive nationwide now has something from which to sup.)

>>

Direction of resistance: See the full article in the references below, but that's really all we need. Clear proof that Blair and Co are a bunch of lying, cheating morons who fostered the hatred of immigrants in order to bribe their way to electoral victory.

Removal of resistance: Corbyn, meanwhile, is a scientifically truthful and intellectually honest source who ought to be leading the country (and hopefully will) not just the Labour Party. This is why, above all, people like Blair, lying as we can see from the quote above, lying to appease racists and nazis and anti-semites, goes all out to demonise Corbyn.

Unification: More from McKenna:

<<

On the question of immigration he has consistently argued that it is anything but 'a problem', rather we should celebrate the 'enormous contribution to our society' that immigrants make. As a backbencher he had refused to march to the drums of patriotism and war, opposing the interventions in Iraq and Afghanistan at every turn. As leader of the Labour Party, he has opposed any military intervention in Syria, while condemning the government and the UK weapons industry for supplying weapons to countries such as Saudi Arabia and Israel facilitating the ongoing decimation of the Yemeni and Palestinian populations.

So much of this had hitherto fallen beneath the radar, had been smothered by the mainstream consensus. But the Corbyn phenomenon was now amplifying these simple and human truths in the most public of forums. Exposing the grotty and illicit machinations of much of the political class as grounded in elite self-interest hitched to ever more vicious forms of economic exploitation on the domestic front - while at the same time shedding light on the illicit interconnections between government, a booming arms industry and the series of never-ending wars abroad. The Corbyn movement, therefore, emerged as a living, grass-roots critique of elite politics as business-as-usual (with no small emphasis on the word 'business').

For this reason, the reaction of the political establishment to the Corbyn and the politics of 'anti-austerity' was inflamed to baying, hysterical proportions, but more significantly it was the type of response which once again demonstrated how the mainstream media, the state broadcaster, the politicians and political pundits were functioning almost as one - a seamless, coordinated political entity with a uniform voice.

In another lifetime it might almost have been satirical. Corbyn, a social democrat of a reformist bent, something of a pacifist, a genuine but at times muddled speaker, the type of earnest community-minded activist who had his own allotment and made his own jam - this same figure was transfigured by a rabid establishment into successive manifestations of the purest evil; he was a terrorist sympathiser, a threat to national security, a communist spy, a misogynist and a dyed-in-the-wool anti-Semite.

The allegations were all false, based on the flimsiest of claims; his commitment to terrorism was gleaned from photos where he appeared shaking hands with Sinn Féin leader, Gerry Adams, but the latter had shaken hands with other politicians such as Bill Clinton and Tony Blair as part of negotiations toward a peace settlement. Most absurdly of all, the threat Corbyn posed to national security was demonstrated by the fact that he had not bowed sufficiently low at a remembrance ceremony for those killed in war.

It was as though the establishment was trying one smear after the other in order to see which would best stick. In the event, the allegations of anti-Semitism proved most effective. Perhaps because there is a fringe element on the left which does have a problem with anti-Semitism, something that has become more pronounced with the rise in conspiracy theories which followed the events of September 11th and decades of working class defeat. As August Bebel once remarked, 'anti-Semitism is the socialism of fools'. Perhaps because the Corbyn administration was not quick enough to act effectively against some of the cases of genuine anti-Semitism which had emerged within the party. But the facts were still clear. The party received 673 allegations of anti-Semitism toward Labour members from April 2018 to January 2019, which amounted to around 0.1% of the overall party membership (a membership which stood at around 500,000). But reportage which gave a dry and sober account of the statistical facts was simply replaced with the yowling, furious but utterly dogmatic assertion that Corbyn's party was institutionally anti-Semitic and represented an existential threat to the safety of Jews living in the UK.

>>

So you can understand why when the average educated white man or white woman I speak to speaks of Labour's "anti-semitism" I have to ask myself how unintelligent the average white British man or woman has become, over the years. It seems to me that the word which sums up that quantity is "extremely" - no need for a specific number. It's clear that all these white people I meet who are not the ones who actually are annoyed by the anti-semitism smears but are the many self-adulating twats who see themselves as educated and wise and better than those with less education than they - and yet they are visibly very stupid. There is no question about it. To believe Corbyn is 'anti-semitic' is to be a moron. YET if you go through the educated white (and token) members of this society, you will find a majority who demonstrate this cretinous mentality, who are really that stupid. Yes. For example my school, St Paul's school, one of the original 8 public schools, in my year of 150 boys, at a guess, purely a guess, based on how over the last 10+ years I have (despite being, at school, the life and soul of the party, the chairman of various debating societies, the editor of the comedy underground paper, and much acclaimed) been excluded, unfriended, avoided and kept at a distance - and based on all that I'd say that out of 150 boys in my year at St Paul's the number stupid enough to fall for the anti-semitism smears has to be at least 50. Which is disturbingly high. Okay, okay, 'not a majority', as you may assert, since I spoke of a majority - well yes, but my school is rare, one of the most Corbynlike public schools and one of the best schools in Britain. If our monetary and class system is flawed, and structures within it are part of that inherently flawed structure, it doesn't make them useless. I am scientifically, unquestioningly glad I went there and to no other school - had I not, you would not be reading this, I'd bet money. And the nearest I'd get to an algorithm would be the way facebook targets advertising at me! As for that 50 I mention - calculated by simply working out how many in 3 of my facebook friends from St Paul's turned their back on me for being antiwar and against Israel - many surprising ones, not even racists, just not wanting the headache or related fear of being near my activism or encouraging it. 1 in 3. So in 150, perhaps 50. Probably not much higher than that if it exceeds that number, but possibly lower. Obviously St Paul's was not Eton, the latter would call us plebs, and that was because we were definitely closer to a meritocratic model of education than Eton is. In truth if the entire nation's education were as good as St Paul's, we'd be doing well. Whereas if the entire nation's education were as warped as Eton's, someone would nuke us fairly quickly for being basically far far far too fucked up. Just take a look at Mogg for the evidence. Anyway, let's hope that by the end of this week Jeremy Corbyn is the Prime Minister. It's a strong possibility, I'm sure. Perhaps the most likely. St Anne's College Oxford wasn't an entire waste of time but didn't share the quality I mention in St Paul's - which shares the same quality with certain other teachers from my 'preparatory school' and with Arthur Lowe's comedy and Tom Baker's sci-fi. Oxford wasn't useless, but it entirely lacked what made those other places genuine educational experiences I'd be upset at having had to do without, if some weird time travel situation could enable me to have done it, and known what I got out of it, and then go back and not do it. Oxford - I think I'd probably, despite the fact that my 'moral tutor' was also the same kind of educational experience as my school and the others I mentioned, nonetheless, for the sake of being with a better class of student, I'd probably go to a university like Edinburgh or London. And I'd probably wait about 5 or 10 years to do it and be that much younger, if I had this whole time travel malarkey, because in my generation white kids still were only one step beyond the Rigsby generation, so you see - they were a lot more racist, I would guess, and some anecdotal evidence supports, than kids of today. I'd have enjoyed university better with slightly more evolved fellow students, and it's nothing to do with classism or elitism and everything to do with yearning for equality and the capacity to enjoy your day among friends, rather than - well. The way it has been, but the way it will stop being, in our lifetimes. And it doesn't really matter who wins the election, although it would be advantageous and convenient if Corbyn were to win it. But either way, sooner or later, we will win our battles, because these battles are one and the same as our battle to survive millions of years and - indeed - as Feynman and others would be quick to agree - who fecking knows how long or 'what' exactly (I mean there ARE other dimensions you know, once you get past up, left, forwards and six o'clock on the 234rd cycle around the big fire 2014 cycles after point x, which is a point we more or less can partly show measurements all the way back to, or if not that then have a sentimental attachment to it and can actually go back further, but since we're still fairly primitive we haven't had any need to come up with a new 'year' system since we still know as little as we did in the cycle we call '0AD'). It is the same 'battle' - the same flow - the same vibration. I think that last word probably gets closest to a true scientific reference to what it really is. What 'life' is. And I'll tell you this for free. If Mafia Incorporated succeeds in its foul plan to prevent an almost inevitable Labour victory - and if immediately after that anyone tries to remove Corbyn from being able to challenge them again, one election later - I will destroy the party, entirely, democratically and intellectually, of anyone who attempts to do that to Corbyn and succeeds. It's a stalemate. Blair came. We saw what an ass he was. We knocked down Labour. FLAT ON THE GROUND. Corbyn rose, Blair came. WE KNOCKED OUT BLAIR flat on the ground. And now the election has come, we have knocked out Boris, FLAT ON THE GROUND, and every lie and stratagem possible has been mustered to prevent the unthinkable, to prevent democracy in Britain. And no, I don't think they'll win, but I'm just saying - if they do, then the most important thing is making Corbyn 1000 times more powerful before the subsequent election. With all the momentum there is, it can be done. Anyone riding that wave knows, I'm sure, that if you suddenly take Corbyn out of the equation, ALL THE WIND IN YOUR SAILS WILL VANISH. Resignation will not be tolerated. We are the music makers, we are the dreamers of dreams, the rewriters of screenplays, the antiwar activists, the peace makers, and we don't resign. We start at x and end at y. Even Boris Johnson must not resign when/'if' he loses. I sincerely demand that the fat head stick around and play ball and learn the rules of the game. I like him better than the other tories. His policies are disgusting, his attitude is puerile, his personal life is apparently a shambles, but just like Jeremy Corbyn, he has stood tall and seen Blair, Brown, Miliband, Cameron, May and so many other of his enemies fall before him, and he's still standing. If Boris cast off his Tuppy Glossop like habits, his peculiar similarity to at least three, indeed, of the friends of Bertie Wooster who are basically idiots, and try to be a little more like Wodehouse, a man who mocked Lord Kitchener, if Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie's version is accurate, a man who didn't need to pick on the weak and the easily-bullied in order to say something 'funny'. A man who mocked the Roderick Spodes of the world. Do you want to be a Roderick Spode all your life Boris? No of course you don't. Trust me. Corbyn will kick your ass and then you should stick around and kick the asses of all the people who dropped you in it and misguided you. I really do not see why that cannot happen. Human nature is no stranger to me. I think defeatism is the stranger. And my point is that it is a stranger to me, to Jeremy Corbyn and to Boris Johnson. We could get a boat and a dog and a hamper, go up river, have all kinds of crazy experiences and turn into an amusing novel. Whatever you say about Corbyn and whatever you say about Johnson - I take my hat off to them both. My vote, of course, is with Corbyn. Sorry Boris. But as I said, once you are the underdog, I am at your service the same way Rumpole is to anyone needing defence against authority. GO FORTH leader of the opposition. Do your stuff. Whichever you are, I will stand next to you and if necessary do your job for you.

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/10/the-demonization-of-jeremy-corbyn/
https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/11/ideology-or-popularity-how-will-britain-vote/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 116: Your IQ is a measure of obedience, not of intelligence.

Thrust: Let's revisit point 39: << Obedience, education and capitalism.

Coming soon, to this space. Well, coming, at any rate, although the fact that I haven't done it yet (see the shadow log at the bottom of the page - a proper computer not a moron-phone is the best way to read my site, you slackers. I'm with David Lynch on this. PUT DOWN YOUR MORON-PHONE AND USE A REAL COMPUTER, fool, before the corporations finish locking up all your descendants!) is an example of how to stand up to the dictates of tyrants (even oneself) and how to always be ready to be disobedient - after all, I've read this grid point numerous times between when it was most recently edited and just now and gladly proceeded without a further change. It's key Chomsky to transcribe, though, so I'll get to it sooner or later. It must be done.

Mainly just a transcription of what Chomsky has to say about obedience and education and the relationship of both to commercial society and/or indeed "capitalism".

The transcription about education etc makes it easy to understand, with emotions and knee-jerk responses stripped away, what causes people to be like Owen Jones or Robert Webb or causes men like Donald Trump and women like Hillary Clinton to be 'elected' 'president' and women like Theresa May and men like Boris Johnson to be 'elected' 'Prime Minister'. The cause is the same, the root is the same and you can see from the Chomsky transcription coming to this spot soon very clearly why it is that these fairly stupid characters misguide a relatively stupid society ever onwards towards a now demonstrably near global meltdown - driven, ever more aggressively, by men like Trump and Johnson, indeed.

It also is the same thing which causes the easily led populations to chase after red herrings, divide themselves and intensify their self-destruction and entirely avoid in any way curbing the power of monster capitalism, if we may call it that (for what else is it?). It's why hyperconsumers are hyperconsumers. It is all easily explained in this analysis of Chomsky to come shortly (or watch the video below, right now).

It will take me a little time to transcribe the Chomsky as I haven't found any transcription online. It's slow work, is transcribing Chomsky. At least if you want to do it properly. >>

Direction of resistance: So talk of "IQ", something usually only done by the self-adulating (officially 'elite' but actually fake-elite) morons of our culture, is really just praise of obedience. For example, if you look it up you'll even find that 'religious' views are associated with low IQs - meanwhile Einstein himself quite categorically labelled atheists 'crusaders' and 'infantile'. Yet real studies allege that atheists have higher IQs than men like Einstein. Fair enough, if you're not as intelligent as Einstein you can always get an IQ test and at least show off about how 'officially' clever you are, even if you're not REALLY clever. After all, are we to believe that Einstein was less intelligent than - I dunno pick a moronic atheist at random, there's a fair view - Nick Cohen, that's a good example. Anyway. Einstein felt atheists were absolutely fucked in the head, yet there are plenty of places you can no doubt look up and find the 'proven connection' between 'low IQs' and 'religion'. Few would call my own work atheist, unless they hadn't read it and had been misinformed, yet when I took Mensa's online test to see if you would be wasting your time taking an actual Mensa test and they told me I sure as hell am not wasting my time doing so.

In other words, how exactly do the ignorant fuckers claiming 'low IQs' are associated with religious views 'measure' religiosity? Ignoring, for a moment, the unscientific nature of using IQ tests to measure anything anyway. But how did these daft fuckers 'measure' religiosity? I'm curious. Well no. Probably best not to investigate any further. For the same reason one may not want to read the autobiography of Gordon Brittas!

Another thing to mention is that 'atheism' as Einstein points out is a form of fanatical religious faith. Agnosticism is in fact the position a cynical but humble mind would take vis a vis the source of existence and the source of the laws of physics. The very idea, which atheists have, that humans know it all, and know absolutely what did or didn't create the universe, that is a form of absurd childish blind faith in received information, it is unbalanced, unscientific and flies in the face of where scientific endeavour has led us today. Anyway, this is all tedious stuff, but hey, today none of my writing has any impact on anything. Almost nobody is going to change their mind about what to vote for now, and there isn't time really for my words to reach many people, or anyone, really. So this is just an articulation of key stuff I'm sure ought to be articulated, sooner or later.

Removal of resistance: Anyway. I think the words in the as-yet untranscribed videos in the grid point quoted are pretty conclusive in how they 'demolish' the idea that 'IQ' tests measure anything but obedience and capacity for blind stupidity.

Unification: Vids included again in the references of this fresh grid point also, since you really must watch them. Chomsky is a wise man. This is demonstrable. Don't worry so much about arbitrary and random game play used to determine whether you can play act at being x or y (eg clever or important). Focus on evolving. Watch or read a bit of Chomsky or something of that calibre. It'll do you good.

References:

"Oh they'll never get the bandit express"

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 115: Britain is the bestest ever. Yeah.

Thrust: Boris is wrong on IQs, of course, and I say this as someone the IQ scorers score highly. IQs are not only cultural and changeable, they are meaningless and only a measure used by people who know that in any practical demonstration they will not be proved 'better' than others 'intellectually' so need some meaningless number to fall back on and wave. Joining a society for 'clever' people, like MENSA, to me, is the clearest possible sign of intellectual insecurity. Moving on.

Direction of resistance: The NHS annoys me. I am grateful to the administrators, nurses and doctors who are good at their jobs, and acknowledge that they are outnumbered by many incompetents and similar - whether we are talking about nurses or administrators, doctors, dentists, etc. I think that what I can see is that banks and hospitals have one thing in common - pretty much nobody inside them has any capacity for self-criticism and it gets in the way of all they do. Throwing money at either is not really going to solve the deepest problems, although that's not to say that underfunding of hospitals is acceptable. It (money) just won't make the stupid nurses and stupid administrators and stupid doctors into the clever ones. That will happen when the culture of self-importance is no longer the chief characteristic of being British or Western, perhaps even 'modern' - definitely any country outside war zones, that ideology is likely to be prevalent (the whole "i'm better than the bankers because i'm a nurse, and i'm really morally brilliant, you should obey me" and "i'm better than nurses because i'm a banker, and i'm really morally brilliant, and you should obey me" etc).

It's annoying. I can say this now because my writing will impact zero votes so it's perfectly fine for me to mention now that the never-ending self-praise by NHS workers is pretty pathetic and is indeed equalled only by the self-praise of bankers.

The reason we have self-praising bankers is not the fault of banking and is the same reason we have self-praising media workers, public servants, business owners and everyone else, self-praising random Joes on the street who know how much better they are than - Europeans - or Muslims - or Non white people - or Irish people - or whatever. You see my point? Well probably if you already knew it, maybe not if you didn't. Such is the way of the universe.

Removal of resistance: I missed something out in my list of obvious examples of absurd hypersexuality, of 'compulsive sexual objectification and self-objectification' - I mentioned that if an office worker dresses like a cheap or high class whore, male or female (you LOVE THOSE nice suits and ties, my male prostitute friends, eh?) you are arbitrarily objectifying yourself and are an arse. There is no sexual reason, you are "looking sexy" in order to earn money, not in order to have sex, other than, perhaps, sex in exchange for power/alliance/money, just an extension of ordinary prostitution and objectification. So what did I miss out? A HUGE ONE - if you are a media worker and you dress in order to be sexy, that is the same - it's obviously more tempting and extremely common, we even have the number game presenter on Countdown generally known throughout the media for her body parts rather than any other quality. The media is a classic example of how sexuality is used not for sex but for audience ratings, income ratings, credibility enhancement (believe him, he looks nice, believe her, she's showing some skin).

Unification: Obviously stupid people can't grasp any of what I said and would find it offensive, and yet not be able to differentiate between this and Boris Johnson's infamous (now) speech about cornflakes. In that speech, I would like to point out, he says we need to foster envy, to maker society better - people need to envy each other, he said. He used the word envy. Boris, what a fool you are, that's a gotcha if ever I saw one. So you admit that you live by an ideology of envy? And as for the people I have attacked throughout this thread - note how much your actions have in common with Boris Johnson's alleged 'ideology' (don't give him that much credit, he says whatever he thinks will gain him the material gain he seeks - he is just a child looking out for number 1, he has no thought-out ideology and I do believe that given time he could learn to be a lot more like Corbyn and a lot less like Nixon).

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 114: Vote Labour, of course, but don't underestimate what the Truth sees as it watches you demonise likely lad Johnson.

Thrust: Boris Johnson isn't really any more evil or callous than the majority of what the Americans call 'Brits' - whether lib dem, tory, labour, green, ukip or apathetic. Although we anarchists are an exception of course, or at least more of us are (consider Chomsky, for example, an almost peerless anarchist powerhouse of a man).

Direction of resistance: I find it sad to watch the electioneers fight smear with smear. So they are rude to Corbyn and how do you counter? You are rude to Johnson.

Removal of resistance: I don't support Johnson or consider him capable of the job he does, but I know that a lot of mistreatment of him is just an attempt to fight fire with fire.

Unification: Poor man. Yes, he's many things you call him, and worse, and yes, so are you. I know. And I can easily articulate and prove it herein, and have done so to quite a great extent. So don't lie to yourselves. Boris Johnson is ONE OF YOU - he came from among you, and many many many of you are just like him.

Garbage in, garbage out as Carlin would say, although if he were alive and given a vote in this election, like any self-respecting anarchist (who else does an anarchist seek respect from anyway?) I speculate the man would vote Corbyn. But heed my warning, bully Boris Johnson at your own risk. I will mock you ALL for your sins later, not merely Boris.

Meanwhile this for Greta Thunberg: don't fret, you're going to succeed in your goals, I'm sure, you have what it takes, just be careful not to get used, or to differentiate between yourself and 'adults'! I don't want to write a whole new point to add that, so I'll slip it in here, where I suppose it's quite relevant. And on that subject I think you, Boris Johnson, if anyone can get you a copy of this doc, will make a fine leader of the opposition (I have always said so, I promise you that), don't let an election loss force you to resign. Stand up for yourself, lad, it is the real cowards like Blair and Cameron and May and Swinson who dropped you in it. Make them pay. It's a lot easier than you think. Stay in charge of the tories and one day, a decade from now, if you can weather it, win the general election then, when you didn't start with a disadvantage. A man like you is so empty of your own ideology you can easily become a good man. It is my duty to stand with the underdog. The moment Corbyn becomes Prime Minister I will stand with you, Boris Johnson, leader of the opposition, in ensuring you do your job of holding the Prime Minister to account.

References: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_MhActwPPZA
https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/09/political-collapse-the-center-cannot-hold
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJSQ7_I7zmw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zujsTKJGz0s
https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/10/the-demonization-of-jeremy-corbyn

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 113: To the middle classes, to doctors and nurses and dentists and all the others currently pleading with the public to vote Labour I have an important message, relevant whether Labour wins or loses.

Thrust: WHERE WERE YOU when people like me protested, in words and protests, the imperial wars, the genocide, the islamophobia? Many of you, whilst 'secretly' supporting people like me kept your distance so you wouldn't be tarred with the same brush.

Direction of resistance: YOU DID NOT STAND BY MY SIDE or that of the antiwar movement. THAT is why you are at the precipice today, at risk of losing all that is sacred, because YOU DID NOT STAND BY US WHEN WE NEEDED YOU.

Removal of resistance: Well don't worry, we will stand by YOU now, and fight alongside you and for you.

Unification: If Labour wins it is because WE, people like the antiwar movement, stood by YOU the doctors, pleading with the public to not push the health of the nation and its children over the edge. And if Labour loses, and untold suffering deepens, it is because YOU DID NOT STAND BY US when you most needed to, and thus you allowed this demonic status quo to become so deep that, if such is that outcome, it cannot be shaken even by such massive efforts as we have seen in motion, supporting and fighting alongside Jeremy Corbyn.

REMEMBER WELL - that you did not stand by us - you, the doctors out there pleading now for people not to subject us to more Boris, YOU did not stand by the antiwar movement when you should have. WHERE were you? When we protested imperial wars, whether online, in journalism or on the streets - you shirked it in ALL THREE PLACES - you did not stand next to us, you were afraid for your reputation.

WHAT USE IS YOUR REPUTATION NOW? Your future depends on a man like me, on Jeremy Corbyn. May god have mercy on you and grant Corbyn the victory YOU NOW NEED HIM TO HAVE.

Remember WHEN IRAQI HOSPITALS AND SCHOOLS WERE BEING DESTROYED I STOOD UP AGAINST IT - AND YOU, DEAR DOCTORS, MOST OF YOU, YOU KEPT YOUR DISTANCE.

You did NOTHING to save the schools, hospitals, infrastructure and lives of those you could have helped, by standing with people like me - instead you made us into pariahs. MANY people like me were subjected to all the smearing we have seen in public applied to Corbyn LONG before Corbyn was the one being smeared. And YOU, middle class remainers and doctors, now desperate to stop Boris - WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU AT MY SIDE? WHERE WERE YOU? YOU ARE COWARDS, TRAITORS, BACK STABBING DECEITFUL WALKING FERTILISER AND DO NOT FORGET IT.

If Labour wins and saves you it is ME you have to thank, and people like me, you entitled cowardly gits. Did any of you stand up for the iraqi hospitals and infrastructure, Libyan, Syrian, Yemeni, Afghan, Pakistani? All these places where wars and bombs savaged the land so that YOU CAN PUT PETROL IN YOUR TRUCKS FOR DELIVERING DONUTS TO EACH OTHER - did you GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT *** THOSE *** HOSPITALS??? Yet you imagine 'god' should have mercy on YOURS??? Let's hope you didn't fuck up totally. Let's hope your failure to stand by those you should have back in 2001, all the way to now, let's hope that 19 year delay in your loyalty doesn't preclude the possibility of a Labour win. If you really have fucked up that badly, don't imagine I will fail to spend as many words as possible in coming years telling you off for it. We know, you know, that you didn't stand by those you should have. That most of you were cowards, and now you are on the brink of paying the full price for your cowardice. Do Iraqi orphans mourn your precious NHS? I do not think so.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 112: Every time someone accuses Corbyn and co of 'anti-semitism' or even brings it up to question the 'truth' of the suggestion, it makes it harder for me to respect ANY white person. ANY AT ALL (other than the effectively zero percent of nonetheless really-existing exceptions).

Thrust: Was watching the presumably future Chancellor, Corbyn's right hand man, taking press questions. Went well for a good 20 mins, was interesting. Then a dickhead from the Daily Telegraph asked about anti-semitism and I had to switch off. You BORE THE SHIT OUT OF ME you white racist bleating fuckheads.

Direction of resistance: So let's quote you some Tariq Ali here, so you understand precisely why EVERY TIME some ignorant white racist dickhead or dickhead-ette starts with their 'anti-semitism' it makes it a notch harder for me to respect ANY 'white' person (unless I have already established merit-based respect for them) at all, as a matter of probability maths:

<<

Well! I think it's a ploy which the Israeli foreign office and Israeli embassies all over the world work on, especially in the West where there is a guilt complex about what was done during the Judeocide of the Second World War. And so there should be, as appalling atrocities were committed back then, but for heaven's sake, it's not the Palestinians or the Arabs who committed them.

These atrocities were committed by mainstream Western, so called, civilisations, and these acts of barbarism were carried out against the Jewish people of Eastern and to a certain extent Western Europe. If anything, the Palestinians are the indirect victims of that genocide, because they've been forced out their homeland, they've been forced to give space. They've not even been given an equal state with Israel.

And as far as anti-Semitism is concerned, it has always existed in the Christian world. It's part and parcel of the sort of struggles which went on between these cultures and religions for a very long time. I think we have to differentiate between historic deep-rooted anti-Semitism and the philosophical anti-Semitism that grew up in Europe with and after the big depression and which led to what happened in Germany, Italy etcetera, and led to people backing it. French anti-Semitism, which was very deep-rooted was philosophical. There is casual anti-Semitism today, and very little in my opinion... all the figures show that only a tiny number of people in the Labour party or other parties are anti-Semitic.

The most serious problem is that we have suffered a huge defeat in Palestine and what angers me is the failure of the Palestine Liberation Organisation to admit their responsibility for this defeat. They actually collaborated with the Americans and Israelis to inflict this defeat. They had hopes that they would be given a few crumbs. And now with Netanyahu re-elected, Trump and his family in charge of US policy towards Israel they have not even been offered little Bantustans.

The last offer from Trump's son-in-Law Kushner is insulting. He told them "here have a bit of money and forget about a Palestinian State". It's true that's all they've been getting since the Oslo Accords is money and a few projects here and there.

The ordinary Palestinian people have suffered. But now it's beyond Oslo. There is no chance, I think, of any viable, even a tiny viable Palestinian state coming into existence. And for the PLO leadership not to understand this and declare that there are Palestinian authorities is a fiction. There has never been Palestinian sovereignty. The Israel Defence Force is actually in control, and PLO collaborated with them in locking up Palestinian people while many PLO leaders and deputy leaders in these circles were making a lot of money. That's the reality of Palestine.

So we shall see. The situation is very depressing which is why solidarity is more needed than ever before. But when you show solidarity you end up being accused of anti-Semitism.

The German government is historically directly responsible for the genocide of the Jews and indirectly for the punishment of the Palestinians. Their saying that the Palestinians have no right to struggle peacefully - which is what they have done by declaring any campaign for Boycott, Divestment, Sanctions (BDS) illegal, is shocking to me. No other European country has quite done that. Though The French are close to doing it.

It amounts to saying to Palestinians that they have been crushed, but won't be allowed to fight back. If they fight with guns and hand for their liberation they are called terrorists. If they fight as part of the BDS campaign then they are anti-Semites. That is what is going on.

>>

Removal of resistance: I recommend 'white' society stops all this bullshit RIGHT NOW and starts to address its own racism.

Unification: If Corbyn wins count your lucky stars that reform will happen the gentle way. Otherwise what is left but international pressure? If a society can't change from within - and threatens all of the human race - it must be repaired externally. That is beyond all reasonable doubt.

References: https://www.globalresearch.ca/vilification-jeremy-corbyn/5696951
https://www.craigmurray.org.uk/archives/2019/12/the-invisible-tories/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 111: Fuck off Grammarly you bunch of ignorant unscientific fuckheads.

Thrust: Writing IS easy, in fact. Is merely an ancillary aspect of internal language, which is innate.

Direction of resistance: Good writing comes from tapping what is within your mind, it has no connection with good 'grammar' or even 'well written prose' (I know, I know, the closed minded will hear no more of this argument now no matter how well crafted the prose).

Removal of resistance: The bullshit you spew, o Grammarly Advertising Copy Writers, is part of the problem. I have a relevant grid point to re-quote for you. I'm TIRED of your ads. FUCK OFF GRAMMARLY. DO NOT ADVERTISE AT ME YOU ARSEHOLES. I AM SICK OF YOU AND YOUR CRAP PRODUCT AND ITS ADVERTISING. Readers, to write like me, tap into your internal processes, tap into your mind, not the bullshit the world tries to sell you, and find your voice there. It will, of its own accord, master the rules of external communication, but those rules are trivial and insignificant.

Unification: I refer you to grid point 42: On intellectual freedom: something to challenge what most of us have been led to believe about 'language' and 'communication', and indeed the degree to which we have been led to disregard thought, erroneously, and a little bit on how little we actually know about the universe, eg the fact that the law of inertia is "of no known origin" (as Feynman put it) - nobody knows the reason why things coast forever. More on the Feynman another time, first, digest the Chomsky.

(Much of this taken from my numberwang document, in the references below).

Here we have Chomsky shocking you with things you were blissfully unaware of, on the key topic of language, thought and communication:

<< A few things have remained pretty constant. One is that at the core of language there must be some generative procedure: recursive, compositional procedure >> Noam Chomsky tells us about the scientific endeavour over the last sixty years aiming to understand the nature of human language.

<< The second is that the field ought to be framed within a biological context. So we're interested in what's come to be called i-Language, internal individual language, viewed intentionally, we care about the actual system of rules, not just some class of objects you might enumerate. .. In the background is a concern to try to show how this biological system could have originated. What's misleadingly called 'evolution of language'. Of course it's misleading because languages don't evolve, but the language capacity, U.G. (universal grammar), does evolve, or must have evolved .. you can derive some surprising conclusions: one of them is that the output of the generative system yields the proper forms for semantic interpretation in quite complex structures .. so that means that what's generated is essentially a language of thought, maybe, I suspect, the only language of thought. The second conclusion is that externalisation .. is just an ancillary process, it's not part of the core of language. .. (these externalisations are) reflexes of the sensory motor system and the nature of the externalisation depends on which sensory motor system you're using .. the sensory motor system is not specifically adapted to language, it was apparently around hundreds of thousands of years before language suddenly emerged and there are many ways to map one to the other and it's a hard process and in fact what we find is that the complexity of language which you have to learn when you learn a language is almost entirely externalisation .. >>

<< A third conclusion is that most of the doctrines about the nature of language and related fields .. most of them are just flat wrong. There's a doctrine which is held virtually at the level of dogma. The way it's put is the function of language is communication. It's a kind of a curious notion because biological systems don't have functions. .. the dogma is that language, uniquely among biological systems, has a function and the function is communication, but if these first two conclusions are correct that has to be false because communication is based on externalisation and if externalisation is an ancillary property of language then communication is even more so. >>

As you now appreciate, the very basis of what our 'establishments' call knowledge, call reason, call logic, is shaky. It's worth mentioning a few other upsetting truths here also.

I think the following extracts from written material on Chomsky's site will give you yet more awareness of how much our ideas fall short of what the average human imagines our ideas to be.

<< One of the most profound insights into language and mind, I think, was Descartes's recognition of what we may call "the creative aspect of language use": the ordinary use of language is typically innovative without bounds, appropriate to circumstances but not caused by them - a crucial distinction - and can engender thoughts in others that they recognize they could have expressed themselves. Given the intimate relation of language and thought, these are properties of human thought as well. This insight is the primary basis for Descartes's scientific theory of mind and body. There is no sound reason to question its validity, as far as I am aware. Its implications, if valid, are far-reaching, among them what it suggests about the limits of human understanding, as becomes more clear when we consider the place of these reflections in the development of modern science from the earliest days. >>



<< The background is the so-called "mechanical philosophy" - mechanical science in modern terminology. This doctrine, originating with Galileo and his contemporaries, held that the world is a machine, operating by mechanical principles, much like the remarkable devices that were being constructed by skilled artisans of the day and that stimulated the scientific imagination much as computers do today; devices with gears, levers, and other mechanical components, interacting through direct contact with no mysterious forces relating them. The doctrine held that the entire world is similar: it could in principle be constructed by a skilled artisan, and was in fact created by a super-skilled artisan. The doctrine was intended to replace the resort to "occult properties" on the part of the neoscholastics: their appeal to mysterious sympathies and antipathies, to forms flitting through the air as the means of perception, the idea that rocks fall and steam rises because they are moving to their natural place, and similar notions that were mocked by the new science. >>

<< It is commonly believed that Newton showed that the world is a machine, following mechanical principles, and that we can therefore dismiss "the ghost in the machine," the mind, with appropriate ridicule. The facts are the opposite: Newton exorcised the machine, leaving the ghost intact. The mind-body problem in its scientific form did indeed vanish as unformulable, because one of its terms, body, does not exist in any intelligible form. Newton knew this very well, and so did his great contemporaries. >>

<< John Locke wrote that we remain in "incurable ignorance of what we desire to know" about matter and its effects, and no "science of bodies [that provides true explanations is] within our reach." Nevertheless, he continued, he was "convinced by the judicious Mr. Newton's incomparable book, that it is too bold a presumption to limit God's power, in this point, by my narrow conceptions." Though gravitation of matter to matter is "inconceivable to me," nevertheless, as Newton demonstrated, we must recognize that it is within God's power "to put into bodies, powers and ways of operations, above what can be derived from our idea of body, or can be explained by what we know of matter." And thanks to Newton's work, we know that God "has done so." The properties of the material world are "inconceivable to us," but real nevertheless. Newton understood the quandary. For the rest of his life, he sought some way to overcome the absurdity, suggesting various possibilities, but not committing himself to any of them because he could not show how they might work and, as he always insisted, he would not "feign hypotheses" beyond what can be experimentally established. >>

<< As the import of Newton's discoveries was gradually assimilated in the sciences, the 'absurdity' recognized by Newton and his great contemporaries became scientific common sense. The properties of the natural world are inconceivable to us, but that does not matter. The goals of scientific inquiry were implicitly restricted: from the kind of conceivability that was a criterion for true understanding in early modern science from Galileo through Newton and beyond, to something much more limited: intelligibility of theories about the world. This seems to me a step of considerable significance in the history of human thought and inquiry, more so than is generally recognized, though it has been understood by historians of science. >>



<< Honesty should lead us to concede, I think, that we understand little more today about these matters than the Spanish physician-philosopher Juan Huarte did 500 years ago when he distinguished the kind of intelligence humans shared with animals from the higher grade that humans alone possess and is illustrated in the creative use of language, and proceeding beyond that, from the still higher grade illustrated in true artistic and scientific creativity. Nor do we even know whether these are questions that lie within the scope of human understanding, or whether they fall among what Hume took to be Nature's ultimate secrets, consigned to "that obscurity in which they ever did and ever will remain." >>

I appreciate it's complex stuff, and there's a lot of context you need to spend more time reading about to entirely understand what even that much tells us about the state of 'science' in the west today, but once you enter the domain of quantum physics, it all falls apart completely - the universe, Richard Feynman tells us, at its core, essentially, is, in a word, "NUTTY". Yes, the universe is nutty. And he doesn't mean the kind squirrels enjoy. He means it's nuts. It's insane. "I don't understand it either," he informs his dumb but credulous audience, which laughs with joy at this stark stark truth.

And whilst I'm sure you need a rest from the head-fuck, I have to ensure I mention something about what Chomsky has told us about 'empiricism', which is very very important as far as I can see. He has told us: << Hume, for example, really did his best to show that his elementary principles concerning the acquisition of human knowledge were sufficient to cover an interesting class of cases and challenged his opponents to produce a legitimate "idea" that could not be derived from sense impression by his principles. There is a certain kind of ambiguity in his procedure here, since in part he seems to be engaged in a kind of scientific inquiry, trying to show that certain principles he proposed were in fact adequate to cover the crucial cases, while at other times he relies on these principles to demonstrate that some notion is "illegitimate," since it cannot be derived by them - an argument that rests on our accepting his not very plausible principles concerning the nature of the mind. Hume regarded the principle of inductive reasoning as a kind of "animal instinct," which would appear to be an empirical assumption. In modern versions, his assumptions have often been converted into dogma presupposed without serious effort to show them to be valid, or to reply to classical criticisms that were raised against these principles.

There is no reason to believe today that Hume's principles or anything resembling them are adequate to account for our "ideas" or our knowledge and beliefs, nor to think that they have any particular significance. There is no place for any a priori doctrine concerning the complexity of the brain or its uniformity as far as the higher mental functions are concerned. We must proceed to the investigation of the diverse cognitive structures developed normally by human beings in the course of their maturation and their relation to the physical and social environment, seeking to determine, as best we can, the principles which govern these cognitive structures. Once a certain understanding of the nature of these systems has been obtained, then we can reasonably study the basis on which they are acquired. In my opinion, the little that we know about these questions suggests that the mind, like the body, is in effect a system of organs - we could call them "mental organs" by analogy - that is to say, highly specific systems organized according to a genetic program that determines their function, their structure, the process of their development, in quite a detailed manner; the particular realization of these fundamental principles naturally depends on their interaction with the environment, as in the case of the visual system... If that is correct, the mind is a complex system of interacting faculties, which do not develop by means of uniform principles of "general intelligence"; it is constituted of "mental organs" just as specialized and differentiated as those of the body. >>

Most people are far more concerned about freedom of speech than about freedom of thought, and yet thought is much much much more important than speech and limitation of thought, unintentional and intentional both, as well as control of it and censorship of it and policing of it, these topics, starting with basic ways in which thought is limited by anyone or anything outside of you individually, should be of maximum interest to you and concern to you, whoever you are. And if you suspect that you won't digest or remember all the key points in this document unless you read it a few times, I have to admit I think you're probably onto something there.

References: http://opinion.tvhobo.com/owenjones_israel_numberwang.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URflja3pE3Q (Beware, youtube may attempt to advertise Grammarly at you).

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 110: Sending your kids to die in a nuclear holocaust - yes, anyone who is pro nato, pro nuke and/or anti-corbyn or apathetic you are aligning yourself with the most warped backward genocidal self-destructive movement in history.

Thrust: On Facebook Pepe Escobar warns:

<<

NATO: THE WHOLE RACKET IN ONE MINUTE

NATO, de facto brain dead, whatever Macron's agenda, is nothing but a tsunami of cash pillaged by the trans-Atlantic industrial-military-surveillance complex. The raison d'etre: "aggressive" Russia "threatening euro-Atlantic security" - as stated in the final declaration of that pathetic summit in London.

So everyone must raise military expenses to at least 2% of GDP, and 20% of that must be for - what else - weapons purchases. 16 of the 29 NATO members are already on it.

NATO mutts accused Russia - again, with ZERO evidence - of having deployed intermediate-range nuclear missiles and thus buried the INF.

Bullshit. I moderated a debate in Nur-Sultan last month that was almost derailed into a shouting match between the accusing Americans and the Russians, who proved they did NOT deploy such missiles. The Americans buried the INF because they are freaking out with China's steady progress in nuclear missiles.

NATO more than ever is a NUCLEAR alliance. On top of it there's the Pentagon's always prominent Full Spectrum Dominance doctrine. Combine both and you have NATO's militarization of space - mega, extra bonus for the industrial-military-security complex.

And if all that was not enough, the racket is expanding to counter the China "threat". NATO's spin is that it's an indispensable alliance for the West to fight the Russia-China strategic partnership. I'm among a very restricted group of global analysts who have been stressing this point non-stop for YEARS. NATO's London summit provided the definitive confirmation.

>>

Direction of resistance: Nuclear dick-waving heralds the end of human history.

Removal of resistance: White racists need to calm their fucked up hormones and stop putting THE WHOLE WORLD AT RISK.

Unification: Time to remind you of some key Feynman, I think:

For the Snark WAS a Boojum, you see.

It is useful to pay attention to Mr Feynman's words in a television interview when summing up the problems at NASA which caused the Challenger disaster, in his opinion.

The interviewer asks 'was this an accident that did not have to happen?'

Feynman says 'Yes it was. It was an accident that we had many many warnings that there was something wrong and that it might sooner or later go off. The warnings were disregarded'.

Interviewer: 'Disregarded out of incompetence, out of a faulty system, out of bad judgment, out of - for what reason?'

Feynman: 'I had some difficulty with that. I kind of imagine that something like a child that runs in the road and the parent is very upset and says it's very dangerous and the child comes back and says but nothing happened, and he runs out in the road again, several times, and the parent keeps saying it's dangerous and nothing happens. If the child's view that nothing happens is a clue that there was nothing going to happen, that's going to be an accident.'

Feynman says that NASA's management were like the child and the engineers were like the parent.

The interviewer asks who should be blamed and Feynman explains that blame may not really be a productive road and that the key question to answer is 'how do you educate the child?'

Experiment is the sole judge of scientific 'truth.' (Feynman)

Richard Feynman lectured that 'The principle of science, the definition, almost, is the following: The test of all knowledge is experiment. Experiment is the sole judge of scientific 'truth.' But what is the source of knowledge? Where do the laws that are to be tested come from? Experiment, itself, helps to produce these laws, in the sense that it gives us hints. But also needed is imagination to create from these hints the great generalizations - to guess at the wonderful, simple, but very strange patterns beneath them all, and then to experiment to check again whether we have made the right guess. This imagining process is so difficult that there is a division of labor in physics: there are theoretical physicists who imagine, deduce, and guess at new laws, but do not experiment; and then there are experimental physicists who experiment, imagine, deduce, and guess.'

Feynman points out 'Now, how can an experiment be 'wrong'? First, in a trivial way: if something is wrong with the apparatus that you did not notice. But these things are easily fixed, and checked back and forth. So without snatching at such minor things, how can the results of an experiment be wrong? Only by being inaccurate.'

Feynman, NASA, nukes, CBRN, GMOs, etc etc, exit pursued by climate change.

Feynman's assertion about NASA was that the management was like a stubborn ignorant child and the scientists had failed to assert themselves the way a parent could over a child. "How do we educate the child?" Feynman wondered, looking for a road to solving the puzzle. Musing, at any rate.

Feynman's assertion about atom bombs and nuclear weapons was that (a) he had been immoral and wrong to continue working on the bomb when Germany had surrendered and the threat of Hitler's using atom bombs was gone. It was not built to combat kamikaze pilots, in the view of its scientists. (b) Feynman felt that after the war he noticed that 'nothing had changed' and people were behaving 'just as they always did' and he felt that the existence of nukes/atom-bombs in a world where people were still prone to the stupid and ignorant mistakes etc that they always had been was one with a very short future - soon we would all suffer the consequences of nuclear war, he felt.

In the hands of such incompetents, incidents such as Fukushima or the widespread ignorance of science's actual position, collectively, insofar as one can be said to exist at all, on 'GMOs', would also, it is my theory, worry Feynman significantly. People to question (by reading what they have said about such matters) about this stuff could include Chomsky.

Feynman spoke of being remorseful - by continuing to work on the bomb, which per se he hadn't really wanted to have anything to do with but shown that nazis could use such a bomb against them he understood that he had to protect society - but when Germany was defeated he should have stopped and he regretted not realising it at the time.

So returning to what Feynman would make of all the stupidness corporations are up to at the moment, along with militarised governments, the world over, I think it makes sense to refer to his criticism of NASA and his criticism of the existence of 'atom bombs' after the war was over. I think we should consider what he'd say about Fukushima and nuclear power in general, as well as his views on solar and genuinely 'clean' energy, with safety as the absolute priority always. Would he think we should restrict nuclear physics to established research facilities and find ways to keep corporate power away from decisions relating to such an important field of human knowledge?

The issue widens to so many others but above all climate change. What would Feynman's view be of the treatment of evidence by the world's corporations and thus by being in cahoots with them, the so-called 'liberal' media eg the Guardian or BBC or other broad sheets, generally speaking?

Feynman's views on titles and 'lapels' (military insignia) are an important thing to note also when deciding what the often-correct scientist would say about the way things are today. It doesn't matter who you are, what your name is, how clever you are, or anything else, when you make an assertion, what matters is whether or not it agrees with experiment/experience. Nothing else. That, in a nutshell, Feynman explains across the internet from beyond the grave to some 'small' but not insignificant audience, is the key to 'science'.

And remember also, reader, that snarks can be boojums. As Feynman points out, some imagine that << the same conditions always produce the same results >> when in reality we live in a "probablistic universe".

You know that a fixed percentage of the photons will reflect, you don't know which ones, you cannot in any instance at all predict whether it will be one of the photons to reflect or one which carries on through the glass or other reflective surface.

This means, Feynman explains, that all our notions about science basically get thrown out - the universe, he is at pains to tell us, is 'nutty'. "I don't understand it either", he says, the audience laughs, but only partly aware that they are laughing at science itself, with him. And that audience was far far more intelligent than today's audiences, and Feynman didn't even think much (intellectually) of THAT one, let alone the hyperconsumer masses of today. Corbyn protects 'the many' and Boris protects 'the few' - but nobody tries to make ANY of them, many or few, one iota less stupid, or shall we be euphemistic and say 'more intelligent'?

References: https://www.facebook.com/pepe.escobar.77377/posts/10157719663466678

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 109: I have not done my duty for most-of-white (ie that part in denial of islamophobia, which may still be a majority, if elections and capacity to swallow fake-anti-semitism smears credulously are a measure of such racism, which it is) society and much of the rest of the evolutionarily retarded sections of the human race. So let's have a go. Some facts. Some crystal clear, but 'shocking' truths it's time to tell, re-tell, repeat, over and over, until you have digested it all.

Thrust: So first some Geneva Convention stuff. Re using facebook and twitter censorship and banning to 'silence' me. Note to all white supremacists and other racists, fiends, goons and walking fertiliser who think that banning me from speaking there (eg just before an election) is 'productive' for those lost sad deluded fuckers among you who feel that I should be silenced. This is to help you, to make you understand how retarded your actions (here and in so many other areas) are - if I write on Twitter and Facebook the number of people reading my writing, particularly any substantive content by me, is about 15 people per 4 years. If I write on TVhobo, my readership reaches something between 50,000 and 200,000 readers in 1 to 4 years. When you don't ban me from your racist sites like facebook and twitter I end up too distracted to remember to write much here, where my readers are at. Just a little example of how out of touch with reality you are, o 'censors'. Anyway, that's not as important as what follows.

Direction of resistance: So let's be clear about Israel, Jews, white people, racism, Palestinians. GERMANY is responsible for what Israel does to Palestinians since it was German judeo-phobia which created not only Israel but indeed an Israel which is a monster and a fascist nazi disease - this is down to Germany's judeo-phobia and it owes Palestinians support. Instead of behaving like a doctor or parent towards an errant child, where Israel is the errant child, Germany and the white supremacist world in general treats Israel the way an irresponsible uncle treats a young relative to spoil.

Tariq Ali points out:

<<

Well! I think it's a ploy which the Israeli foreign office and Israeli embassies all over the world work on, especially in the West where there is a guilt complex about what was done during the Judeocide of the Second World War. And so there should be, as appalling atrocities were committed back then, but for heaven's sake, it's not the Palestinians or the Arabs who committed them.

These atrocities were committed by mainstream Western, so called, civilisations, and these acts of barbarism were carried out against the Jewish people of Eastern and to a certain extent Western Europe. If anything, the Palestinians are the indirect victims of that genocide, because they've been forced out their homeland, they've been forced to give space. They've not even been given an equal state with Israel.

And as far as anti-Semitism is concerned, it has always existed in the Christian world. It's part and parcel of the sort of struggles which went on between these cultures and religions for a very long time. I think we have to differentiate between historic deep-rooted anti-Semitism and the philosophical anti-Semitism that grew up in Europe with and after the big depression and which led to what happened in Germany, Italy etcetera, and led to people backing it. French anti-Semitism, which was very deep-rooted was philosophical. There is casual anti-Semitism today, and very little in my opinion... all the figures show that only a tiny number of people in the Labour party or other parties are anti-Semitic.

The most serious problem is that we have suffered a huge defeat in Palestine and what angers me is the failure of the Palestine Liberation Organisation to admit their responsibility for this defeat. They actually collaborated with the Americans and Israelis to inflict this defeat. They had hopes that they would be given a few crumbs. And now with Netanyahu re-elected, Trump and his family in charge of US policy towards Israel they have not even been offered little Bantustans.

The last offer from Trump's son-in-Law Kushner is insulting. He told them "here have a bit of money and forget about a Palestinian State". It's true that's all they've been getting since the Oslo Accords is money and a few projects here and there.

The ordinary Palestinian people have suffered. But now it's beyond Oslo. There is no chance, I think, of any viable, even a tiny viable Palestinian state coming into existence. And for the PLO leadership not to understand this and declare that there are Palestinian authorities is a fiction. There has never been Palestinian sovereignty. The Israel Defence Force is actually in control, and PLO collaborated with them in locking up Palestinian people while many PLO leaders and deputy leaders in these circles were making a lot of money. That's the reality of Palestine.

So we shall see. The situation is very depressing which is why solidarity is more needed than ever before. But when you show solidarity you end up being accused of anti-Semitism.

The German government is historically directly responsible for the genocide of the Jews and indirectly for the punishment of the Palestinians. Their saying that the Palestinians have no right to struggle peacefully - which is what they have done by declaring any campaign for Boycott, Divestment, Sanctions (BDS) illegal, is shocking to me. No other European country has quite done that. Though The French are close to doing it.

It amounts to saying to Palestinians that they have been crushed, but won't be allowed to fight back. If they fight with guns and hand for their liberation they are called terrorists. If they fight as part of the BDS campaign then they are anti-Semites. That is what is going on.

>>

Removal of resistance: Then there's sex, gay sex, feminism, gay rights, and the need to never stop thinking about fucking whilst pretending to behave like 'adults' anyway.

So one thing it boils down to is sexual objectification.

Now if a woman is dolled up like a barbie doll (eg as lampooned by Patsy in Absolutely Fabulous) or covered in head to toe in some black sheet, it is (puerile racist jokes entirely aside) exactly the same - it is arbitrary sexual objectification.

If you are married to someone and in bed you objectify them sexually and have sex, that's fine. If you are at a night club, dancing with a guy or girl and she or he and you have some mutual 'chemistry' and objectify each other, whether or not you go back to her or your or his or whosever's place and have sex, that objectification is okay.

If you dress up like a cheap (or 'high class') whore to go to your office job, if you wolf whistle at a random girl in a short skirt on a summer's day, if you make general statements about everyone with a penis or everyone with a vagina - you are a fucking child, aren't you? And you are obsessed with sex.

Unification: Anyway, that's just off the bat. More such gems will pile up now. With or without Mr Corbyn J in Numero Dix. Hopefully with, but at this stage the stage is set and I can now deliver more of this wisdom to many of you on the understanding that you now, many of you, know that the status quo in western society is entirely unacceptable and will have to change.

I must mention the following (below) at this stage because most 'white racists' live under the delusion that their 'advanced' and 'exceptional' and 'intelligent' nature derives from 'their genes' - as opposed to 'the genes' of 'people with darker skin'. This is infantile and absurdly unscientific; for the umpteenth time I repeat to all racists:

Science has demonstrated that your 'skin colour' or 'race' has zero link to your mind, your intelligence, etc.

'Western' 'whiteness' is a recent (about 5000 years old) and arbitrary mutation in humans: 'white' skin has only been on 'European' bodies for a few thousand years, before which they were the same as many people they call 'black', eg 'Hispanic', 'Asian', 'African' etc.

The mutation which led to whiter skin survived in cultures where agricultural practises lowered vitamin D intake and white skin produced vitamin D from the sun much faster. Due to the switch from hunter gatherer to farmer, humanity's diet made it harder to survive cold European weather with previously normal human skin, only with the white mutation did you have a chance of producing enough vitamin D - the vitamin had previously come to us via our diets, whereas once the diets changed (to the precursor of today's western processed-food diet) the only source of vitamin D would be the sun, meaning that if you had dark skin and were in 'Europe' you would often have a serious vitamin D shortage - causing people to die or migrate to more suitable conditions.

Chomsky has pointed out (read the long Numberwang related doc in the links below) that thought, as a capacity, evolved hundreds of thousands of years ago, whereas we know that 'white skin' on 'Europeans' is a mere 5,000 years old.

If you need someone to spell out for you what that means, I recommend spending a few years in basic education, because it means you're not so bright.

Anyway, the rest can see - there is 'no such thing as race', basically. The pretence that 'whiteness' is a 'cultural characteristic' is already disproved. How long before society catches up? If only, readers, you were all just a tad more scientific, eh?

So you see 'whiteness' is just an illusion, race is an illusion, and it's high time I get on with reading the Hubert Harrison and Theodore Allen (the latter's "the invention of the white race" is obviously pertinent) so I can give you some more juicy unretarding quotes to digest.

References: http://www.nakedpunch.com/articles/282
http://opinion.tvhobo.com/owenjones_israel_numberwang.html
https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/09/bloomberg-condoned-sexual-assault-by-nypd

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 108: Acts of 'God'.

Thrust: If Labour does not win this election then over the next 10 years I will witness the rest of Britain suffering what, for the last 10 years, muslim Britain has suffered.

Direction of resistance: It doesn't surprise me, therefore, that as we approach election day a very real threat of a Corbyn defeat hangs in the air.

Removal of resistance: Nothing is certain.

Unification: Perhaps Corbyn WILL win, insha allah. It's not my business to hope or not hope for x or y. What I can see is that for many many years, for most of my adult life, being a muslim in Britain has been like being a jew in an anti-semitic country, maybe Victor Orban's country. The insult of pretending that an attempt to make Britain less islamophobic is itself 'anti-semitic' is low and disgusting and an insult to the memory of victims of the jewish holocaust. That this is followed up with claims that 'anti-semitism' is a 'world view' - ie a view that genocide against muslims is bad is translated into the notion that genocide against muslims is the main way of fighting anti-semitism and that 'therefore' people who oppose genocide against muslims (eg by the USA, by Israel, by NATO) are labelled 'anti-semitic' in a particularly childish word game, by racists like Angela Smith and Tony Blair and Jo Swinson and Boris Johnson, suggests to me that maybe the rest of Britain WILL INDEED get to find out over the next 10+ years what being a British muslim has felt like for the last 20+ years. Still fair enough. If your kids deserve to be shat on the way you have shat on others, let me not be the one to pretend that 'socialism' means saving you.

Anyway. If you vote for yourselves and your children to suffer the abuse and pain you have made British muslims suffer for a while, and you do so out of hatred of muslims, out of hatred of people who stand up for everyone, for muslims 'too', that sums you up and boils you down.

Survival of the 'fittest' means survival of people who share food with each other, not people who beat each other up. Take a look at the history of this planet. No animal which behaves the way British and American racists and militarists do has NOT been subjugated by nature or made extinct. We, the monkey people who told jokes, hung around together, used a thing called 'mutual aid' and shared food with each other, we now dominate the planet. Those among us who behave like all the lower creatures which didn't make it this far, who act as though the way to survive is by dominating others and using force, they are putting us all at risk, not only themselves, but in the end even if we do not become extinct, humans who believe in mutual aid, humans who do not believe in mutual aid will obviously become extinct.

One other thing is very clear in all of this: in the eyes of the universe and of history (that told by the Chomskys and Feynmans and so many like them, not the rancid public relations of crusaders and dodge merchants) Corbyn has already fully won. Whatever electoral games anyone plays, an assessment of the actions and words of all parties concerned shows what has happened here. If humans are too much like gold fish and too little like mountains then, perhaps, as with so many lessons history has learned, humanity will continue to not learn it, in the main. Although nature's not really going to allow that to go on very much longer, is it?

References: http://opinion.tvhobo.com/owenjones_israel_numberwang.html
http://www.nakedpunch.com/articles/282
https://www.haaretz.com/world-news/europe/.premium-from-now-on-every-palestinian-is-an-anti-semite-1.8230347

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 107: Britain, rapists 'beyond reproach' and 'sharia law'.

Thrust: Without, at this stage, spending any time exploring what all these white racists who hate Corbyn call 'Sharia law' and the degree to which they imagine it around them, let us pay attention to the fact that Prime Minister Boris Johnson, on an interview seen by the world, in archive footage on the permanent record, said that if Prince Andrew has committed rape it doesn't matter because he is "beyond reproach".

Direction of resistance: I am not here to discuss whether or not Andrew is a rapist or paedophile.

Removal of resistance: What is important is that Boris Johnson said clearly that even if Andrew IS a rapist, it doesn't matter.

Unification: So the son of the 'divinely appointed' 'Christian' 'monarch' of our country is allowed to commit rape, according to the Prime Minister.

So what exactly do the white racists who harp on about 'sharia law' imagine we live in now? A democracy? It's worth noting that the racists who scream about sharia law and about muslims having 9 kids each and filling up all our schools and so on - the racist blather I've heard a few times wandering around Justine Greening's Tory Putney, are the footsoldiers of Blair and the tories - racists like this went, in droves, to kill muslims to steal oil from their countries - these racists are well represented by today's lib dem Angela Smith who claims that non white skin is abnormal/odd/funny/weird/strange - and is unrepentant about that, claiming that she 'mis-spoke' rather than admitting she is racist and needs education in not being racist and should NOT be standing as an MP.

It is this racism which helped Blair stay in power - by ensuring that the racism fed to us by media organisations like the BBC and Telegraph and Guardian and Murdoch - millions acted as support for genocidal wars which, indeed, the majority were often entirely against, and only armies of white racists really supported Blair in his many war years. It backfired for him, of course, because they hate not only non white people but everyone from Calais onwards. They hate Europeans, they hate the world, and Blair fanned their flames of hatred.

Meanwhile, Boris says, in the hypothetical event that a member of white 'monarchy' rapes someone, that's their business and they are, to use Boris' historic language "beyond reproach". Unlike maths there is, in Boris' mind, a royal road to rape. Again, I am not saying that I think Andrew is guilty, but what we do know beyond all reasonable doubt is that Boris Johnson has said in public to the nation, to the world, that if a British monarch's son commits rape, nobody is entitled to police him for it.

Meanwhile Thatcher-Blair's army of white racists actually believes that Britain is in danger of 'no longer being a democracy'! Hmm.

References:

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 106: The only way this country can prove it's not really just a bunch of arseholes is if Corbyn wins a landslide. Even a small win will not spare Britain judgment.

Thrust: This is a backward, broken, diseased nation which even at the height of bastardy, disease, self-destruction and evil, whether left or right, whether the 'many' or the 'few', always feels driven to never let go of the delusion that Britain is somehow greater or better than the rest of the world in the field of x or y or z or n or r or p etc.

Direction of resistance: In reality an approximate assessment would probably assert that Britain, France, the USA, Australia and Israel are the worst at almost everything which you should be good at, in the world, in history.

Removal of resistance: The five bottom of the whole class.

Unification: Naturally spend all their time, left and right and centre, bragging about how actually they're better than the rest of the class.

Even if Corbyn wins, you won't have proved me wrong. THE ONLY WAY you can prove me wrong, prove that this diseased island of jackasses can evolve, is if Corbyn's victory is big - ie it is sufficient to astonish. Given his 'disadvantage' (the full force of corporations attempting to throttle his success) that means nothing lower than a clear majority, untouchable by resignations or dissent. If he wins that, then maybe the opinion of the rest of the human race outside the 5 bottom of the class jackasses is too negative towards the 5 jackasses. Who knows? We all "know the odds", though. The opinion seems pretty well deserved.

What I love most about "Dad's Army" and Arthur Lowe in general is how consistently and relentlessly he ridicules this attitude among British people, this "Britain first" attitude, this "Britain is the greatest" attitude. In the words of Pertwee as Doctor Who - "Your duty to your country? What about your duty the world?"

References: http://thesaker.is/the-last-western-empire/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 105: Marr: How can you know that I'm self-censoring? How can you know that journalists are.. Chomsky: I'm not saying you're self-censoring. I'm sure that you believe everything that you're saying. But what I'm saying is that if you believed something different, you wouldn't be sitting where you're sitting.

Thrust: Marr: How can you know that I'm self-censoring? How can you know that journalists are..

Chomsky: I'm not saying you're self-censoring. I'm sure that you believe everything that you're saying. But what I'm saying is that if you believed something different, you wouldn't be sitting where you're sitting.

Direction of resistance: Go here for full details, blow by blow, of what exactly Mr Chomsky is talking about there.

Removal of resistance: Don't be distracted by grotesque pantomime, surgically resolve the systemic flaw.

Unification: Another long version:

<<<

Let us not forget, when considering the genocidal racism of right wing Israelis, that Salon reported in 2014: << The Times of Israel is under fire on Friday after publishing a blog post titled 'When Genocide Is Permissible.' The post, written by Yochanon Gordon, was quickly removed from the Times' website, but cached and screen-captured versions of the piece quickly proliferated on social media. >>

The racist blogger wrote: << Hamas has stated forthrightly that it idealizes death as much as Israel celebrates life. What other way then is there to deal with an enemy of this nature other than obliterate them completely? >> (I wonder what the average westerner would feel about that argument's being used in relation to the damage the USA, the UK and much of western Europe has done to the world, for centuries?!!)

Finally this Israeli then declares << If political leaders and military experts determine that the only way to achieve its goal of sustaining quiet is through genocide is it then permissible to achieve those responsible goals? >> (I guess that's what the terrorists who bomb westerners feel they are doing when they commit Israeli-style genocide in Britain, France, the U.S. etc). >>>

<< CHOMSKY: Well this raises quite a welter of questions. Let me begin by saying something about liberalism, which is a very complicated concept, I think. It's correct, surely, that liberalism grew up in the intellectual environment of empiricism and the rejection of authority, and trust in the evidence of the senses, and so on. However, liberalism has undergone a very complex evolution as a social philosophy over the years. If we go back to the classics, or at least, what I regard as the classics, say, for example, Humboldt's limits of state action which inspired Mill and is a true libertarian, liberal classic, if you'd like. The world that Humboldt was considering--which was partially an imaginary world--but the world for which he was developing this political philosophy, was a post-feudal but pre-capitalist world.

That it was a world in which there was no great divergence among individuals in the kind of power that they had, and what they command, let's say. But there was a tremendous disparity between individuals, on one hand, and the state on the other. Consequently, it was the task of a liberalism that was concerned with human rights, and the equality of individuals, and so on. It was the task of that liberalism to dissolve the enormous power of state, which was such an authoritarian threat to individual liberties. And from that, you develop a classical liberal theory in, say, Humboldt's or Mill's sense. Well, of course, that is pre-capitalist. He couldn't conceive of an era in which a corporation would be regarded as an individual,

Or in which enormous disparities in control over resources and production would distinguish between individuals in a massive fashion. Now, in that kind of society, to take the Humboldtian view is a very superficial liberalism. Because while opposition to state power in an era of such divergence conforms to Humboldt's conclusions, it doesn't do so for his reasons. That is, his reasons lead to very different conclusions in that case.

Namely, I think, his reasons lead to the conclusion that we must dissolve the authoritarian control over production of resources, which leads to such divergence as among individuals. In fact, I think, one might draw a direct line between classical liberalism and a kind of libertarian socialism, which I think, can be regarded as a kind of adapting of the basic reasoning of classical liberalism to a very different social era. Now if we come to the modern period, here liberalism has taken on a very strange sense, if you think of its history. Now liberalism is essentially the theory of state capitalism. Of state intervention in a capitalist economy.

Well, that has very little relation to classical liberalism. In fact, classical liberalism is what's now called conservatism, I suppose. But this new view, I think, really is, in my view at least, a highly authoritarian position. That is, it's one which accepts a number of centers of authority and control--the state on one hand, agglomerations of private power on the other hand, all interacting with individuals as malleable cogs in this highly constrained machine, which may be called democratic, but given the actual distribution of powers, very far from being meaningfully democratic and cannot be so. So my own feeling has always been that to achieve the classical liberal ideals--for the reasons that led to them being put forth--in a society so different, we must be led in a very different direction. It's superficial and erroneous to accept the conclusions which were reached for different society and not to consider the reasoning that led to those conclusions. The reasoning, I think, is very substantial. I'm a classical liberal in this sense. But I think it leads me to be a kind of anarchist, an anarchist socialist. >>

Chomsky states in the preface to Necessary Illusions the opinion that << citizens of the democratic societies should undertake a course of intellectual self-defense to protect themselves from manipulation and control, and to lay the basis for more meaningful democracy. >>

<<<

there are some events you need to understand, from our recent past, which have shaped all this. In Necessary Illusions, Chomsky informs us about a great deal. So here come some more lengthy quotations - to those who do not believe that effort and literacy are important when trying to understand the politics of our world, I am sorry to disappoint you, there simply is no other way.

Chomsky begins by saying << These lectures suggest certain conclusions about the functioning of the most advanced democratic systems of the modern era, and particularly, about the ways in which thought and understanding are shaped in the interests of domestic privilege. >> He adds: << But, to my knowledge, there is no serious effort to respond to these and other similar critiques. Rather, they are simply dismissed, in conformity to the predictions of the propaganda model. >> Indeed that is true. I've seen Nick Cohen accuse Chomsky of things which if Cohen had read Chomsky's works Cohen would find the opposite is true - eg claiming Chomsky doesn't tell us about the bad things the Soviet Union did. In fact you can look it up for yourself - what will become clear to you is that men like Cohen attack Chomsky without reading Chomsky. Chomsky on the other hand (and hopefully you and I will be like him, not like Cohen) takes the other approach - knowing what you're talking about before you start talking.

According to Chomsky, then: << the tension [caused by decision making power's being in the hands of the few but impacting on a large scale throughout the social order] could be resolved, and sometimes is, by forcefully eliminating public interference with state and private power. In the advanced industrial societies the problem is typically approached by a variety of measures to deprive democratic political structures of substantive content, while leaving them formally intact. A large part of this task is assumed by ideological institutions that channel thought and attitudes within acceptable bounds, deflecting any potential challenge to established privilege and authority before it can take form and gather strength. The enterprise has many facets and agents. >>

Chomsky suggests: << One way to resolve the tension would be to extend the democratic system to investment, the organization of work, and so on. That would constitute a major social revolution, which, in my view at least, would consummate the political revolutions of an earlier era and realize some of the libertarian principles on which they were partly based >> .

So what exactly has caused us to go so far astray, since the 60s, since indeed the time of Chomsky's Massey Lectures in the late 80s. Well it goes back to before those lectures, of course, and in them Chomsky advises us: << I will be primarily concerned with one aspect: thought control, as conducted through the agency of the national media and related elements of the elite intellectual culture >> . No, not B-movies, perfectly rational and sane assessment of how our society works: << In accordance with the prevailing conceptions in the U.S., there is no infringement on democracy if a few corporations control the information system: in fact, that is the essence of democracy. In the Annals of the American Academy of Political and Social Science, the leading figure of the public relations industry, Edward Bernays, explains that "the very essence of the democratic process" is "the freedom to persuade and suggest," what he calls "the engineering of consent." "A leader," he continues, "frequently cannot wait for the people to arrive at even general understanding ... Democratic leaders must play their part in ... engineering ... consent to socially constructive goals and values," applying "scientific principles and tried practices to the task of getting people to support ideas and programs"; and although it remains unsaid, it is evident enough that those who control resources will be in a position to judge what is "socially constructive," to engineer consent through the media, and to implement policy through the mechanisms of the state. If the freedom to persuade happens to be concentrated in a few hands, we must recognize that such is the nature of a free society. The public relations industry expends vast resources "educating the American people about the economic facts of life" to ensure a favorable climate for business. Its task is to control "the public mind," which is "the only serious danger confronting the company," an AT&T executive observed eighty years ago. >>



No, nobody is pretending Laura Kuenssberg is an evil but intellectual giant of a woman, scheming to rule the world.

Chomsky explains: << Despite the frank acknowledgment of the need to deceive the public, it would be an error to suppose that practitioners of the art are typically engaged in conscious deceit; few reach the level of sophistication of the Grand Inquisitor or maintain such insights for long. On the contrary, as the intellectuals pursue their grim and demanding vocation, they readily adopt beliefs that serve institutional needs; those who do not will have to seek employment elsewhere. The chairman of the board may sincerely believe that his every waking moment is dedicated to serving human needs. Were he to act on these delusions instead of pursuing profit and market share, he would no longer be chairman of the board. It is probable that the most inhuman monsters, even the Himmlers and the Mengeles, convince themselves that they are engaged in noble and courageous acts. The psychology of leaders is a topic of little interest. The institutional factors that constrain their actions and beliefs are what merit attention. >>

It goes back to the time of Nixon and Watergate (British 'leftists' pay attention - too few of them have a clue about these matters): << The standard image of media performance, as expressed by Judge Gurfein in a decision rejecting government efforts to bar publication of the Pentagon Papers, is that we have "a cantankerous press, an obstinate press, a ubiquitous press," and that these tribunes of the people "must be suffered by those in authority in order to preserve the even greater values of freedom of expression and the right of the people to know." Commenting on this decision, Anthony Lewis of the New York Times observes that the media were not always as independent, vigilant, and defiant of authority as they are today, but in the Vietnam and Watergate eras they learned to exercise "the power to root about in our national life, exposing what they deem right for exposure," without regard to external pressures or the demands of state or private power. >>



Where is the evidence of this? Neoliberals may want to ask, accusing you of 'conspiracy theory' if you attempt to persuade them of the truth. Tell them: << A 1975 study on "governability of democracies" by the Trilateral Commission concluded that the media have become a "notable new source of national power," one aspect of an "excess of democracy" that contributes to "the reduction of governmental authority" at home and a consequent "decline in the influence of democracy abroad." This general "crisis of democracy," the commission held, resulted from the efforts of previously marginalized sectors of the population to organize and press their demands, thereby creating an overload that prevents the democratic process from functioning properly. >>

Chomsky tells us that << The charge that the Democrats represent the special interests has little merit. Rather, they represent other elements of the "national interest," and participated with few qualms in the right turn of the post-Vietnam era among elite groups, including the dismantling of limited state programs designed to protect the poor and deprived; the transfer of resources to the wealthy; the conversion of the state, even more than before, to a welfare state for the privileged; and the expansion of state power and the protected state sector of the economy through the military system - domestically, a device for compelling the public to subsidize high-technology industry and provide a state-guaranteed market for its waste production >> . This applies to pre-Corbyn (and non-Corbyn) Labour. Evidently.

Chomsky indicates support for Ginsberg's belief that << western governments have used market mechanisms to regulate popular perspectives and sentiments. The "marketplace of ideas," built during the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, effectively disseminates the beliefs and ideas of the upper classes while subverting the ideological and cultural independence of the lower classes. Through the construction of this marketplace, western governments forged firm and enduring links between socioeconomic position and ideological power, permitting upper classes to use each to buttress the other ... In the United States, in particular, the ability of the upper and upper-middle classes to dominate the marketplace of ideas has generally allowed these strata to shape the entire society's perception of political reality and the range of realistic political and social possibilities. While westerners usually equate the marketplace with freedom of opinion, the hidden hand of the market can be almost as potent an instrument of control as the iron fist of the state. >>

One piece of evidence Chomsky presents is this: << The influence of advertisers is sometimes far more direct. "Projects unsuitable for corporate sponsorship tend to die on the vine," the London Economist observes, noting that "stations have learned to be sympathetic to the most delicate sympathies of corporations." The journal cites the case of public TV station WNET, which "lost its corporate underwriting from Gulf+Western as a result of a documentary called 'Hunger for Profit', about multinationals buying up huge tracts of land in the third world." These actions "had not been those of a friend," Gulf's chief executive wrote to the station, adding that the documentary was "virulently anti-business, if not anti-American." "Most people believe that WNET would not make the same mistake today," the Economist concludes. Nor would others. The warning need only be implicit. >>

Chomsky's investigation concludes that << Case by case, we find that conformity is the easy way, and the path to privilege and prestige; dissidence carries personal costs that may be severe, even in a society that lacks such means of control as death squads, psychiatric prisons, or extermination camps. The very structure of the media is designed to induce conformity to established doctrine. In a three-minute stretch between commercials, or in seven hundred words, it is impossible to present unfamiliar thoughts or surprising conclusions with the argument and evidence required to afford them some credibility. Regurgitation of welcome pieties faces no such problem. >>

Where the title of Necessary Illusions comes from is significant and is evident from this extract from chapter one: << Harold Lasswell explained in the Encyclopaedia of the Social Sciences that we should not succumb to "democratic dogmatisms about men being the best judges of their own interests." They are not; the best judges are the elites, who must, therefore, be ensured the means to impose their will, for the common good. When social arrangements deny them the requisite force to compel obedience, it is necessary to turn to "a whole new technique of control, largely through propaganda" because of the "ignorance and superstition [of] ... the masses." In the same years, Reinhold Niebuhr argued that "rationality belongs to the cool observers," while "the proletarian" follows not reason but faith, based upon a crucial element of "necessary illusion." Without such illusion, the ordinary person will descend to "inertia." Then in his Marxist phase, Niebuhr urged that those he addressed - presumably, the cool observers - recognize "the stupidity of the average man" and provide the "emotionally potent oversimplifications" required to keep the proletarian on course to create a new society; the basic conceptions underwent little change as Niebuhr became "the official establishment theologian" (Richard Rovere), offering counsel to those who "face the responsibilities of power." >>

Chomsky explains << in practice, the state media are generally kept in line by the forces that have the power to dominate the state, and by an apparatus of cultural managers who cannot stray far from the bounds these forces set >> .

Many people see the Guardian as the left wing and people like Counterpunch as some sort of radical extreme segment of the political spectrum.

Chomsky points out << One consequence of the distribution of resources and decision- making power in the society at large is that the political class and the cultural managers typically associate themselves with the sectors that dominate the private economy; they are either drawn directly from those sectors or expect to join them. >>

Chomsky then quotes radical democrats of the seventeenth-century English revolution who held that << it will never be a good world while knights and gentlemen make us laws, that are chosen for fear and do but oppress us, and do not know the people's sores. It will never be well with us till we have Parliaments of countrymen like ourselves, that know our wants. >>

Chomsky enlightens us about the demise of the left wing and workers' rights in the 'UK' in the 1960s:

<< As for the media, in England a lively labor-oriented press reaching a broad public existed into the 1960s, when it was finally eliminated through the workings of the market. At the time of its demise in 1964, the Daily Herald had over five times as many readers as The Times and "almost double the readership of The Times, the Financial Times and the Guardian combined," James Curran observes, citing survey research showing that its readers "were also exceptionally devoted to their paper." But this journal, partially owned by the unions and reaching a largely working-class audience, "appealed to the wrong people," Curran continues. The same was true of other elements of the social democratic press that died at the same time, in large part because they were "deprived of the same level of subsidy" through advertising and private capital as sustained "the quality press," which "not only reflects the values and interests of its middle-class readers" but also "gives them force, dainty and coherence" and "plays an important ideological role in amplifying and renewing the dominant political consensus." >>

In Necessary Illusions Chomsky also speaks of << the disintegration of "the cultural base that has sustained active participation within the Labour movement," which "has ceased to exist as a mass movement in most parts of the country." The effects are readily apparent. With the elimination of the "selection and treatment of news" and "relatively detailed political commentary and analysis [that] helped daily to sustain a social democratic sub-culture within the working class," there is no longer an articulate alternative to the picture of "a world where the subordination of working people [is] accepted as natural and inevitable," and no continuing expression of the view that working people are "morally entitled to a greater share of the wealth they created and a greater say in its allocation." The same tendencies are evident elsewhere in the industrial capitalist societies. >>

And what underpins all of this deception? Well, foreign policy. More about all this later when we get round to NATO, but a primer, from Chomsky, first, on what exactly NATO really is.

Chomsky says: << the global planning undertaken by U.S. elites during and after World War II assumed that principles of liberal internationalism would generally serve to satisfy what had been described as the "requirement of the United States in a world in which it proposes to hold unquestioned power."6 The global policy goes under the name "containment." The manufacture of consent at home is its domestic counterpart. The two policies are, in fact, closely intertwined, since the domestic population must be mobilized to pay the costs of "containment," which may be severe - both material and moral costs.

The rhetoric of containment is designed to give a defensive cast to the project of global management, and it thus serves as part of the domestic system of thought control. It is remarkable that the terminology is so easily adopted, given the questions that it begs. Looking more closely, we find that the concept conceals a good deal. The underlying assumption is that there is a stable international order that the United States must defend. The general contours of this international order were developed by U.S. planners during and after World War II. Recognizing the extraordinary scale of U.S. power, they proposed to construct a global system that the United States would dominate and within which U.S. business interests would thrive. As much of the world as possible would constitute a Grand Area, as it was called, which would be subordinated to the needs of the U.S. economy. Within the Grand Area, other capitalist societies would be encouraged to develop, but without protective devices that would interfere with U.S. prerogatives. In particular, only the United States would be permitted to dominate regional systems. The United States moved to take effective control of world energy production and to organize a world system in which its various components would fulfill their functions as industrial centers, as markets and sources of raw materials, or as dependent states pursuing their "regional interests" within the "overall framework of order" managed by the United States (as Henry Kissinger was later to explain). >>

The term "Grand area" is clearly just a translation into 'American' ideology of the notion "lebensraum".

The 'US' is often seen as a mighty and brilliant military superpower which has evolved beyond other cultures in terms of skill and even courage. There is no shortage of people who will cheer this view of the 'US' - everywhere from crappy gungho-films enjoyed by idiots to the 'cultured' broadsheets of the 'privileged'.



As Chomsky explains, << another task was to overcome the dread "Vietnam syndrome," which impeded the resort to forceful means to control the dependencies; as explained by Commentary editor Norman Podhoretz, the task was to overcome "the sickly inhibitions against the use of military force" that developed in revulsion against the Indochina wars, a problem that was resolved, he hoped, in the glorious conquest of Grenada, when 6,000 elite troops succeeded in overcoming the resistance of several dozen Cubans and some Grenadan militiamen, winning 8,000 medals of honor for their prowess. >>

To add to all of this, we are dealing with a society which every day becomes louder in its proclamations amongst its "individuals" that it is "heroic", "brave", "advanced", and even (yes, this will make you laugh) "honourable".

Chomsky wrote << It is beyond imagining in responsible circles that we might have some culpability for mass slaughter and destruction, or owe some debt to the millions of maimed and orphaned, or to the peasants who still die from exploding ordnance left from the U.S. assault, while the Pentagon, when asked whether there is any way to remove the hundreds of thousands of anti-personnel bomblets that kill children today in such areas as the Plain of Jars in Laos, comments helpfully that "people should not live in those areas. They know the problem." The United States has refused even to give its mine maps of Indochina to civilian mine-deactivation teams. Ex-marines who visited Vietnam in 1989 to help remove mines they had laid report that many remain in areas were people try to farm and plant trees, and were informed that many people are still being injured and killed as of January 1989. None of this merits comment or concern.

The situation is of course quite different when we turn to Afghanistan - where, incidentally, the Soviet-installed regime has released its mine maps. In this case, headlines read: "Soviets Leave Deadly Legacy for Afghans," "Mines Put Afghans in Peril on Return," "U.S. Rebukes Soviets on Afghan Mine Clearing," "U.S. to Help Train Refugees To Destroy Afghan Mines," "Mines Left by Departing Soviets Are Maiming Afghans," and so on. The difference is that these are Soviet mines, so it is only natural for the United States to call for "an international effort to provide the refugees with training and equipment to destroy or dismantle" them and to denounce the Russians for their lack of cooperation in this worthy endeavor. "The Soviets will not acknowledge the problem they have created or help solve it," Assistant Secretary of State Richard Williamson observed sadly; "We are disappointed." The press responds with the usual selective humanitarian zeal. >>

Attackers of Chomsky often imagine that in doing so they are standing up for 'decent' regimes who don't kill journalists.

Outlining the U.S. position on Central America, Chomsky tells us that << There had been an independent press in El Salvador: two small newspapers, La Crónica del Pueblo and El Independiente. Both were destroyed in 1989-81 by the security forces. After a series of bombings, an editor of La Crónica and a photographer were taken from a San Salvador coffee shop and hacked to pieces with machetes; the offices were raided, bombed, and burned down by death squads, and the publisher fled to the United States. The publisher of El Independiente, Jorge Pinto, fled to Mexico when his paper's premises were attacked and equipment smashed by troops. Concern over these matters was so high in the United States that there was not one word in the New York Times news columns and not one editorial comment on the destruction of the journals, and no word in the years since, though Pinto was permitted a statement on the opinion page, in which he condemned the "Duarte junta" for having "succeeded in extinguishing the expression of any dissident opinion" and expressed his belief that the so-called death squads are "nothing more nor less than the military itself" - a conclusion endorsed by the Church and international human rights monitors.

In the year before the final destruction of El Independiente, the offices were bombed twice, an office boy was killed when the plant was machine-gunned, Pinto's car was sprayed with machine-gun fire, there were two other attempts on his life, and army troops in tanks and armored trucks arrived at his offices to search for him two days before the paper was finally destroyed. These events received no mention. Shortly before it was finally destroyed, there had been four bombings of La Crónica in six months; one of these, the last, received forty words in the New York Times.

It is not that the U.S. media are unconcerned with freedom of the press in Central America. Contrasting sharply with the silence over the two Salvadoran newspapers is the case of the opposition journal La Prensa in Nicaragua. Media critic Francisco Goldman counted 263 references to its tribulations in the New York Times in four years. The distinguishing criterion is not obscure: the Salvadoran newspapers were independent voices stilled by the murderous violence of U.S. clients; La Prensa is an agency of the U.S. campaign to overthrow the government of Nicaragua, therefore a "worthy victim," whose harassment calls forth anguish and outrage. We return to further evidence that this is indeed the operative criterion. >>

>>>

References: http://opinion.tvhobo.com/owenjones_israel_numberwang.html
https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/05/dont-look-dont-see-time-for-honest-media-reporting-on-impacts-of-pesticides/
https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/05/how-american-exceptionalism-is-killing-the-planet/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peD_d9WFN48
https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/05/the-most-important-election-in-british-history
https://www.salon.com/2014/08/01/genocide_is_permissible_[..]_times_of_israel_op_ed/
https://www.independent.co.uk/[..]/israel-gaza-conflict-when-genocide-is-permissible-[..].html
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/times-of-israel-genocide-article-post-deleted_n_5641971

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 104: << Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain >> (And the beat goes on).

Thrust: CLICK HERE for latest versions of the screenplay - for the final drafts.

Direction of resistance: What is an election without proper satire?

Removal of resistance: If Hislop and co are too gutless and whipped and whored to money by their corporate pimps to do it, then I shall. (I just saw a video in which David Mitchell was bitching on LBC about his belief that destitute children, destitute adults, the underprivileged, the out of work, people discriminated against because of their race or gender or class, are ruining comedy. Apparently politics is ruining comedy. Apparently self-amusement is not as fun for Mitchell any more because too many people with problems are insisting that society deal with those problems and that satirists and artists use their talents in the way they should and no longer work as telesales people and self-amusing tossers no longer call themselves comedians).

You see, David Mitchell, or merely 'David' as my friend Helen (whom I should clarify is "non non-white") (and indeed a faithful loyal Israel supporter, a Christian Zionist, I suppose) (and "white", as I said) (and just so you are truly horrified, you must understand she is a professional working in industry, young, educated, no doubt perceived as elite, with a job in the area of 'innovation', indeed, for a major company) (so you can't hide from the fact that she is a pretty good example of one of your fans, of middle England) once referred to you as in an argument, arguing in your defence when I criticised a Guardian article, I think it was, you had written - I was criticising it for its neoliberalism - we'll get to her shortly - but I say this to you David Mitchell - our society and evolution depends on mutual aid. If you want money for your jokes, they need to contribute to our society, rather than simply being royal variety jokes you get paid for. Clown around on your own time, not at society's expense. You are standing in the way of satirists, who need to mock those you don't mock, so that society receives (in exchange for the 'money' a comedian earns) its share.

Helen believed that AIDS is a punishment from "God" on "black people" for - and these are her words - for "needing to be civilised by the white man". I'm sure you'd prefer it if she were attacking you and I defending you. Anyway, "David", the fact is that you need to ridicule people like Helen, like Blair, like Hodge, like Johnson - all of them - properly - you need to ridicule Guardian writers, you need to ridicule the bulk of the press, and almost all 'comedians' - but you don't. I, on the other hand, do. Please read on for some examples. I'm sure you'll find the point you made now fully rebutted and must think of another excuse for being a cowardly toe rag. So go on, think of it. Come up with more excuses. Don't stop to use comedy for the benefit of society, use it for self amusement and as a cash machine. Do read more on mutual aid if you want me to stop ridiculing you. Or stop using the position of public commercial 'joke maker' to waste society's time and hand over the microphone to people who make jokes the way Swift and Hogarth did - for the benefit of us all. As part of the evolutionary journey, not an episode of Benny Hill.

On another occasion I can go over the last 10 years, which you lament is the period during which people have become no fun, and look at what has happened to people less privileged than you, to their lives, to their daily needs, to their mood, to their future, in that time, unnoticed by you in your privilege bubble. But not right now. That's easy work. It's sad you're too lazy to do it yourself Mitchell, so I'll do it later. But first, someone must educate people on the necessity for satire. Step aside Benny Hill. Nobody's interested in your innuendo or clown act. They want to laugh at the people fucking their lives up. Indeed, at you. Do you have any idea what has been going on outside your gated media-money-fed life, to the many, over the last 10 years whilst you, and a few others, have remained entirely oblivious and sheltered? No, of course you don't. Well I'll have to publish all that info on this page later, but right now it is more important to give people the comedy you have singularly failed to give them, you and all the other Royal Variety performing clowns.

I think Emma Bovary must be read with a French accent, for the best delivery of the screenplay below:

Unification: Hunting of the Snark / Godot 2 / Madam Bovary, the neoliberal version/remake



POTENTIALLY STARRING: BETTE MIDLER as IRAQI ORPHAN GIRL, CHARLIE SHEEN as CAPTAIN WILLARD, JOANNA LUMLEY as EMMA BOVARY, JENNIFER SAUNDERS as AMERICAN SPY, VIC REEVES as LOUIS XVI, BOB MORTIMER as MARIE ANTOINETTE, EDWARD NORTON as WHITE NARRATOR, KERMIT THE FROG as HIMSELF, LENNY HENRY as MAN WITH GUN, BERNIE THE AGENT as HIMSELF, JOHNNY VEGAS as MEL BROOKS, MEL BROOKS as KING TURNIP, TONY ROBINSON as BALDRICK, ANTOINE DE CAUNES as CHARLES BOVARY, ENOCH POWELL AS BORIS THE BARBARIAN, RICHARD BRIERS as DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE, ANT AND DEC as ELVIS, DAVID LYNCH as JIMMINY GLICK, BERNIE SANDERS as BERNIE SANDERS, KIEFER SUTHERLAND as KIEFER SUTHERLAND, COLONEL POTTER as HIMSELF, CLINGER as HIMSELF, MATT LUCAS as E.T., CHRISTOPHER WALKEN as RONALD MACDONALD, DAVID HASSELHOFF as CAPTAIN PICARD, DAVID HASSELHOFF as BATMAN, NIGEL HAVERS as BUGSY MALONE







EXT. RIVER BOAT. CAPTAIN WILLARD IS TRAVELLING BY BOAT THROUGH SOUTH ASIA AGAIN, ACCOMPANIED BY SOLDIERS.







CAPTAIN WILLARD

I didn't know why I was in this film. Everybody had died in the previous one. And besides, it wasn't parodying anything in particular, my being here was entirely random - arbitrary. But one thing was obvious. Godot was not dead. How could he be? He was probably the screenwriter. I updated my Facebook page to inform my fans that the reason so many white people become hysterically afraid at the sound of the phrase "Jeremy Corbyn" was because his fairness and accountability heralded the beginning of the end of white entitlement and white racial preference. Rachel Riley blocked me. The first like I got came from Madam Bovary. I knew this was not by chance but by the screenwriter's design. So Beckett was going to rewrite Flaubert now. I thanked my lucky stars he had chosen Bovary and not the legend of St Julian the Hospitaller.



RANDOM SOLDIER

Sir! We've reached Guam now.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

Guam. Always Guam. Was it because it had one of those names which sounds good on film? Probably. Even Godot was a sucker for vanity. I knew that the answer to my problems lay there. Somehow I could exploit Godot's vanity and stop him before the no doubt horrifying tale of Madam Bovary were to unfold in its entirety. Being Charlie Sheen, I decided the best thing I could do to save Bovary would be to give her a good seeing to (consenting, of course - I'm not one of THOSE American soldiers, I'm the one who deals with THOSE American soldiers).



RANDOM SOLDIER

Sir, I don't understand. Would you like me to kill someone?



CAPTAIN WILLARD (TO SOLDIER)

No no, I was just talking to the audience. I'm the narrator. It pays well.





CUT TO..







INT. AMERICAN SKY SCRAPER, NIGHT.



WHITE NARRATOR

People always ask me if I know Jeremy Corbyn. Three minutes. This is it. Ground zero. Do you have a speech for the occasion?



MAN WITH GUN

(punches him)

SHUT IT. I'm the hero of this film Norton.



WHITE NARRATOR

I am not Edward Norton, I am a character he is portraying. I am -



MAN WITH GUN

(punches him again)

SHUT IT. I'm the hero of this film, whoever you are. So keep your Stanislavskian crap to yourself. This film is not about white saviours.





CUT TO.. INT. THE ISRAELI EMBASSY IN LONDON WHERE LOUIS XVI HAS, HAVING BEEN BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE BY A MAD ISRAELI SCIENTIST, A SECRET BASE, WHERE HE AND MARIE ANTOINETTE ARE LIVING, PREPARING FOR A NEW FEUDAL AGE THEY INTEND TO BRING ABOUT THROUGH A CUNNING PLAN.





LOUIS XVI

Listen love, soon you will be able to eat all the organic cake products your heart desires, for I have a plan now, I know how I am going to regain control of France and in fact the world, thanks to our Israeli friends.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

What about Israel? Surely you must not take control of Israel or that would be ungrateful. They have killed and nobbled so many people on your behalf, indeed it was their ethics-free scientists who brought you back to life with their lovely Day-of-the-zombie Weinstein 5000 machine!



LOUIS XVI

No love, I will not take over Israel, just the rest of the world. Don't you want to hear my plan?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

I'm sure it's a lovely plan. I want to hear more about those cakes. Will they have chocolate icing? I love chocolate icing. Particularly if it is flecked with little pieces of white chocolate, with vanilla which has come from some location marketing companies know everyone will put their faith in.



LOUIS XVI

Listen, I'm the King. You're just the Queen. Now shut up and listen to my plan. It's a great one. You should love it. It's a feminist plan.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Oh I do love your feminist plans. I enjoyed your feminist revival of Thatcher. The slogan "women have a right to exploit and kill and be labelled heroes" was a masterpiece. Imagine if only men were allowed to receive praise for things like genocide. Since we were granted this privilege we are truly a more well treated gender. What's the new plan?



LOUIS XVI

In a word, Bovary. Emma Bovary. I'm going to get her to carry out a feminist revolution in which the planet is renamed Vagina World and I will be its King.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Surely such a world would need a Queen?



LOUIS XVI

Get with the times, love. Take a look at the Guardian, the head of western feminist thought management - it promotes control of the world by a few extremely powerful men and their wives. Same as you and me. We're proper feminists.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

That's brilliant then, Vic. I mean Louis. What are you waiting for? Get hold of Emma Bovary and start your 'revolution'. I'm just going down the shops. We've run out of Battenbergs again. I know you love em with your tea.



LOUIS XVI

I like my Battenbergs.





CUT TO..



INT. AMERICAN SKY SCRAPER, NIGHT. WHITE NARRATOR, MAN WITH GUN AND BALDRICK ARE PLAYING CLUEDO.



BALDRICK

I think it was Colonel Mustard, in the drone warfare centre, with the computer keyboard.



WHITE NARRATOR

You know, man with gun, I really don't think this kind of contest is macho enough. We need to be bare fisted, rolling around on the ground and sweating.



MAN WITH GUN

My dear Norton, this is not a porn film. This is an existential study of the failings of the latterday bourgeoisie.



WHITE NARRATOR

So was fight club.



MAN WITH GUN

No it wasn't. It was a mindless sexist macho sensationalist bunch of shit with a seemingly 'clever twist' at the end. Just another American male far up himself, revelling in his own sophistry, calling that sophistry dissent.



WHITE NARRATOR

Okay, but it paid well. I'm not even getting paid for this.



MAN WITH GUN

That's because this film isn't real. Nothing is real. We are figments of the imagination of some sort of plant.



BALDRICK

I thought it was King Turnip who was responsible for all this, my lord. After all, in the last film you killed me and now I'm here again. Surely only King Turnip with his magic powers could bring me back to life. And besides, you must have killed the plant in the last film, so it can't be the plant dreaming, can it?



MAN WITH GUN

It's very simple, Baldrick, I killed the wrong plant. I killed a cactus which the plant dreamt it was - ie it dreamt it was dreaming - it imagined itself to be a cactus. In reality it is some other plant. Probably in a pot, on a windowsill. We're going to have to hunt it down again.



WHITE NARRATOR

Yeah, well I think it was Miss Scarlett in the propaganda production facility at Guardian Newspaper Headquarters, with the racist neoliberal bilge intended to drive blind support for racist genocidal interventionist politics, accidentally causing far right numbers to swell so high that it turns into a Brexit and blows up in her face.



CUT TO..



INT. HOME OF CHARLES BOVARY. DULL CEO BY DAY. SECRET GAY NIGHT CLUB OWNER BY NIGHT. WHILE CHARLES OSTENTATIOUSLY ADDS NEW ACQUISITIONS TO HIS STAMP COLLECTION, HIS WIFE IS UPSTAIRS IN HER BEDROOM, ON THE PHONE TO HER LATEST LOVER, AMERICAN SPY, A SENIOR MARKETING EXECUTIVE AT THE CHARITY CORPORATION OF AMERICA, UNFORTUNATELY FOR HER ALSO AN ISRAELI SPY WHO HAS BEEN RECRUITED TO TRICK HER INTO CONVERTING HER PENT-UP RAGE, BORN OUT OF THE FUTILITY AND BANALITY OF HER SITUATION AND THE WORLD SHE LIVES IN, INTO CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE ON A SCALE NEVER WITNESSED BY THE HUMAN RACE BEFORE.





AMERICAN SPY

I'm tired of the world of marketing and charity. I've rolled out my last rainbow coloured stylised turd shaped cushion in the name of gay consumer rights, I want to do more for the world. More than I've already done, absurd though that may seem. Let us make this film about you and me, Emma. Let me raise you to the highest heights - and help you overpower the world. You can revolutionise the way humans think - and live happily ever after.



EMMA BOVARY

But the book doesn't end that way. Flaubert was taking the piss out of us, not holding us up as Roman or Greek heroes to worship. This film is a farce and if you really think you can change that, you're stupider than I thought. But that's okay, sweetheart. I like you for your body not your mind.



AMERICAN SPY

Well we'll rewrite it. That's the modern way. Take anything humans have ever done, good or bad, and remake it in an arbitrary way which suits our immediate commercial needs.



EMMA BOVARY

What sort of revolution?



AMERICAN SPY

The Vagina revolution. We will change this planet's name to Vagina World.



EMMA BOVARY

The whole planet?



AMERICAN SPY

Well except Israel, of course.



EMMA BOVARY

How exactly can we start a revolution?



AMERICAN SPY

You are Emma Bovary. You have a lot of popularity among middle class hyperconsumers across the world, you are a cultural artefact, one of those things western humans and their serfs in many grovelling conquered outposts are most proud of is historical artefacts with famous names. They tend to know, on average, next to nothing about the aforesaid artefacts but are nonetheless able to, in their own minds, assign to them some sort of generative property - which all by itself yields intellectual culture and progress in any individual who is even sitting in the pub nearby having a pint of lard and some pork scratchings.



EMMA BOVARY

So it's my marketing power, really, which you think we can capitalise on. I'm not sure I like that, but I am very bored, so tell me more.



AMERICAN SPY

Well, first we're going to do a charity run.







EXT. SWAMP, DAY. KERMIT THE FROG IS PLAYING HIS BANJO AND SINGING, NEARBY BERNIE THE AGENT IS BOATING.





KERMIT

Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side? Rainbows are visions but only illusions and rainbows have nothing to hide. So we've been told and some choose to believe it, I know they're wrong wait and see. Some day we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and -



[GUN-SHOT RINGS OUT AND KERMIT'S HEAD IS BLOWN OFF HIS SHOULDERS.]



MAN WITH GUN

Sorry Kermit, this film isn't about you or about making millions of people happy. This is a sick farce about the meltdown of human society. This is about the real world.



BERNIE THE AGENT

Was that REALLY necessary?



MAN WITH GUN

Don't ask me, ask the screenwriter.



[SHOOTS BERNIE THE AGENT DEAD]





CUT TO..



INT. SPORTS CAR. EMMA BOVARY AND CHARLES BOVARY ARE HAVING A DOMESTIC ARGUMENT ABOUT THE IMMORAL NATURE OF CHARLES' JOB AS HEAD OF MARKETING FOR THE EXPLOITATION CORPORATION AND HIS LATEST PROJECT TO ROLL OUT FOURTEEN MILLION NOVELTY RAINBOW-COLOURED STYLISED-TURD-SHAPED CUSHIONS TO PROMOTE HOMOSEXUALITY AND VIRTUE SIGNAL IN ORDER TO OPEN UP NEW MARKETS AND INCREASE PROFITS.



EMMA BOVARY

When I married you I thought you were a charismatic, strong-willed and free-minded individual, and glamorous and interesting. In reality all you really have is wealth and might. You are a snake oil salesman and from dawn to dusk all you do is exploit and harm, with a smile on your face and a dirty thought in your head.



CHARLES BOVARY

That is simply not true, I am a very kind man at heart, it is the world which is evil. Ask Nicholas Cage in that film about the virtues of genocide. Even the Times of Israel has, albeit very briefly, praised genocide. Look, there's a hotel. Why don't we stop for the night?



EMMA BOVARY

It's lunch time. And no. I refuse to have sex with you until I have resolved this moral problem. Now talk. What can we do to fix your satanic and evil nature?



HE BEGINS TO MAKE AN OBVIOUSLY SLEAZY SUGGESTION.



EMMA BOVARY

No, I'm not interested in your lazy and ignorant narcissism right now. I want a change to happen. Corbyn style change. Real change. What's it going to be?



CHARLES BOVARY THINKS HARD. HE HAS TO SAVE HIS MARRIAGE. HE KNOWS THERE ARE MEN FAR MORE WORTHY OF EMMA BOVARY THAN HE AND IF SHE GOES ALL HIS WEALTH AND POWER MAY NOT BE AS ENJOYABLE. HE'S NOT ENTIRELY SURE AND DOESN'T WANT TO RISK IT.



CHARLES BOVARY

Okay. I have an idea. Why don't we find you an orphaned Iraqi child, and do something nice for them.



EMMA BOVARY

That's just cheap and nasty. No. Not unless -





SHE HAS AN IDEA. CUT TO..





INT. WAR ROOM. PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK AND A GROUP OF WHITE AND TOKEN RACISTS WHO BELIEVE IN THE BOOK OF GENESIS AS AN AXIOMATIC DOCUMENT ARE ENTERTAINING THEIR NEW FRIEND BORIS THE BARBARIAN.



BORIS THE BARBARIAN

So I said: "but you're a bloody scotsman so why don't you sod off!"



APPLAUSE FROM QUACKQUACK AND HIS COURTIERS.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

Let's sing a hymn now. Hymn number 90210, all things on my credit card.



THEY SING.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

Amen. So, Boris. Tell me more. Godot is back and on the loose again, you say. This is troublesome. I don't remember how it ended last time.



[ONE OF HIS AIDES EXPLAINS TO HIM THAT THEY ALL DIED AND GODOT TURNED OUT TO BE A MYSTICAL FORCE BEYOND THEIR COMPREHENSION, PROBABLY EXISTING IN AN INFINITE NUMBER OF WHAT WE PERCEIVE AS DIMENSIONS BUT WHAT TO GODOT ARE MERELY STRANDS OF A DIFFERENT AND 'HIGHER' PLANE OF EXISTENCE. SECURITY GUARDS IMMEDIATELY DRAG THE AIDE OFF AND SHOOT HER.]



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

What I want to know is whether Louis the Sixteenth and his hot wife can come down and hang with us while we figure out how to kill Godot.



CUT TO..



INT. CHARLES BOVARY'S SPORTS CAR.



EMMA BOVARY

So what do you say?



CHARLES BOVARY

I don't even know Mel Brooks.



EMMA BOVARY

Rubbish. You can get hold of anyone you want. You are one of the most evil and powerful men alive today. There's almost nobody you can't unearth with a few threats to someone who owes you, or a bit of leaning on someone who's scared of you. Mel Brooks or divorce.



CHARLES BOVARY

Why Mel Brooks?



EMMA BOVARY

Introducing an Iraqi child who has been robbed of her entire family by worthless racist western scumbags to Mel Brooks can give that child back some kind of faith in humanity, some sort of understanding that even in the west, low and depraved though it is, there are great people who loathe those who behave the way she has been led by our actions and inactions to believe we are all taught to live.



CHARLES BOVARY

Alright alright, I don't need a lecture. I will get Mel Brooks. Now can we check into a hotel?



EMMA BOVARY

After I speak to Mel Brooks.



CHARLES BOVARY

Fine. Turn on the car phone will you, dear. I'd better call my secretary.





CUT TO..



EIGHTIES' AMERICAN TV DETECTIVE DRAMA SET. JIHADIS BEAT WOMEN IN THE BACKGROUND. PEOPLE WITH DARK SKIN, FROM ITALIANS TO JAMAICANS, GATHER TOGETHER IN GANGS AND KILL SECURITY GUARDS AND POLICEWOMEN TO PASS THE TIME. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE IS WALKING ALONG WITH A YOYO, LOOKING TO DEAL WITH WHAT HE BELIEVES TO BE ANTI-WHITE VILLAINY, IN THE NAME OF PROVING THAT AUTHORITARIAN FORCE IS THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH NON WHITE PEOPLE ALWAYS.





DEMPSEY

I really don't think the screenwriter has ever even seen a single episode of this show, it just had a famous name and he probably Googled it and was amazed at the sheer calumny it embodies, a typical boorish western establishment racist, classist, fascist demonisation of non white people, muslims, socialists, civilians (rather than police, security forces, armies and others with 'the right to kill baddies') and others. Very blatantly. He would never have watched such crap. Have you read the Waiting for Godot screenplay? This writer has some taste. Do me a favour. He doesn't even know which one of us is the American one and which is the English one.



MAKEPEACE

Well it doesn't matter, it's the same actor, isn't it?



DEMPSEY

Yes, I like that very much. I have a feeling the writer will merely write us as Richard Briers talking to himself, partly in an American accent, and will leave it up to us to decide which character, at any given time, has the American accent.



MAKEPEACE

I like that very much.



DEMPSEY

Would you like some tea?



MAKEPEACE

Yes, I'd love some.



DEMPSEY (POURS TEA)

I think that Makepeace sounds like the English name, it has a sort of rustic bizarreness about it. Dempsey sounds much more American.



MAKEPEACE

I would say the opposite; Makepeace has a weird American unorthodoxy about it, whilst Dempsey sounds like some fellow down the King's road.



DEMPSEY

Nonsense.



MAKEPEACE

Look, what if we both use the same accent, or both use different American accents?



DEMPSEY

But that wouldn't be faithful to the text.



MAKEPEACE

What text? The screenwriter is parodying the people who even watch Dempsey and Makepeace, and its writers, and the issue of parodying the show itself doesn't even come up - the writer, as you say, has probably never even watched it - I mean what an appalling show it is, sowing racist stereotypes and blind obedience to violent authority in the minds of the young and impressionable?



DEMPSEY

You've got a good point there, Makepeace, I say we both use my own normal English accent, a little bit Chiswick.



MAKEPEACE

No, I think I should do Boston and you should do Louisiana.



DEMPSEY

You mean Loosiana?



MAKEPEACE

That's it, that's it. You be Louisiana and I'll be Boston.



DEMPSEY

You mean Loosiana?



MAKEPEACE

Very humorous.



DEMPSEY

Oh give me a home where no liberals roam and the folks all think the same way, where each house has a gun, a big helluva one and strangers are told "make my day"..





CUT TO..





INT. GAY NIGHTCLUB. NIGHT. CHARLES BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY ARE SIPPING DRINKS IN A PRIVATE ROOM.



CHARLES BOVARY

Then she tells me she wants me to introduce Mel Brooks to an Iraqi orphan.



AMERICAN SPY (CAN'T CONTAIN HIS LAUGHTER)

So where is she now?



CHARLES BOVARY

I left her with a "headache". Her desire to not have sex with me is definitely at an all time high.



AMERICAN SPY

So we have all night?



PHONE RINGS. AMERICAN SPY ANSWERS IT.



AMERICAN SPY

Emma! What a surprise. I was just thinking about you.





CUT TO..



EMMA BOVARY IN HER HOTEL ROOM, ON THE PHONE TO AMERICAN SPY.



EMMA BOVARY

I've sent Charles to get hold of Mel Brooks for me, so we have all night if you want to meet me. You're almost as bad as he is. When's the last time we did anything but talk on the phone?



CUT TO..



CHARLES BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY HAVE STARTED TO HAVE SEX.



AMERICAN SPY

Emma, darling, I hope you won't take this the wrong way but I have to take care of something before we can finish this conversation. Stay where you are. I will get to you as soon as I can, as fast as my feet can carry me. Don't move from where you are.



HE HANGS UP THE PHONE AND TELLS HIS GOOGLE VOICE-ACTIVATED THING TO PLAY THE BOLERO.



CUT TO..



EMMA BOVARY IN HER HOTEL ROOM, FEELING SAD AND DEJECTED, MARRIED TO A MAN WHO CHEATS ON HER, CHEATING ON HIM WITH A MAN WHO ALSO CHEATS ON HER, ALTHOUGH SHE DOESN'T REALISE THAT IT'S WITH HER OWN HUSBAND, DISILLUSIONED AT NEOLIBERAL AND RIGHT WING MODERN EARTH, WHEN SUDDENLY SHE NOTICES JIMMINY GLICK STARING AT HER FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MIRROR. HE IS NOT IN HER ROOM, ONLY IN THE MIRROR IMAGE OF IT. JIMMINY GLICK IS EATING A CHAIR.



EMMA BOVARY

Aren't you David Lynch?



JIMMINY GLICK

No I'm Jimminy Glick. You're confused because Martin Short usually plays me. That's not important right now. What's important is the three strange men behind me.



HE WALKS AWAY AND SHE NOTICES MAN WITH GUN, BALDRICK AND WHITE NARRATOR ARE SITTING ON HER BED, BUT ONLY IN THE MIRROR IMAGE OF IT, PLAYING POKER FOR THE SAME THREE OPENED PACKETS OF PRETZELS WHICH HAVE FEATURED IN ALL FILMS AND TV EVER, IN WHICH PEOPLE PLAYED POKER FOR PRETZELS OR WHILST EATING PRETZELS. MAN WITH GUN LOOKS UP AND SEES HER AND IS AS SHOCKED AS SHE IS.



CUT TO...



INT. HOTEL ROOM. MAN WITH GUN, BALDRICK AND WHITE NARRATOR ARE PLAYING POKER FOR PRETZELS.



MAN WITH GUN

Look Baldrick, in the mirror. It's Emma Bovary. We shouldn't be sitting around wasting our time, we have a job to do.



HE WALKS OVER TO THE MIRROR.



MAN WITH GUN

Can you hear me Emma Bovary?



EMMA BOVARY

Who are you?



MAN WITH GUN (TO BALDRICK)

She can hear me.



MAN WITH GUN (TO EMMA BOVARY)

Don't worry about who I am, I'm a friend. If you're Emma Bovary, sit tight, we've come to save you from Bourgeois Hell.



EMMA BOVARY

Finally, someone who understands. Who are you? WHERE are you?



MAN WITH GUN

Uh - not quite sure.



BALDRICK

I thought you said we're in the dream of a yucca plant.



MAN WITH GUN

It might be a fern Baldrick. Or anything. Probably a pot plant. You're being too specific. It could be any pot plant.



MAN WITH GUN (TO EMMA BOVARY)

Do you have any pot plants nearby? Any unusual flora and fauna love?



EMMA BOVARY

So you're mad? So I'm caught between neoliberals, tories, entirely mindless advertising executives and a mad person?



MAN WITH GUN

No I'm not mad, I'm - look, wherever you are, you may be in danger. If there is a pot plant somewhere in your vicinity you must get away from it, or destroy it or something.



EMMA BOVARY

There's some daffodils in a vase.



MAN WITH GUN

No it would be a pot plant. If it's a vase you're okay.



BALDRICK

What about the fridge?



WHITE NARRATOR

I've checked, there's only beer.



EMMA BOVARY ALMOST JUMPS OUT OF HER SKIN, SINCE WHITE NARRATOR IS NOW IN HER HOTEL ROOM.



EMMA BOVARY

Who the hell are you? Wait a minute. You're Edward Norton. Can I get your autograph, it's for, ahem, my daughter.



WHITE NARRATOR

I am not Edward Norton, I am a character he's playing -



MAN WITH GUN PUNCHES HIM IN THE FACE AND HE FALLS FLAT ON THE GROUND



EMMA BOVARY

What the hell?



MAN WITH GUN

It's alright, I think our meat-head friend there managed to break through some kind of spacetime barrier in to your part of the world we're trapped in which, you may want to take note right now, is the dream of a pot plant. No ordinary dream, a tormented dream beset with fear of apocalypse and the banality of evil.



EMMA BOVARY

Hence the choice of subject matter.



MAN WITH GUN

That's right. And we have to prevent the degeneration of this dream into the worst sort of meltdown imaginable. Last time we had to deal with nuclear and military meltdown. This time it's going to be worse, the author is clearly going to take it to a new level of horror, whatever that is.



EMMA BOVARY

I don't understand. Are we in a screenplay, as you imply with your mention of an author, or are we in the mind of a pot plant?



CAPTAIN WILLARD'S BOAT SMASHES THROUGH THE WALL AND INTO THE ROOM, WHERE IT GRINDS TO A HALT.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

We had this conversation already. I think it's a dream. We're all asleep and dreaming of being here, in this situation where someone is telling us that all of reality, even outside our dream, is a dream.



MAN WITH GUN

Not this time, Captain Willard. This is just the main dream, not a dream inside a dream.



BERNIE SANDERS ENTERS



BERNIE SANDERS

Hang on, hang on, if this is just the main dream, how did Willard get here, to urban Europe, from Guam, in that boat? Not just so fast, but how could the boat get into this room? Where is the water?



JIMMINY GLICK APPEARS AGAIN.



JIMMINY GLICK

I think I can explain that.



BERNIE SANDERS

You're David Lynch.



JIMMINY GLICK

No I'm Jimminy Glick, in the script. Let me explain -



THEY LEAVE, WITH GLICK EXPLAINING TO SANDERS WHAT HE FEELS MAY BE GOING ON IN THIS SCREENPLAY



EMMA BOVARY

Well that was odd.



BALDRICK

Forgive me for intruding, my lords and ladies, but I still think King Turnip may be behind all this and we would be well advised to get out of here and conceal ourselves from the Turnip Royal Guard, which will make us all into shrubberies, all of them forming, from an aerial view, a cleverly constructed agriculture-based image of infamous comedian and travel writer Michael Palin.



EMMA BOVARY

Again. Things are getting very odd.



MAN WITH GUN

You're telling me. We're doing another one, they told me. You're the main character, they told me. This time you, the non white anti-hero, save the rich white woman from horror and grief, and she's a real feminist too. And what do I find? First they force me to have Edward Norton shadowing my insanity at every move, to try and pretend that you can benefit from white privilege but also be against the white-privilege-centric establishment at the same time, Charlie Sheen is back, probably hoping to stick his unmentionables into anything which can wear underwear, temporarily of course, and now David Lynch and Bernie Sanders are trying to turn it into a party political broadcast.



EMMA BOVARY

I thought you said this was a dream.



MAN WITH GUN

I think it's a screenplay of a dream of a dream of a screenplay.



THE PHONE RINGS. EVERYONE VANISHES AGAIN EXCEPT EMMA BOVARY. SHE ANSWERS THE PHONE. AMERICAN SPY IS AT THE OTHER END.



AMERICAN SPY

Darling, I can't believe this is happening now, but I've just had an urgent call from Jimmy Carr asking me to help him figure out the best way for him to give charity to the bioweapons department of the Israeli military. I need to get hold of Deniro and talk to him, he remembers how I arranged that the last time. It's a lot of money. A LOT of foul mouth racist macho people spend their money on Jimmy Carr's professional imperial juvenility. You're going to have to manage without me this time.



EMMA BOVARY

But -



AMERICAN SPY

Sorry I have to go now. I'll call you the moment I've finished my work.



HE HANGS UP AND GOES BACK TO ROGERING CHARLES BOVARY.



EMMA BOVARY (TO HERSELF)

Why did he say professional imperial juvenility - a man as ignorant as him sees that as high satire, as attacks on the corrupt - whilst anyone of intelligence couldn't possibly compare Jimmy Carr's puerile machismo to the anti-establishment wit of Jonathan Swift, or even Vic Reeves on a good day, that's not the sort of thing these backward lovers of mine usually see to be the case. I don't understand. Something odd really is going on. Was I dreaming all those strange people?



MAN WITH GUN REAPPEARS, BUT ONLY IN THE MIRROR. THE OTHER TWO ARE NOT THERE, NOR IS WILLARD OR HIS BOAT.



MAN WITH GUN

No I don't think so. And I think the reason he spoke out of character is to do with Godot.



EMMA BOVARY

But Waiting for Godot was written a long time after Flaubert and has apparently nothing to do with Madam Bovary. What has Godot got to do with it?



MAN WITH GUN

I'm afraid this is the second film. You didn't see the first one. It was insane. Nukes flying. Fat dumb American presidents running around the world while the author played fast and loose with eighties stereotype-laden comedy and drama characters. Didn't end well. Tony Blair almost became involved. And even though the writer cut him out before the very end, it was still pretty much the most grim ending possible.



EMMA BOVARY

And you think this time it'll be even worse?



MAN WITH GUN

Logically there's no alternative possibility we can deduce to be probable. Is there?



EMMA BOVARY

No, I suppose not. And you say that if we find the right pot plant and eliminate it the whole show is over and Dawn French will spring up and do her best rendition of "Here comes the bride".



MAN WITH GUN

Yes, I think that's a pretty apt metaphor.



EMMA BOVARY PUTS ON HER COAT AND HAT AND PICKS UP HER HANDBAG AND SHE AND MAN WITH GUN LEAVE HER HOTEL ROOM.



CUT TO..



INT. THE ISRAELI EMBASSY IN LONDON. LOUIS XVI AND MARIE ANTOINETTE ARE EATING BATTENBERGS AND DRINKING CUPS OF TEA.



LOUIS XVI

TONY, TONY, I JUST GOT A FACEBOOK FRIEND REQUEST FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

I've told you before, Vic, you can't shorten Marie Antoinette to Tony.



LOUIS XVI

Why not? You called me Vic.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Yes but that was a departure from the fiction, that was just a step into the world beyond the fiction, although under the circumstances it's hard to say in which direction the step moved. Anyway, it's not the same at all. You can call me Mary for short if you like.



LOUIS XVI

Alright Mary. So what should I do? Should I accept his friend request?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Why not Vic? He's a nice bloke. Has his own set of golf clubs and a proper barometer. We may need to borrow either. I think the president would be a useful friend even if he is a bit of a racist genocidal maniac who's obsessed with sex and is only a gender-egalitarian insofar as he treats everyone with equal contempt and equally as nothing but a means to an end, regardless of gender, although gender may impact the ends involved or desired. I say go for it. You added Henry Kissinger, didn't you? How can you really sink any lower?



LOUIS XVI

I could. I haven't replied to Alistair Campbell yet.



LOUIS XVI ACCEPTS PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK'S FRIEND REQUEST AND THEN GETS A PRIVATE MESSAGE IN WHICH THE PRESIDENT INVITES LOUIS XVI AND HIS HOT WIFE TO HANG OUT WITH THEM IN THE WAR ROOM IN WASHINGTON.



LOUIS XVI

Mary, Mary, the President wants to meet me and my hot wife.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

You can't do that, Vic. You don't have a hot wife. Your wife is played by me and I'm hardly hot. I'm a man.



LOUIS XVI

Well if the president's gay then you might be hot.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Have you met the president? He's a proper village idiot dinosaur-man. Purely paleolithic. The fact that this screenplay is littered with gender shuffling and actors playing characters the wrong gender, interspersed with gay plots, would totally throw him. He's going to be pretty upset if you walk into the war room with a man dressed as a female french aristocrat.



LOUIS XVI

So what are we going to to Bob? I mean Tony. I mean Mary.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

I'm thinking, Vic. I'm thinking.



MARIE ANTOINETTE THINKS.



CUT TO..



EXT. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE SET. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE IS TRYING TO ESTABLISH THE MOST LIKELY CHARACTERISTICS OF HIS/HER SHOW.



DEMPSEY

So we know to begin with that there must be some sort of personality clash between the two police officers, there always is. In Due South you had the lazy one and the overzealous one. Generally speaking if you have two cops, the purpose of having two is that they argue with each other and take very different approaches, leading them to constantly bounce the plot in different directions.



MAKEPEACE

You're probably right but you're overlooking the most important characteristic - by essentially legitimising both proper, indeed over-zealous use of law and authority at the same time as improper, lazy or even purely delusionary methods, including abandoning things like the presumption of innocence, indeed due process, indeed civilised behaviour, the primary purpose of any cop show or similar is to remind civilians that authority-figures should, gladly, be given absolute power over all life which appears on their tv show.



DEMPSEY

You've got a point there, Makers old son.



MAKEPEACE

If you're doing the English accent then I have to be the woman don't I? I mean if you speak in an obviously English accent people will just assume you're Richard Briers and imagine you to be the male. So you can't call me old son.



DEMPSEY

Alright then, old girl.



MAKEPEACE

Personally I think the author's taking the whole sending up of the pantomime-like ostentatious exhibitionist nature of western 'gay rights' flag wavers, most of whom actually don't care about gay rights and aren't gay but need a whole armoury of virtue signals to use to cover their tracks as they plough on each day with genocide, ecocide and species-wide collective suicide, just a tiny bit too far.



DEMPSEY

How much is a tiny bit?



MAKEPEACE

Three or four hundred words. Not much in contrast to say a medium sized technical lecture by Chomsky.



DEMPSEY

But a lot longer than a tweet from the president of the USA.



MAKEPEACE

An advert for dog food would have more words than the average nugget of 'wisdom' from the Americans' infamous tweeting president. Words are not the president's strong point.



DEMPSEY

Does the president indeed have any strong points?



CUT TO..



EXT. GUAM. CAPTAIN WILLARD IS SOMEHOW BACK IN GUAM, STILL IN THE BOAT, WITH THE CREW, BUT NOW IN THE MIDDLE OF GUAM HIGH STREET, BY THE LOCAL TESCO OPPOSITE THE KRISPY KREME.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I had no idea what the hell was going on. I knew that the screenwriter was showing the audience that the president really did have a sort of 'strong' front end, which was me, but I wasn't sure if the author was, in fact, mocking me. Bouncing me around reality like a basketball, robbed of any self-determination or even rational reality in which my character might at least be able to build itself some humanlike narrative so as to be recognised as more than a mere punch and judy puppet.



MAN WITH GUN COMES OUT OF THE TESCO WITH A BAG CONTAINING ALL THE CHILLI PLANTS IN THAT PARTICULAR TESCO BRANCH, IE THE GUAM HIGH STREET BRANCH. HE WALKS OVER TO CAPTAIN WILLARD AND PLACES THE PLANTS IN FRONT OF WILLARD. HE THEN TAKES WILLARD'S GUN FROM WILLARD, AS THOUGH WILLARD'S MIND IS ENTIRELY AT HIS DISPOSAL, AND HE SHOOTS ALL OF THE PLANTS.



MAN WITH GUN

Nope. We're still here.



BALDRICK AND WHITE NARRATOR APPEAR ALSO, COMING FROM KRISPY KREME.



BALDRICK

Do you think there's a subtle joke about racial profiling hidden in this scene, my lord?



MAN WITH GUN

Very possibly, Baldrick.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I know you, you're Godot.



MAN WITH GUN

No I'm not, I'm Man with Gun, can't you read. Look, it's right there.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

My mistake, sorry. Should we all just go somewhere, play some poker, eat some chilli, drink a few beers, that sort of thing? I mean we don't have to play it the way the screenwriter wants us to. We can outwit him.



EMMA BOVARY APPEARS ALSO, FROM TESCO, WITH A FULL TROLLEY LADEN WITH GLUTEO-LIPID MAXIMISATION RESOURCES.



EMMA BOVARY

Or her, captain.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

Madam Bovary!



EMMA BOVARY

Captain Willard.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I have a bedroom on the boat. We can move straight on to the part of the film which you're here primarily to cater to, assuming this is standard western 'art'.



EMMA BOVARY

That's quite an assumption, captain. I'm afraid you Americans overlook that little devilish thing called the details, when you cast yourselves and figure out your plot points and mid points and what nots.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I don't follow.



EMMA BOVARY

Oh but you do. You are nothing but a sheep. You tart yourself up like a cheap heterosexual male whore. And you think all I need is a good seeing to when the one thing I need least is more sex or the ego of another penis-with-man-attached.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

You're very harsh. I don't understand. I'm the hero. I'm here to save you. Or why would I be played by Charlie Sheen?



EMMA BOVARY

My friend Man with Gun here has explained to me the fact that in the first film you thought you were there to save the world from Godot when in reality it was up to Godot to save the world from you and everyone else in the film. In this film clearly most of the same characteristics are true - you, in short - are no force for good. No matter what you seem, all you really are is an engine powering the motion of this film towards a bad, a very bad, filthy, dirty ending. Why else cast YOU? And indeed me.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I see your point. But what about him? Why do you think he's the good guy? Everywhere he goes everything melts into chaos. And he's a maniac. He keeps shooting plants. Ever since I first met him he's been doing it. Just out of the blue. This time he bought them. The man bought seventeen chilli plants for putting on your windowsill, he took my assault rifle and he blew them away. Is this a man you feel can guide you through these troubled times to a stable future?



EMMA BOVARY

I don't expect you to understand that, but do understand this: he's the only man in the screenplay who doesn't try to have sex with me whilst also not being gay. THAT is why I trust him and not you. For him this film is about something else, it's not a porn film as it is for you and Tyler Durden over there. For him this film is nothing more than a continuation across the spacetime continuum of the nightmarish vision behind works like Flaubert's Madam Bovary, and so much more, from Gilliam's Brazil and Ionesco's Rhinoceros to the words and works, long gone, of the nameless poets of the distant past who surely first lit this fire which has burned so brightly over the ages and in the faces of so many fascist tyrants, saying to each and every one: you can bully them, mother fucker, but YOU CANNOT BULLY ME. What I have written I have written.



CUT TO..



INT. HOTEL ROOM WHERE CHARLES BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY ARE CONTINUING TO HAVE GAY SEX LONG INTO THE NIGHT. THEY TAKE A BREAK TO WATCH THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST AND TO PLAY RUGBY. AFTER RUCKING AND MAULING AND SINGING ABBA SONGS AND SUCH THEY TAKE A FURTHER BREAK TO GO TO THE GYM AND THEN AFTER MORE GAY SEX DECIDE TO HAVE MORE CONVERSATION, SINCE THEY'RE BOTH SO GOOD WITH WORDS AND IT SEEMS A SHAME NOT TO.



CHARLES BOVARY

So do you know where I can find Mel Brooks?



AMERICAN SPY

Didn't I tell you? I spoke to someone at the Israeli embassy and they found us a Mel Brooks already. He's waiting for us in the lobby.



CHARLES BOVARY

A Mel Brooks? So not the actual one?



AMERICAN SPY

Well, when there is such an oversupply of celebrities and actors in the west, who needs the real thing? There's always a dozen copies and duplicates and potential posers or imposters for any celebrity worth a few bucks.



CHARLES BOVARY

I don't know. My wife is quite intelligent. I know you wouldn't expect it of me, but there it is. My one mistake. I married a woman who considers her mind to be more important than her vagina.



AMERICAN SPY

I suppose if you find someone like that what else can you do. It's got to be worth a lot of money, a one in a million like that.



CHARLES BOVARY

Particularly to a pair of randy gay men like ourselves, eh?



AMERICAN SPY CHUCKLES



AMERICAN SPY

Do you think she's gone to sleep by now?



CHARLES BOVARY

Indubitably. Dreaming of enabling children to live natural and calm lives or some other insane far-left fantasy. She hangs around with too many of these anti-semitic anti-genocide people who don't realise that unless we kill all the people we say we're going to kill, they may try to kill us first. We have to deter them.



AMERICAN SPY

Indeed, genocide is the only deterrant. Hippies and far-left terrorists just don't understand. Their answer to everything is violence or just being annoying.



CHARLES BOVARY

They should be lined up against the wall and shot.



THE TWO TAKE THE LIFT DOWN TO THE LOBBY WHERE MEL BROOKS IS WAITING FOR THEM, EATING A KEBAB AND DRINKING BEER.



CHARLES BOVARY

But that's Johnny Vegas. She'll know. She's not stupid.



AMERICAN SPY

Yes but she'll have to play along, it's part of the fiction. She can't very well argue against actors playing characters in this film. What does she expect? Some sort of Pirandello-meets-Douglas-Adams type of thing? Before you know it we'll be back to Richard Briers talking to himself which, even if it is entertaining, does distract us completely from the key nodes of the plot of this film.



CHARLES BOVARY

All the gay sex has caused me to forget what they are. Please refresh my memory. What is actually going on in this film other than gay sex, dubiously portrayed through gender-mismatched actors such that the heterosexual relationships are actually gay and the gay relationships are actually heterosexual.



AMERICAN SPY

If you recall we decided to use your wife to kick start a fake revolution which will result in the empowerment of a global monarch operating as the puppet of the new Israeli government.



CHARLES BOVARY

Oh yes, the Israelis. All that killing and genocide and torture. Come on, let's go back upstairs.



MEL BROOKS

Don't you want to hear my act?



AMERICAN SPY

It's okay, you're part of an insignificant side-plot. Do it how you like.

(HE GIVES MEL BROOKS A PILE OF CASH)

Go and get yourself a drink, just be back here at lunchtime.



MEL BROOKS

(LOOKS AT THE WAD OF CASH)

Maybe I'll get myself a bar.



AMERICAN SPY

Just get back here at lunchtime, that's all. We need you to talk to some Iraqi kid.



CHARLES BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY GO BACK UPSTAIRS AND CONTINUE TO HAVE GAY SEX UNTIL THE AUDIENCE NO LONGER FINDS IT NOVEL AND INTERESTING AND FINDS SOME OTHER NICHE BEHAVIOUR TO CHAMPION AS THE EVIDENCE OF THEIR ADVANCEMENT.



CUT TO..



INT. ISRAELI EMBASSY.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

What about Dan Hodges?



LOUIS XVI

Surely he's a man too?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Don't make me laugh. He boasts about making entire groups of people froth and foam at the mouth in anger, as he did when Corbyn lost the election to Johnson. Even though right after he had been promoting making people froth and foam at the mouth to 'celebrate' the killing of 'jihadi john', some people frothed and foamed so much they massacred the writers of Charlie Hebdo - days after Mr 'make them froth and foam at the mouth' had been proudly advocating justice by summary execution on twitter.



LOUIS XVI

So that makes him a child, not a woman. This film is lampooning fake feminists, not women Bob. You need someone who can look sexy. Dan Hodges won't do. His cowardice is irrelevant, he looks like an ape. President Quackquack will not fancy him. You need a better idea. What about Winona Ryder?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

He'd snap her like a twig. You need someone more Viking.



AMERICAN SPY SUDDENLY REVEALS HIMSELF FROM BEHIND THE CURTAIN.



AMERICAN SPY

What you need, if you'll forgive my listening in on you and treating you as fair game -



LOUIS XVI

You work for the Israeli State and the American military, do you think we would ascribe any other ethical modality to you?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

You tell him Vic. I'm sick of his smart arse ideas. They always go wrong.



AMERICAN SPY

Hear me out. I have the ideal woman for you to use. Emma Bovary. I'm her agent.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Is she doing gigs still? I thought she'd retired after that standup night in Merseyside she did went really wrong and she was chased away by a mob of female dockyard workers.



LOUIS XVI

I like this idea very much. I'm going to buy myself a new crown and sceptre and a new suit from Giorgi Armani, and some after shave.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

But you don't shave, Vic. You're just tarting yourself up so you can have sweaty sex with Emma Bovary by seducing her with a combination of your northern charm and your dashing metropolitan dress sense.



AMERICAN SPY

So it's all set, then?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Yeah, I think Vic's up for it. I mean Louis.



AMERICAN SPY

I'll be back with her in 24 hours. Then we can fly you to Washington and have some fun. In the meantime I'll leave Kiefer Sutherland with you to shoot some extra footage to edit in later.



AMERICAN SPY LEAVES. KIEFER SUTHERLAND SITS DOWN ON A HIGH CHAIR AND BEGINS TO EAT A RUSK.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Excuse me, but what the Turkey Dinner Marketing Campaign are you supposed to be doing here? This scene ends in a few lines so I don't know what you're going to do for 24 hours, while we wait for our next shoot.



LOUIS XVI

Yeah, I can't hang about here with Kiefer Sutherland for 24 hours. A man needs to eat and sleep.



KIEFER SUTHERLAND

I think the idea is that footage of me spending the next 24 hours with you, minute by minute, will be run in diptych next to the main film. Surely that's right up your street, true parody. I mean "24" was awful, such horrible propaganda fuelling xenophobia and division and glorifying and justifying violence and barbarism.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Ordinarily I'd like to stay and agree with you but we're going off set now and then we'll just be ourselves.



LOUIS XVI

Bob will go and break a few apples in half with his thumb and I will paint a picture of a member of the British Royal Family looking like a miner.



KIEFER SUTHERLAND

Fair enough, I can't fault you there. My dad was really good in MASH, the film. Anyway, we may as well let Richard Briers have a scene now, we can always just leave the camera in the fridge and film whatever's inside it for the rest of the 24 hours.





CUT TO..





EXT. DEMPSEY AND MAKEPEACE SET. BATMAN HAS JUST RESCUED AN ARMED ISRAELI FROM A PALESTINIAN BABY IN A PRAM AND IS JUST EATING THE BABY, HAVING FRIED IT UP, WITH PEPPERCORN SAUCE, LISTENING TO ZIGGY MARLEY TUNES WITH A MACHINE POWERED BY INTEL WHILST MORRISSEY GIVES HIM A BACK-RUB.



DEMPSEY

I say I say I say. What have we here?



MAKEPEACE

It's Batman, he's on our side.



BATMAN

Hello Dempsey and Makepeace. I liked you in that film Arthur. I thought you were shorter.



DEMPSEY

I think you have me confused with Dudley Moore.



BATMAN

Is he your twin brother?



DEMPSEY

Why don't you just go back to the Baywatch set and put on some lotion or something.



BATMAN

What about Knight Rider? I haven't always been obsessed with my body.



MAKEPEACE

And that's another thing. Why do you superheroes always dress up in the most flamboyant and seemingly homosexual clothes possible? I don't understand. Generation upon generation of satirist has lampooned you for it and you still do it. Nowadays in CGI and with a budget bigger than the annual food budget of a small third world nation or a big American or British city under corporate rule. Why do you do it? Are you oblivious to how stupid you look?



BATMAN

Oh come on, there's no need to punch so low. Do you think I enjoy being famous only because largely brainless young women fantasize about me or even more brainless young men to want women to fantasize about them and feel that copying me is the way to do it, presumably not a bad guess for people that stupid.



DEMPSEY

You're not trying to pretend that underneath that show tunes, baywatch, american authoritarian hide-in-the-shadows enforcer is a person capable of things like mutual aid, critical self-analysis and evolution? Really? You're having me on.



BATMAN

Look I just came here to help some Israelis, same as you.



MAKEPEACE

Don't imagine I'm here helping Israelis gladly. I promise you the very first chance I get to truly defy the part I've been cast in I will, and I will bring down the house.



BATMAN

Okay, but your mental breakdown aside, what I came to your set to tell you was that my associates are planning to kick off a major coup, using Emma Bovary as the pivot to the coup. I think you and I should get down to where the action is and make sure that we stand up for justice, white racial preference and the AngloZionist and Other White American way.



DEMPSEY

Well why didn't you say so? Thanks very much for the gold and frankincense. Don't worry so much about the myrrh next time. Let's go.





CUT TO.. A CLOUD FLOATING ABOVE TRAFALGAR SQUARE. MAN WITH GUN IS IN THE LOTUS POSITION. BALDRICK AND WHITE NARRATOR AND EMMA BOVARY ARE PLAYING CANASTA.



EMMA BOVARY

So what you're saying is that if we find the plant and kill it the whole of this horrific ordeal involving sadistic men in suits, hyperconsumer morons, hypersexual hyperconsumer morons, sorry, will come to a dramatic end?



MAN WITH GUN

Not necessarily end. Certainly a stationary point of some sort.



EMMA BOVARY

Forgive me but I'm not a mathematician. What's a stationary point?



MAN WITH GUN

Well it's not an end, but it's a kind of pause, before something else happens, in this case something else terrible.



EMMA BOVARY

By which you mean -



MAN WITH GUN

It'll turn out that whatever we kill is just the dream of something dreaming it was the plant having the dream. Probably. If it went that way the first time why should it not continue in that vein until the author has exhausted all edges of this universe to test and has been through all those institutions and individuals she or he wants or needs to challenge, ridicule and humiliate.



EMMA BOVARY

So we could end up shooting the plant, ending the bourgeois farce, and then suddenly turn up in an entirely new film called Planet of the Sales Apes, or something.



BALDRICK

That, my lord and lady, is precisely the sort of thing the screenwriter would throw in if the next script were indeed going to be called that.



WHITE NARRATOR

But what the screenwriter also then get you, Baldrick, to bring this up, out of some sort of vanity, or an additional theatrical device? Or would she or he throw himself or herself against a wall using only their tie, because of the capacity to defy actual laws of physics.



MAN WITH GUN

In a dream there are no laws of physics, you forget Norton. Remember, this film is not about white saviours, it's about me, saving her, from a lot of idiots.



EMMA BOVARY

Well it's hardly saving me if we're all going to end up in the next film anyway.



MAN WITH GUN

Alright, temporarily relieving you of extreme stress and horror.



EMMA BOVARY'S PHONE RINGS. SUDDENLY THE CLOUD VANISHES AND THEY REAPPEAR IN HER HOTEL ROOM, IN THE MIRROR. SHE ANSWERS IT AND SPEAKS, BUT SHE IS STILL ONLY IN THE MIRROR.



CHARLES BOVARY

Emma darling, I have Mel Brooks with me. Meet me at Macdonald's on the Strand. The Charity Corporation is sending over an Iraqi orphan to meet us there for lunch.



EMMA BOVARY (REAPPEARS IN HOTEL ROOM BUT THE OTHER THREE REMAIN IN THE MIRROR)

You came through. I don't know what to say. I'll get dressed and see you there.



SHE HANGS UP THE PHONE AND LOOKS IN THE MIRROR WHERE THE THREE STRANGERS ARE, MAN WITH GUN STILL IN THE LOTUS POSITION.



MAN WITH GUN

It's not Mel Brooks, you know, it's Johnny Vegas pretending to be him.



EMMA BOVARY

I did read the cast list at the start you know.



MAN WITH GUN

Well that won't have told you about the Iraqi orphan.



EMMA BOVARY

What about the Iraqi orphan?



MAN WITH GUN

They vetted her, they went through fifty and found the one who could most successfully be trained to say "I love my American overlords, I want to eat Macdonald's and watch tv shows about people doing violent things all day, have an overactive but low quality sex life, become clinically obese or overweight at the very least and multiply my carbon footprint by nine."



CUT TO.. INT. MACDONALD'S. EMMA BOVARY STANDS TO GREET THE IRAQI ORPHAN GIRL PRESENTED TO HER.



IRAQI ORPHAN GIRL

I love my American overlords, I want to eat Macdonald's and watch tv shows about people doing violent things all day, have an overactive but low quality sex life, become clinically obese or overweight at the very least and multiply my carbon footprint by nine.



EMMA BOVARY

I'm very pleased to meet you. I'd like you to meet a friend of mine called Mel Brooks, he's very funny and I think he'll make you see that the Americans who told you they are your overlords are just fascist berks and that a good American is someone like my friend Mel.



MEL BROOKS

Pleased to meet ya, Iraqi orphan.



IRAQI ORPHAN GIRL

But you're Johnny Vegas. I've seen Blazing Saddles you know, and Shooting Stars. I do know difference. Anyway, it doesn't matter because I love my American overlords, I want to eat Macdonald's and watch tv shows about people doing violent things all day, have an overactive but low quality sex life, become clinically obese or overweight at the very least and multiply my carbon footprint by nine.



EMMA BOVARY

This isn't going the way I'd imagined.



CHARLES BOVARY

I did try to tell you, darling. These people are not like us. As Boris Johnson said, they are centuries behind us. Look at their attitude to anal sex, for example. Centuries behind us. And they don't drink. Can you believe they don't drink?



EMMA BOVARY

Sometimes I think you do this to me to actually make me not want to have sex with you so you can go off and have a romp with a gay lover or something. Honestly Charles, you are basically the worst man in the world to be married to. What the hell was Flaubert thinking, setting me up with you? What a cruel cruel piss-taker he was.



HER PHONE RINGS. AMERICAN SPY SPEAKS.



AMERICAN SPY

Hello darling, I want to take you somewhere amazing. You'll have to pretend to be the Queen of France, though. Can you meet me in 10 minutes in Fleet Street?



EMMA BOVARY

Very easily. (TURNS TO CHARLES) Charles, you, the northern comedian and the house-trained Iraqi slave-girl can conclude this scene by yourselves. I'm going to do something I can regret and forget how much I hate the tedious and banal character of your pseudo-glamorous life.



SHE WALKS OUT.



CUT TO..



INT. CAPTAIN WILLARD'S BOAT. MAN WITH GUN, BALDRICK, WHITE NARRATOR, CAPTAIN WILLARD, RANDOM SOLDIER, COLONEL POTTER, CLINGER, ARE PLAYING POKER, FOR CASH, WHILST EATING THE SAME PRETZELS ALWAYS FEATURED IN ALL TV AND FILM POKER GAMES.



MAN WITH GUN

What I'd like to know, gentlemen, is where the hell we are.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

I thought you said we're in a dream, or a screenplay.



MAN WITH GUN

Don't get cocky with me, Captain. I'm the only one who ends up surviving, other than Madam Bovary, you must surely realise.



CAPTAIN WILLARD

How can the plot of a story be obvious only half way through?



COLONEL POTTER

How can it not be? The plot of every work of art is woven into the smallest part. You could tell just from the title what would happen. Instead of the Bourgeoisie continuing business as usual and the outlier vanishing into nonentity, the outlier survives and the entire Bourgeoisie turns out to be the insane dream of a possibly disturbed member of the plant species, put out of its misery by an angry black man from the north of England.



MAN WITH GUN

As I was saying, the reason I'd like to know where we are is because I'm losing time here. Somewhere either in our vicinity or eluding me entirely is a plant which needs to be killed so that we can escape the insane horror of this thread of possibilities, floating as they are, around the spacetime continuum or continuums.



BALDRICK

Are you certain, my lord, that King Turnip isn't at the heart of this untoward status quo?



CLINGER

Are you nuts?



MAN WITH GUN

That joke was far too predictable. Clearly we are getting ever closer to that moment where the screenwriter has compacted so many good threads together that the final horrific descent into the delta of this dark farce rolls down like a waterfall at the end of a seemingly calm river.



WHITE NARRATOR

They've got Emma Bovary and they are taking her to the War Room so that the American Agent can begin his dark games to take over the world on behalf of Israel and sell the King of France to an alien species for experimentation.



MAN WITH GUN

How do you know that? This film isn't about white saviours. Who gave YOU inside information on the unfolding of this narrative, boyscout?



LIFTS WHITE NARRATOR UP BY HIS BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD T-SHIRT AND HOLDS HIM AGAINST THE WALL.



WHITE NARRATOR

Okay, okay, I admit it. It was King Turnip.



MAN WITH GUN THROWS WHITE NARRATOR TO THE GROUND.



MAN WITH GUN

Bollocks. There's no such person.



BALDRICK

See, I told you my lord. This is King Turnip's doing. King Turnip and the Knights of the Folding Plastic Garden Set.



WHITE NARRATOR

No, that's just insane. I'm talking about King Turnip, the powerful billionaire who owns Ronald MacDonald.



MAN WITH GUN

Rubbish. MacDonald's is owned by some guy called Clive or Andrew or something.



WHITE NARRATOR

Not MacDonald's, Ronald MacDonald, the burger-selling clown and Mafia Gangland Warlord.



MAN WITH GUN

Oh, I see.



LOOKS AT BALDRICK



MAN WITH GUN

Have you been feeding him the same juju beans you've been eating, Baldrick? Why is he saying the same crazy shit as you?



BALDRICK

Should we not, my lord, pay more attention to the Israeli scheme to take over the world?



MAN WITH GUN

Why, Baldrick? The problem has nothing to do with that. These are all just characters, in a fiction. The problem is the plant and the horrific dream it's having. The problem is it should wake up, not that any part of the dream is bad. It is the nature of this dream.



BALDRICK

Why is the cactus having so many bad dreams, my lord?



COLONEL POTTER

I was going to ask that.



MAN WITH GUN

If we are characters in the dream of some sort of plant or even vegetable, then how do WE know what the vegetable's been doing which caused the dream. Maybe the soil's eroded or something. I don't know. It's probably climate change related.



COLONEL POTTER

Excuse me Mr With Gun, but surely there's something important we're overlooking.



MAN WITH GUN

What would that be, Colonel?



COLONEL POTTER

They've got Emma Bovary and they are taking her to the War Room so that the American Agent can begin his dark games to take over the world on behalf of Israel and sell the King of France to an alien species for experimentation.



MAN WITH GUN

How do you know that? This film isn't about white saviours. Who gave YOU inside information on the unfolding of this narrative, boyscout?



LIFTS COLONEL POTTER UP BY HIS BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD T-SHIRT AND HOLDS HIM AGAINST THE WALL.



COLONEL POTTER

Edward Norton just said so.



WHITE NARRATOR

I am not Edward Norton, I am a character he is portraying. I am -



MAN WITH GUN

(punches him)

SHUT IT.



CUT TO..



EXT. M4. LOUIS XVI AND EMMA BOVARY AND AMERICAN SPY AND MARIE ANTOINETTE ARE ON THE TRACTOR, HEADING TO HEATHROW AIRPORT. AMERICAN SPY IS FUMING. THE OTHER THREE ARE HAVING A LAUGH, PARTICULARLY EMMA BOVARY, WHO IS WELL CHEERED UP BY THE LUNACY OF LOUIS XVI.



AMERICAN SPY

Why do we have to use a tractor? For fuck's sake it'll take hours, we'll miss the plane.



LOUIS XVI

Look, I'm the King aren't I? And if you're serious about giving me control of all the world outside Israel then you'd let me travel by tractor. So unless you're just pretending that you're helping us, you'd better let me travel by tractor.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Tractors are the transport system of the Farm Kings, you know.



AMERICAN SPY

What the hell are you talking about? Why are you even here?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Don't worry I'll blend into the background.



SHOWS THEM HIS AMERICAN DISGUISE. IT IS A BIG BELLY AND A T-SHIRT STAINED WITH BEER, AND A HUGE BOX OF LARD, AND A TV REMOTE CONTROL.



AMERICAN SPY

Are you serious?



MARIE ANTOINETTE

You haven't seen the finishing touch. Pulls a cowboy hat out of a carrier bag and puts it on.



AMERICAN SPY

You should have said.



AMERICAN SPY IS NO LONGER PERTURBED. THEY FINALLY REACH THE ENTRANCE TO HEATHROW AIRPORT. EMMA BOVARY DECIDES TO FOLLOW LOUIS' EXAMPLE AND STICK IT TO AMERICAN SPY WHILE SHE HAS THE CHANCE AND THE SCREENPLAY IS VEERING HER WAY, ON ITS WAY TO A CALAMITOUS ENDING.



EMMA BOVARY

Let's go via Gatwick instead.



LOUIS XVI

Brilliant idea!



SWINGS TRACTOR AROUND AND HEADS OFF IN THE DIRECTION OF GATWICK. MARIE ANTOINETTE TUCKS INTO A BATTENBERG. SMOKE STARTS TO POUR OUT OF AMERICAN SPY'S NOSTRILS AND HIS EYES TURN GUANTANAMO-ORANGE.





INT. WAR ROOM. GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL IS DEMONSTRATING VIA A SLIDE SHOW AN ARTIST'S IMPRESSION OF GODOT.FIRST SLIDE WE SEE SHOWS AN ORDINARY PERSON ABOUT TO SELECT ORGANIC PRODUCE IN A SLIGHTLY EXPENSIVE SUPERMARKET FAVOURED BY THE MIDDLE CLASSES.



GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL

Here we see a potential terrorist about to make an extremist decision. See how he buys the organic produce and pays for it. This man is not buying organic produce by mistake or unknowingly - this is a calculated attempt to undermine the profit motive behind food and drink items whose purpose is not nutrition for the consumer but profit for the producer and is held in place by addiction on the consumer's part, as well as peer pressure. By refusing to participate in the perpetuation of capitalism the organic food product purchaser is purposely attempting to destroy the free market, no doubt in order to usher in communism. Such a vandal is, if not directly paid or controlled by Godot then at best controlled by an agent of Godot. Nuke such low-lifes on sight and then get yourself a big mac and a bucket of coca cola and never stop shopping. Do it on credit if you must, buy things you'll never need, if that's what it takes, but do it. Do not stop shopping, ever.



NEXT SLIDE SHOWS A STUDENT EATING AVOCADO ON SOURDOUGH TOAST, PURCHASED FROM THE SAME SUPERMARKET. THERE IS ALSO A SALAD ON THE SIDE.



GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL

In this one the tell tale sign isn't just the use of avocado as a food, rather than something normal like processed diluted meat and preservatives, not even the presence of sourdough bread instead of the cheapest most glutenously dodgy bread item on the cheapo supermarket shelf. In fact what makes this terrorist stand out from others, what enables us to see this is an organiser, not just a low ranking terrorist, is the salad. Your low ranking terrorist may well eat avocado toast and waste all the world's money whilst sensible people are busy having a donut for breakfast, a cheap, profitable to corporations, heart disease causing, triple bypass causing donut. But your low ranking terrorist probably won't have time to constantly make fresh salads and eat them at all hours of the day. Less dangerous salad eaters, those who don't organise, merely participate, will eat a salad occasionally, whereas your class A terrorist will eat salads morning, noon and night, as though high fibre, vitamins and minerals are more important than fats, sugars and an oversupply of carbohydrates. Indeed as the gutter press has recently reported, due to celebrities who tell people not to be fat stupid bastards, there are anorexic people. Anorexic people would not exist if nobody had a good diet, but selfishly some people out there not only have good diets but try to encourage others to join in their terrorist activities and form terror groups in which all members eat either relatively healthy food and occasional salads or, indeed, full blown regular salad dishes and generally very healthy food. There are people who even drink water, instead of fizzy sugar drinks or hot caffeine drinks. You cannot take risks with people like this. A missile strike is the only way.



PRESIDENT QUACKQUACK

This is boring. I thought we were going to have a stripper. Charlie Sheen's going to take care of Godot for us. All we have to do is eat burgers, drink a variety of alcoholic drinks and enjoy the company of strippers. You're letting Godot get to you.



GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL

I'm sorry sir, I don't know what came over me.



GENERAL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL GETS HIMSELF A STRIPPER AND ENJOYS HIMSELF.





CUT TO...





EXT. GATWICK AIRPORT. LOUIS XVI, MARIE ANTOINETTE, AMERICAN SPY AND EMMA BOVARY ARE TRUNDLING TOWARDS A PRIVATE JET WHICH AMERICAN SPY HAS HAD TO ARRANGE FOR THEM. E.T. IS IN THE WAY OF THE TRACTOR AND LOUIS, WHO IS DRIVING, IS FORCED TO DO AN EMERGENCY STOP.



LOUIS XVI

What the hell are you doing E.T.? You could have been killed.



E.T.

E.T. Phone home.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

You should have signed up for a contract with roaming calls, shouldn't you? You can't blame us if you didn't think things through when setting up your communication infrastructure before setting out to explore the galaxy.



E.T.

E.T. Phone home.



EMMA BOVARY

Oh come on, don't be mean. He just wants to use the phone. [GIVES E.T. HER MOBILE] Here, have mine. My husband is filthy rich and a total arsehole. Make as many calls as you like, he's paying.



E.T.

Thank you very much, you're very kind.



E.T. CALLS UP HIS UNCLE, BUGSY MALONE. PHONE RINGS. BUGSY ANSWERS



E.T.

Uncle Bugsy, I'm stranded in Boris Johnson's England, I need you to get me the fuck out of here. There are few places in the galaxy as hostile to me than this place.



CUT TO..



INT. GAY NIGHT CLUB. ACROSS THE TABLE FROM BUGSY MALONE ARE CHARLES BOVARY AND CAPTAIN PICARD.



BUGSY MALONE

Sorry E.T. I'm in a high level meeting right now. Have you thought about calling Bernie Sanders? He's definitely floating around this screenplay somewhere. He may be less hostile and aggressive towards outsiders than others in western politics. Get him to give you a lift to the war room in Washington. That's where the screenplay will end, I think. Or thereabouts. At least that's the impression I got.



CUT TO..



EXT. GATWICK AIRPORT (etc)



E.T.

Okay Uncle Bugsy. I'll do that.



HANGS UP. LOOKS AT EMMA BOVARY



E.T.

Apparently I should get a lift from Bernie Sanders to the war room in Washington.



EMMA BOVARY

That's where WE'RE going! Just come with us. [TO LOUIS XVI] We can give a lift to E.T. here can't we?



AMERICAN SPY

I absolutely forbid it



LOUIS XVI

You know what Bob.



MARIE ANTOINETTE

Vic, I've told you, call me Mary.



LOUIS XVI

You know what, Mary, I don't think I"m going to bother with President Quackquack after all. I think we should go to Pakistan and have a few games of cricket with Imran Khan. E.T. can play in mid field.



E.T.

There's no mid field in cricket, even I know that. What planet are you from Vic, I mean Louis?



AMERICAN SPY

Alright alright, he can come with us to the war room. But I'll have to call ahead or they're liable to shoot him (and us) on sight. Walking around America in the company of an alien is extremely dangerous. Americans like to kill anything living they don't recognise and quite a lot of things they do recognise. It's part of our culture. If you can't endorse mindless violence you're not just unamerican you're anti-american and should be killed, that's the ethos we have always lived by.



THEY BOARD THE PRIVATE JET.



CUT TO...



INT. WAR ROOM.

References: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3b9D1HaOKHs
http://opinion.tvhobo.com/owenjones_israel_numberwang.html

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 103: Perhaps some additional software on tvhobo, on the lines of something I had intended long ago and which this current software was intended to be {but over-estimated the intellectual and social mobility of the masses - where I'd imagined replying and rebutting and supporting my grid points would be a source of virality it turned out that nobody really wants to do those things, the virality was to be found, surprisingly, in the actual readership (and a little bit more, but I'll keep that to myself, because it is what some future growth of tvhobo certainly rests on)}.

Thrust: So this new software scheme is quite simple.

Direction of resistance: Let's pretend that ignorant woman on the telly who was insulting Laura Pidcock over the 'leaked details' of the NHS sell-off and wanted mainly to talk to Laura about her, the annoying racist tv presenter's hatred of and mistrust of Russians, and Laura wanted to talk about evidence that the NHS is being financially gang-raped all the way to its death - let's pretend THAT ignorant woman (ie the one refusing to discuss the details of how the NHS is to be fucked and wanted to try and cast doubt on the 'race' of some source or other via which the information, one presumes from what she says, is alleged to have been acquired) agreed to prove that either she or I was right or wrong about a number of key issues, using proper rules of logic, reason, debate and science.

Removal of resistance: She would brow beat me and be disdainful and ignore anything I said - the way most western people, particularly self-proclaimed 'elites' ('fake-elites' Pepe Escobar rightly calls them). It would be unproductive. As Chomsky said to Marr when Marr said "but Noamy Noamy - are you saying they're using mind control to make me obey them when I ask you the questions?" And Noamy says "all I'm saying is that if you were going to ask the right questions, you wouldn't have the job of asking the questions" (or words to that effect). These slackers, whether at school or on the telly, brow-beat you to 'win' the argument - they are children. Like the tories and others jeering in the commons as random MP in opposition benches raises some social issue. Jeering, because to them that's what adults do. On this topic, click through here as it is useful to pay attention to Mr Feynman's words in a television interview when summing up the problems at NASA which caused the Challenger disaster, in his opinion. The same situation - people like those petulant children refusing to conduct rational discourse prior to any sort of really-existing decision-making.

Unification: So since I am more "technologically badass" than Zuckerberg, Gates, Jobs, the Google Twins or anyone else put together and times nine, other than many Koreans and so on (well, I may be able to master some areas rather better than 'the average' in 'our' society, but South Korea is far far far in advance of the west in terms of technological intelligence, that's clear. Israel seems to be western and ignorant, same with India, but other nations - well. There is clearly variation. And the west is on the dumb side. As are the west's "allies") - so since all that, to return to the opening part of this paragraph, the 'unfinished sentence' (only in writing - in speech that'd not be an 'error', not really, it's part of delivery - audience understands perfectly), an idea I had yonks ago would help totally obliterate (to use the NATO term) all such scum (to use the NATO term).

In short, viz and qua (don't know what that means, but Wodehouse is slowly drilling it into me like a Latin teacher) the bollocks such ignorant people spout this is how my software would work:

bollocks-spouter: here is the bollocks murdoch or the bbc or guardian or indy or channel 4 or whoever paid me to spout, i am a brainless pratt, and i spout for a living; bollocks bollocks bollocks;

me: that's bollocks

them: you swore. ha ha. what a liar. ignore him audience, he is breaking our community rules.

me: bollocks to you bollocks brain. okay, then. i will ask you 10 questions and we will both reply, if necessary back and forth until we agree one of us is wrong or we agree we disagree. with all disagreements we will then give everyone else here, say 20 people, the choice of who is right or wrong, and we will score the overall result. if we do it with software and worldwide audiences, potentially logged in, the scope is huge for how accurately i can prove EVERY TIME that you speak bollocks you bollocks-spouting ignorant ugly sour racist imperialist walking turd.

bollocks-spouter: that's not acceptable; you are rude; we sentence you to guantanamo bay, or at least treatment as though you were a genuinely convicted prisoner therein, convicted with real evidence (not sure that even happens there).

Alternative universe: bollocks-face has no choice but to face the fair grilling. Any question I place, I go to bollocks-face and all other news 'presenters' and 'writers' and just paraphrase their points in and give my readers both sides of all such 'debates', ie lay it out honestly, showing 'my side' and ALL the side of their side ALL of them spout in their bollocks media. My readers, the way the internet works, naturally vote, naturally select, naturally balance - and in the end we see, with clarity, how much utter bollocks the bollocks-face bollockses bollock on about like a bunch of bollocking-on bollocks-heads. Too much fucking bollocks, is my point. Wall to wall 'articulate' 'educated' (not necessarily the institutional way) bollocks merchants paid by society to produce millions of hours of entirely useless bollocks. Wasting their lives and our time.

Anyway, so this software, as the example shows, is the bollocks. Can I be bothered to write it? Not really. But I will. Give me some time, I'll sort it out. Originally the 'grid' itself was supposed to end up as something like that, but it took a different, also needed, route.

So while I'm cooking that up, what, you wonder (well you don't), are the bollocks-merchants planning next? Well, there is no wondering. It's always the same. More bollocks.

References: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_c_Yg8azAi0

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 102: Some appropriate song titles: "Pay the ghosts" (Transvision vamp), "How the west was won and where it got us" (REM), "Gasoline" (Sheryl Crow).

Thrust: Vijay Prashad writes: <<

What prevents a transfer from carbon-based fuel to other fuels is not the stubbornness of this or that country. The main problems are three:

1) The right wing that denies climate change;

2) Sections of the energy industry that have a vested interest in the continuation of the use of carbon-based fuels;

3) The refusal by the Western advanced countries to admit both that they have caused the problem and that they should use their vast wealth to finance the transfer from carbon-based fuels to other fuels in countries whose wealth has been siphoned off to the West.

>>

Direction of resistance: Prashad warns: << Meanwhile, developing countries have an ugly choice before them: to forgo carbon, the cheapest fuel, and then forgo social development for their populations; or to continue to use carbon and threaten the planet. These are the only choices if the advanced industrial states refuse to fund the Green Climate Fund, and if they refuse to transfer technology for wind and solar to countries without any financial obligation.

A Green New Deal in the West is not going to be sufficient if this deal does not include trillions of dollars into the UN's Green Climate Fund and the transfer of technology as a social practice and not for profit. >>

Removal of resistance: It is up to the criminal societies of the west to mitigate.

Unification: The crimes they have committed are against nature also. If their actions are deemed insufficient by nature, in the end they will find their own organised society as vanished as any other which is a victim to their crimes. Nature is not susceptible to the usual methods such people 'rely' on, such as coercion or bribery. There is no doubt that western societies must now fully pay the entire human race what they owe it. There is no alternative. They cannot go back in time and undo their crimes, so they must now do that which the actions of their society, over the centuries, has placed as a burden on their shoulders - yes, the burden on today's west was placed there not by 'barbarian foreigners' but of the west of yesterday. Huge bills for raping the planet, huge bills for genocide. The bailiff? A big black void called space. Trump wants to turn it into a 'theatre of operations'. Hmm. That's right Trump. Challenge the universe itself to a fight to the death. Be my guest.

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/04/wealthy-countries-approach-to-climate-change-condemns-hundreds-of-millions-of-people-to-suffer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDqUx3k8jzs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4_lA996QZM

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 101: << it estimated that by the time the Tories call another general election in 2024 (god forbid they win this one), child poverty will hit a 60-year high of 34 percent if trends persist, affecting an additional 1.3 million children >>

Thrust: That's right, if YOU do not vote to get Corbyn into number 10, you are voting to put another 1.3 million children, approximately, into painful living conditions, into 'poverty', between now and 'next time' you, with your precious vote, get 'a say'.

Direction of resistance: Yes, you will harm and kill children by voting to stop Corbyn.

Removal of resistance: But it won't stop you. You who do that aren't even reading this! Imagine. That's how the sickness of voters like 'you' who stop Corbyn - how that sickness is perpetuated. By making you believe it is unsanitary to even pay attention to the 'ramblings' of a 'lowlife' like me.

Unification: Furthermore, only a regressive or retarded person could endorse the idea that a system where some are 'entitled' to waste money whilst others are 'not entitled' to have enough to even be healthy is a merit-based system of any sort, or even vaguely related to a merit-based system.

References: https://www.counterpunch.org/2019/12/02/uk-election-how-propaganda-props-up-britains-particularly-extreme-form-of-capitalism/
https://www.facebook.com/CounterPunchOrg/posts/2728207040570951
http://opinion.tvhobo.com/owenjones_israel_numberwang.html
https://www.thenation.com/article/noam-chomsky-neoliberalism-destroying-democracy/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 100: Laura Kuenssberg, Boris Johnson, Tony Blair, 99% of journalists, state and private, other racists and classists and money-whores and all the other lazy fuckheaded cretins who don't know how to read, go and play with a stick or ball in the park. Everyone else, read on. Much of what you do today is of a lower priority than reading this material.

Thrust: <<

Looked at from the City, Thatcher's 'Big Bang' was a great success; but beyond London's commuter belt, the furnace of financialization was sucking all the oxygen from the air. The hedge funds, privatizers, outsourcers and spread-betting merchants often made a killing, but did not nourish long-term businesses. Manufacturing shrank to 17 per cent of uk gross value added by 1997, compared to 26 per cent in Germany, contributing to a long-term depression in the industrial North as well as a chronic current-account deficit, with Britain importing the goods it no longer made at home. The Blair-Brown governments continued these trends, mitigated only by the few crumbs tossed to 'hard-working families' by a tax-credit system which eventually collapsed under the weight of the Chancellor's micro-tuning. As the uk's new economic model established itself in the 1990s and began to grow, in global conditions of footloose capital, the country's sectoral imbalances exacerbated its regional inequalities, too. The service sector ballooned to nearly 80 per cent of output, compared to 69 per cent in Germany, with profits disproportionately reliant on financial and business services based in London and the South-East. Structural imbalances were compounded by the hyper-inflation of London property prices under New Labour; the wealth and income levels of the well-to-do soared relative to the rest. Household debt rose from 85 per cent of disposable income in 1997 to 148 per cent in 2008.

At the same time, the public domain was assiduously plundered of assets. The policy mechanism for this was imported from the us: cut high-end taxes, on the basis that this would free up wealth creation, and then demand spending cuts to balance the books. In the 1980s, Thatcher brought corporation tax down from 52 to 35 per cent; New Labour slashed it to 28 per cent; the Cameron and May governments, to 19 per cent. Beneath the uk's constitutional flummery-the royal prerogative, the Queen's speech and an unelected upper house remain intact-much of the state, at local as well as national level, has been systematically privatized and financialized. Government no longer 'delivered' public services, but 'procured' them. New Labour's major structural legacy lay here, in hollowing out swathes of public assets and service provision for the benefit of rent-seeking firms, through the expansion of Private Finance Initiatives. Under these schemes, contracting companies establish Special-Purpose Vehicles (spvs) which borrow capital to build and maintain schools, hospitals and prisons, with revenue streams guaranteed for thirty years or more. The Thatcher and Major governments had already experimented with pfis. Blair and Brown went on to adopt them on a much larger scale, advised by their friends in the City that 'partnering' with finance capital would be a more providential way of raising resources for school- and hospital-building programmes than imposing higher taxes on wealthy corporations and the rich.

The pfi mania reflected the broader transition in the British economy from production to services, under the aegis of financialized capitalism. Rent-seeking is the characteristic profit-form of this regime, with its privatized, leveraged assets-land, buildings, patents, airwaves, mineral deposits, digital platforms and so forth-and the spv as its preferred legal entity. In the short run, rents can reap windfall rewards; but in the longer term, the production of new values does more to boost productivity. Originally devised for major infrastructure projects like roads and hospitals, the pfi formula was extended into waste disposal, transport, facilities management, social care, it, military equipment, security provision and energy supplies. These lucrative contracts were not allotted in a genuinely competitive market but instead doled out amongst a handful of companies-Balfour Beatty, Carillion, Interserve, Jarvis, Kier, Serco. Public agencies duly signed up to over £300 billion in unitary charges covering debt repayments, financing costs, maintenance fees and additional charges, down to the 2040s-a huge taxpayer hand-out to the private sector. The crisis of 2008 was not allowed to halt the revelry: Brown set up a Treasury Infrastructure Finance Unit to pump public credit to the pfi investors, who then 'invested' it back into public projects.

As well as extra financing costs and the inordinate repayment period, pfis brought a deterioration in public-sector service standards and democratic accountability. The financial engineering embodied by the spvs did not boost underlying performance-quite the reverse: it produced managers without industry-specific skills or local knowledge, and demoralized, underpaid employees, contributing to the poor productivity that has characterized the British economy for decades. At 17 per cent of gdp, the uk investment rate is 5 percentage points below the oecd average and disproportionately concentrated in London and the South East. r&d spending is notably weak as well-1.6 per cent of gdp, compared to 2.1 per cent in the Eurozone and 2.8 per cent in the us. Meanwhile the proportion of non-financial corporations' discretionary cash-flow funneled to shareholders has risen from 39 to 46 per cent since 1990, with a growing percentage now flowing overseas. The uk also has lower tax receipts as a percentage of gdp than its neighbours: 33 per cent, compared to 38 per cent in Germany and 45 per cent in France.

The 2008 crisis revealed the staggering private-debt levels that sustained the financialized uk economy: household debt at 98 per cent of gdp, non-financial corporations at 109 per cent, financial corporations at 219 per cent-or 750 per cent, if derivatives were included-the highest of any G7 economy. When public debt of 81 per cent was included, the uk's total liabilities before the crash were 487 per cent of its gdp-higher than Japan's. When the crisis hit, all stops were pulled out to save the bloated financial sector: a total of £1.2 trillion in bank bailouts and guarantees, followed by £445 billion in quantitative easing between 2009 and 2016. As the Eurozone crisis struck, the headline figures of Britain's recovery looked impressive: by 2015, gdp was up 14 per cent from its 2009 trough, wealth had grown by 35 per cent. But even the Bank of England's chief economist could ask: 'Whose recovery?'

The public cash poured into the financial sector fuelled another stock-market and property bubble in London and the South East, where median wealth has risen nearly 50 per cent since the crisis and incomes of ftse 100 chief executives quadrupled between 1998 and 2015. Meanwhile the austerity that was supposed to pay for all this has hit hardest in the North, more heavily dependent on public-sector jobs. Average real wages are still below their 2008 level. Local council spending in England was cut by 26 per cent on average under the Conservative-Liberal Democrat coalition, and public-sector pay was capped-school teachers, working a 55-hour week, saw their real pay drop by 15 per cent. Personal debt is rising again, especially among the young, now saddled with huge student loans on graduation; many are struggling with repayments. Harsh cuts in housing benefit have seen poverty levels running at over 20 per cent for those of working age; there has been a rise in people sleeping rough, in job insecurity, in anxiety and depression. In June 2017, the fire at Grenfell Tower provided a horrific example of the declining safety standards abetted by corrupt procurement practices and outsourced responsibility. The collapse in early 2018 of Carillion, the country's second largest construction company, revealed the gimcrack nature of British infrastructure provision and maintenance in the era of the pfi. Despite profit warnings, Carillion had been handed a number of large public-sector contracts just months before it fell.

>>

Direction of resistance: Some rich old man with no idea about the world but a posh voice, and a sense of knowing it all, of being 'above' people who 'do not read books' - made this absurd statement the other day: "Do you know Jeremy Corbyn hasn't read a single book?".

I mean were he to have alleged that Corbyn is not a literary man or has not read as much as, say, Stephen Fry (fat lot of good it's done the latter?) about trivia or iambic pentameter, maybe he can't quote as much Latin as Horace Rumpole, whether or not Horace Rumpole laughs at those who imagine that quoting their Latin gives them some sort of innate superiority, that would be crass but not patently ridiculous - but to pretend that Corbyn J has 'never read a single book' is ridiculous, and to be able to make the statement shows very poor judgment.

Removal of resistance: Nonetheless, his absurdity aside, I ask you, reader, not that man or anyone like him, as no one like him is reading this page only you are - has that man read ANYTHING like this document or like the article quoted there and in the references below? No. And what of Jeremy Corbyn? How much of his time, in recent decades, has been spent reading so much material of this nature, and beyond? I mean it's amazing how daft the 'Island monkeys' (as Germany calls Britons, I gather, from a Canadian) really are.

Unification: You, nonetheless, are wiser than the rest and will click through to the link below and read this full Robin Blackburn article. I have only read parts of what I quoted so far but it's enough to make me see this document needs to be considered in its entirety and in detail and provides a useful picture. We cannot possibly expect the people I have named in the title to do anything like that (ie even read the paragraphs above, let alone the entire article) ever. They numb their own minds night and day, week in, week out, and call themselves 'advanced' - in order to lie to themselves about whether they really have any work to do. They are, basically, like that insane old rich man at the posh supermarket who claimed Corbyn J has never read a single book in his entire life. What a notion. Has anyone in the list of people named at the top of this page read a single tvhobo grid point in their entire life? That's more interesting to ME, frankly.

References: https://newleftreview.org/issues/II111/articles/robin-blackburn-the-corbyn-project

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 99: "Let my work be easy, so that I can enjoy easily doing it and calling myself a scientist or sage or enlightened or emperor/empress of the world, or whatever other word I use for the singular meaning 'above the fray' - otherwise I refuse to do it at all but will nonetheless call myself what I demand you let me call myself without doing anything to deserve it, any work of any kind, anything not easy - and that makes sense, obviously, since if I can call myself it without doing any work, making any effort, having any real journey from ignorance to knowledge, then who is anyone to stop me simply sincerely labelling myself it?"

Thrust: There's some simpler, shorter Idries Shah extract, which I must dig up and share herein, to enhance my point.

Direction of resistance: <<From time to time ponder whether you are unconsciously saying:

'Truth is what I happen to be thinking at this moment.'

- Idries Shah, Reflections >>

and the one I was thinking of, this one:

<<

A MOTTO OF THE HUMAN RACE

Tell me what to do; but it must be what I want you to tell me.

- Idries Shah, Caravan of Dreams

>>

Removal of resistance: What am I getting at?

Unification: Well I'm saying that you need to read all that Chomsky, the stuff I posted, the stuff from before and to come again herein. You need to do the work and start to see all the edges of reality the way Chomsky, Feynman and others make it easy for a persistent and tough mind to see, and grasp, and then factor in to how to proceed, in every way.

As for me, the work I must do, as well as going back over a lot of Chomsky and Feynman I know fairly well and have been through many times over recent years, there is Alex Cockburn to finish properly reading and, more importantly, I think, Hubert Harrison the Harlem Radical and Theodore Allen's "The Invention of the White Race". I have left it far too long to look deeper into those two tracts of study. So much to do; who could even begin to climb such a mountain without an algorithm which can generate a profit using effectively zero pounds and zero pence of investment - no doubt thanks to the 'nature of space time continuums'(!) - to take their mind off scarcity and other hindrances to the acquisition of the capacity to deliver the effort required for such a mountain climb.

Furthermore this extract belongs on this page too:

<<

Confusion as a Personal Problem

Q: What can I do about my confusion and worthlessness?

A: People who ask that their confusion be removed should take note of these three points first:

1. They should satisfy themselves that I (or others) have offered to remove confusion, etc. Sufis have not. They therefore have to trace the source of the offer, if any, to remove confusions and apply to whoever has made the offer. If the 'offer' has in fact arisen within the mind of the applicant, he should recognise this.

2. They should note that confusion, etc., may often be a protection. You may not like a fog, but if it is shielding you from a man-eating tiger, it is better to have it. In too many cases people should be giving thanks for their confusions, which are shields, rather than trying to remove them before they are able to face what lies behind.

3. Plenty of people, and this is of course well recognised today, create and maintain their own confusion, even while imagining that they are trying to escape it.

The answer, therefore, to 'what can I do about my confusion?' is, 'Find out what its cause is, and why it is there. Then decide if you want to do anything about it.'

Confusion comes of not paying attention to what should be attended to first. The problem of the confused, therefore, is that they should become aware of this, first using their wits to observe themselves, and think less about confusion. Remember the proverb: 'A sign is enough for the alert, but a thousand counsels are not enough for the negligent.'

As to feeling worthlessness, there are limits to this as there are to the reverse. Saadi has designed this poem, which I translate from Persian for you, to see that the problem is one of perspective



A drop which fell from a rain-cloud

Was disturbed by the extent of the sea:

'Who am I in the ocean's vastness?

If IT is, then indeed I am not!'

While it saw itself with the eye of contempt

A shell nurtured it in its bosom.

The heavens so fostered things

That it became a celebrated, a royal Pearl:

Becoming high from being low

It knocked on the door of nothingness:

Until Being came about.



The Persian poetic convention is that a pearl is a transformed raindrop.

Your confusion is because you are not getting what you want; and your sense of worthlessness is something which you feel you have and do not want. One of the Sufis has remarked, on this same double problem:

'You must strive to be patient both with what you want and what you do not want: for each of them will try you. Exercise both kinds of patience and deserve the human name.'

Learning How to Learn, Idries Shah

>>

References: http://idriesshahfoundation.org/books/learning-how-to-learn/

Place mouse over this line to close this box.

Point 98: "'Cause I don't have the time for your overloaded lines, so you better be good to me" (Tina Turner)

Thrust: So, I must address TVhobo's "critical" and keen perception to not the flaws of the worst of you and the mediocre, as has often been the case, but now the best. I have to start to emphatically and forensically explore the matter of language and thought, the important keys Chomsky's works have helped me use to unlock many of the otherwise blocked pathways of analysis.

Direction of resistance: To begin with just a very short overview of only the key point which needs to be made. The best way to make this point is to quote the key science, verbatim, the Chomsky. Fortunately already recorded on the grid: << So we're interested in what's come to be called i-Language, internal individual language, viewed intentionally, we care about the actual system of rules, not just some class of objects you might enumerate. .. In the background is a concern to try to show how this biological system could have originated. What's misleadingly called 'evolution of language'. Of course it's misleading because languages don't evolve, but the language capacity, U.G. (universal grammar), does evolve, or must have evolved .. you can derive some surprising conclusions: one of them is that the output of the generative system yields the proper forms for semantic interpretation in quite complex structures .. so that means that what's generated is essentially a language of thought, maybe, I suspect, the only language of thought. The second conclusion is that externalisation .. is just an ancillary process, it's not part of the core of language. .. (these externalisations are) reflexes of the sensory motor system and the nature of the externalisation depends on which sensory motor system you're using .. the sensory motor system is not specifically adapted to language, it was apparently around hundreds of thousands of years before language suddenly emerged and there are many ways to map one to the other and it's a hard process and in fact what we find is that the complexity of language which you have to learn when you learn a language is almost entirely externalisation >>.

Removal of resistance: Douglas Adams would be pleased to know that that quote is to be found on grid point number forty two. Additionally this quote, the next part of what Chomsky was saying there, is fundamental to also read, immediately after that one, but for the short interlude by the compere/mc/etc: << most of the doctrines about the nature of language and related fields .. most of them are just flat wrong. There's a doctrine which is held virtually at the level of dogma. The way it's put is the function of language is communication. It's a kind of a curious notion because biological systems don't have functions. .. the dogma is that language, uniquely among biological systems, has a function and the function is communication, but if these first two conclusions are correct that has to be false because communication is based on externalisation and if externalisation is an ancillary property of language then communication is even more so >>.

Unification: Anyway, that's the really basic, simple, simplistic overview bit of one of the handful of key main points to come dealt with initially anyway, for now, although it has been mentioned before and will be again, no doubt with much much further exemplification and discussion MERELY of the above, in its own right, a fundamental thing to understand, as well as all the other tricky business to come. So yes, if this site is to now take aim at the biggest target of all, all good and wise people who are almost, but not quite, at the level of understanding what it is Chomsky and science in general has shown about a number of key issues at the heart of so much of what you currently call your 'world'. TVhobo costs about 1000 pounds a year to run, because it is built in a proper hardcore techie way, with a solid software basis, capacity for HUGE audience, and basically a whole lot more. The servers it runs on were there for other online commercial activity attempts, but the attempts were abandoned eventually and replaced with investigation into financial science. As a research tool TVhobo's software was a vital part of that investigation and of achieiving success. Given its scientific contribution to my life, even if I felt that it no longer had a political purpose (if Jeremy Corbyn becomes Prime Minister, the degree to which change will come about will mean that my 'journalism' will not be able to achieve anything which the new government and a largening segment of society will be doing a hundredfold. At least the important stuff, even if the best stuff remains fairly unique to this site and those teachers and thinkers and writers using the same principles as has been here in all my work, software, literary, financial scientific and any other).

Naturally the paragraph above, remarking about the simple overview, is far more complex than the simple overview, and is followed by yet more complication and hassle, yes.

Of course this means that on its own this document is useless for dealing with those people I mentioned as they are the ones with the least patience when it comes to reading all of Rumpole's and Chomsky's evidence! Let alone the new Rumpole and the new Chomsky, without the official seal or the fan club, well, visible fanclub, anyway.

I like this new project because it means TVhobo is now moving the battle to the last needed area. By helping to turn as many almost-Chomskys in the world into actual-Chomskys, I can push towards the finish of the job TVhobo has played a role in but which has been going on in so many other forms and forces in so many ways throughout human history and will continue.

Who are the almost-Chomskys and what is an actual-Chomsky? Well the really-existing would-be-Chomskys are almost-Chomskys but not quite, eg they don't get the truth about language, communication, ego, to start with. And that's why I have to incorporate some key Idries Shah extracts into that first bit of teaching because only between Chomsky and Idries Shah on this topic can I properly demonstrate to the almost-Chomskys how to be an actual-Chomsky.

And then, well - there's still a tonne more in so many directions, so much stuff to bring out, into one new singularly directed stream of idea, argument and research/reasoning, aimed, as I say, at converting a vast array of almost-Chomskys into actual-Chomskys. There's a fair bit of Feynman to bring up also, only touched on so far at tvhobo, relating to some of the maths at the heart of the "world view" of people like Feynman, no doubt Hawking too, and any genuinely brilliant minds alive today with sufficient awareness of the 'findings' of humanity's "great minds" (like Feynman and Bohr). (Not to mention Chomsky and apparently Kant).

Once modern intellectuals etc understand all which needs to be taught on the above topic, there is no doubt that the many of them who treat my 'lengthy' writings differently to the 'lengthy' writings/lectures of Chomsky or Feynman or any number of professors at any number of universities will be more like the few who do not. This will have untold practical value which that few understands well enough.

Anyway, as for its cost, tvhobo's cost could, theoretically, be directed at a trading fund instead. I could shut off the site, it could vanish into nonentity, and that'd be that. But what a waste. The aesop story about geese springs to mind! No. Unthinkable. But just for theory's sake, I mention it, ie there is even, technically, an available 'fund' for the algorithm to use, and grow, larger and larger, although 1000 quid a year is pretty paltry, better to have my website, let it be wondrous and meanwhile use literally zero pounds to generate a trading budget according as does the will of the universe, so to speak, the landscape of probability, the arrival of trades and the inevitable probability-maths-demonstrated profits. The web site is mightier than the trading budget.

References: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC5E8ie2pdM

Place mouse over this line to close this box.